Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

I'm late for one and early for the other LOL
It has been absolutely crazy around here but in a good way. I've managed to continue to lose weight over this "eating" holiday, even though I baked and fed people along the way.
I've heard people use this holiday as an excuse and can't quite figure it out. Don't we eat every day? Don't we go out for dinners and socialize all year long? So what makes "Holiday" so different ? Not a darn thing people...it's just an excuse to let your guard down and not feel guilty about it.
I had a long talk with myself prior to the holiday. I reminded myself how hard I worked to get where I am today..Yes all you people who think surgery is the easy way out...Think again. It was work and it still is work and will be work for the rest of my life. I'm addicted to food. A drug addict can stay away from his/her addiction, so can an alcoholic. I can't, so I have to be mindful 24/7 to retrain myself and stay away from old habits. It ain't easy....However it is so worth it.
To look back on this past year and see the differences is totally amazing. I remember all too well the excruciating pain I was in on a daily basis , not being able to walk or stand for any length of time, using a cane for support, all those pills and shots to maintain my diabetes, acid reflux, High BP, God I could go on and on by the point is, it's all gone...along with the FAT. Why would I ever want to go back there? There isn't a masochistic bone in my body, I assure you.
Yes I was very, very busy. Busy works for me, it keeps my mind off food and my head out of the refrigerator. If my hands are busy , my mouth isn't. Did I take on too much this year? Probably...Will all this change in me, change that fact in the coming year? Probably not.
All crafty, quilting people seem to suffer from the same illness LOL We all try and turn over a new leaf in Jan. and vow to be better prepared for the holidays next year. It doesn't happen... I still sent out gifts late, but they were made with love and "friends" know that.
Who knows, maybe next year I will be ahead of things and not working like a maniac up until the last minute. Considering I am now involved in a business that will probably get even busier toward next Christmas, I'm not holding out much hope for change LOL
I am however, hoping that everyone reading this has a healthy, happy and Blessed New Year!!

Food Talk

Of course with the holidays upon us, people who struggle with WL are thinking about how they will manage through the holidays. I've heard a lot of talk about this subject and perhaps my mind is just too darned simplistic. What makes this season any different from any other?
We are social animals who seem to center everything we do around food, when in fact it is the company we should be enjoying.
Planning for the holidays is like planning for any other meal. There are so many low calorie foods out there, so much that taste good..I don't really see a problem. Yes there will be more cookies and sweets then usual. Do you really think you got fat on one cookie?
One cookie taste the same as the 10th so why not just nibble at one cookie and savor the flavor.
WL is not about suffering for the foods we love. Enjoy the holiday, plan ahead, keep in mind NOTHING is fattening when eaten properly.
I plan of stuffing my guest with Ham, lots of veggies and a SF/FF dessert. Cheese and crackers is fine add a sliced olive a piece on pimento and it even looks like a holiday treat. Eat ONE it won't hurt you. Take a thin piece of cake or pie, you won't die and you won't be heavier in the morning.
Being mindful of everything you eat is the key... You know if you are going back for the 4th cookie, you are in trouble. Think about how hard you have worked to take off what ever weight you have lost... Perhaps that cookie won't look so inviting.
Plan everything that comes into the house...make low cal food look inviting and festive and everyone will enjoy. The food is only part of the celebration...being together with good friends and loving family is wha tit is all about...Fill your heart with love and your stomach only with what it needs.
Now I am off to bake these fabulous pinwheel cookies. Holiday baking is part of the real world for me, it is something I have to learn to deal with. I already know how these cookies taste, so I don't need to sample. I'm proud of how far I've come so I don't plan to undermine my success with cookies. Will I eat them...?You can bet I'll have one ...Probably on Christmas day...if I weaken, I'll let you know.

Christmas Marathon

Holy Cow!!! This year I was way ahead of previous years and all was going well, so I figured "Gee, why not add more to my plate, cause after all, I'm so far ahead" LOL
I got some names off www.anysoldier.com and began making boxes up. That was so easy , I went back and got more names. they really don't ask for much...snack, puzzles, games, hygiene products.
Then we have the business, not that we are doing much before the holidays..But we still meet at the house and discuss plans for the future. There are things to set up and lots to make.

Speaking of making. I will post one of my projects AFTER Christmas, once I give it to the person. What the HELL was I thinking? There is a funny part to the story, but you'll have to wait.

Now I have some boxes that need to go out and some of you know me and the Post Office, it's like a wooden spike to a vampire..I hate that place almost as much as I hate food stores. Two places you will rarely find me in willingly.

I have totally enjoyed the preparation for this Holiday, 8 ball or not, it's good to feel GOOD. Things that were a big chore when I was heavy, are no longer an effort. I enjoyed cutting out my pillow cases (gifts I made this year) and sewing love into every stitch. I've made a few lap quilts and finished up another QOV..all with a big ole' smile on my face. Just the fact that I could do it without pain.
A year out of surgery has been like a rebirth. I wish I could give this feeling to everyone as a Christmas Gift... There are a few so called "friends" who were a terrible disappointment this year. People who have been in my life a VERY long time, that for some reason, just can't be happy for me. At first it hurt and now it's okay...Their ugliness is their burden, not mine.

I look forward to this Christmas, it will be spent with friends and family. I've been able to meet the challenge of shopping, wrapping, making, baking, working and fitting in some of Richards chores as well. How lucky can you get...I am truly blessed.

A Wonderful Party

This is a very busy time of year for all. I seem to be a bit more organized this year then in past years...or maybe not. maybe it just seems that way because I'm feeling so positive about life in general.
We had a wonderful Christmas Party after our last WLS Meeting. The meeting itself was lots of fun. I was given a beautiful Plant as a Thank you for the Butterfly Project, I thought that's was very thoughtful of the team. We did not have the usual lesson so that time could be found for an adorable song the team gave us all as a Gift. It was sung to "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas" and it was hysterical. I nice start to a perfect evening.
Our party was in the "Party Room " at the Neptune. Our very own Party Planner, Kittie, went above and beyond and took a plain ordinary meeting room and turned it into a winter wonderland. A beautiful white tree all decorated with Butterflies was a show piece..each of us got a bag with our name on it and we were told to take home an ornament for our own tree. Santa came and gave gifts to every person there (by name yet) and then we played trivia for more prizes, followed by name that tune for even more prizes. Jules graced us with music and song and Lisa made absolutely gorgeous center pieces for the table...She gifted me with one at the end of the evening so I felt very special. It has been a while since I have enjoyed myself like that at a party...It was a nice break from gift making.
We got our first real snow fall yesterday so I am looking out the window at a winter wonderland..Gosh I love the seasons...
Today Rich and I will wrap AGAIN!!! And try to get some organization going around here. I will head on down to the "other house" to finish up some more gifts. I promised myself I would not be sewing on Christmas eve and I intend to keep that promise.
I have gifts to mail that must go out soon...Busy, busy busy...So much prep and then it's all over for another year...I LOVE Christmas, just the over all joy that the season seems to bring to every ones heart..I wish it could last all year.
If you are reading this and you feel the love of giving inside you, please visit Anysoldier.com,
read some of the stories and see what our fighting men are asking for...it isn't much and the average person can afford to "adopt" a soldier for Christmas. Once you pick someone, you will get an actual address for that soldier...your gift goes to him /her, it is not a scam like some...so give it a look and really fill your heart with joy through an act of "GIVING"...
Off to fill up some boxes for some very special soldiers....

Happy Thanksgiving

Okay so I'm a day early....All the wild turkeys were standing on the ridge this morning holding signs saying; EAT BEEF...sorry guys, but there is a very fresh bird sitting in my refrig waiting to be stuffed :-)
We are delighted this year that at least part of the family will be here to celebrate with us. We do enjoy being up on this mountain, but during the holidays it is always hard, looking back on the business of the holiday, with a crowded table and so much laughter. I miss those day, but realize that life is full of change and acceptance is the key to happiness.
I have so very much to be thankful for this year...way at the top of the list is that Rich survived his surgery and continues to improve everyday...I have survived a year of change (for the better) much thinner then last year , much healthier and certainly much happier. My children are all happy in their lives and I am surrounded by people who truly care and show it in everything they do and say. I have to be one of the luckiest people on this planet and I never stop thanking God for holding me so close to his heart and allowing so much joy to fill my life.
I am thinking about the soldiers today...young men and women so far from home, so far from the loved ones who will celebrate this holiday missing them and praying for their safe return.
Please don't forget them in your prayers...There are so many people less fortunate, I wish I could feed them all, dress them all in warm clothes....What I can do is make a difference to some...You can as well..Most churches take coats and clothes for the needy, a lot of banks have barrels out for toys at Christmas and most of all check out anysoldier,com and make life a little nicer for our forces that won't be home this holiday season....
Happy Thanksgiving to all who have made my life a brighter place...and even to those who have brought darkness...fore if not for troubled times, how would I know what happiness feels like?

WOW!! Has it really been that long?

Sheesh....Thank you to those that have written to me via e-mail, wanting to know if everything is okay because it has been so long since I've Blogged.
There is no excuse, just life happening at a warp speed pace.
Rich continues to improve from his open heart surgery...he is doing really well, still in rehab, but his color is wonderful and everyday he can do a bit more then he did yesterday.
I have had a few issues but nothing worth complaining about...I guess I could, But I am so happy to be smaller and have so much more energy...that any little bump in the road is easy to navigate.
I've also gone into business with a friend of mine so I don't spend too much time in the house or at my computer. We spent all last week making curtains for our shop and talking the whole time about what we'd like to see happen. needless to say we are very excited...We are both hard workers and what she doesn't like to do I do and vice versa so it works well. It's a very exciting time...Of course it is also the worse time to start a business...(A) So close to Holidays so we have a great deal of outside stress and (B) the economy is not the best for embarking on a new adventure...but we tarry on with hopes for the future and staying extremely busy in the mean time...Too busy to think about failure for sure.
Have have dabbled in a lot of businesses over the years and ALL have been successful... All of them ran in the black within the first 6 mouths , which according to my accountant, is almost unheard of. This one, I'm afraid, may take a bit longer, simply because of what it is and because neither of us has a huge bankroll to fund it...so it will need to grow slow and fund itself...That's how I worked the chocolate business and for those of you who know me, know it grew far beyond my expectations. But enough about my excitement...
I know a lot of people follow this Blog who are thinking about Bariatric surgery for themselves.
I promised to be honest wit h you from the very beginning so at the risk of up setting some people...I have to tell you: If you are thinking about the Band, please give it a great deal of thought...It is a relatively new device and it seems to have it's share of problems...I am fearful that 10 years from now, they will either have to re evaluate the concept of the Band or change the design etc. It does work for some and when it does the results are wonderful...However, it is something you must work very hard to maintain or the weight seems to creep back in a very short period of time. Not to say you can't re lose it...but heck, you an do that with WW without surgery. I am also seeing a lot of interest in revisions (having the Band reversed to RNY)..
Which means yet another surgery to fight obesity...doesn't make much sense does it?
A very Dear friend is struggling with some very severe issues with the Band and just found out that her insurance will not cover another surgery. So what now? Does she remove it and risk gaining weight? Does she suffer with it to maintain her weight or does she pay for the surgery out of packet to at least get some relief...? Please think LONG and Hard about Banding...it isn't for everyone and if it's not for you, it can be a disaster.
Okay I also have to throw in that a bad RNY can be a disaster as well but I had mine over a year ago and there have been hundreds preformed at my hospital and there have been no REAL problems. We all seem to lose weight rapidly, we all seem very delighted with the weight loss and hell bent on keeping it off...Only time will tell. Right now I am fighting with a Vitamin D deficiency , I am taking 50,000 units of D every other day. I know it seems like a lot and those of you in the
know" know that D can be toxic. Understand that I am being closely watched and if this is the only small price I have to pay for feeling as good as I do...so be it.
I am also having some small issue with certain foods lately. Perhaps I've gotten lazy and I'm not chewing as well or the piece is too big...We are also working on that.
The bottom line is, I would do it again in a heartbeat...I'm not as small as I was in my twenty's, but I am heading in that direction and I'm delighted with each pound gone and each size smaller.
I have had a great deal of support along the way and to those of you who have kept in touch with your words of encouragement...I thank you....

A NEW day dawns

Okay so the other day wasn't one of my best. Like I say, when your mind goes into overload and then that straw falls on your back...You just explode, it's how I survive.
Once I vented in writing, I took a walk on this beautiful property I own and thought about how lucky I am. So much luckier then most people I know and for that I am truly grateful.
I realized as I sat up at my pond and fed my favorite fish, that when people strike back at me, it's not really about ME, it's about THEM...it's about their insecurities, about their less then perfect lives, it's about them "pretending" to be happy when they truly aren't and resenting me because it is so obvious that I truly am.
Sure things bother me for about a minute. That's about all I can allow for negative thoughts...otherwise I will be brought down into that dark place I know exist (I spent a lot of years there) I don't like that place, nor do I ever want to be there again.
I pondered on how I could help those who are hurting and then remembered something someone said to me about AA "You are only as sick as your secrets"...Secrets are exactly that...ones own demons to deal with...so my answer was that I can not help. As a friend to all who touch my life , I can only be there to try and comfort, try and offer support and be a friend.
There are those who will chose to walk away rather then discuss....I can't do much about that either...All I can do is try and protect myself from the "ugly, toxic" people and help those that are willing to help themselves.
My days are truly happy . God continues to smile on Rich and I. There will always be problems...that's the way life is, but love has a way of facing those problems head on and dealing with them. Yes there are days when I want to explode, days when people try and make me less of a person then I know I am...but they are far and few between.
As I sat at my pond ,I looked at my fish, a bass I call Popeye because he only has one eye...he comes when I call him and there are days he can see his worms because I throw to his (good side) and then there are days he misses some because he turns too fast and the worm lands to his bad side....Pretty much how life goes with all living things huh? Sometimes we see the worm, sometimes we don't...but we survive knowing we may see the worm tomorrow......

Stress = Life

For those of you who think I am "always up" "always positive" "always smiling"...This is a day for you ....LOL (crap I wasn't supposed to laugh or smile)

I am NOT an idiot!! I may not have the education that some people have, but I'm not stupid!!
My grammar sucks even if I did get straight A's in English. I don't use spell check, which may or may not be obvious, so even though I won many a Spelling Bee's and Scrabble Tournaments, you WILL find misspelled words. I am not a typist, never wanted to be either , so look for typo's, they are there for you to find. I make mistakes, I've made some HUGE ones, I take full responsibility for my life.
In short I'm not perfect....Are you? Do you think you are? When I have issues with someone, I talk to them in person, face to face and in most cases resolve those issues before they fester into something greater. If you are my "friend" you need to know...I will not lie to you, I will not walk on egg shells to preserve your feelings. I certainly won't hurt you deliberately but I will find a way to "tell it like it is" as kindly as possible. DO NOT look for hidden agenda's in anything I may write...again...if I have something to say to you personally, I'll say it...trust me on that.
I understand people have bad days, people can easily miss understand the written word for lack of affect or they can transfer an anger because they are dealing with sensitive issues they just can't wrap there mind around. Don't kill the messenger simple because she delivers something you don't want to deal with.
No I do not have a degree...But I do have life's experience, lots of life experience...I also have an extremely analytical mind and I READ people very well, for the most part. I am intuitive, logical and caring...That combination can cause me a great amount of pain and often does.
I can not watch someone suffer, emotionally, physically or both, without trying to help heal them.
It's in my nature, I cannot change who I am, nor do I want to.
I have held my own through a tumultuous life and I have survived. I'm proud of that survival, I'm proud of who I am . I have succeeded at anything I've put my mind to, including several successful businesses. I have been told to learn the word "NO", some of us CAN'T say "NO" to someone in need...I am one of those people. I have been accused of trying too hard to make people like me...NEWS FLASH!!! I don't give a flying rats ass who likes me and who doesn't and I have felt that way since childhood...because people I loved betrayed me, so I learned very early in life not to trust and not to CARE who liked me...but that doesn't mean I can't give, it doesn't mean I can't share and it sure as hell doesn't mean I can't care...But again, there is no hidden agenda or need on my part to be loved by all who touch my life...I am loved my many, I am also loathed...That's life...You cannot please all of the people all of the time. I pity those who try.
My life's goal is to make a difference. How I make that difference is MY CHOICE. If you don't approve, I don't care, it's not your life. If you are one of those who write to me and one that holds me in high esteem...I thank you. If I have made a difference in your life...I treasure you, because you ARE my goal.
Everyone, no matter how thick skinned they are has to, at times, let off steam and clear the air.
I just did...If you're still reading and smiling...You get me!!! Thank you!!

It's Gone????

My visit with Bob went swimmingly well. I always enjoy my time with him. I like a medical professional that "listens" and doesn't believe he has all the answers.
He did notice something in my chart and the only thing we could both come up with was "WOW!!" He saw the results of my endoscopy and said "Your Barrets Esophagus is gone Kath...". Now I believe I explained this before, but that condition is a pre-cancerous situation..that's why they watch it so carefully...so it does not usually "go away"...we knocked around some theories since it was checked and rechecked there is no doubt it was there , we even saw pictures.
The only thing Bob and I could figure, is perhaps because this surgery eliminates acid reflux (stomach acid can only flow down, not up into your throat)...my throat has had a year to heal, a year without constant irritation..What ever the cause..it is one more reason I am a strong advocate of RNY surgery. WL with the use of any tool will cause joint pain to either minimize or go away..that's a no brainer...But RNY does it faster, diabetes also will not go away with the Band, since there is no physiological change to your body. You may become a well adjusted diabetic, but you will still be diabetic...RNY can cure diabetes and now it appears it also benefits Barretts patience.
I have a friend that recently dieted her way into a smaller size, simply because she didn't want to be "the FAT friend" LOL I applaud her efforts, she looks great...but she was also no where close to my size. I believe in WW, I really do...it helped me lose a great deal of weight and there are also people out there who have maintained that weight loss for years...so I know in some cases diet alone can work...Nothing worked for me. This surgery not only changed my life forever , it also saved my life...I truthfully believe that.
Now according to Bob, I face the thought of plastic surgery to remove excess skin. I am really not,nor have I ever been, an image person. I am who I am, take it or leave it. My large arms are preventing me from wearing the proper size cloths so I may consider that. As far as a tummy tuck and body lift...I don't think so. I look good in clothes...who sees me naked? The only one who does, doesn't care and that's all that matters to me.
I am very grateful for this surgery...it has given me a chance to turn back the clock and hopefully add a few years...I say "turn back the clock" only because people, including my Grandchildren tell my I look much younger. I'm very proud of my age, but I have to say, I really am quite flattered when people don't believe me....Yup, this surgery certainly has changed a lot about my life that I'm really enjoying....

Toxic People

I'm very excited to be going to see Bob today...It's been a year since surgery and he will be checking me out. I think I've done well and plan to continue my quest for a thinner body and healthier me.
Yesterday a friend I hadn't spoken to in years, called to catch up. We go back to grammar school together and she is a sweetheart, but YIKES!!! Her idea of catching up was first to tell me about all the "people we know" that have died. Then she segued into her illness followed by her husbands (who also went to school with us). When I finally got a word in, I tried to tell her nicely, that I really do not enjoy talking about pain, illness and death. Simply because there is nothing I can do about it. She then went on to talk about "Toxic People" and how she tries to eliminate them from her life. I laughed and told her I completely understood given our conversation thus far.... It took her a moment LOL We parted, once again promising to "call more often and keep in touch" we won't..It will be another few years, but I will get a Christmas card from her, with a letter in all probability telling me more bad news LOL.....
I always tell people that no matter what the conversation, I always walk away with something...Even in the doom and gloom of my conversation with my dear friend I walked away with a new expression..."Toxic People". She started me thinking and I realized just how many people like that have crossed my path. I also realized that I try and help the ones I truly care about and distance myself from the ones I don't. It's how I have managed to survive and didn't even know it.
Dwelling on the cup being half empty, doesn't change the fact that it is. Life is full of options, either fill the damn cup or view it as being half full and be happy it ain't bone dry!!! Life doesn't have to be as hard as we make it sometimes. I think dwelling on the negative aspects of life just make us more negative. Isn't it easier to think of the positives and run with THEM?
I have been watching RNY surgeries over this past year, getting to know some of the people and one thing I have seen ,is that those entering into this surgery KNOWING they were going to do well...Did.
For those of you thinking about this surgery. Know that it isn't a walk in the park, but it is hardly a climb up Mt. Everest. Go to a well educated program..listen, learn...read all you can and for Gods sake don't match apples to oranges. RNY is not BANDING...research both and ask yourself which one fits into your life style. You DO NOT have to take hand fulls of supplement's with RNY (a common misunderstanding) You do have to go back and forth for fills until they find your "sweet spot" with the Band...Most people who are not "Dr. People" shy away from the band for that reason, we just don't have the time. That's not to say RNY is perfect, when it goes wrong it goes terribly wrong...but it is not the RISK people claim it to be...not anymore with the new technology. Risk statistic's need to be followed to the source...in most cases the factors are not totally true. They pick a time frame and even if you die in a car crash it will be considered surgery related. Don't believe me? Check it out...It's one of the reasons I question statistics (even when I took a statistics class lol) This is a wonderful life changing situation...both surgeries are "Tools" that work for the right people. Are you one of them? That is totally up to you...
Toxic people will bring you down, tell you horror stories and try to talk you out of it. Question their motives, especially if they haven't had the surgery themselves....and then do what your heart tells you is the right thing to do.

It's MY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

WoooHoooo One year ago today I took a step that would change my life forever. It is a step I have NEVER regretted taking and would do it again in a heart beat.
In the past 2 months I've had to walk the halls of hospitals and parking lots, I've had to do my chores as well as Richards, I've had to prepare for the upcoming winter , which has promised to be a cold and snowy one. I've canned and frozen bushels of beets, carrots, potatoes, string beans,corn and squash.....Last year I could have done NONE of this.
This week-end I walked through stores with my granddaughter and Daughter-in-law, went out to lunch and visited the harvest festival. Last year, even getting in the car was an ordeal, much less walking around.
My diabetes is GONE, as is my High BP and terrible joint pain. I am sure I will get new knee's somewhere down the road. Arthritis doesn't just go away because of bariatric surgery. But the pain is so bearable in comparison, that I'm sure it will be a while and who knows what technology will be like when my time comes.
My world is a brighter place, a happier place. I recently got a piece of e-mail and the person wanted to know what my "secret" was. How could I be so happy all the time...? I must have had a great life. That made me smile...we all wear a mask...and it was nice to know mine works so well.
I did not have a GREAT life. I had a painful and abusive childhood, I was the victim of not one but 3 violent crimes. I've suffered loss of people I've loved and friends I've cared about. Death, tragedy, pain and even murder has invaded my life and left it's scars. You will never hear me blame any of it for my disease of obesity., I have little tolerance for people who use their lives as an "excuse" for what they did to themselves. Sure I have issues, but they are my issues, not the fault of my parents, brother, children or friends. Sure I've been hurt and I will be hurt many times before I die. I can wallow in self pity, or I can pick myself up, brush myself off and move on. It's what I chose to do. Every day of my life, no matter what the prayer or who it's for, there is one line of a prayer I say just for me "let me change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change and give me the wisdom to know the difference"...There is a great deal of sorrow and pain behind my perpetual smile, but a frown would not make it any less, nor would heaping it on someone else's plate. We all believe our problems are the very worst, our struggles, our ailments. or loss and sorrows are far more then the next guys. Perhaps if I have ANY secret to happiness, that's what it is. I KNOW there is far worse out there then I have had to endure and when I start to think about a pity party...I think again and count my blessings.
Not only did this surgery change my body, it also changed the way I see life and the people in it.
I still do not see a thinner person in the mirror, I struggle with that. But I do like the person I see looking back at me. I have told my Starfish story many times (it is written in this blog) I have indeed made a difference in some lives...some remember, some forget...but I know and that's all that matters. This has been an incredible year for me and I look forward to what lies ahead. I don't intend to stop. I am not where I had hoped to be as far as weight, but I'm happy because I am FAR away from where I was. Life in general is tough...how you deal with it can make it hard or easy... I chose to have it easy and happy because it beats the alternative...
Thanks to all who have encouraged and supported me throughout this Journey, I couldn't have done it without you.....

Fall is most beautiful

Has it been that long? Gosh the time just flies, doesn't it. I have been so caught up in life that I guess the days passing tend to get away from me.
My canning is complete for this year. Didn't do as much as I would have liked, but doing Richards chores, plus my own, plus running with Matt...It just didn't leave me as much time as I would have liked.
Pickles are done and soooo good, beets are done, squash and peaches are in freezer , right along with 60 ear of corn.
Rich is doing better then fabulous, he is now in Cardiac rehab and I go along with him to use the gym. I not only surprised myself but people there remember me from last year when I was in therapy for my legs. No one can believe the difference and I was delighted that I could do so much the first day....With out being winded or fatigued I might add.

My brother got a clean report yesterday. he has been trying to get back on the transplant list...talk about jumping threw hoops..I thought WLS was bad. that poor guy is at the end of his rope. We are hoping he won't need a catherization, since his Stress Test was good and the doc sees no purpose to a risky test. The transplant team requires it but we are hoping they will take Dr. Ryders recommendation...if not Matt will have to have that as well.

I have been busy try to set up a business with Marilynn, between making things and working the web site...sheesh how many hours in a day? My way of relaxing has become Farmtown on Face book..it is so darned addictive...but it does allow me to shut down for a while.....
Today is a beautiful fall day and the tree's are absolutely gorgeous. I wouldn't leave this place for all the money in the world...It's like paradise on earth...and right now it's wearing the most beautiful quilt of color you can imagine.......
Ron is here for his BD and it's nice having him around....Time to make that growing boy some breakfast...LOL...Wishing everyone a wonderful day!!!

Winter

And it's winter before we know it....

You know, time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. And yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all...
And I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams... But, here it is..the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise... How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did my babies go? And where did my youth go? I remember well.. seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and that winter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully what it would be like... But, here it is...my friends are retired and really getting gray...they move slower and I see an older person now. Lots are in better shape than me... but, I see the great change... Not like the ones that I remember who were young and vibrant... but, like me, their age is beginning to show and we are now those older folks that we used to see and never thought we'd be. Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore...it's mandatory! Cause if I don't on my own free will...I just fall asleep where I sit! And so, now I enter into this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did!! But, at least I know, that though the winter has come, and I'm not sure how long it will last...this I know, that when it's over...its over....Yes , I have regrets. There are things I wish I hadn't done ,,,,,things I should have done, but indeed, there are many things I'm happy to have done. It's all in a lifetime....So, if you're not in your winter yet...let me remind you, that it will be here faster than you think. So, whatever you would like to accomplish in your life please do it quickly! Don't put things off too long!!Life goes by quickly. So, do what you can today, as you can never be sure whether this is your winter or not!

The Rat Race continues....

Life's pace just seems to be picking up as days go by. I spent all day yesterday with Matt at the cardiologist. He is schedules for a chemical stress test next Friday and then a follow up the following Friday to see if he needs an angioplasty all this is being done for him to hopefully get back on the transplant list. My concerns grow because he has a lot against him this time around. Lots of scar tissue, heart disease, and complication from a lot of transfusions.
To look at him you would never know he had a problem..bless his heart, not one gray hair and no wrinkles.
Rich continues to improve but the house is still busy with visiting professionals. It means herding the dogs (I don't want them to jump) and having things prepared for them to do what they do...just another thing added to the day. Still have chores to do and now it's canning season. I'll be happy I did it comes winter, but right now it;s just one more "chore"..I'd like to be in my sewing room finishing up my QOV and some projects that have been put on hold, not to mention Butterflies to make.
I haven't even gotten to the hospital to see my friend Lisa, but I have talked to her on the phone and she is doing great. Thank God for our dedicated team....

There just aren't enough hours in the day.... But on a happy note; I would not have been able to keep up this pace a year ago. No way!!! My weight caused a complete lack of energy, plus the pain in my knees was consuming me. I was lucky to do the simple task in life...getting out of bed, getting dressed..walking 3 feet...The fact that I am now standing on those same knees for 8 to 10 hours a day amazes me. the fact that I can clean out stalls, bend, lift and walk with no pain is a blessing. I owe it all to extreme weight loss...Not that 20 pounds is any easier to loss...but being able to shed over 100 pounds in less then a year was so necessary for my health and well being.
It may not be an answer for everyone, but it was the answer to a prayer for me...

Another Week has passed

It is amazing how fast life moves when you are super busy.
This week has flown by and I have gotten NOTHING done that I wanted to do...and then I wonder why I always seem stressed. The good news is I've lost another 6 pounds, staying busy sure keeps me out of the kitchen LOL
Richard and I are truly blessed with the most wonderful people in our lives, they sure do make up for the loses we have sustained.
A friend from Florida made the effort to get up here just to make sure his buddy was okay. They worked together for many years and he just couldn't believe Rich was doing as well as we claimed. He couldn't stay long, but it was a joy to have him.
Our friends from down town came up and took down several tree's. I guess they got tired of hearing Rich whine about not being able to collect fire wood. The tree's were dead and HUGE, there is enough fire wood to share and keep many warm, not just us. Phil managed to convince Richard that his chain saw needed to be overhauled...Good work Phil...out of sight , out of mind.
One less thing I have to worry about him getting into to.
Rich has physical therapy at the house and a home nurse, so the house is busy every morning.
Pretty soon we will be able to go down to therapy at the hospital and I will be able to work out while waiting for him...I can't wait!!!
On the WLS topic I have to address how very important education is. Anyone who is thinking about taking this journey needs to be well informed. You need to look for a center of excellence in your area. You need to have a close Team working with you , it is so important that you see this as a life time commitment...because it is.
A friend of mine who had her WLS 5 years ago went to a local hospital with a perforated bowel.
Surgery was recommended and the doctor said "gastric by-pass is barbaric", he then said he may have to do a revision (yes it can be undone, not easily, but it can) Our team in Cooperstown got wind of all of this and Bob (our LEADER) was on the phone immediately...a lot transpired but the bottom line was that Lisa was moved from the small local hospital over to OUR center of excellence where she will be cared for by our TEAM who knows what they are doing. I think it is remarkable, that after 5 years Lisa is just as important as she was when she had her WLS first done. They care and as a WLS patient it gives me a tremendous amount of confidence in knowing they share our life time commitment...Hats off to all of them!!! Even though Lisa's condition is not connected to her RNY surgery, it is a miracle in today's day in age that another medical team is willing to share in responsibility of taking care of her. I can't say enough good things about our dedicated team of Nurses, doctors and surgeons..They are the best!!!

Is it Thursday Already?

Gosh time just keeps flying by huh? The kids will probably leave sometime tonight, it was a wonderful visit. As my Grandson gets older he is such a joy to have around, so helpful and just fun to have with me when doing my chores.
Robyn and I never even got a chance to play in my studio, we have been busy shopping to replace things we lost to the lightening strike. Everyone keeps telling me "if the insurance is paying, replace with the best"...I wish I was made like that because they are probably right and it's probably done all the time but I keep looking for bargains LOL I just want what I lost replaced and so far I've been lucky enough to replace stuff for less then I paid originally...Even the hot tub mother-board isn't costing what they had estimated. We are truly a blessed family.....

I just got a note from a friend who is looking into WLS and having a difficult time. This is not an easy decision, nor is it magical. Struggles continue, this is just a tool. However if you are committed to making it work, it works like a charm.There are many of us out there who have lost and maintained WL for many years. Statistics show that no other WL has the high rate of success that WLS has as far as maintaining WL. Perhaps it is because we have taken that drastic step and do not ever want to go back to where we were.
All I know is this surgery has opened my eyes to a whole new life. Most of it is glorious...a little has been heart breaking in the fact that I've lost some friends along the way. But I am very resilient and I've learned that life is a gift and we need to be grateful for what we have, not cry over what we have lost. I can not recall a time when I have been so happy with my life.
Rich came through his surgery like a champ, now all he wants to do is get out there and mow his grass...many acres of it...it's what makes him happy. The doctors and nurses are stunned by his recovery he keeps telling them I set a shining example...Holy smoke, my surgery was nothing as extreme as his...but I guess we both bounced back because we truly wanted to...we love the business that has become our life...There just aren't enough hours in the day...but what there are, are well used.
No, this surgery doesn't cure all of liefs ills, although in mine it certainly has cured a great deal. There will always be struggles and heartache, that's life...I think being thinner and healthier just helps us deal with liefs struggles with a better , more positive attitude.
My daughter is struggle with WL from a different perspective and she is doing well...It's a slow process but it is working for her and I admire her patience. Fast WL isn't for everyone, you have to be willing to put up with what comes with it, like sagging skin...lots of extra skin...for me, I'd rather have the skin then the fat...I needed to get rid of the weight ASAP to save my joints .
So if you are considering WLS, there is a great deal to take into consideration. It will change your life forever. I am always here to answer questions, it's why I became a WLS Mentor...it's not for everyone and if I can help you with your decision please just e-mail me.....
Rich and I have a great deal to be thankful for...We are in a place we love , we have children that not only support us but love us for who we are and we are surrounded by supportive and helpful friends...Could anyone ask for more?

Tuesday

Another busy day on the "Hill"--- switched to cable phone today, I've had enough of Frontier.
Guy came to install phone and tested the cable to my new TV (a year old) cable is fine so the lightening got that one as well...sheesh this is becoming an expensive proposition.
Therapy People came to evaluate the patient and took him for a walk to the Barn...he is doing GREAT!!!
Daughter was here bright and early with hubby and Grandson so the next few days I will have some help around here...Hooray!!!
I am looking forward to the meeting this evening..It always gives me an incentive to do even better. I truly believe that support groups help with any form of addiction, including that to food.
It helps to know you are not alone in your struggles.
I think studies show that people who attend support groups succeed far better then those who do not...I can see why. It is very easy to fall off the wagon and with no one to help you back on...you fall even more.
We are all in this battle together and sometimes I really need that reminder. Plus the fact I am able to help people by Mentoring and that also helps me.....
I know a lot of people who read this share my struggles and fight obesity by my side...so to you I say, continue support no matter how you get it i.e. meetings, on line groups , one on one.....
Good health and self esteem is worth fighting for....

A Happy Monday

Not only did we wake up to sunshine, but it is like a brisk fall day outside...I just love those days, don't you.
We were able to work the steri-strips off Richards surgical wound and boy does that look good...It's all healed and clean and looks like a thin little line,once the hair grows back you won't see it at all. He still can't believe how good he feel and told me if someone had told him two weeks ago he'd be up bouncing around the way he is, he would not have believed them.

Once again he thanked me for my positive thinking and support. Hmmm Could I have thought any other way? I am just happy that his first hospital experience (hopefully his last) was a very rewarding one. He is also an extremely strong person, he just doesn't realize it.

I looked back at my weekly journal...OMG!!! Talk about off track. I would have thought I was doing okay with food...Not so, much too many carbs in one day, not enough protein in another. I really have to practice what I preach and be more mindful of my eating. With some of the stress lightening up I think that will help my visits to the refrig. Right now it's loaded with good stuff, which wasn't the case last week, so my selections are limited to healthier things. That should help.
This is a daily struggle and even with surgery, not much has change as far as desire. The good thing is I can't stuff myself, but the head hunger can rear it's head at the worst of times. Not a day passes when I am not grateful for this surgery...with my diabetes gone , BP normal and blood work all normal I am so much better off then I was...But the eating issue is still there..That disease is still there just waiting for me to weaken. Surgery or no surgery, if you are trying to lose weight...be mindful of the food you chose. It ain't easy, but nothing good in life is.
Any day I wake to the green side of the grass is a good one. I am thankful for Richards progress and blessed with wonderful people in my life.

Thank You Jan

See , this is what I mean...Jan is someone who I have "known" for several years, but I have never had the pleasure of hugging her in person. She is someone who has always been supportive through the group we belong to and e-mails...There are many like Jan, many wonderful people who have supported me with kind words and sound advice. These people have no idea of how they have touched my heart or affected my life....They are truly a treasure that fills my heart.
This is something Jan sent to me in answer to a former post...It just tickled me.

As far as "friends" go, there was a dear man in our life many years ago before he left this world who always used to say: "Friends are like a melon, shall I tell you why? To find a good one, a dozen you must try :)"
Thanks Jan for reminding me that I am a very lucky lady to have sooooo many fine melons in my life....and thank you all for being among them.....

Oh the Lessons We Learn

It has been a few days....Strange few days. I realize that stress has been a very damaging part in my life.
Having recovered from the house being hit 3 X by lightening...losing 2 TV's a VCR, electric fence, my computer a printer, our hot tub and other assorted electrical things. I realize how easy material things are to replace...so why did I head for the refrig with each new "find" of damage?
Then I find out my brother was in an accident and his new car is badly damaged, this happening on the way home from trying to get on the transplant list in Albany Med. How is it that my brother has survived so much pain and disappointment in his life and continues to smile and have this seemingly "I don't give a crap" attitude. I head for the refrig.
Then a very dear friend...lots of years and history behind us (over 50 years) decides to purchase a house and suddenly his desire becomes my problem and all that is wrong becomes my fault...I am left shaking my head, wondering how people can see things from such a distorted perspective..mean while I head for the refrig.
Then I go to the mail box and find that a very large check that was given to me has bounced.. Is every one's life this full of stress or do I have a target on my back?
I have a kid that thinks he should be "Given" the world while his greedy little wife wants him as far away from family support as possible...Divide and conquer works for her....( not the son who has been my rock over the past few weeks, but the one who never called to see if his father was dead or alive).
Oh I could continue to list the things that have sent me to the cabinet for cookies...but I know in my heart my story is not unique.
I am not alone in my continued faith in people only to be used and abused again and again...Will I ever change...? I doubt it, because there are good people, wonderful people who make up for the ugly ones. In my case the GOOD has always out weighed the bad.
I heard the Peacocks having a fit yesterday. When I went up there, Diana was off her eggs and trying to get out of the cage to be with her friends...I stood there looking at her, this adorable bird who has sat for months in the hopes that one of her eggs would hatch and when one did the others killed it. Once in a cage she continued to sit with no result. Now it was time to move on, her hope is over for this season and life goes on. It brought to mind something I read...that studies done on people over 100 years old showed that the secret to longevity had nothing to do with background, geography or diet...but something all of them had in common and that was a sense of humor and a total acceptance of loss.
Suddenly life is good again and I keep that lesson alive in my brain so I can walk away from the "oral gratification" that has hurt me all my life.
For every rotten apple, there has been bushels of joy that has filled my life....I can walk away from the unhatched eggs of my life, knowing I gave it my best and there will be another season.
It's amazing the lessons that can be learned by observing nature at it's best.
Rich gets stronger and healthier each day, we are surrounded by loving caring friends and children, grand children that love us...There is too much in life that has "hatched" to be concerned about the unhatched waste in life. Stress seems to come from the inability to see the joy it sometimes over shadows, but the refrig holds no answer or cure.....

Friendship

Someone once said to me "when the chips are down, that's when you find out who your friends REALLY are"....I've been thinking about that a lot lately...questioning my own dedication to my friends...Have I been there for them when necessary? Have I taken time to tell them how special they are? Have I been able to lend comfort and support the way I would want it in return? I try to be the best friend I possibly can. Someone once accused me of wanting"everyone to LIKE me", which is far from the truth...I learned long ago that you can't please all of the people all of the time...For everyone who likes me and enjoys my company, there will be two who don't.....I treasure the one I call friend .While I don't expect "everyone to like me" I do appreciate the fact that someone noticed how hard I try to please people...That's just who I am.
This past year has been tough in a strange sort of way...My surgery, Richards surgery and tough times in between...times when we really needed our friends....Funny, some we thought we could really count on, weren't there at all, while some we hardly knew were steadfast in their support and kindness....
When I first started this Journey I was warned to expect jealousy, but I took it with a grain of salt. I've had friends lose weight and look great and I have been so proud of their accomplishments I just couldn't imagine a "friend" not feeling the same way toward me.
As it turns out there are several people I regarded as dear friends who have distanced themselves from me since I've had my surgery. Since I've done nothing to them personally I can only assume it is my weight loss that, for some reason, bothers them. Isn't that a pity...more of a pity is the fact that I never ever saw any of my friends as being that shallow. While it leaves me with a heavy heart I have to be comforted by the fact that so many people have supported me..That friends I KNEW would be there for me WERE there for me and I have to let go of the heartache and disappointment I feel towards others who have let me down. Such is life....
Perhaps I put too much effort into my friendships, I see it as an extended family I have chosen (as opposed to being stuck with) so when a member of that family hurts me, it breaks my heart. How silly is that?
The fact is I am over 100pounds lighter and extremely happy and proud of my accomplishment. My husband just went through open heart surgery and came out of the hospital with minimal pain, no bruises and a new lease on life. My son Ron was by my side through the entire ordeal, while his wife and my granddaughter kept the home fires burning. My daughter kept check and worried from a distance...but she was there. Friends, REAL friends, prayed and supported us through out this ordeal as well as other difficult events in our lives...The outpouring of concern was overwhelming at times.....For all of this I am truly grateful....Those of you who have offered help and support are a blessing in our lives and I hope you all know how much you truly mean to both Rich and I.....Our caring children and our friends complete us and we are blessed.

He's Home, Thank God

We have so very much to be thankful for. Rich came home on Friday with a minimum amount of pain..only when he coughs which isn't often. He is walking with energy and looks wonderful. He gets tired fast but I think that's to be expected, his body has been through a lot.

Friday shortly after he came home my kids went to get his meds and I was in the kitchen...I heard the lift chair moving and the dogs getting wound up. I told Rich to sit still until I could round up the dogs...well anyone who knows Rich knows how well he listens...NOT!!!
So my sons dogs tail (she wiggles a lot) send a glass of ice tea flying...I go running for paper towels not realizing my shoes are wet, I hit the ceramic tile and the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor. I hit my head on the cabinet and came down on both knees judging from the pain in my knees and the bump on my head. Rich panicked because he knew he couldn't help me so he called Ron on his cell...My son walks in with me on the floor saying "Sheesh, I can't trust you kids for a minute" hahaha Sweet revenge.
So now the "favorite " nurse is limping around with a swollen, fluid filled knee....But Rich I am happy to say is doing far better then anyone expected. He is healing well and although the chest tube holes are still somewhat open, the look good. The home health nurse said she was happy to see me using hand cleaner before touching bandages and she was pleased to see a "very clean environment".....I'm thinking 'what the heck does this poor soul walk into if she thinks this looks good' my kids had just left and I hadn't had time to do my usual cleaning....Was nice to get a good review LOL
She was also pleased with the menu I have planned for meals....back to healthy eating after all that junk hospital food...for BOTH of us. I told her to feel free to open any cabinet, she won't find junk food in this house......maybe a few too many Bean chips LOL but that's all...
Hopefully I will start losing again. I've been at a stand still....but I must say, when my son lifted me up after I fell (he had lifted me last year when I fell right after knee surgery and was 100 pounds heavier) he said "Wow, that WL really shows in the lift". I'll say...I guess he was prepared for the heavier me because he flew me through the air...what a good feeling.
There is so much in life to be thankful for today....I look across at my "miracle man" sitting in his chair...I feel small sitting in this huge chair that I once filled and life is good..............

Whadda Week!!!

Monday we were at the hospital bright and early. The prep area was full of laughter and lighthearted banter which was a great atmosphere for Rich. His whole body had to be shaved for this surgery...poor guy should LOVE when it starts growing in...NOT!!! he is very hairy so they had fun with that. The surgery before him ran late so he was about 2 hours behind, add to that the fact that he needed more work then anticipated and it made for a VERY long day for Ron and I...Ron was at his wits end by 5 PM...it was definitely a Zanex moment. We finally got to see him around 9...What a shock!! he would have looked better had a Mac truck hit him. Tubes were everywhere and a machine was doing the breathing. Pretty scary stuff.

Tuesday- Day one- The nurses all decided Morphine was not a good Richard drug. Consider the fact that when given a dose he began singing "Where The Boys Are"...Nurses asked him if he wanted to "share anything" LOL He was a bit groggy but in good spirits. It's all about attitude and we had worked on that...A LOT! Not very hungry but very thirsty.
Wed. Day 2 Ron came with me and we were happy to see him up and about...walking with help. They moved him to progressive care and while we were there they removed his chest tubes and "jumper cables"....His appetite has returned and he has a wonderful room mate.
Thursday- It was time to clean house, spend time with the animals, go to the bank and get some rest. The kids wanted to go to the Fair so Rich had a free day of just phone calls from us.
Ceil and Oleg and Mom went to see him and Kimberly stopped by on her way to Vermont. So he had plenty of company...All tubes were removed and he got permission to walk alone. he said he feels great and he wants to come home.
Friday- I spoke to him at 7 am, no word about coming home. Took Rosie to the vet, poor thing is itchy like crazy from allergies. Called Ron from the Vet and he said "Pop is ready" so they went to get him while I stay home and make sure his environment is as sterile as possible....
Yippee! The week may have been long and very stressful as well as tiring but it was worth it..
He is coming home happy and in very little pain...They had to do several by-passes plus some laser work but doc said he is looking good and doing better then expected.
He will have therapy at home as well as nursing care at home...Life is good...
So once again, Thank you all for all your love and support and prayers...The power of prayer is a fabulous thing....It goes hand in hand with attitude and we had both on our side...
It will be good to have him home...I have to go make some fitted sheets for his chair....my chair...the lift chair, which he will need for a while....Yippee!

The Day Before

What a blessing it is to have people in our lives who truly care...I can not even begin to tell you how comforting it has been to have friends calling with words of comfort. Old working buddies of Richards, calling and talking for hours to comfort him. Friends from on line groups writing and calling with comforting words and prayers. It is all very over whelming to both of us.You go through life, taking care of business, knowing you have "friends" and not giving it too much thought...Then you hit a bump in the road and find out (a) some people you called friend, could really care less ( b) some people you call friend care more then you ever thought they would (c) some people you hardly know are more comforting and caring then you could ever hope...and you are not only surprised by their response to you, but so very grateful. People see as as a very strong person and for the most part I guess I am, but seeing someone you love so scared and knowing the risk of the surgery he is about to have, melts away that strong outer surface and turns you into mush. When we took a tour of all the different area's Rich will be in, as I entered the CSU and saw patients with tubes coming from everywhere, knowing that would soon be my husband, I began hurting inside. It will be difficult to see my "Bull" like that...he has never been sick, never been in a hospital....It will be hard. Today's post is not about WLS or any advice dealing with WLS...it's all about Rich, my concerns about the treasure he is in my life...and my prayer for a positive outcome tomorrow. Keep a happy thought in you heart for him tomorrow...

When it Rains, It Pours....

Or so the saying goes....In my life it always seems to be feast or famine (note I even use food in my analogies hahaha)
I haven't blogged lately because I had no Internet access.
First I went down to the Island to make the old house ready for a tenant. A while back the kids had brought boxes down from the attic and piled them in the bedrooms, so I had to sit and go through every box (ya never know what you might find after 30 years). I was amazed at what I saved and kept asking myself "why?"...learning to let go has always been difficult for me, but between the old dusty boxes and the heat...throwing became easier then saving.
My granddaughter (age 9) was a big help with all the up and down and my son and daughter helped with the "Letting go". My neighbor tried every way he could to give me wireless access but nothing worked or maybe I was just too tired to keep trying.
Fell down the steps Saturday hurt my hip and wrist, not sure it helped my Synvisc either since this is the first time I've felt this much pain after my shots.
I was happy to get home early Sunday morning, the trip was a breeze in spite of a hurting leg.
We were hit with a storm shortly after I got home and lost our cable and phone. Normally that would not have bothered me one bit, but with family calling with regard to Richards surgery, doctors calling etc. it was the worst time for that to happen...Knowing David was bringing Mom and dad to see Grandpa just added to the frustration of having no cable...but he brought lots of movies, so that worked.
No sooner did they fix the phone and we got hit by lightening again, only this time the house got hit as well, along with TV's , VCR's, the hot tub mother board and the electric fence...I also lost my computer...Thank goodness I had "Old faithful" repaired...it's slow, but it works.
Neighbors came up and saved me from having to get an electrician as well as helping unpack my car from the trip. A Thank you dinner is planned...What would have taken me days, took about an hour...Amazing!!! Robyn and David, even the little guy , were also a big help.
Yesterday we went for the pre-op testing and class. very informative for me, very scary for Rich.
Of course anyone who knows him , knows he has a way about him and because of it, becomes an instant celebrity. I have no doubts that he will be well taken care of. The nurses were already hugging him and making him feel relaxed. of course that was short lived when he saw the CSU and got a look at what he will look like on day one...not pretty...many tubes in many places. I do wish I could have this done in his place, I hate seeing him so scared.
So that's life over this past week...and in a few days it will be hectic again...
For all of those who have been so supportive and helpful during this very stressful time...I can't thank you enough...it has meant so much to me and my family....Bless you all.

Stupid is as Stupid does.....

That would be me....
Monday morning I had a lot of racing around to do in order to be at the doc for a Synvisc shot (an hour drive). When I went up to the Peacock house I found a dead pea chick in the middle of the floor. Some may remember my story about Diana and her dedication to becoming a Mom. She has never lost hope and this season seemed to be the charm (male is finally of age). I am always up set at seeing anything die, but I was up set over this for many reasons. I quickly threw the other birds out because I thought I detected a little peep coming from under Diana.
Rich and I discussed building a cage around Diana in order to protect her. As we drove to the Doctor we made plans and discussed what we'd need. In the back of my mind was my fear for Rich that he would over do it.....Oh the hidden stresses that life can deal out at times.

Of course I was told the usual, go home and ice the leg, elevate it and no activity for a week...Yup, like that is going to happen.
Once home we took to task the project of building a cage. I will have to post a pic here because I'm pretty proud of the finished result. There was a lot of twisting and odd movements to be able to duck under perches and around structures. I kept a close eye on Rich for any sign of fatigue or shortness of breath...I did most of the twisting and turning and heavy lifting (there wasn't too much of that anyway) Rich manned the screw gun and saw.
I realized the sun had changed and finally asked the time...7:45...Oh my time sure does fly when you are having fun. No wonder why I was feeling a bit hungry.
We came in exhausted, had a quick dinner and iced my leg...
Sorry to report it was too little too late...I woke up to a very swollen, painful situation and a trip back to the doc. I will skip the gory details only to say yesterday and today will be spent with leg elevated and not much else...It's what happens when you don't listen to your doctor...or when your love for animals clouds your judgement.
Diana is safe and seems to be much more relaxed...the cage will allow her to raise her chicks, should there be any more and them bring them out into the social atmosphere of the group when they are big enough...Since she always nest in the same place, next year we will just shut the gate to the cage when it's time for chicks to hatch....and what, you might say, does this have to do with WLS? Not a damn thing LOL It's just my life...............Oh and when you think of it, something I would not have been able to do a year ago...so I guess it is related to WLS....

Weight Loss Before Surgery

This is a topic that comes up many times. We all have different ways we tried to lose the weight prior to surgery. I had 15 pounds to lose, some have less, some have more. The formula is easy: Less calories + more exercise= weight loss. No magic, just plain old common sense. Following WW would do it or Atkins (which is more like we eat after surgery) would also work. After eight weeks when I got on the scale I still had 6 pounds to go. I drank Slim fast only, lost the 6 pounds in a week and then begged to be seen immediately for fear of gaining it back.
That was a very silly fear when I think about it. I was bound and determined to make this all work for me so why would I gain it back. I didn't, but I have heard stories from people who do.

I have to be honest here. If you can not find enough discipline to lose 10 or 15 pounds and keep it off for a few months...don't have this surgery. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes life isn't a sugar coated candy treat, some times it's bitter and hurts to swallow. This is surgery folks...not a trip to the amusement park. If you can't control your eating habits prior to surgery, why would you think you'll do it afterward?
I think the biggest part of this whole process is taking charge of your life. Few of us have ever been in control of our lives, or at least some aspect of them and it is all part of our disease of obesity. If you are not willing to tell your husband you need his support, you need to purge your house of foods you can not eat now or perhaps ever. If you have kids at home, you need to tell them a new leaf is being turned and all snacks will be Healthy..if they want junk, they will have to eat it at their friends house. Yes it's hard and it's even harder for Moms who are used to sacrificing...it's hard to be selfish, but that's what it takes.
I'm not quite sure why women feel they need to allow junk in their house because their "Husband " likes it...he is SUPPOSED to love you Hellooooooo. There are some foods that others like that I consider junk and wouldn't think of eating, so I allow that stuff, if they must. But I will not allow temptation in my house. It is the one place I have control.
Sometimes I just want to yell "Stop with the excuses...you gained weight back because you are not willing to change a damn thing and you think this surgery is brain surgery..."
For anyone who reads this pre surgery, I'm here to tell you, you are about to take the biggest step of your life and if you are strong and willing to change not only your life style, but your home situation as well...You will reap the rewards you see at every meeting. But if anything I've written here hits home...as they say, if the shoe fits........Don't waste your time with this surgery, it's just a tool and you have to be dedicated to make it work. If you can't lose the pre surgical weight and you believe you are really trying hard, talk to Bob and show him your journal. Together you may find a solution, but if you know in your heart you can't take control of what you put in your mouth, this surgery will NOT help you. Those are the facts, sad but true...
This is a topic that hits home now, because I have to be so mindful of everything I put in my mouth...My emotional eating is lurking and it has been a struggle. I realize struggles will always be there...Life is full of emotions...so I might as well start now, learning how to control them or at least not feed them. I practice what I preach so there is nothing unhealthy in this house, but I'm sure I could graze myself up a few pounds if I made an effort... or if I lose control of my determination NEVER to be heavy again....Keep a kind thought for me...Please and good luck to all the pre-surgical people in your continued struggle. It is so worth it...

Bad News Adventure

Got up with the birds (actually I think we beat them this morning) In spite of a planned day in Albany we still have animals to tend to and chores to complete.
We got about a mile from home and realized we had forgotten something...Back we went.
Got half way down the drive way and Rich asked if I had the Cadio Cath disk...up the driveway we went again. probably should have stayed there.
Found the doctor pretty easy but then we were told he was running late in surgery...Rich was able to have some test in the mean time, so that was good.
Finally got to see the Dr. by 4 pm...considering the appointment was for 1...Oh well...
The Doc was Great, very friendly, nice warm smile and firm hand shake. He told Rich he hated to say it but he was not a candidate for the less invasive procedure which is what we had hoped for. He also said Rich had bad circulation which adds to the problem. Not to worry , if the mammary vessel can't be used his radial artery is good. Of course he can't use the right arm and spoil the tattoo (man worry about silly stuff). The long and short of the visit was disappointment, but Rich is tired of the speculation as well as gasping for every breath and feeling like crap. So the surgery is set for Aug.17. Of course I am still collecting data, but he feels that's far enough away and has no desire to travel to Ohio...He and I think differently but this is his call not mine.
We left the Doc with the wind out of our sails but hope full. While trying to get back on the road we came from...what a maze...we were hit by the worst hailstorm I've ever been in and I've been in a few. Some of the hail was the size of Baseballs, most the size of golf balls and marbles...I was waiting for the windshield to break and we were sure we'd have dents in the aftermath.
I finally worked our way out of the maze that is Albany and we stopped for dinner...Things were tense and I could tell Rich was a million miles away.
It is difficult to face any surgery and when you have never been sick it is even scarier. If I could do this for him I would in a heartbeat, not because I'm brave, but because I have faith and an extremely strong will to live. I've always said Attitude is EVERYTHING, the more positive you are the better the outcome...Sorry, but that's my theory and I'm stickin' to it!!!
We finally made it home by 9 pm...It was nice to be greeted by our dogs as if we were returning from a very long adventure...it was also nice to see that out friend had locked up all the animals and all was safe and secure...What a blessing to have friends that seem to jump at every chance to help ease our minds.
This begins a new adventure for both of us..Rich because he has never had surgery and this surgery will be difficult. 4 doctors have told Rich he has a very unique situation that they don't see very often, which only adds to the anxiety. I am extremely worried, both about his surgery as well has his attitude toward it...It is my hope to change what I can into a more positive outlook. being an emotional eater I am concerned. I have done so well on my Journey thus far but I still have a long way to go...I can not allow my emotions to sabotage what I have accomplished thus far and that will be difficult...Not only will it be hard to make good choices at time...but I am sure the strong emotions will make every attempt to throw me into graze mode. I hope knowing all this, being aware of my frailty, will help me hold it together.
I firmly believe that if God brings you to it, he will bring you through it....We will persevere!

Butterfly Picnic

It finally happened...Something Kittie and I talked about and planned (she is quite the party planner) Finally happened last Saturday. Some of us met at the Butterfly Conservatory in Oneonta...it was a little pricey for what was there. Just one big room, butterflies flitting about, lizards lurking and birds flying...a koi pond and some small displays. That was about it...beautiful grounds, poorly kept and even the Butterfly room could have been spruced up better..it was a bit disappointing but I think we all enjoyed our time with the Butterflies..(pictures will be posted to this site soon, along with a new pic of me)
The weather was threatening and I'm sure it was storming in other parts of the state. The turn out was disappointing, but with the predicted "Dangerous" Storms, it was understandable.Kittie did a wonderful job with decorations , party games and prizes...Lisa made up floral arrangements for each table and everyone brought good healthy food that was delicious. Kittie provided Lemonade and Iced tea of all flavors and my beef sticks and kabobs were well received and enjoyed. We were grateful for the pavilion...best $20 I could have spent, especially when the skies opened up at the end. Thank goodness most of us were packed up.
Once again we proved that people can party and have a wonderful time,laughing and joking and eating and staying within the limits of the program. No one went hungry....
As I said before, this surgery isn't just about losing weight, it is about learning to live with food, learning to control what we eat and how we eat it.
These get togethers are good for us. After surgery you feel a bit alien, not quite like normal people (what ever the heck that is) We seem to have our own society and are happiest when we are among others like ourselves...but in reality, these get togethers serve to remind us that we are very much the same as we always were, only our relationship with food has changed.
In a society whose whole social structure seems to center around food, it is nice to know that we can still be a part of that structure and continue to lose weight and be happy.

Richards Birthday

The disease of Obesity never leaves us...all sorts of emotions causes that predator of self esteem to rear it's ugly head....Between the stress of Richards new found heart problem and the excitement of having my family together to celebrate a special Birthday...It has been a rough few days.
Rich has had two 'events' of extreme shortness of breath, which of course scares me to death.
I know I was told he will not have a heart attack because of that blockage (that ship has sailed according to the doctor) However, if another artery blocks there will be a very serious situation..So of course every change in the norm, up sets me and I head for the refrig.
I have been mindful by keeping the house stocked with only good, healthy foods. This way my choices are easy.
However when Krista comes to visit and brings her parents the fattening snacks, cookies, cakes and ice cream flow like rain (something we've had far too much of, rain that is) It has been difficult to say the least. Emotional eating comes easy...the fact that weight loss slowed down a bit isn't helping...but I know why and I know how to fix it....I just need to get back into my normal routine.
I did not pass up the BD cake, I doubt I got fat on a small piece of cake...it's all about choices...even with the bad stuff. You can choose to eat a humongous piece or one you can read through...your choice. Speaking only for myself, I respect this program and for the most part follow it to the letter, but I also feel a need to maintain a normal life and not feel deprived. We do not celebrate BD every day. Nor do we have a house full of people every day...Life does return to normal and things do get back on track. I have learned some important lessons along the way and one is not to beat myself up over small issues and bad choices. Yes I could have said no to the small pc. of cake, but I didn't, so what? It does not mean an old habit is back it simply means my emotions got the better of me...No biggie....I am aware of what I did and was aware of doing it. In fact I had to laugh at myself with my tiny fork, telling myself to eat slowly and chew LOL...Chew cake? Was I serious?
It was wonderful having my children here. David brought his Mom and dad up just for the day (they will return next week for longer) They are all a big help and fun to have around. Robyn even helped stuff Butterflies. These are the moments in life you can not repeat.
There are better things to dwell on rather then momentary failure. Like when my Grandson walked through the door and said "WOW!! Grandma you look awesome!!!", now that's something to dwell on. It has been a fantastic journey and yes, even I have hit some bumps but nothing worth complaining about or crying over. I never lose sight of the prize and being "awesome" in my Grandsons eyes makes this journey all worth while....
For those of you taking this same journey...Focus on the prize and not the failure of one day. There are beautiful days ahead....I just got my next package of new clothes..Large..it's been a long time since I could fit nicely into a Large and since i could buy off the rack...Talk about a PRIZE!!!

Statistic's

Isn't it funny how we have so much faith in statistic's and yet we never seem to question how they are formulated or what facts they are based on. I found a very interesting article while looking up statistic's regarding the less invasive surgery I hope Rich will choose. I hope anyone that has been fearful of gastric bypass will read this and be far less fearful. Speaking for myself, it still beats having a hunk of plastic stuck in your body for life (unless you can afford to have it removed somewhere down the line...but then why bother?)

Regarding Surgical Mortality Statistics
By G. Wesley Clark, MD, bariatric surgeon, San Diego, CA(co. 2003, reprinted by permission of the author)
I am a weight-loss surgeon, with an experience of over 2000 operations, over the last 17 years. I was an originator of the Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass, Roux en-Y. My personal mortality is about 1:1000 for the laparoscopic procedure, somewhat higher for the open operation (not because the operation is more dangerous that way, but because more high-risk patients must be done by that method). I have the advantage of operating in a hospital where the entire team has experience, and where we have special equipment for the obese patient.Mortality from surgery is usually determined by taking mortality from all causes within 30 days of the operation. For example, if one had a minor and safe operation, and was run down by a beer truck 27 days later, it would be considered a surgical mortality, even though it is apparently not related to the operation. This is a very stringent method, but eliminates any judgments about whether or not the death was caused by the operation. This method may overstate mortality from a safer operation: if one gets better fast, and is more active, there is a slightly greater chance of death from an unrelated cause, due to activity. On the other hand, a patient with severe surgical complications might survive for several months before expiring, and not be counted. That’s the problem with statistics. Low mortality rates for 3 days after surgery are very misleading. Even the patient with a severe sepsis, or a brain-death, will usually survive for that long, and not be counted against the surgery.The most commonly cited mortality rate for bariatric surgical operations, across the United States, is 0.5%. That looks pretty good, till you do the math and realize that means about 1 out of 200 patients will experience a fatal result. This increased risk arises from numerous factors, and is not just for bariatric surgery, but any surgery performed on a very obese patient. I call this the “fat penalty”. The increased mortality arises from numerous factors:
Anesthetic Risk Most anesthesiologists shudder to see an obese person on their table. They know it may be very difficult to insert the anesthetic tube into the airway, and very dangerous if it comes out too soon. Ventilator pressures must be set a lot higher, because of the weight of the chest. Drugs and anesthetic gases may be absorbed by the fat, requiring much higher doses to take effect, and much longer to be eliminated when they are no longer needed. Obese patients don’t breath well to begin with (they get out-of-breath from simple daily activities), and may have much more difficulty after surgery. Moving an unconscious patient is always difficult and tricky, but can be much more so when the patient weighs 400 pounds. Our hospital has special equipment to assist with this and make it safer. You want a highly skilled anesthesiologist, experienced with treating obese patients.
Surgical “Degree of Difficulty”Obese persons are much more difficult for the surgeon to operate upon. Normally, the abdominal organs are all fitted together, with no space between them. In order for the surgeon to see to operate, they must be separated and held apart in some way – this is called “surgical exposure”. Exposure can be very challenging to achieve and maintain, when there are large amounts of fat constantly slipping and sliding about, and getting in the way. Fat on the surface of the organs may make it harder to place sutures accurately.The abdominal wall may be 4 – 5 inches thick in the obese patient. That means that ordinary surgical instruments won’t reach, and we have to use extra-long instruments, which are much harder to learn to manipulate precisely. That’s why you want a highly skilled and experienced Bariatric Surgeon.
Surgical ComplicationsObese persons have a much higher rate of complications. Obesity is a risk factor for Pulmonary Embolism, which is often fatal. Post-operative Pneumonia is also more likely in the obese. Wound infections are considered more likely, and because of the size and depth of the wound, can be very challenging to heal. Complications can be much harder to diagnose and manage in the obese patient. For example, X-Rays do not penetrate as well, and the pictures are less clear. Very large patients will not fit in some equipment, such as the CT scanner.Many surgeons with limited experience in surgery of the obese patient will decline to operate on an obese person, even when the indications are there, because of their perception of the increased risk, and the altered risk/benefit ratio. Many transplant surgeons will refuse to transplant organs in an obese patient (not overtly, they just never seem to find the right organ match). Many orthopedic surgeons decline to do joint replacements, especially knees, in obese persons. All surgery carries risks, and all surgeons have patients who experience complications, even when surgery is done "perfectly". When a complication occurs, the most important factor in determining mortality, I believe, is the experience, knowledge and skill of the treatment team.
What about the Benefits?
One should only seek Bariatric Surgery to protect or to restore health. It is not a cosmetic operation, although it has some pleasant side-benefits. To decide whether Bariatric Surgery is right for you, the risks and the benefits should be understood, and weighed one against the other. We do that all the time in life, usually without realizing it. (I ride a motorcycle, even though I know it’s risky, because I get such a high from it. I don’t eat sushi, because I don’t like it that much, and raw fish can have bad things in it). The benefits of bariatric surgery, beyond a lighter weight and smaller dress size, have been relatively poorly demonstrated in the surgical literature. We found (and published) that in our first 500 Laparoscopic Gastric Bypasses, there were 1572 major co-morbidities (health problems related to obesity) --over 3 per patient, on the average. Following surgery, one year later, these were reduced by 96%. Ninety-six percent of the obesity-related health problems were gone. Of 80 diabetics, only one continued to require any medication. Risk factors for cardiac disease were dramatically reduced. Arthritic symptoms almost disappeared, and even when some joint pain remained, it was much lessened. Dr. Kenneth McDonald has published a study of diabetics who undergo bariatric surgery, and showed a 75% reduction in mortality after surgery (even including a slightly higher than average surgical mortality). That's the kind of results that justifies the risk of the operation -- my wife had a Laparoscopic Gastric Bypass 3 years ago, on my recommendation, and I'd be on the table next week myself, if I met the basic weight criteria, or if I developed Diabetes. I started out years ago as a General Surgeon, taking out gallbladders, removing breasts, cutting out cancers. Nothing compares to the thrill I get when my patients return to me a year later, and want to hug me (no woman ever hugged me for taking her breast off). They've changed into beautiful butterflies, excited with their new lives, able to do things they never dared to dream about before. I became a physician, because I dreamt of healing people. I found my way to heal, and I love it.G. Wesley Clark, MDSan Diego