Toxic People

I'm sure I used that title before...Toxic people seem to pop up a lot when it comes to this surgery.
First, let me answer a question someone wrote yesterday regarding my Christmas Eve menue.
I have mentioned many times that my life as far as entertaining , has not changed one iota.
Anyone who thinks that their social life will end because of this surgery is sadly mistaken...you will eat less and you will make healthier choices...those are the only factors that change.
I made Pecan encrusted Haddock (baked) it is soaked in buttermilk then dipped in cracker crumbs (I make myself) mixed with ground pecans. Crabmeat stuffed mushrooms, make your own and controll the amont of bread you use (I use fresh made bread crumbs from 7 grain bread) Lts of crab, only a little bread crumbs...baked after being sprayed with olive oil. Caviche, made fresh, very low in calories and delicious. I huge salad that had mixed greens, tomato, radich, green onion, feta cheese and cranberries. Butternut squash with wilted spinach and a citrus dressing (just a tad)The squash is baked in cubes, red onions cooked on top of the stove then all mixed together, the heat wilts the spinach. My friends know to make FF/SF dessert ...sometimes they actually listen LOL Okay so thats how you eat healthy and enjoy company.
As for Toxic people. many people are jealous when someone decides to lose weight..it's just that human factor playing out. They may accuse you of "Taking the easy way out" because you "melt" so rapidly. We all know this isn't EASY, but some of us need a tool that will help us. Not all of us succeed and you will hear about those people from friends and relives. They will tell you of horror stories , people who had a lot of problems, people who gained back all their weight...Some of what they say may actually have some truth connected to it. For the most part it will be BS.
I'm not sure why people feel a need to try and discourage us or make us feel like alien beings.
Personally, once I made up my mind I didn't give a crap about anyones stories. I especially didn't want to hear about "Risk" factors. You are born dying...life is a terminal illness...Deal with that fact. Obesity, diabetes, heart disease are all killers...How come Fat people don't worry about those "RISK" factors? How come your friends and family don't give a Sh** about you dying from obesity related illness, but they are really against you doing something about it ? makes you wonder, doesn't it? If not it should... I do not tolerate Toxic people. I distance myself from anyone who tries to tell me whats GOOD for me. If you are not willing to die in my place...Shut the hell up! I worry more about those of you who chose surgery for all the wrong reasons. I'm sure friends and family play a part in that as well. Do your homework, ask questions, research topic's and most of all know the risk factor connected to your hospital...not some nation wide survey done 10 years ago. If you learn nothing else from me, learn to stand for what you believe in. Tell your family and friends what you've decided to do and then tell them if they can't support you, to at least love you enough to leave you alone and keep their opinions to themselves.

A Hard Day for Me

As you can see by the date, Christmas was BUSY LOL...It was indeed..My Christmas eve celebration was a huge success. The meal was fabulous (not tooting my own horn, it just was) when I see people come back for seconds and thirds and clean their plate...I KNOW I did something right. I had left over too...so there was plenty of food. Next year I will do all my chopping and dicing ahead...I spent most of the day in the kitchen on Christmas Eve and that was just wrong...
Of course friends surprised me with lovely gifts and home made breads as well as a wood turned puzzle . A good time was had by all.

Christmas day was another cooking day but not as bad. Matt seemed very happy with his TV(his has been broken for a while, so that was his BD and Christmas gift) he ate well and took left overs home, so he was happy.
Of course I was showered with lovely gifts, clothes and jewelry. The jewelry was created by an artist so it was really special...One of a kind. We spoke to the kids and they also seemed to be having a wonderful day. We were supposed to leave today to go see them, but the Blizzard of 2010 has prevented that. Trip is on hold.

This day is a hard day for me. This day 1981 my life was forever changed. The most important man in my life was taken much too soon. I used to sing a song as I cuddled close to my dad. Even as a grown up..in part, I sang "He isn't much in the eyes of the world, he'll never make history. No he isn't much in the eyes of the world, but he is the world to me. My Dad, now here is a man, to me he is everything strong, no he can't do wrong...my Dad..."... 1981 is like yesterday, it was a lesson no child should have to learn, yet we all do...what it feels like to have you heart broken.
The void that was left behind on that day has never been filled, it hurts as much today as it did then...yet I smile, because that's what my dad would expect me to do,. It was the thing about me he loved the best. He said my smile lite up his world. So today, while I will never forget the echo of the doctors words "I'm sorry...he's gone..." I will remember a very special relationship that few children have...The hours and hours devoted just to me...Ice skating, roller skating, God could that man dance on skates. The days we spent on the water, fishing and skiing..The vacations in the mountains (the ones I live in now) camping and fishing...always looking for that one that got away LOL My Dad and I NEVER had a cross word, he never raised a hand to me and I never heard a cuss word cross his lips. I knew only smiles and laughter with that man. His sense of humor was incredible and he never had a mean word for anyone... he may not have made history...but he should have. The world was a better place because he was in it.
Happy Anniversary in Heaven Daddy... I miss you......

Pain and excitement...

I have no idea what happened to yesterdays Blog entry. Nothing seemed to be working correctly yesterday...I'll take that as a message from above and move on LOL

I do have a number of new comers who write to me, so I know they read this Blog. This morning there was a post regarding left side pain. Sometimes I am left wondering where everyone goes when we discuss this in meetings. It comes up often. I believe I've even discussed it here a few times. I'm starting to think that we are so eager for this surgery that we just turn off to any negative conversation. While talk about this pain did concern me, only because there were some that spoke about extreme pain that required pain medication, it wasn't enough to deter me.
I both NEEDED and wanted the surgery.
I was very lucky, I had no pain at all, some minor discomfort on my left side, but nothing to speak of. I have had bruised ribs that were extremely painful and I have also had a gas pocket for gall bladder surgery, so I know what it feels like and it certainly is worth complaining about.
Pain Med's? I don't think so, but I'm not fond of anything that makes me feel the way pain meds do...so I avoid them at all cost.
I have no doubt that those who complain of extreme pain, are in fact in pain. When I questioned Dr. Strauss with regard to the pain I've heard so much about (prior to my surgery) . She explained that the camera is inserted near the left side rib cage, that camera is moved around quite a bit and tends to cause trauma to that lower rib. Since we are all built a bit different and since the extent of the camera movement also varies...what becomes discomfort to some, will be far more painful to others. Then add the gas factor. Again I was lucky, I had not one bit of gas..NONE that bothered me. However, there are many who end up with a lot of gas and that all by itself is painful, although temporary. It is unfortunate that for some, pain will be a part of this surgery. It is something you MAY have to deal with. For some it last a day or two, for others weeks. It is always my prayer that pain for you is minimal. I wish every one could have the surgical experience I did. Unfortunately that's not always the case...If you have pain following your surgery it is always good to contact a professional. If you have left side pain, in all probability wit is what I just described and it will pass sooner or later.
I have a strange feeling this won't be the last time I write about this LOL I guess it is human nature to deny the prospect of pain before it occurs.
We are eagerly awaiting the announcement of a birth within the group. His name will be Jacob and he has more "Grandmothers" "Aunts" and "Uncles" then he is bargaining for LOL he had some rough patches along the way...but he is fully cooked now and ready to meet his new world.
Sometime today I will be shouting Yahooooo!!! You'll probably hear me so listen carefully.
What a fabulous Christmas Gift for Lisa and the family.....
Merry Christmas to ALL!!!

All I want for Christmas

Is a big roll of duct tape ....Don't even ask me what I intend to do with it.
I grow so weary of people thinking everything that happens to them is the end of the world...when in fact, in the GRAND picture, it's nothing. I watched 20/20 last night and saw these women explaining how their babies died due to lack of warmth. I saw an infant on the brink of dying due to malnutrition and all the wonderful people who have given up so much in their own lives, just to be there to help save the lives of strangers. These are HUGE problems and they are out there, yet people will continue to whimper over every little thing that happens to them, like it's the end of the world...or whats even worse are those that post a problem and make it sound like they are doing it out of the kindness of their heart to "Protect" others...Puhleeze!
I recently got a call from a friend and fellow WLS sister. This person had some issues that required surgery (not to do with WLS), she was supposed to be on bed rest, but her Dad, who was recently operated on, start squirting arterial blood everywhere. Needless to say, there went her bed rest...when she returned home to clean up the blood after leaving her dad at the hospital she was notified that her brothers house burned to the ground, Christmas gifts and all. Thank God every one survived. If this person had posted, just to vent, I would have understood. Listen we all need to vent, that's part of what our little WLS family is all about, but there is a thin line between venting and whining and beating a dead horse.
What I find really remarkable, is not only didn't this person post about all her grief...she continues to smile and help others. To me she is an unsung hero. Someone who can set her own needs aside and think of someone else. I hope the angels smile on her in the New Year, she certainly deserves it.
Holiday eating is another issue I think we get very hung up on. We all know what we have to do, yet, I think sometimes we, myself included, hope we will get permission to eat what ever we want as often as we want just for one day...Why else does it worry us? What does Christmas have to do with making healthy choices? Well sure there are more goodies, soooo? Does anyone truly believe, if they ate a piece of candy, a small piece of pie or cake or all three, that you would gain 20 pounds? Do not go into this Eating frenzy Holiday, with a mind set of over indulgence. Plan to eat healthy, make sure your protein is eaten before anything else. If you have room for a small piece of pie and you REALLY desire it, HAVE IT. Get over it and move on. If one piece of pie will send you over the edge, back into old habits, totally out of control, Call a therapist immediately.
The majority of us will enjoy our Christmas to the fullest. It is about family and friends and sharing. It's not all about the food and it certainly is not about guilt. Guilt is an enemy that can cause you to spiral down hill. There is nothing to be guilty for. One indulgence does not a FAT person make. Over indulgence, endless indulgence...now that's a different story and no one is going there. RIGHT? Enjoy!! Have a Merry (guilt free) Christmas...

The Reason for the Season

Oh now there's a big debate for ya. What exactly is the reason for the season?
Well, I was always taught it was to celebrate the Birth of Jesus, but then there were those gifts under the tree. My grandmother told me that was to symbolize the "gifts of the 3 wise men"..That kind of made sense. I remember each Christmas as a child, saying to myself "Thank you Wise men!!!" Then there was that pesky evergreen tree...where Jesus was born they had date tree's, so why the evergreen ? Oh and let me tell you, I searched the Bible (our family bible had lots of beautiful pictures) I could not find that Jolly old Elf anywhere. Again with the questions and boy did I get an education. I would need 3 blogs and you would need about 9 hours for me to explain all the different meanings of all the symbols of Christmas.
I never lost my desire to research the true background of this Happy Holiday, and it truly is . People, even in their rush, seem nicer, more polite. They seem to smile more and give more of themselves. Why is that? Why can't we keep that beautiful inner glow all year long?
One thing we do know is that Jesus was not born on the 25th of Dec...so there goes the reason all shot to hell. In fact Dec 25 was the date pagans celebrated Saturnalia..the birth of the Sun god.
Scholars believe Jesus was born April 17th,6 B.C....Does it really matter?
So many customs from so many different parts of the world came together in this huge melting pot... Santa is even a mixture of many men in a similar suit, depending on where you come from. The idea of gift giving is also a mixture of cultural beliefs and the Tree... we won't even go there. I've already explained that the tree, for the most part, has NO religious significance... So why the issue of Christmas tree's, saying Merry Christmas? Because some people just need a cause. Some people just HAVE to make themselves look like bigger A**holes then they really are.
Who cares? It's a beautiful time of year. Do Christians really need a reason to celebrate the birth of Jesus. No, the fact that we do it along with celebrating other traditions all at the same time, isn't hurting anyone...Is it? Why is it so offensive to a small minority? The even bigger question is why is the Majority tolerating it ? If I could have just one 60 sec. spot on national TV, I'd tell the American people "Let go of your Wishbone, grow a damn Backbone and take your country back. WE ARE THE PEOPLE the constitution speaks of and we have the power"...Oh and when all is said and done...Merry Christmas!!!

Seeing a smile

It is a proven fact that positive people are happier people and smile more often...I try and be one of those people as often as possible.
However, seeing someone smile because of something I have done, makes me the very happiest I can be.
We all have homeless people in our community and yes, some are actually homeless by choice. I've talked to them, I know this for a fact. However, by choice or not, winter is a tough time of year.How often have you seen the same person pushing a shopping card full of his/her worldly possessions ? How often have you thought about giving him/her a warm coat you've outgrown?
We all know of someone in our community who is struggling, a Dad who lost his job, a single Mom struggling to feed her children. How often do we think "I wish I could do something"...What do you suppose would be the reaction on their faces, if they woke up one day and found a bag of groceries on the porch or a couple of wrapped gifts on Christmas morning? I'll tell you what the reaction would be..They would first look puzzled, then they would smile. There are small things we can do, anonymously, that are HUGE in another persons life.
I had a bunch of branch slices ( made some into buttons) This year I painted tree's on them and decorated them with Crystals..made little holiday pins...for no special reason, I just figured I give them to friends along the way. I went to a friends Holiday Luncheon yesterday, found out who was going to be there and made up cards for each, with one of those pin's...Of course they were well received and brought smiles to all the faces , but there was one smile that touched my heart. There was a little elderly lady sitting in the corner. I had never met her but I knew she was going to be there and I knew her name was Ruth. There she sat, not really knowing everyone as we exchanged cards. When I handed her the card she looked surprised, when she saw the pin she got this REAL big smile on her face then looked at me and said "I didn't bring anything for you"...I gave her a kiss and said "Oh yes you did and you just gave it to me...your smile"...She got all teary eyed but she kept smiling. I thought to myself, such a tiny little "nothing" really made some ones day...How great is that?
When I got home I realized we have gifts EVERYWHERE, mostly for the kids and grand kids and I'll bet none of it will be as special as that "nothing" gift was to Ruth.
In lieu of cards this year (although I will still probably send out some special ones :) I've adopted soldiers one each for WW, WLS, Fabric Arts group, Fiber arts groups,and friends. One each for 3 very special friends and one from us. The soldiers share these boxes and while it may be less expensive to send cards, sending cards wouldn't generate as many smiles.
Check out www.anysoldier.com and have a REAL Merry Christmas

How much intestine ?

I really wish that when people post, they would not assume everyone knows what the hell is going on. This is a portion of a rather long e-mail I received this morning " she made it sound like a lot of my intestine would be removed and that's why I won't be able to absorb vitamins. Is this true? How much intestine do they take? Does mal absorption get worse over time? Is that why people lose their hair? I need answers please..."
If one person has a question like that, maybe more do. I know all do not read this Blog, but from feed back I've gotten, many do. They do NOT remove any intestine with RNY surgery...There is a by-pass surgery that does but Cooperstown doesn't do it...Fear not. They do not remove your stomach either. The stomach is double stapled and a small pouch remains at the upper part of your stomach. The pouch is connected to the middle small intestine (je junum).Bypassing the remaining portion of your stomach and a small part of your small intestines, the duodenum and the first part of the je junum. Your stomach will still secrete stomach acids which will flow down and meet the food at the "Y" that was created by the attachment of the intestine. This was explained to me by Dr. Strauss (she also drew me a picture, one I will gladly draw and any meeting, just ask) You can, however find tons of pictures on the Internet. I suggest you do that just to set your mind at ease. You will realize that it is a very small portion of reattachment, you will also read that mal absorption eventually stops for calories and most of vitamins...This is NOT a solution to Obesity, it is a tool used to fight it. Gathering as much information as possible is crucial to knowing what to expect and how it will impact your life. This is not something you decide to do haphazardly and without question. It is a life changing situation and most of us would do it again in a heart beat, so how bad could it be?
I've hurt my hand and I'm typing with one, my left and it's starting to hurt...but do your homework and don't believe all you read on the Thread...people mean well, but often dramatise to the extreme.

Holiday Eating

Some of my "group" really crack me up. There are times when posting seem to hit people in the same way and I wake up to 7 e-mails, all saying basically the same thing.
Yes, there are times life is just that "simple" . Trust me, I can be as "wordy" as the next guy. I believe I've proven that many times LOL We are all there to help and that's the bottom line. At times, some people just feel a need to use more words to explain a situation, because they want you to succeed through the holidays. So take what you need from postings and leave the rest.
Perhaps I am the one that "over" simplified. Lets face it, the Holidays can be rough. Having lost my dad at Christmas, there is always that underlying heartache that normally would cause me to seek comfort foods. Then we have the stress of shopping, baking, visiting...Again I say...Be prepared. I've baked the same cookies for years I don't need to taste them. I LOVE Linzer Tarts mine are phenomenal, I don't make them anymore. I KNOW I will eat them. No one will die if I don't make them, but I will surely suffer if I do. I don't have a problem with parties, I just don't..so why pretend I do to make a point. There is ALWAYS something I can eat, salad perhaps, turkey , maybe ham, fruit? I have yet to go anywhere and not been able to eat something. If it's an evening party I eat a late lunch...RNY people fill up very fast, so it doesn't take much salad. I don't need dessert, if there is something at the dessert table I can eat in moderation I'll have a tiny piece. Right or wrong I can not and will not allow this program to become an obsession...It is my way of life now...It's that simple....the minute one hears "NOT ALLOWED" it's like waving a red flag, it's deprivation. I don't play that game .
I am a person who loves to entertain, loves to cook and loves to make treats for people for the holidays...This program has not changed my life one iota, I've changed my relationship with food.
When ever I hear the sacrifices people claim they make or hear people ask how this will affect their life...I want to scream "It will affect you life as much as you allow it" if you like drama, you'll allow it to go much deeper then it needs to in order to be effective. If you roll with the punches, take what you've learned and carry it over into your new life style, you'll do fine.
As far as my advice for Holiday eating...You know right from wrong. Be mindful, plan ahead and enjoy your Holiday and for Pete's sake stop thinking we are all experts...we are all on this Journey together and we all have a great deal to learn along the way. Merry Christmas

Stress and eating

Every once in a while old habits try very hard to work their way back into my life. With winter here of course there is less sunshine, which has an affect on every one. Then we have the holidays. That always adds to the stress of every day life.
This is a time when exercise seems to slow down. I do not get a chance to walk as far as I'd like or do other things that burn calories. I find that the refrigerator calls my name more often and I heed the call. What is good, is that there is nothing in my refrigerator that I can't eat. It is filled with veggies and fruit and yogurt, my cabinets have low calorie snacks. I do keep some zucchini bread frozen in the freezer just in case of unexpected company. I make Small loaves deliberately so when the friends are gone, so is the bread.
So what am I trying to say....BE PREPARED...I am not different that anyone else. I react to stress and anxiety and depression the same way everyone else does...comfort foods. I KNOW when anxiety hits I will NOT make the best choices, so I PREPARE by not having old comfort food standing by....Now I know those of you with kids and husbands are sitting there saying "That's impossible for me". It certainly is not. Kids do not NEED junk food, it is there by choice...Your choice to placate the whims of children who do not know any better. Let us not forget about the war on childhood obesity. They have 100 calorie snack packs of cookies and chips, if they have to have junk, give them junk that is at least portion controlled and if you need a sweet they are a good alternative for you as well. Husbands are another story, they are grown and you are not their MOMMY, so you may have to actually communicate your needs to them. If they must have chips and candy ask them if they can keep it in the car, the garage, in their tool bin...anywhere that you can't get at it in a weak moment. They have watched you struggle, surely they don't want to see you fall back into old habits.
I have absolutely NO will power, so I depend on others to keep me strong by not making things available to me. Do I slip every so often...Yes I do and I am not the slightest bit guilty about it.
I have indeed has a small piece of BD cake, pumpkin pie, a piece of chocolate...It was planned and I enjoyed it. Anyone that says one piece of pie or BD cake added 150 pounds to their frame is full of crap. NOTHING in moderation is fattening. Is it the best choice...Hell no!! If you can't stop at a small piece, don't even go there. You know what your weakness is, so why test yourself. On the other hand, don't beat yourself to death over a small slip, deal with it and move on. Nothing will send you into the kitchen and to your best friend (the refrigerator) faster then guilt.
There are some people who have gained back some of what they lost, they fall into depression and feel badly about themselves...it is very hard to boost the spirits of a depressed person.But if you are one of those, get reconnected, better yet call me. We all slip and fall, it is staying down that is a danger. Don't let that little gain turn into a big one...you've been there and done that...you had surgery to prevent that from happening again. Hold on to the excitement that you once felt as weight fell off you..it can happen again. DON"T THROW IN THE TOWEL. We are all much stronger then we give ourselves credit for.
Tis the season to plan......

A Better Understanding

Some of you know that this Christmas issue is a hot topic with me. I grew up in a world where it was okay to say Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah or as of 1966 Happy Kwanzaa. I don't celebrate Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, but I'm not offended by those that do and if someone says Happy Hanukkah I am happy with the well wishes and say it right back..I don't have to be Jewish to respect Hanukkah and I don't have to be Black to respect the celebration of Kwanzaa.
Some places that are primarily Jewish or Jewish owned display large Menorahs, this does not offend me, in fact I'd think it odd if they displayed a Christmas Tree.
Hanukkah is the "Festival of Lights", Hanukkah mean dedication or consecration... It stems from the rededicating of the Temple in Jerusalem after it was desecrated by Syrian forces. There was only enough oil to fuel the eternal flame for one day, yet the flame stayed for 8 days until they had pressed more oil. So Hanukkah celebrates a miracle and has deep religious significance.
Kwanzaa on the other hand was originally created by Ron Karenga as an alternative holiday to Christmas. A holiday for Blacks to celebrate themselves and their history. It didn't take long before it became Incorporated into the Christmas celebration and Black families went back to celebrating Christmas as well as Kwanzaa...no religious significance.
I think all people should celebrate Christmas, some from the religious stand point and others, just in the spirit of the holiday. There is nothing wrong with having a season that brings joy and happiness to others..I wish the spirit of Christmas could last all year long, but I'll settle for December. I don't think I'm alone when I say I 'm tired of political correctness. I know I won't make a difference by not shopping in stores that refuse to openly express Merry Christmas, but I won't do it, nor will I bank in a bank that does not display a Christmas tree. I want my Country back to the way it was before all this politically correct BS. We have spent years trying to abolish discrimination...what kind of message are we sending to the rest of the world?
Okay I'll get off the Christmas kick...If I could I'd light up my front lawn so you could see it from space....across 5 acres (at least) it would say, no it would scream "MERRY CHRISTMAS" in lights........

CHRISTMAS

There I said that nasty, socially unacceptable word...Gee I hope the atheist police don't come to my door...what ever will I do. Oh I know, I'll stick my "Holiday Tree" up their ass.
What the hell is wrong with this country? Why are we yielding to every whim of every little group on the face of this planet?
We are Americans. Our country was FOUNDED on Christian principles, it is the main reason most of our government buildings have some symbol of Christian belief. Suddenly now, everything that was right was wrong. Leave the damn buildings alone. Leave peoples beliefs and choice of decorations alone and screw political correctness . We've gone too far.
Just the other day a dear friend called, I wished her Happy Hanukkah , she wished me Merry Christmas and our conversation continued. Not all my friends are Christian, not all my friends agree with my beliefs...So what?
If anyone takes the time to research the "Christmas Tree" they will find that it dates back LONG before Christ was even born. They will also find that this is not the first time in history that displaying the Christmas Tree has been frowned upon. In the past, some Christians saw it as a pagan custom. Actually it all started with the "winter solstice" and runs a muck from there.
I do not tell people they cannot display anything that pertains to their religious beliefs and I don't much like people telling me what I can and can not say, or what decorations I can not use.
I will ALWAYS have a Christmas Tree displayed in my home, I will ALWAYS say Merry Christmas (unless I know your religious background) and I will not tolerate anyone telling me that the celebration of Christmas is wrong. I've done it all my life. This country gave me the right of freedom to believe how I chose. I thinks it's time to go back to our original roots...oops we can't do that...that's way before we celebrated Kwanzaa and way before Muslims came to live on our soil. What really cracks me up is the fact that I can't say Merry Christmas, but a Muslim woman can keep her face covered for her drivers license based on her religious beliefs...What the HELL is wrong with THAT picture.... I have Muslim friends that dress exactly like I do and they don't believe they are going to hell.
So for anyone that checks on my Blog I'm wishing you a Merry Christmas way ahead of schedule and if you don't like it...Get the hell off my Blog!!

Talk about Calcium

My goodness, we have surgery and suddenly we all become doctors...okay maybe just experts on nutrition NOT!!!
I've had years of experience in proper nutrition having raised a diabetic brother (yes we had a mother, but I was the one who figured out his calorie based meals) All that experience meant nothing when it came to gaining weight. That experience was helpful with every diet I was ever on...please note I speak in multiples. So it obviously wasn't all that helpful when it came to maintaining WL. Rich and I spent years doing the "natural food" thing, all supplements were natural. We weren't any healthier. I spent a great many years as a weight watcher counselor...
So yes I know WHAT to do, what to eat and how things work...does it play out in my daily life? Sometimes :-) lets just say, after surgery, I'm a lot more committed.
Recently there has been this big discussion about calcium. Now I could do my medical friends proud by using big words and research links...but that just isn't me. So here's the simple truth.
We are told to take calcium citrate . Why? Because in PILL form it is easier to absorb then Calcium Carbonate..in fact Calcium Carbonate pills will often come out, exactly the way they went in. So of course with a mal absorption situation Calcium Citrate would be the choice...How ever, Calcium carbonate comes in chewable form which allows the body to absorb it more readily. Makes sense HUH? So that could be the reason why, after blood work is done, that some providers say "Calcium Carbonate is fine, you're doing well".... I think some people take life much too seriously...Not that there are certain aspects of life that shouldn't be viewed at "serious", but what form of calcium you take isn't one of those issues. Another trick is to take Calcium Carbonate with orange juice, which also makes it more absorbable.
As if the new comers aren't overwhelmed enough about their new life style and all the changes that will take place. They also get the idea that our supplements are hard to find because they are so "different". When , in fact, the 5 supplements I take can be found in Walmart.
Sometimes we get hung up on silly things...Yes this WL is truly a Journey into a new life style, but it's no magic bullet...You will still have to eat properly, watch your intake of calories, exercise and yes, take supplements. Life isn't as complicated as we sometimes make it.
I go back to what I also say...do your research folks. For those of you hung up on Calcium...Google Calcium carbonate vs. Calcium citrate. Then you'll be as smart as me LOL

The Killing Fields

Are alive and well in these mountains. Usually I try and keep this blog up beat and somewhat about WLS, but today I am angry.
I NEED someone, anyone to explain the "Joy" the "Thrill" of hunting for "sport". Really...This is a concept I can not grasp and I'm willing to learn and try to understand this barbaric "thrill". The definition of THRILL is to excite and give great pleasure.
Where is the pleasure in taking the life of an innocent animal ? Of having it alive one minute and then dead by your hand the next. What great pleasure is there in feeling the life leave a living body? Better yet why then take it's head off and hang it in your living room...You don't see that as being a bit Barbaric? It's not like it's a bowling trophy for an excellent game or a baseball trophy depicting you as above average. It's the head of an animal you KILLED, in all probability using a scope. The animal was dead before it even had a chance to run from you...where's the sport in that? What does that trophy symbolize ? That you are capable of taking a life...Gee, there's something to be proud of.
No I am NOT a member of PITA nor am I a vegetarian... Surprise!!! I'm just a person that would like to feel that man has evolved beyond the point of killing something for "Sport". take up golf, boating, skiing...they are all sports not requiring blood , guts and bullets.
As humans who feel we need meat to survive (wrong) we've learned how to farm our meat needs. So as civilized beings we go to the store and purchase meat, not sit in a tree stand for hours waiting for some unsuspecting animal to cross our path. The people truly hunting for food for the table are the people, the hillbillies, most hunters would make fun of...and they don't collect "trophies", they are happy if a woodchuck crosses their path.
My beef is with the "Sport Hunter" who claims he is doing the deer a favor ...WHAT? The balance of nature allows for certain animals to die in order to feed others. Nature doesn't need you. From my window I am looking at thousands upon thousands of acres where animals can live without encroaching on YOUR land. If you farm and the deer are causing you financial problems by eating your crops, they belong in your freezer.
If you are buying expensive hunting clothes, rifles and ammunition, you can afford to buy meat for your freezer. If I had my way, I would take all the hunters and put them on a wooded island and tell them "Now you are the hunted...no weapons..just warm clothes..run..because in 15min. open season begins and YOU are the hunted" Just so they could feel the fear, listen to shots in the distance and wonder if it hit a target. Looking over your shoulder while you try and find food, never knowing where the HUNTER is lurking, waiting to watch you bleed.....
I sit here this morning hearing shots ring out...remembering when I first moved here and there was an actual herd of deer, beautiful 10 point bucks. Slowly the bucks were gone, although smaller ones survived to impregnate doe's. Doe's that ended up twinning to increase the herd size...but even that didn't help. In 11 years our herd has diminished to 5...that's not "management" that's "annihilation" all in the name of sport...So please, someone explain to me the joy and thrill of killing. I truly want to understand.

Fear

During this journey of WLS, one observation has become clear to me...a great many of the people are more fearful of dying then anything else.
I guess because that was never one of my concerns, this baffles me. From the moment we take our first breath we begin the dying process, because after birth that is the only sure thing in our future. Life in itself is a crap shoot and if we live in fear of dying, we will fail to live life to the fullest. People seem to feel that their chance of dying during RNY is greater then dying with Band surgery. To that I say, if it's your time to go, you're going to die no matter what surgery you have. People die from infections after minor surgeries on hang nails. Shit happens!
Obesity is a killer in itself, how come people don't fear that? How come with every pound we gain, we don't say to people "OMG this weight is going to kill me.". How come we don't learn to look at harmful foods as a murder weapon that will eventually kill us if we over indulge ?The human mind fascinates me.. We can justify just about anything...but when it comes to something that will kill us, we are very selective in our fears. Example: We fear we could die during elective surgery, we ponder it we wonder if a slightly more invasive surgery will make the difference between life and death...But we will elect to get in our car, with no worry what so ever that we will arrive safely at our destination. Yet more people die in traffic accidents then from WLS. We will climb up on a chair to change a light bulb and never consider the statistics involving death risk within our own home (unintentional injuries are the 5th leading cause of death )
So what do we do? Do we stay home, sit on the couch and pray falling blue ice doesn't come through the ceiling and kill us ? When push comes to shove, we just have to let go of that fear. Take for example those people who have chosen to have the Band because of the risk factor...then somewhere down the road NEED to have a revision to by-pass. What are the risk factors for Two surgeries rather then one ? Is that risk factor still a fear? If so then why not just have the Band removed? My guess is because the fear of obesity killing them is greater then the fear of dying in surgery or because of it.
I live every day of my life, I enjoy each new morning, I make a point of learning at least one thing during the course of my day and I try to touch at least one person in a positive way and accomplish at least one task. None of us will live forever, although it seems I may have too just to finish all I want to do. When my time comes, I hope to meet it with the same overwhelming intrigue as I have each day of my life...Just a new adventure.
I wish I could sit and hold each persons hand that fears this unknown factor in all our lives. It hurts me when I see people dwell on the risk factor and I want to tell them , until they can let that go, set that fear aside and concentrate on all the positive factors about this surgery...they shouldn't have it. NO ONE should enter into ANY surgery if they even think for one second that they may die. If there was ever a time for positive thinking, it is the day of surgery.
I am sure that fear will always be expressed, regardless of anything I say here. Worry seems to be a human trait that goes right along with Fear and that will be the case until the soul is at peace and faith runs deep enough to overcome it.

The Smile

Every morning when I post to my WLS group, I end with "Don't forget to smile at someone today"...This morning one of my little cuties wrote "you make me smile, so I smiled at you, does that count?" LOL I love that group.
Smiles are important to me...I grew up with one parent who rarely smiled and one who always smiled...I found that parent made me the happiest. I loved seeing that smile and when I did something really good ,the smile got even brighter and warmer.
Some will say it takes more facial muscles to smile then to frown, some will reverse that and say it takes LESS to smile and more to frown. The truth is there is no definitive answer...
There are 43 facial muscles controlled by one nerve that splits off to each side of the face. However, some people have less movement in their face and some people have more...That's just the way we're built folks, not one of us is exactly a like. Who cares. More useless data
My question is; "what would you rather see, a smile or a frown?" I'll take it even further, look in the mirror and frown, now smile...which one makes a more beautiful YOU ?
I remember when I lived in California for a brief time. Coming from NY I wasn't use to people smiling at me all the time. Everyone I passed seemed to take the time to look right at me and smile...so I did what came naturally, I smiled back. There were some mornings that didn't start out as the brightest, but by the time I made my mile walk down hill...I felt good, I had a big smile on my face and I was happy for no apparent reason.
Now by the end of the day I was facing that mile walk UP hill and that would not normally bring a smile to any ones face. Yet, once again, everyone I passed gave me a big old smile (probably because they were walking down hill LOL ) by midway up that Hill and after many smiling faces, I actually had a pep to my step and happiness in my heart, for no apparent reason.
I have had a lot of experiences in my life and no matter what I've done or where I've gone, I've always come away with a lesson.
I'm not sure how much I smiled prior to California, but I haven't stopped smiling since... I realize that smiling makes me happy. The first person I see each morning is smiling back at me in the mirror...The day may not go as planned, and yes there are days when I have tons of reason to frown. But Mr. and Mrs. Public have no idea of my troubles so why would I visit that upon them? I find when I smile at people, they can't help but smile back...maybe, like me, the smile will stay with them all day.
So even though science really can't tell us how many muscles it takes to frown or smile...What would you rather see? Be the change in the world you want to see....SMILE (life ain't all that bad)

Obsession....

We are a nation obsessed by so many things Weight loss, fashion, cars, wealth...and the list goes on and on...No sooner do we let go of one obsession, we create another...like we have to be obsessed to be happy?

Being an addictive personality seems to go along with being in a chronic state of obsession.
(The domination of ones thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire etc.)
When a person finds themselves in a state of obesity they become obsessed by the need to find a solution, a quick fix to a problem that has been long standing ( talk about a lost cause).
With most addictions a person can walk away, take the addictive thing out of their lives completely i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. It is impossible to take food out of ones life, so we have to go through a learning process of how to deal with our addiction without removing the source... How hard is that ?
For those who have taken an extreme route by having surgery, we have given up one obsession (Food) for another Weight Loss...we know this is the final "FIX" and we are bound and determined to make it work. Knowing that less calories and more exercise = weight loss and less calories not being a problem thanks to the tool we now have...We then become obsessed with exercise, at least some of us do..it is a healthy obsession for the most part. Endorphins, like any other 'drug' be it natural or otherwise, are addictive. And so our cycle continues...replace one obsession with another, more healthier one, or so we hope.
I sit here pondering, wondering if obsession ever really becomes a controllable issue to an addictive personality...If I ever find the answer , I'll be sure and post it :-)

Happy Thanksgiving

I suspect people who would be reading this, are very busy doing other things on this day...I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who does in fact read this Blog and send me such wonderful notes..YOU are MY inspiration.
Today is a day to give thanks and yet there are still people that are so absorbed in themselves that they fail to see the big picture, people that THINK everything they write, everything they do in their lives is sooooo interesting to everyone else. Yes I do write about my experiences, but only with hope that it will help another...even when I get on here and bitch and mourn , I do so to vent and pray that others will see that even the happiest people do have BAD days.
I seldom post my inner thoughts...I write in my journal, I have always expressed myself in poetry...but I seldom share that...Those are my inner most thoughts that benefit no one else but me. You do not need to share those thoughts with me...What you do need to do is be so very grateful for the life you have, look deep within yourself and then compare your life to someone you know who is far worse off then you are...I bet those people still have cause to smile and be grateful, so why shouldn't you?
Many of my friends have lost parents this year, one lost a child and I lost an Uncle who I loved very, very much...each year, it seems, someone is missing from our table. Yes there is an emptiness in my heart, that emptiness will always be there because each year someone else will be missing, until one day, I will be missing as well. That's the course of life and one thing we can not change. So instead of dwelling on the empty chair, we talk about it, we reminisce about the person who touched our lives and made us laugh. We share stories and bring the memory of all those missing, back to life with laughter. That's how it should be, that's being Thankful.
There is no one that I know, NO ONE, that should not be extremely Thankful today.
Rich is in a great deal of pain. I changed the dressing and trust me, he has reason to be...His ear is practically cut in half and sewn back together (I didn't share that observance) but he is very Happy, happy for the fact that he still has his ear, which is now cancer free.
As long as we live, there will be trials, some days will not be as good as others...but if you look real hard, there will be no day you will ever live that you can not find something to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

What an ordeal

Yesterday was truly a day from hell... I was up and running at 2 am...trying to get things done before , what I knew was going to be ,a long day.
We got to Albany way before schedule and began to follow the worst directions I have ever seen.
WE figured there had to be a reason they were taking us through a shopping Mall (as it turns out, there was a much easier way that I learned myself on the way home)
I watched the clock ticking down and finally passing our arrival time so I called the office, no answer...what kind of surgeon doesn't have someone to answer the phone? I called their emergency number and the person could not help because she had no idea where the office was...so once again (for the 4th time) we back tracked, went in another complete circle, but this time I found a small road we hadn't taken and finally found our way.
We got there a half hour late but it didn't matter, the office complex had no electric, so no surgery...they want to reschedule..yeah, like that would happen. Albany is 2 and a half hours away on a good day, without getting lost. I told the girl at the desk to give me a call on my cell when the lights went back on. She said it would be around noon...guess she didn't know about my direct line to heaven...We went to Panara bread for a much needed cup of coffee and some relaxation.
20 minutes later my cell went off and we were on our way back to the office. The long and short of the story is that the surgery was more extensive then we had hoped for. They had to remove a pie shaped wedge from his ear. rather then nick name him "Notch" the doc did some Fancy stitching to bring the ear together, so now one ear is a bit lower then the other, but at least he has a place to hang his glasses, which was his biggest concern.
His whole head is wrapped and he is in a great deal of pain...but like everything else in our life, this too shall pass. He can not lift or bend until Monday so I now have double chores. needless to say I will not be returning any e-mails any time soon. I apologize for that, but I have he chores , my own chores and a Holiday Boutique to prepare for...Sunday will be like a day of rebirth for me. I feel extremely pressured at the moment...but all things will get accomplished and I will move forward in peace....
Thank you all for your concerns and prayers and I promise I will return e-mails ASAP..Until then , I wish each and every person in my life a Very Happy Thanks Giving...I have a great deal to be thankful for....especially the angels in my life whose thoughts and well wishes keep me going.... Thank you.

A busy time of year

The end of the year is like a roll of toilet paper for me...the closer to the end I get the faster it seems to go.
There is little time these days. Rich is facing two very serious situations and I have a battery of test ahead of me to see why my short term memory seems to be failing me and why I have these dreadful headaches.
In an effort to make life simple it seems to have gotten more complicated. How does that happen? Oh I know...my failure to learn the word "No" puts me into places I don't need to be. I'm learning , but friends will tell you I am an extremely slow learner LOL
My partner and I are planning a Holiday Boutique and that always takes a great deal of effort...just in decorating alone..Then we have all the making, setting up...yikes I'm getting tired just thinking about it. yesterday we moved a huge display cabinet from the garage to the class room...My body is reminding me today that I am not 25 anymore and strong backs are given to the young :-(
Making Christmas gifts has always been my joy, this year is no exception regardless of the lack of time. So many of my friends seem to have given up on this special holiday...They don't decorate any more, no cards, gifts of money instead of home made gift baskets, quilts, sweaters...etc. I think about how uncomplicated they have made their lives, but I just can't do it. Giving is such a part of me, that to stop making and stop sharing would surly signal the end of my days. I don't decorate as much as I once did, but I will always have a tree. The Christmas tree was my fathers favorite part of Christmas, I remember how he would sit and admire it...he said it brought him back to special times of his youth and then he would tell me stories. They were a poor family , didn't have much, but what they had, they shared with others. he always painted such a beautiful picture in my mind. Now I sit and admire my own tree and remember his words...what a fabulous gift he gave me, that stills brings pleasure today.
I love holiday cooking and baking and this year will be like last year...It was easy to make cookies and treats to give to friends, with out having to "try" each one. I kept remembering how hard I worked to get where I am, how hard I still work to maintain where I am....I plan my day and make sure I have things to nibble on that do not contain fat and sugar...
Yes these are busy time, hectic times and time to be very much aware. At least all my shopping is done...Now if I can just finish making...(do I ever finish making? I think not.)

A Stranger

The other day I went for a test...During that test I was admiring a Stranger...She seemed so relaxed with who she was and had a wonderful sense of humor. She was an attractive, large woman. In fact I came to find out she weighs what I started at in this program.
Going through my mind was something we have all talked about, that desire to grab someone and say "there is help out there, help to a better and healthier life"...but that's not what it's about. This is something a person has to decide to do on their own. So we continued to laugh and talk.
She made a remark about her weight and I said I couldn't afford to talk...I had surgery to lose weight. Well, that opened up a whole new door. Turns out she has been to a meeting, gotten the packet, she's even lost some weight. But like some of us, she figured, I've lost some weight and maintained that loss so I can do this on my own. Very few of us succeed at that, but we have to learn on our own that we have an illness. Even the surgery is not a cure. It's a combination of having a tool and having the education to know how to use the tool that helps us maintain a healthier life style.
I don't pull any punches (as most of you know) This is not a magic wand situation. Yes the weight loss is extreme and fast. No doubt about it that you feel energized and healthier then you've ever felt ...but there is a price we all pay. Not everyone pays the same price..but surgery is not a cure for everything that's wrong with your life. What it does do is give you back your self esteem, it makes you stronger and more capable of fighting life's battles.
There was so much I wanted to share with her, so much I wanted to explain in the hope that she would give the program another chance.
She did give me her e-mail and I have written...so who knows. Our paths may never cross again.
But I will always think of her. She was me two years ago and in my heart I want her to be me two years from now. (She'd make a fabulous Mentor)
Yes we all see those that we want to reach out to, we seldom get the opportunity. I think a real happy moment for me will be if I ever see her at the general meeting...One can only hope they touch the heart of a Stranger..............

Addicted to Food?

Who? Moi? We hear a lot of confessions from "Food" addicts. That's what we are you know?
Oh there are tons of excuses out there why we gain weight, truth is we love the taste of certain foods, we love the texture of certain food...most of which are no good for us.
For those of you who do not believe you have a problem and your just heavy because of "bad genes", "Big Bones", "Moms/spouse's cooking" some issue that prevents you from exercising ..read no further, you're in denial and until you accept responsibility for your actions, there is no hope.
Still with me? Good, then there is hope because you're willing to listen to reason. We all know why we find comfort in food..because when we were little it was given to us to make us "feel better" "feel loved"..just like that first taste of alcohol for some, makes them "feel good" "stops the pain" "lessens the heartache". Just like that first delightful buzz from drugs..makes "everything right with the world". Food becomes our addiction, it comforts us, calms our nerves, helps with stress..It seems like the answer to everything. When in fact it's not an answer, it's a curse. Food is for one thing and one thing alone, to nourish our body, to fuel our body. Smart people, people who learn at an early age that all food is, is fuel. Usually maintain an average body weight. I have friends just like you do, that CAN eat fattening foods and never gain an ounce. That's where metabolic's comes into play. However we are not like them, never will be, so we have to work with what we have. We have to work with our addiction, because unlike the alcoholic or drug addicted person, we can't take food OUT of our lives entirely... So what can we do?
We can purge our home of destructive foods and plan for "emotional eating". I can hear it now..But my kids like.... I don't really give a rats pa toot what your kids like. Whats good for you is good for them. That's why weight problems seem to be genetic, when all it is , is repetitive actions from one generation to the next... Turning once again to the comfort foods we remember. What it boils down to is...Who's the Mommy? Small children can be retaught , they can be given a small bowl of blue berries instead of a bowl of M&M's, even Cheerios's are better then M&M's.
Apples with peanut butter is a great snack and most kids love it. Teenagers are at an age of understanding. Talk to them, tell them you want to dance at their wedding. If you don't take off the excess weight you won't be around for graduations, weddings, grand kids. Parents are great at guilt trips...use it to your advantage. Ask for their help.
I have nothing in my house "for company" or "when grand kids visit"...people bring their own "JUNK" and take it when they leave.
My freezer is loaded with fresh frozen blueberries (my favorite candy), I've got dehydrated string beans when I need crunch, aseago cheese when I need salt and protein snack. Even my sweets are stored in the event of an emotional fall. I buy those 100 calorie snack packs for emergencies.
I am not perfect, never said I was, I am easily tempted and it is why I have to be aware and take responsibility for my actions. If I have a bad day and fall off the wagon, I don't dwell on it, I don't beat myself up over it. A shared dessert, or a mouth full of gummy bears didn't pack on the pounds...Bad choices, repeated over and over again did.
So stop the cycle, stop the madness, stop the excuses and accept responsibility for your actions. There are no FOOD POLICE. I have lost about 600 pounds in my life time, I've been very thin and very heavy, I've been on every diet known to man and I've lost weight. the only thing I never did was take responsibility and learn from my mistakes..until now. I like having energy, I like being in smaller clothes. This program continues to educate me, continues to captivate my attention through the eyes of new comers. Every time I even come close to weakening, someone will ask a question that will bring me back to day one of my Journey. This is NOT an easy path, but it is a solution for me, my tool and I are best friends. I admire how effectively it works and as long as I do the right thing it continues to work for me. RNY and the BAND has never failed anyone...think about that. We all know people who have had WLS, both kinds, and gained all their weight back...old habits die hard. It doesn't have to be that way, but you DO have to take charge of your own destiny. The good thing is that you have a support system like no other...Use it and make it work...

Newbie Fears

There are a bunch of people in line for surgery over the next two months. I smile when I read their post because that was me a little over two years ago.
We make this decision, we jump through all the hoops, read everything we can, talk openly on the thread and then suddenly, at the 11th hour, we are filled with questions. Perhaps we even have some doubt.
Any surgery is a big step. This step is huge. At times I've had fear for my fellow Butterflies (which I've expressed privately, you know who you are) and over this brief period of time I've heard several regrets. They wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't see it coming. There are times I want to just scream "DON'T DO IT", other times I want to talk to Bob and tell him to hold back, the person isn't ready and destined to fail..but who am I? Perhaps a person who is detached enough, or connected enough, or maybe just has a 6th sense, to know it's just not going to work.
Once the deed is done, all I can offer is support and hope my feelings are wrong...so far they haven't been and that hurts.
People go into this surgery with such great expectations. They are so excited they just want it DONE ALREADY...let me get on with my life and get skinny. What a wonderful thought. I just wish I'd hear more about "Let the work begin toward a new and better life". I think because people see those of use who have shed the pounds and seem so much happier and healthier for it, that they see it as magic and not the hard work it truly is.
Life does change...You learn and you continue to learn. You learn what foods work for you, you learn how to plan ahead when traveling or attending parties etc. You develop a new relationship with food and no longer live to eat. You eat slower, you take smaller bites, you feel energized, you feel invincible. Your clothes get smaller and smaller, you no longer get stuck in a chair with arms or fear booths. The list of pluses just goes on and on...but there is NO MAGIC, you work hard at keeping it all in balance, at finding out the difference between head hunger and real hunger. You find that just because you lost weight, life still has stresses that can push you over the edge. You find that friends you thought were good ones, become "different" envious, some even actually get mean or walk away. I won't even bother to go into all the reasons for that type of reaction. I am one of the lucky ones, I have enough TRUE and loyal friends to compensate for the holier then thou phonies that have crossed my path.
These are all things that can undermine your happiness and try and steal your thunder. people entering into this life style should not do so without a great deal of thought and understanding as to what they are about to do. It is NOT an easy road.
I am very opened about what I had to do to finally get weight off. I enjoy sharing my story and there are times I want to just grab a heavy person and tell them "There is hope"... but just like with an alcoholic , THEY have to know when they need help.
So I continue to mentor those who ask me. I continue to offer advice and support to those who pose questions. There are those I know will make it and continue on the road to success. Then there are those who will always find excuses, always find someone or something to blame for their lack of control or inability to work toward success. Those are the people I worry most about. If you have ever blamed life's stress, you husband, your children, mother-in-law or any person for you excess weight, if you have blamed medication or illness for causing you to become obese ? Don't have this surgery right now. Accepting responsibility for the condition you're in is the first positive step. I speak from experience. Yes my bad knee's prevented me from doing exercise and walking...but you know what? If I took in less calories during that time in my life, if I did exercise geared to my disability...Even if I wouldn't have lost, I certainly would not have gained all that I did. There is no magic...less calories + exercise= weight loss. If you're obese, you did it to yourself, now you can do this for yourself and change course. Be as steadfast about changing your life style as you were about the food and you will be a success.
This is the challenge of a life time but one you must be prepared for and determined to accept change. I'm always available to those who want to hear the truth and no nonsense. I don't placate, I don't stroke, but I do care....A LOT

Anniversary Day

I have so much to write about, so much to say and so much happiness to share...but it will have to wait until later.
Today I celebrate 47 years with the same wonderful man. It has had it's bumps in the road, but it has never not been an adventure worth taking. There was something new around every bend. It has been filled with excitement as well as sorrow, but the Journey has been fulfilling and continues...hopefully for many more years.
Not only do I count my own blessings today, but we share this anniversary with Ellen and John Bird. Their friendship has been a true blessing to our lives and the love they share is so obvious and inspirational . Happy Anniversary to both of you....
Now I must show my appreciation with breakfast fit for a king.....

Reflections

With so many new people in the group, it has been so much fun sharing their excitement.
It brings me back to those days where there was so much to think about, so much to learn and then there was the suspense; will I or won't I make the grade and will my insurance company approve this surgery? The months seemed to fly by and then suddenly there I was in the OR about to change my life forever.
Many , many things have changed since those days more then two years ago. Yes I've lost one entire person (two kids LOL) and yes I have increased energy, I'm in a smaller size....all the obvious things that come with weight loss, but we seldom praise all the NSV's (None scale victories) So for all the new people I want to share a few of my exciting moments so you can reflect upon change you don't even expect .
You are about to see your feet when you look down, yes, without bending forward.The first time I tied my own shoes and cut my own toenails was like I won a million dollars. BTW even your shoes start to fall off when you lose weight. Who knew? probably the most difficult thing for me was size transition. When I moved from the Misses Dept. Into "normal" sizes, a place I hadn't visited in years. When my friend handed me a sweater in "L" I said "No way", plus it was very inexpensive (they never fit). Imagine my joy when that sweater fit. I can't even begin to tell you how I felt the first time I got a compliment on my "beautiful sweater", the one that cost me $5. WooHooo!
Then there is the seat belt issue. Some cars have rather snug seat belts. Really, they are designed for only size 4 people, or so I thought. The first time you get in someone elses car and hitch up that belt and it's comfortable, is a landmark event. It's the same feeling when you can walk into a Diner without fearing that they will put you in a booth. Now instead of booths being too snug, I complain about the table being too far away...Oh the joy of it all!!
I was happy to finally be able to walk without a cane. Happy that my knee pain no longer brought me to tears. For every pound you lose, you lose 4 pounds of pressure on your knees, meaning I lost over 400 pounds of pressure...can you hear them saying aaaaahhhhh? There are those of us who went from hardly walking to marathon racing, can you even imagine that?
Your whole attitude towards food changes, so even the food isn't a problem unless you let old habits sneak in. That's what the group is all about. When you need help, when you feel like you are about to fall off the wagon...one of us will always be there.
You will experience all the little changes I have mentioned, and more. Thanks for sharing your excitement with us. The longer we drift away from our surgery date, the more we need to reflect on our new life and all the change. I personally would not do that, if it weren't for you sharing your joy and forcing me to "Remember when"....

Busy Days

I do hope if any New Butterflies check here, that they go to the beginning of this Blog. That follows my surgery and can give some idea of what to expect.
From Oct. to the end of Dec. I am consumed by activity. It is even worse this year because I also have therapy and other doctor visits (not related to my surgery) thrown into the mix.Oh and something else that I'm working on that I cannot even go into at the moment....
Marilynn and I are having a Christmas Boutique which is keeping me even more busy then usual (is that even possible?)
So forgive me if, for a while, my thoughts are scattered and messages are brief.
Things always slow down comes Jan. LOL But I will continue to post here, just to keep you all up to date (because I'm so prompt at e-mail ugh!)
At least there is a place where friends can come a check up on me :-) and some actually do. That amazes me...

Thank you Dear Friend

My Father once told me "Honey, friends are like rare jewels, if you find ONE in your life, consider yourself very blessed"... I didn't quite understand what he said, when he said it. I was young and thought everyone was a friend. Strangers were just friends I hadn't met yet.
Now that I am older and a bit wiser, I realize my Dad meant TRUE friends are very rare indeed
I have a friend who picked up on some things I've said, things I'm sure went over most peoples heads...but not hers. She was quick to write me and even faster at reminding me of some of the good I've done. Some of the lives I've touched and some of the hearts I've entered. She didn't write to puff me up with false accolades , she wrote to remind me of things I had long forgotten.
I do not commit good deeds to memory. When I help someone, I do it from my heart not to keep score. I have spent my entire life trying to bring happiness to others. Sometimes I succeed and other times I fail miserably, but I never stop trying.
I have been very lucky, I do indeed have a few fabulous TRUE friends, they are the jewels my Dad spoke of, this particular friend is the brightest jewel of all...not my oldest friend,(but we do go back a ways) but one who has supported me in EVERYTHING, I've ever done. One who could see pain when others couldn't, one who could feel the heart break, when others were totally unaware, one who never stops reminding me of my successes. She knows who she is and I thank her, not only for having a memory far better then my own, but for always being able to find the words to lift me up from the dark into a brighter and happier place... I love you dear friend and I am truly blessed to have you in my life.

Animal friends

I don't think there is anything in this world that gives me more pleasure then spending time with my animals. Even as a small child I remember watching cows, horses, chicken, dogs, cats and birds... I mean REALLY watching...watching how the reacted towards each other, their old, their young and other critters not like them. I remember thinking that people could sure learn a lot from them.
Someone once said that we tend to "humanize" animals. I agree that some people go too far with the coats and hats and shoes for pets...But in the grand picture, we too are animals and I'm sure there are few in the kingdom that would appreciate being humanized....In the human world, like in any animal world, we labor hard to provide food and shelter for our families. There are few animals that kill for sport except humans. There are few animals that will wage war for a strip of land, but humans will. Oh I could go on and on, but you get the picture...we just Ain't that GREAT as far as animals go. We are greedy and selfish and conceded. We have more flaws then any other animal on the planet and even now as an adult, I think we could learn a great deal, if we took the time to watch and learn.
I observed my horses this morning. It has rained for the past two days so the little goats haven't gone out. They are not fond of rain. The horses on the other hand, like it outside, no matter what the weather, although the did come in for a while because of the heavy rains yesterday.
This morning I put everyone outside, it was windy, but no rain. The little goats cried to come back in until Emma nudged Harley with her nose...he followed and of course Jake didn't want to be alone so he followed behind them. Once they were all down in the pasture everyone stopped to eat, Emma slowly walked along, looking back at the goats...finally she started to run and they ran with her. She'd stop, they'd stop, she'd run they'd run. It was her way of exercising them. I've watched her behavior before and this was a first since Blizzy passed. Emma used to run the little goats also. Not that she doesn't run when she is alone, but when she does she really runs the distance, something she doesn't do with the goats. With them she runs at their speed, not hers. She knows as long as she stays in the pasture they will stay with her. Normally she will come up to the barn in the afternoon, but not when she has the goats. She will bring them up this evening when it's time to go in for the night. I watch in awe how well they get along, so very different in looks, weight and needs...yet both horses take an active roll in training them.
I think we could learn a great deal about getting along from our fellow animals....but will we?

What a wonderful 2 Years it has been

Yup, as of yesterday it has been 2 years since I had RNY gastric By-pass. In the begining it was just speculation and my own positive frame of mind that made me think of all the wonders this surgery would bring...Now two years later, it has all happened.
I did not enter into this surgery mindlessly or for vanity purposes. I gave it a great deal (years) worth of thought and research. Of course when my Orthopedic surgeon mentioned it in conjuction with knee surgery, pain etc. I took a closer look.
Originally wanting the Band I am not at all sorry I opted for RNY instead. As always their was this little angel on my shoulder that guided me in the right direction. It was the correct surgery for me, no doubt about it.
To this day I still can not eat more then a certain amount. There is no way to trick it, or flush food through..it is what it is...a very small stomach. Grazing? Because of being thinner and more active , I have very little time for grazing. Nights are the worst so that is when I must plan for. Since I do not eat my required calories through out the day, I have a few to play with at night..Thats when I eat my ice pop and sometimes nibble of cheese or perhaps my dehydrated string beans. Lets just say when I do snack, I eat well.
I lost most of my weight very fast, I've maintained the weight loss for a year (something I've never done) and now that my foot is better and I can walk, I hope to lose more weight through exercise. The point is , I'm healthy. I'm sure I've added years to my life by dropping the excess weight.
Then there is my group. I have been able to observe the success and failures. I know in my heart what caused each to happen, basically because I know the people. I am a person who does indeed learn by other peoples mistakes. Staying connected to the group has helped a great deal.
The Butterfly Project has also helped , not only does it keep me busy, but seeing it all come together and sustain itself has filled my heart with joy and given me a mission. While the use of the Butterfly as a symbol of rebirth has been used for centuries, the use of the Butterfly as a splint pillow was my undertaking, something I am very proud of because of the happiness it has brought to others. I hope each of my volunteers shares in that joy, because without them this project could not survive...it is much bigger then one person could ever handle.
So I look back with a smile at the past two years and see nothing but success...I know I will be saying that 4 , 10, 20 years from now, because I love my life now and I want it to stay. Of course I could die in the mean time, but it won't be from Obesity related problems.
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Butterfly Birthday dear Kathie, happy birthday to me...

Time moves on

One day just seems to roll right into the next and when your busy, it rolls even faster.
I finally went to see my doctor, figured since I fell she might as well look me over and I could then explain some other feelings.
She wanted to send me for an MRI thinking I, in all probability, tore my rotator cuff. Since I wouldn't have it surgically fixed anyway, I told her I'd pass. My knee was swollen and she said if the fluid built up I'd have to have it drained, that I probably twisted it. Then I told her about other things and she told me I was clinically depressed..HUH??? Me depressed? How the hell does that happen?
She said it's fairly common with Bariatric patience...they go through an invincible time ...when they think they can conquer the world with their new found strength and energy. A dear friend described it as "like a religion" ...I realize I have been consumed with the program, the WL and the people I've met...I also realize I can not help them, if I can not help myself...So I have to prioritize and make it all about me for a while.
That really is not my nature...I have spent my life caring more about others, trying in my own silly way to make the world a better place. It really hasn't worked LOL and most people probably haven't even noticed my efforts...meanwhile I have fallen apart.
I am making strides to change things, baby steps that will set me back on the right track.
We are told in the very beginning that while this surgery will be a life altering event, there are certain things that will always remain the same. It is not a cure all. being thinner does not change every aspect of my life and, at times, creates situations that wouldn't exist otherwise..
People opinions will change, there will be some jealousy, some concerns and trust me, you REALLY learn who your friends are.
This is not only a WL experience, it is a LIFE experience that makes changes that will last forever...even if you gain all the weight back, because there are things you will NEVER be able to change once they happen.
My doctor finished up my exam by telling me how proud she was of me..She has seen many Bariatric patients and by this time there is usually signs of weight gain (sometimes as much as 40 pounds) I have maintained my WL for 2 years and for that I am grateful. I will deal with the depression with the help of my doctor and my friends (true friends that have stuck by me through the worst of times) I can also add this to the list of things I have learned to recognize and hopefully down the line will be able to help someone else.

Positive what???

Even the most positive thinker in the world is going to reach a point at times where you just want to tell the world to "KISS MY ASS"...That would be me right now LOL
Yes I'm laughing because I remain positive that there are consequences for the actions that some people feel are acceptable, that are not.
Some times the lessons in life are learned quickly, then there are some that take years...but people eventually learn and when they do, they pause and remember. Some may smile, while others are filled with regret for what they can not take back, for words they never said..or for things they did say that they realize caused a great amount of pain to someone they loved.

I can not dwell on the emotional pain, while dealing with the physical pain of the past few weeks.
I have a great deal on my mind to keep my thoughts on happier things...It is a coping skill I learned as a child. I could always bring forth a memory that would bring me to a happier place. It works even now.... Knowing yourself...not as others may see you, but as you truly are, is a gift.
Accepting your faults as well as your attributes, makes it easy to move on when someone has hurt you. What always amazes me is that people who THINK they know you, don't really know you at all....I for one would like to see a world where people could just get along, stop looking to place blame on every little situation in life and appreciate the good...but my world is not the real world...So we accept what we can, change what we can and move on in our own happiness.
I know I am not alone...that many of my friends hit emotional brick walls at times, when you just want to yell "Enough already!!" Yes we all feel sorry for ourselves at times, especially when we've been treated unfairly. But each and every one of us has experienced Joy and happiness...so pick a time in your life when you were the happiest and when you feel down...go there and visit that memory...That is one thing NO ONE can take from you and your most greatest gift. Life is too short to dwell on events that cause you tears and pain..Trust me..
It is far better to dwell on the joy you've known then the pain you feel.
A lesson for my WLS friends...it doesn't cure every aspect of your life...there will always be something or someone trying to take it away...Rise above the ignorance and be happy...

How busy can life get?

LOL I've all but stopped reading e-mail, especially the ones that start with FWD. while I appreciate people thinking of me, I'm just too busy to open most of it. I delete advertisements immediately , then look and see if I have any mail from friends or people I am mentoring...They are important to me and I always answer as fast as I can....Sometimes friends send stuff that does not say FWD but is..again I have to delete them. If I took the time to read all these "pass alongs" I'd never get away from this computer...So if you are one of the people that send me all that cute stuff...Thanks, but please understand that I probably never get to see them so if you want my attention you might want to include it in the subject line.
I am busier now then I have ever been in my life...I've got a stack of BD cards I've made and yet to get around to mailing...That's just WRONG, but I always feel that I should add a note and there lies my problem. Finding time to write one LOL
The animals require daily attention and I love giving it to them. It always starts my day with a smile when I feel their unconditional love.
Yesterday I noticed a new critter is living in the barn...A skunk...yup...I call it Petey, have no idea if it's a girl or boy...It is almost solid white with a thin line of black going down it's back and tail. It doesn't seem to mind the horses or the goats, but I think it's best to keep the dogs away. It doesn't mind me at all. I know what you are all thinking.."That crazy lady will get the stink bomb one of these days". You may be right, but I think animals, much more then people, recognize the pure of heart...by this I mean a person who would never , ever harm another living soul. Have I? I'm sure many times...with intention? NEVER?
I believe it's why the deer do not run from me. Why the baby fox sleeps under a near by tree and why the skunk walks over my feet and sits and waits for me to put down a dish of food...They feel it...they know they are safe..
So I don't mind the time I spend with my fur babies. I find it comforting...
Then I have normal household work to fit in...laundry, cleaning and at this time of year, filling my freezer and shelves with stuff to last through winter...Not because I have to, because I like to.
Then there is my time spent at the play house...either teaching or making stuff for an up coming FAIR...Of course there are days I just about get the animals done and I'm off to Binghamton to the doctor..between him and therapy you are looking at 8 hours (with travel time) sure takes a chunk out of my day. Then I have meetings and volunteer stuff, my Butterfly Project..Oh and lets not forget Christmas is right around the corner..Not sure I will be making a lot this year...I'd like to and I've made a list...but time seems to be moving ten times faster then I am..
Normally it would really bother me not to be able to make the things on my list, but I'm learning. besides, last year I sent packages to soldiers in the names of people I normally would have sent something to for Christmas, as well as my art group and my Lizzies (which I seldom see anymore) but still, I care and think of them...So sending boxes in peoples name was a way I could remember special people and still be able to get Christmas to soldiers. I think I'll do it again this year. I've already started collecting stuff...
So days continue to stay busy and I've given up hope that it will calm down any time soon. I do have to fit in getting Rave St. taken care of...but time will only allow for so much.
It is true what the say about life. It is indeed like a roll of toilet paper...the closer to the end, the faster it goes LOL

Another Day of Graston

It was with great apprehension that I went back to Binghamton for more torture. I did so because , in spite of the sorness left behind by the technique, my Achilles actually feels better...The burn in the stretch isn't as severe and it has been a while since I've felt any relief in that area. So off I went....Dr. was kind enough to be a little gentle, I think he knew I was still hurting. It hurt like hell while he was working and all I kept thinking was "No one died from having this done and it will end someday"...Hopefully it won't end with my heart giving out LOL
It really is mind blowing pain. I left Dr. and went straight to therapy which is a good way of working things out...Problem is, I think she fit me into an already busy schedule just to please Dr. Trachenberg...I wait over 15 min. in the office, being told that she'd see in in a second...I could have cooked a meal in that second...Then she hooked me up to the first machine and left...said 15 min...after a half hour I rang the bell. She seemd annoyed that I was watching the time...I reminded her that I had over an hours drive once I left there and had animals to feel and bed down....The next machine also ran over time, then there were exercises....she's a good therapist, just over booked and not very diligent to someone she knows stressed over time.
Needless to say, we got home after 9, still had animals to tend too and then we were so wired we needed to just sit and relax for a while before trying to sleep.
I feel bad asking to have appointments shifted around, so I will grin and bare this, but...if I need anymore, they won't be at night.
I am wiped out today...from the pain as well as the stress...
On the bright side...I'm very pleased with how my foot feels :-)