Sometimes, as humans, we are tested. It is what I see as "balance". If everything in life was good the balance would be offset, we would have no appreciation for all the good in our lives and would begin to question even some of the good as perhaps being bad... So yesterdays bad news is accepted as part of this balance, but no easier to deal with.
Rich and I made our way to the hospital, once again for a very necessary cardio-catheterization.
Ron could not be with us and made me promise to call at every step (which I did), I called our daughter when it was all done...no sense in having everyone sitting on the edge.
Everything went much smoother this time around, the staff as always was incredible and the doctor actually showed up on time and surprised everyone. Rich went in as scheduled at 7:45...at 8:45 Linda, our nurse came out and said "he bought himself an over night stay" which I knew meant a procedure would be done (stints placed) Linda went on to say "Dr. Remon found a blockage and he is doing an angioplasty with stints"..Rich and I both know people who have many stints and we've talked about that possibility, so I knew Rich was okay with it.
At 9:20 Dr. Remon came to me with a concerned look on his face, he explained that the blockage was so bad that not even the dye would go through, there was no way to open the artery and it is a major artery feeding the heart. He explained that while it would appear that Rich needed a by-pass, he could see nothing beyond the blockage and wasn't sure a by-pass was possible.
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Rich has never been sick, never been hospitalized and now he will get the worst possible news. How do I support him? How do I keep his spirits high when, at the moment, mine have hit the ground? Dr. Remon assured me that he would have a surgeon look at the test and decide what to do.
I asked for a collagen plug for Rich, so that he wouldn't have to lay on his back for so many hours...Dr. Remon normally doesn't use them unless he does a procedure (like stints) but he did concede that it was better then having Rich in pain. So that at least , was a good thing.
Unfortunately, they had given him, not only a relaxer for the procedure, but a pain killer for his back, so he was out of it for most of the day and would have laid there anyway LOL
At 3:00 in the afternoon Dr. Josef came to explain, in raw detail exactly what was going on...
The vessel that is completely blocked is the LAD which I was already told that Cardiology views as the "widow maker"...Dr. Josef seemed to fortify that...he did not paint a wonderful picture of what life would be like without surgery. Rich will have to alter his diet as well as his life style, there will be no more fast paced living to the point of exhaustion (Rich may be retired, but he works from sun up to sun down on the property or cutting and splitting wood) There will also be no more Cigars (which is his only vice and one he totally enjoys). I watched in silence as Rich absorbed the news, I could see the fear, feel it in his hand....The alternative is By-pass surgery which Dr. Josef feels would work, he is pretty sure there is a vessel right there to use. he seemed confident...but aren't they always? We saw Matt survive 2 Quad by-passes, so we know whats involved....
To say we left the hospital dumb, would be an understatement...Rich would just as soon bury his head in the sand and hope it all goes away...That won't happen and this situation is a time bomb, it must be addressed. Needless to say I didn't even think about food..what I did eat was all wrong and I could care less. bad attitude and bad place to be right now...but all of my energy is focused on the man I love and a man I will surely die without. He is a strong willed individual but right now he is so confused. Last October I made a choice, at all risk to do something I felt would better my life and it has...100%. I could not ask ANYONE to decide for me, because I could not risk the guilt for that person if something had gone wrong. This is the same situation, this is Richards trial and all I can do is support him as he did me, I can research, I can gather and help him as much as possible, but he is the man who has to suffer the consequences so he is the one who must make the final decision. In my heart I am hoping he loves me and much as I love him, I am hoping he wants to spend the next 40 years with me (Oh I do have high hopes huh?) I pray that God will play a part in helping with the decision and help Rich make the right one for him...
Our life has been full of pot holes and bumps and we have survived, so now we've hit a mountain...it isn't the first and it won't be the last.....IT WILL NOT BE THE LAST!!!
