April 13,2011
I haven't been able to sit up at the pond for a while now. Oh I sat here in winter but it was cold, far to cold to write my thoughts. Winter has been long and Spring a long time coming, but today is lovely.
Since I have taken this Journey into WLS I have found that being at "peace" with ones self is very necessry to succeed. When the mind is stressed our thoughts become fragmented and our judgement is impaired. For someone who sees food as a comfort (that never changes BTW, not when stressed) not being at peace is extremely dangerous. The winter brought me many days when I could not find "peace". My mind was off searching for answers to medical problems, fixing the world probelms, caring about people problems...There didn't seem to be much time for "calm and tranquiltiy"...
Now , as I sit and watch the calm waters of my pond and see the fish awakening from their winter slumber..I realize I am also awakening... I realize that I have allowed my feelings to undermine my beliefs.
I have been saying things since day one, with regard to this surgery and how I view it. I have had to deal with remarks made by others that I knew were not true and watched as lambs were lead into something because they believed what a person was telling them...then when that person did a total about face...those lambs were left to feel decieved and abandoned...This was not done by only one, but many who became obsessed with this program, and now parrot things I've preached all along...and they do so as if it were there own words. I allowed this to bother me to such a point that it stressed me into becoming something and someone I am not.
This morning I took my life back , the wind whispered "Imitation is the sincerest form of falttery" and yes I am truly flattered by the fact that people listen that deeply to what I have to say, to go on and repeat it as if it comes from their mouths.
I sit here watching my wild critters...Turkeys, deer, birds, squirrils all sitting at the same feeding rock...all getting along in peace....all sharing. I tell myself that I would do well if I imatated them.
It is remarkable to feel that sensation of peace come over me once again. I do not need to be stroked or petted like a critter or like some who need to be defined by what others think of them. My peace and happiness comes from within, in knowing I have touched some lives in a positive way and in some small way made a difference.
I really need to spend more time at this pond and I really need to spread the word that everyone at some point during the day needs to take time for self examination. Take your scattered mind and prioritize the important things and let the garbage blow away on the wind.
YOU do matter and only you can be the change you want to see....
