One day just seems to roll right into the next and when your busy, it rolls even faster.
I finally went to see my doctor, figured since I fell she might as well look me over and I could then explain some other feelings.
She wanted to send me for an MRI thinking I, in all probability, tore my rotator cuff. Since I wouldn't have it surgically fixed anyway, I told her I'd pass. My knee was swollen and she said if the fluid built up I'd have to have it drained, that I probably twisted it. Then I told her about other things and she told me I was clinically depressed..HUH??? Me depressed? How the hell does that happen?
She said it's fairly common with Bariatric patience...they go through an invincible time ...when they think they can conquer the world with their new found strength and energy. A dear friend described it as "like a religion" ...I realize I have been consumed with the program, the WL and the people I've met...I also realize I can not help them, if I can not help myself...So I have to prioritize and make it all about me for a while.
That really is not my nature...I have spent my life caring more about others, trying in my own silly way to make the world a better place. It really hasn't worked LOL and most people probably haven't even noticed my efforts...meanwhile I have fallen apart.
I am making strides to change things, baby steps that will set me back on the right track.
We are told in the very beginning that while this surgery will be a life altering event, there are certain things that will always remain the same. It is not a cure all. being thinner does not change every aspect of my life and, at times, creates situations that wouldn't exist otherwise..
People opinions will change, there will be some jealousy, some concerns and trust me, you REALLY learn who your friends are.
This is not only a WL experience, it is a LIFE experience that makes changes that will last forever...even if you gain all the weight back, because there are things you will NEVER be able to change once they happen.
My doctor finished up my exam by telling me how proud she was of me..She has seen many Bariatric patients and by this time there is usually signs of weight gain (sometimes as much as 40 pounds) I have maintained my WL for 2 years and for that I am grateful. I will deal with the depression with the help of my doctor and my friends (true friends that have stuck by me through the worst of times) I can also add this to the list of things I have learned to recognize and hopefully down the line will be able to help someone else.
