Things I learn from Animals

The morning was quiet, there was the sound of light drizzle through the tree's and the goats were doing what they do best...eating.
As I sat watching them, I noticed how one would use the other to boost himself up to reach a higher branch. They would take turns like that, both feeling that the top just had to be better,
Isn't it odd, I thought, that humans do the exact opposite, when one is trying to reach a higher goal he seldom helps the one beneath him, when a runner wants to win a race, he isn't about to stop and pick up the guy who fell..oh I probably would as would others that had no intention of finishing first anyway...there is a difference.
I heard foot falls in the woods, wondering is it the deer, perhaps the wolf...oh crap what if it's the Bear? How would I protect the goats? I do not carry a gun nor any other weapon...how would I fend off a wolf from making dinner of my goats. I had to giggle at my vivid imagination, but I realized: As human we consider ourselves so far above other critters who dwell with us on this planet...we place ourselves at the top of the food chain...there is nothing we can't kill and eat...But wait....With no man made weapon, I am as vulnerable as the goats. I am not higher on the food chain then they are and there are many animals above me...the lion, tiger and bear to name a few. Suddenly I do not feel all that superior to creatures around me. I am told that what makes us human is our ability to "reason". I think perhaps the person that decided that, didn't spend enough time with other living things...you can see reason in the eyes of animals, I have seen the ability to "figure it out" in a great many animals. I think as humans we consider ourselves far more GRAND then we really are. If some catastrophic event happen tomorrow we, as humans, would cease to exist...can't say the same for the animals. They would survive, not by their ability to reason but by their instinct of knowing what to do.
Each day I make a point of spending time with my animals, they are my greatest teachers. What I have learned from them I could never have learned in a classroom. I often feel sorry for people who haven't experienced the joy I get from each minute spent with another living creature..To observe them is to see the hand of God at work. I even learned something about weight problems through my animals...but that's for another day...I have some critters to go play with.

Goodbye to Company

Well it has been a busy week, in spite of how my foot is feeling I was able to do shopping with Karen and Krista for some school clothes. Gosh the outfits they have for girls these days are frightening...
Karen and Krista both helped me with my studio. I've got some new cubies and that one thing people can do for me...refold fabric so it fits into the cubies. It is starting to look like it once did and that makes me very happy. I've got a long way to go and promised myself instead of facing it for 8 to 10 hours...I will get as much done in an hour as I can and then move on to things that are more fun. I will also dedicate 2 hours a day to Christmas gifts..I have plenty of time, so hopefully that plan will work.
The kids left early thins morning in the pouring rain...Rain always makes me tired but I had so much to catch up on I didn't get to go back to bed...However, it is still raining and I think a nap is in order...I now understand why God doesn't want "older women" to have babies...It's fine when they are baby babies...but when they grow older, you need a great deal of extra energy and stamina...Perhaps I just have a much quieter existence now...What ever the case...It NAP TIME!!!

Rough Road

That it has been for the past few weeks. It is tough trying to do all I usually do with ease, limping along and doing it much slower.
As I have said many times. The reason I did not get the band , is because I have no patience with myself. This carries over in other aspects of my life. I want everything done yesterday and everything PERFECT...LOL I laugh when I write that because my students tell me if there is one word they associate with me it's "Perfect", not that I am...but every time they make a block or sew a row that looks the way it should, I say "Perfect!!", when they feel it is far from it...
I have always been a perfectionist when it comes to things I do. Yet I don't expect people around me to be perfect...and I'm very accepting of the fact that "No one is perfect"...Yet I put a great demand on myself to exceed my limits, thus causing myself stress where there shouldn't be.
I've been working on that. People around me are a great help. I see those who are so far from perfect it is pathetic (although they think they are), yet everything is just "fine", they see perfection in everything they do and it amazes me...It's like "Hellooooo" but then I realize it is all part of their happiness within themselves...Say you are perfect and you are...that kind of rationalization....
I'm cranky with myself...not sure why..The pain I am in is bound to cease. Most pain does. The fact that I can' take anything that will calm it was my own choice back in Oct of 2008. So what the hell am I complaining about?
See that's why I write everything down. I look at what I've written and realize just how well off I am. If life did not have pain, how would we know when we weren't in pain? It is an acceptable fact of life to me...So why am I bitching? I guess because it slows me up and I don't like being slow. I also have a great deal ahead of me...making Christmas gifts, a few Fairs Marilyn and I would like to participate in, classes to schedule..Perhaps I should concentrate on one thing, instead of the whole picture....Then it won't be so overwhelming...
Today I will work some more on my studio with Krista's help.She has been very good about packing up fabric for me so I can reorganize. It's quite a chore...
WOW!! Writing things down really does make a body feel better, even lighter....aaaaaaahhhh

Recon surgery

I went to a seminar last night regarding reconstructive surgery. No, I am not looking for a brain transplant or a gorgeous 20 year old body (wouldn't that be nice?) I'm looking to have excess skin removed...skin that causes problems...belly flap and arms are the biggest problem. Yes even weight loss has it's problems.
There are those who say, because of rapid weight loss we end up with all this loose skin...as opposed to slow weight loss which will leave firm skin...That's Bullshit, plain and simple...even when a young person loses weight fast they are able to firm up the skin that is still elastic...The older you are the less elasticity you have in your skin , so any weight loss, regardless of how long it takes or doesn't take, will leave you with excess skin hanging.
Some people, mostly woman, try and trick their minds into believing they are still young enough to have the surgery and come away looking firm and physically fit. Trust me , I know a few of them and they neither look young, nor firm. There is nothing worse then a person who refuses to grow old gracefully. I think it is far better to be a good looking old person then an old bag trying to look like she's 20 again. Those days are over baby...
Last night they showed pictures...no faces and let me tell you, any one of them could have been me...Like bodies full of cottage cheese and saggy skin...My problem was with the end result, it wasn't pretty. Even the PN giving the talk said it makes people tubular rather then naturally curvy. The cutting is extensive, you're sent home with drains, which have to be uncomfortable if not annoying...then there are the scars to deal with, which also weren't all that pretty. Forget the boob jobs...I'll keep my pancakes, anyone looking at a woman over 40 , knows those perky boobs are phony, so why bother? Even implants will eventually pull the breast down, I've seen it, and that REALLY ain't pretty. So what is my decision about reconstructive surgery? I think the penniculus has to go (belly flap) for health reasons...the arms? Well they are a PITA trying to fit into a smaller size blouse...So, if I do decide to go through with this, and that's a big IF right now...That's all I will have done...my boobs are fine in a bra and my legs are okay in pants..Face? hey I've earned my wrinkles, they give my face the character and show experience of my years on this earth, so I'm keeping the face God gave me. I have yet to see anyone with a face lift that doesn't look phony..We expect wrinkles with age and we expect to see them on other people...I think they are beautiful.
So that's my take on plastic surgery...vanity thy name is NOT Kathie LOL

In a RUT

It isn't a good place to be and I don't usually go there...but between this chronic, unacceptable pain, the fact that I cannot do my normal exercise or activities and seeing work that I can't do just piling up...guess a rut is inevitable....

Thank God for understanding friends (pain has made me ugly) and a husband that understands (did I mention pain makes me ugly?) and my animals who give unconditional love regardless of how ugly I get...The more time I spend around those happy , loving little critters the happier I feel.
I also realize "this too shall pass"..it is the waiting that is driving me nuts. The place that custom makes (by hand) the orthotic's I will be wearing, closes for two weeks...You guessed it, it was the day before I went to the doc that they closed. I will supposedly be put at the top of the list...Once they are made, my therapy will begin, the orthotic's will go into new shoes, so I will be all NEW...
I know this will work. He mentioned the pain numerous times, but I'm thinking 'how much worse can it be?'... Rich is more worried then I am. What ever I have to endure will be worth it if the final results is No surgery and No pain...
It has been difficult to keep my mind focused, the pain consumes me at times. I found myself thinking about 3 different doctors who told me that if I could take anti-inflammatory I'd be better off...Am I sorry I can't take them? NO!! I'd be much worse off 135 pounds heavier..The drug companies will just have to find an alternative...God knows there are enough of us out there to warrant a new medication. This is just one of those BUMPS we all talk about...in time I won't even remember going down this road much less feeling a bump.....
Ya just gotta believe.............

A New Saga Begins

Do you believe in "Divine Intervention" I have to, because it has happened too many times in my life, not to believe.
I made an appointment with a surgeon down in Manhattan as my orthopedist requested. This man is the best of the best, or so I've been told. I am apprehensive about surgery on the Achilles tendon because of the long recuperation..plus the fact that it sometimes doesn't work.
Rich is rarely up at 5 in the morning, but he was last week at the same time I was. he put on TV while I made coffee and it opens with a woman who looks like me, walking like me and then goes on to explain her condition, which was the same as mine....She is now back to normal, without surgery. "Hmmm" Rich and I said at the same time...we both agreed that this doc was worth a shot.
I got to see him, he is a Podiatric surgeon, but has alternatives to surgery. He looked at my MRI, was honest about the fact that I may indeed need surgery, the damage to my tendon is extreme. Then he asked me how the heck I was walking around, since there is also something going on with the bottom tendon of my foot. The exam was painful.
He explained the alternative treatment and stressed numerous times how extremely painful it is, because it is dealing with nerves, muscle and blood flow. He was looking for a reaction...he got one from Rich, who kept wincing. Finally he questioned my lack of concern...As I have explained to anyone who has ever asked...any pain required to make me better is endurable..no matter how intense...I've had many years of practice, back to when I was a small child, of learning to go to another place when pain is being inflicted. While the pain issue was grim...the over all results of this technique is nothing short of miraculous..It is certainly worth a shot. It's expensive and my insurance will not cover everything. Rich says I'm "worth it". That's nice to hear, but I do have limits...if I feel the treatment is not working I will then see the surgeon and go forward with that. For now, I believe there is a reason that commercial was on at exactly the time Rich turned on the TV. I have looked into this doctor and he is board certified, and has an extensive background in what he does. He has been a surgeon for 32 years and what I admire most about him...well there were a few things...One: You will seldom hear a surgeon admit to performing "unnecessary surgeries" he did, although he didn't know it at the time, but he admitted it .Two: it is rare to find a doctor who will stay with you for 4 hours..yup 4 *&^%$ hours...all except 40 min of that time he spent explaining and examining . I appreciate a doctor who will give that much of himself..He did run out of the room twice to check on another patient and he did ask for two patients to be called and rescheduled. I told him he better not do that to me, since I'm coming from an hour away. he assured me, it was only because he needed more time with me then usual. I felt good about him and what he had to say, so did Rich...all else remains to be seen.
When I told him about my Gastric By-pass he was thrilled, said the Doc that recommended it was "right on". He is sure my weight contributed to this condition...so am I.
I want to scream it from the roof tops to every heavy person out there "WAKE UP, the extra weight on your body is doing more damage then you could possibly know.....
Stay tuned.....