I stepped out of the shower this morning and scared myself. I don't often gaze at myself in the mirror...Comes with years of being "fluffy" and not wanting to "see" it. I looked this morning and started laughing...like tears rolling down my cheeks laughing. I look like a candle that has seen better days...skin just melting and hanging like thick wax...Nice visual huh? Just imagine you are me. Yuck!!!
I have never been too concerned about body image....Even when I had a firm, beautiful shape (Richards words) I never wore clothes to accent it...Okay, maybe I wore thick belts to show off my 19 inch waist...but wouldn't you? Point is, there was a lot of talk about excess skin once you lost a lot of weight, but who thinks about that? I just wanted to escape from that cocoon of fat..it had hung around long enough, I was sick of the health issues it caused me and the pain in my legs...I wanted it gone.
Not that I want it back, but crap...what the heck do I do with my melted body? It looks okay in clothes and maybe I should be satisfied with that. I'm not 25 anymore, does anyone really care if I'm melting? My modeling career is long over.....
I've seen the surgery on TV...not pleasant to watch or to hear the aftermath of woman groaning in pain. They literally cut you in half, skin wise, remove a huge piece of skin and then pull the top and lower half of your body back together. Do I want that? Do I NEED that?
I wasn't the slightest bit scared of RNY surgery (while others worry about the mortality rate) well folks I'm here to tell you, the chance of infection from that reconstruction is a helluvalot more threatening then a simple RNY... I think for now I will settle for my melting body...not sure I'm in a masochistic mood...however if i ever have the desire to have my body cut then stretched back together again, I'll let you all know and pray you talk me out of it......
