My Hidden Treasure
Friday, June 26, 2009
Lucky Lady
Every once in a while I go back and read the comments left here. It is always a reminder to me, how truly lucky I am. (I also save heartfelt e-mails for those of you who don't leave comments here, although I wish you would) Through out my life I have met the most amazing earth bound Angels, most of which I don't see or talk to everyday, but somehow they always seem to drift back into my life when I need them most. There is that constant reassurance that there is really no time in my life that I walk alone.The past 10 years or so have been hard, filled with so many unknowns, pain, fear,loss, discord and anxiety...The only thing constant, it seems, was our love (mine and Richards) for each other and the love and support of friends.We do not always understand the events of our lives, why they happen or exactly how to deal with them, but it seems to me that with LOVE, all things are possible. I think the key to my obesity was my unwillingness to Love myself, to see myself as others saw me...to them I was actually worth something. I was unable or unwilling to embrace the warmth of others, I lacked trust (for so many reasons) But all things happen in time, even ones own awakening.I see so many people, now that I am involved in the WLS program, who are struggling with so many questions...Like me, they think their problems are so unique, their reason for obesity so different from others, their pains and struggles like none other...but truth be known, we aren't quite as unique as we think we are...We all suffer pain, we all have to deal with loss, we all have problems that seem like the very worst, tragedy hits ALL our lives. So do many blessing, but we are usually so wrapped up in the turmoil of life that we do not embrace those blessings...Some of you figured this out long before I did, it took me a while to see the smiles on those suffering, the offer of help from those needing help themselves...but I've got it and I want to thank those of you who showed me the way. I admire you for your courage and I thank you for that wisdom that I can now pay it forward....I do not see or hear from most of you, but it is a comfort to know you are there...I am truly a very Lucky Lady........
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I'd Do it again
There are many things in life I would not repeat if I had a chance to "do over", but this surgery is something I would do again in a heart beat. It has changed my life so drastically it is like being reborn..It's more then weight loss, it's all about good health, restored energy and diminished pain.
There is a girl in our group, one who had By-pass surgery many years ago. Each time I hear her story my heart breaks. I have no idea why things went wrong for her, but they did, they went terribly wrong and she ended up with many surgeries and a feeding tube. She has had to deal with a great deal of pain. Sure she has lost over 200 pounds but what a horrible way to get there. When I decided to have by-pass surgery and then heard her story, heard another person needing 14 pints of blood..it gave me reason to pause and reflect on the down side of any surgery...Things can and DO go wrong. What really hit home however, is that both people said they would do it all again. Even after all of that, they would still choose surgery for WL.
That screamed at me. I also took into consideration that they both had surgery many years ago...like all surgical techniques, RNY has gotten better over the years with far less BAD results.
I was truly blessed with a wonderful surgical outcome...many of my sisters and brothers within the group have had the same outcome as I...in fact we hear more negative outcomes with the band lately then with RNY...that is my observation, not a statistic.
This is no walk in the park. You don't have surgery, melt away and live happily ever after. It is ONE day at a time...remembering a commitment...one day at a time...learning to eat a whole new way, breaking old habits...it is a difficult journey, but one worth taking.
Have I had bad days? You bet I have... I've had times, after eating too fast or too big of a piece that I thought I wanted to die...it didn't last long but for the few minutes the pain was there, it was agonizing....You bear it , you move on and try to be aware not to make the same mistake...but old habits die hard.
Rich saw his cardiologist yesterday. I mentioned the less invasive procedure I had read about where they make a small incision and work through that to make the by-pass connection. We were told they do that in Albany, so that's the next stop.
I have had good luck with laporoscopy surgeries, knee's, gallbladder and now By-pass, so I have a tremendous amount of faith in the technology. Can it be done in Rich's case, is it safe? These are questions that will be answered in time.
We all have to find our own way when it comes to surgeries.The first step is believing in yourself and your abilities and then trusting God and your surgeon. I pray Rich finds the same comfort in his choice that I have.
Once again I thank all of you for your support and prayers......
There is a girl in our group, one who had By-pass surgery many years ago. Each time I hear her story my heart breaks. I have no idea why things went wrong for her, but they did, they went terribly wrong and she ended up with many surgeries and a feeding tube. She has had to deal with a great deal of pain. Sure she has lost over 200 pounds but what a horrible way to get there. When I decided to have by-pass surgery and then heard her story, heard another person needing 14 pints of blood..it gave me reason to pause and reflect on the down side of any surgery...Things can and DO go wrong. What really hit home however, is that both people said they would do it all again. Even after all of that, they would still choose surgery for WL.
That screamed at me. I also took into consideration that they both had surgery many years ago...like all surgical techniques, RNY has gotten better over the years with far less BAD results.
I was truly blessed with a wonderful surgical outcome...many of my sisters and brothers within the group have had the same outcome as I...in fact we hear more negative outcomes with the band lately then with RNY...that is my observation, not a statistic.
This is no walk in the park. You don't have surgery, melt away and live happily ever after. It is ONE day at a time...remembering a commitment...one day at a time...learning to eat a whole new way, breaking old habits...it is a difficult journey, but one worth taking.
Have I had bad days? You bet I have... I've had times, after eating too fast or too big of a piece that I thought I wanted to die...it didn't last long but for the few minutes the pain was there, it was agonizing....You bear it , you move on and try to be aware not to make the same mistake...but old habits die hard.
Rich saw his cardiologist yesterday. I mentioned the less invasive procedure I had read about where they make a small incision and work through that to make the by-pass connection. We were told they do that in Albany, so that's the next stop.
I have had good luck with laporoscopy surgeries, knee's, gallbladder and now By-pass, so I have a tremendous amount of faith in the technology. Can it be done in Rich's case, is it safe? These are questions that will be answered in time.
We all have to find our own way when it comes to surgeries.The first step is believing in yourself and your abilities and then trusting God and your surgeon. I pray Rich finds the same comfort in his choice that I have.
Once again I thank all of you for your support and prayers......
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A NIce Visit
Thursday we got a wonderful surprise. Robyn called to say she was taking a drive in the country, I asked were she was and low and behold she was up here. She took the ride with her best friend Elspeth (a bit of an adopted daughter) they've been friends forever.
I think it did wonders for Rich to get his mind of things and once again have the house filled with idle chatter that only young females can bring.
I got a Mothers Day gift of Mary Kay product (which I desperately need right now) and Rich got a Fathers Day gift of Americana things for the kitchen, place mats, pot holders....He loves Americana things.
I took the girls to the Amish Market so Elspeth could get spices for her Cook crazy daughter, and Robyn got some good hearty food..She is looking just lovely, she's lost 30 some odd pounds and has a lot more energy. She goes to a gym and has a personal trainer so her head is where it should be for success. We are very proud of her.
She also surprised us by coming up in their new car, a Jeep Cherokee..It's used but beautifully taken car of, looks like one of our trade In's LOL I'm so glad they have it, now there are no excuses not to visit in winter :-)
It was a nice break from our norm and I was sorry they couldn't stay over night.Yesterday was right back to work on my studio. I was so happy at the end of the day that I actually put a dent in the organization.
The rain has forced Rich to slow down a bit and do some inside work, so that's something to be thankful for.
Thank you every one who has left messages here as well as private e-mails...I am truly blessed having so many Angels in my life, I don't know what I would do without your support and prayers.
I think it did wonders for Rich to get his mind of things and once again have the house filled with idle chatter that only young females can bring.
I got a Mothers Day gift of Mary Kay product (which I desperately need right now) and Rich got a Fathers Day gift of Americana things for the kitchen, place mats, pot holders....He loves Americana things.
I took the girls to the Amish Market so Elspeth could get spices for her Cook crazy daughter, and Robyn got some good hearty food..She is looking just lovely, she's lost 30 some odd pounds and has a lot more energy. She goes to a gym and has a personal trainer so her head is where it should be for success. We are very proud of her.
She also surprised us by coming up in their new car, a Jeep Cherokee..It's used but beautifully taken car of, looks like one of our trade In's LOL I'm so glad they have it, now there are no excuses not to visit in winter :-)
It was a nice break from our norm and I was sorry they couldn't stay over night.Yesterday was right back to work on my studio. I was so happy at the end of the day that I actually put a dent in the organization.
The rain has forced Rich to slow down a bit and do some inside work, so that's something to be thankful for.
Thank you every one who has left messages here as well as private e-mails...I am truly blessed having so many Angels in my life, I don't know what I would do without your support and prayers.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Gods only child...
Each morning I have some what of a routine (heaven forbid I do anything the same way twice). During my early morning walk with my dogs up to feed my peacocks and open their gate (BTW I used to need the MULE to make it up that hill) I usually reflect on my day, I thank God for bringing me to a place that I see as an earthly paradise, I ask that he lessen the burden for those less fortunate and bring peace and happiness to those I love and cherish.
I have to put my "girls" (my two Labs) away before my visit to the pond because I have one that thinks it's her private tub and can't resist taking a bath. I visit the pond to say Good morning to a trained Large Mouth Bass (no kidding, he comes when he is called and as I walk around the pond he follows me) Popeye and all his buddies...I usually bring up some worms for him as well as pond food for everyone. The pond is peaceful and it is my very most favorite place to talk to God. We have a nice relationship, I try to please him by my thoughts and deeds and he responds with the most wonderful of gifts, spiritual of course, but ones that are far more important then material things. I can feel his arms around me when I am sad and alone in my thoughts, I feel the warmth in my heart and a peace, even in the most troubled of times.
Sometimes I feel like an only child :-)
This morning I found myself apologizing...yesterday I was angry, very angry...Like any spoiled child that I have ever known I told my "Father" he wasn't fair, he was mean and hurtful..How could he do this to a man who had always lived such a good life..? Helping those in need, putting his life on the line for people he didn't even know, being the best father he knew how to be and certainly being the best husband any one could ask for. I know we were tested and then tested again...but we've passed every test life could throw at us...we've been blessed and we are grateful for those blessing EVERY DAY!!! So why him? Why not me? I'm good at facing crap like this...maybe because I believe so strongly in my "Fathers" love...(or maybe because I know he isn't ready to put up with me on a steady basis just yet) I certainly am no stranger to pain or surgery and I would gladly take his place if it could be worked out that way...Rich knows this is not a good situation...We know of no one who has had an LAD blockage...many who have had by-pass surgery, valve replacement etc...and all of those are life threatening, all survived...So why make his the worst, on top of having heart problems at all? Yeah I was angry! Rich doesn't deserve this..he doesn't deserve the fear he feels right now nor does he deserve the pain of the aftermath...I was outraged!!!
So this morning I found myself apologizing and could almost see God smiling...the sun shown through the clouds and warmed my face like a kiss....a peace came over me and in my heart I knew not to question. I am not Gods only child (I told him I knew that) Many of his children suffer hardships and pain far worse then I ever have...I began to think of all the things that COULD have happened to both Rich and I over the years and realized that , although this was a terrible shock and although this has both of us pretty scared it's nothing compared to the slide show in my mind. So I left my peaceful place at the pond to go down and greet my animals in the barn and begin my day... No I am not Gods only child , but I thanked him for making me feel like I am and never giving up on me, even when I give up on myself.......(thanks to those who have left comments and to those who have written such beautiful heartfelt e-mail...you are all among my greatest blessing)
I have to put my "girls" (my two Labs) away before my visit to the pond because I have one that thinks it's her private tub and can't resist taking a bath. I visit the pond to say Good morning to a trained Large Mouth Bass (no kidding, he comes when he is called and as I walk around the pond he follows me) Popeye and all his buddies...I usually bring up some worms for him as well as pond food for everyone. The pond is peaceful and it is my very most favorite place to talk to God. We have a nice relationship, I try to please him by my thoughts and deeds and he responds with the most wonderful of gifts, spiritual of course, but ones that are far more important then material things. I can feel his arms around me when I am sad and alone in my thoughts, I feel the warmth in my heart and a peace, even in the most troubled of times.
Sometimes I feel like an only child :-)
This morning I found myself apologizing...yesterday I was angry, very angry...Like any spoiled child that I have ever known I told my "Father" he wasn't fair, he was mean and hurtful..How could he do this to a man who had always lived such a good life..? Helping those in need, putting his life on the line for people he didn't even know, being the best father he knew how to be and certainly being the best husband any one could ask for. I know we were tested and then tested again...but we've passed every test life could throw at us...we've been blessed and we are grateful for those blessing EVERY DAY!!! So why him? Why not me? I'm good at facing crap like this...maybe because I believe so strongly in my "Fathers" love...(or maybe because I know he isn't ready to put up with me on a steady basis just yet) I certainly am no stranger to pain or surgery and I would gladly take his place if it could be worked out that way...Rich knows this is not a good situation...We know of no one who has had an LAD blockage...many who have had by-pass surgery, valve replacement etc...and all of those are life threatening, all survived...So why make his the worst, on top of having heart problems at all? Yeah I was angry! Rich doesn't deserve this..he doesn't deserve the fear he feels right now nor does he deserve the pain of the aftermath...I was outraged!!!
So this morning I found myself apologizing and could almost see God smiling...the sun shown through the clouds and warmed my face like a kiss....a peace came over me and in my heart I knew not to question. I am not Gods only child (I told him I knew that) Many of his children suffer hardships and pain far worse then I ever have...I began to think of all the things that COULD have happened to both Rich and I over the years and realized that , although this was a terrible shock and although this has both of us pretty scared it's nothing compared to the slide show in my mind. So I left my peaceful place at the pond to go down and greet my animals in the barn and begin my day... No I am not Gods only child , but I thanked him for making me feel like I am and never giving up on me, even when I give up on myself.......(thanks to those who have left comments and to those who have written such beautiful heartfelt e-mail...you are all among my greatest blessing)
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Anxious Times
Sometimes, as humans, we are tested. It is what I see as "balance". If everything in life was good the balance would be offset, we would have no appreciation for all the good in our lives and would begin to question even some of the good as perhaps being bad... So yesterdays bad news is accepted as part of this balance, but no easier to deal with.
Rich and I made our way to the hospital, once again for a very necessary cardio-catheterization.
Ron could not be with us and made me promise to call at every step (which I did), I called our daughter when it was all done...no sense in having everyone sitting on the edge.
Everything went much smoother this time around, the staff as always was incredible and the doctor actually showed up on time and surprised everyone. Rich went in as scheduled at 7:45...at 8:45 Linda, our nurse came out and said "he bought himself an over night stay" which I knew meant a procedure would be done (stints placed) Linda went on to say "Dr. Remon found a blockage and he is doing an angioplasty with stints"..Rich and I both know people who have many stints and we've talked about that possibility, so I knew Rich was okay with it.
At 9:20 Dr. Remon came to me with a concerned look on his face, he explained that the blockage was so bad that not even the dye would go through, there was no way to open the artery and it is a major artery feeding the heart. He explained that while it would appear that Rich needed a by-pass, he could see nothing beyond the blockage and wasn't sure a by-pass was possible.
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Rich has never been sick, never been hospitalized and now he will get the worst possible news. How do I support him? How do I keep his spirits high when, at the moment, mine have hit the ground? Dr. Remon assured me that he would have a surgeon look at the test and decide what to do.
I asked for a collagen plug for Rich, so that he wouldn't have to lay on his back for so many hours...Dr. Remon normally doesn't use them unless he does a procedure (like stints) but he did concede that it was better then having Rich in pain. So that at least , was a good thing.
Unfortunately, they had given him, not only a relaxer for the procedure, but a pain killer for his back, so he was out of it for most of the day and would have laid there anyway LOL
At 3:00 in the afternoon Dr. Josef came to explain, in raw detail exactly what was going on...
The vessel that is completely blocked is the LAD which I was already told that Cardiology views as the "widow maker"...Dr. Josef seemed to fortify that...he did not paint a wonderful picture of what life would be like without surgery. Rich will have to alter his diet as well as his life style, there will be no more fast paced living to the point of exhaustion (Rich may be retired, but he works from sun up to sun down on the property or cutting and splitting wood) There will also be no more Cigars (which is his only vice and one he totally enjoys). I watched in silence as Rich absorbed the news, I could see the fear, feel it in his hand....The alternative is By-pass surgery which Dr. Josef feels would work, he is pretty sure there is a vessel right there to use. he seemed confident...but aren't they always? We saw Matt survive 2 Quad by-passes, so we know whats involved....
To say we left the hospital dumb, would be an understatement...Rich would just as soon bury his head in the sand and hope it all goes away...That won't happen and this situation is a time bomb, it must be addressed. Needless to say I didn't even think about food..what I did eat was all wrong and I could care less. bad attitude and bad place to be right now...but all of my energy is focused on the man I love and a man I will surely die without. He is a strong willed individual but right now he is so confused. Last October I made a choice, at all risk to do something I felt would better my life and it has...100%. I could not ask ANYONE to decide for me, because I could not risk the guilt for that person if something had gone wrong. This is the same situation, this is Richards trial and all I can do is support him as he did me, I can research, I can gather and help him as much as possible, but he is the man who has to suffer the consequences so he is the one who must make the final decision. In my heart I am hoping he loves me and much as I love him, I am hoping he wants to spend the next 40 years with me (Oh I do have high hopes huh?) I pray that God will play a part in helping with the decision and help Rich make the right one for him...
Our life has been full of pot holes and bumps and we have survived, so now we've hit a mountain...it isn't the first and it won't be the last.....IT WILL NOT BE THE LAST!!!
Rich and I made our way to the hospital, once again for a very necessary cardio-catheterization.
Ron could not be with us and made me promise to call at every step (which I did), I called our daughter when it was all done...no sense in having everyone sitting on the edge.
Everything went much smoother this time around, the staff as always was incredible and the doctor actually showed up on time and surprised everyone. Rich went in as scheduled at 7:45...at 8:45 Linda, our nurse came out and said "he bought himself an over night stay" which I knew meant a procedure would be done (stints placed) Linda went on to say "Dr. Remon found a blockage and he is doing an angioplasty with stints"..Rich and I both know people who have many stints and we've talked about that possibility, so I knew Rich was okay with it.
At 9:20 Dr. Remon came to me with a concerned look on his face, he explained that the blockage was so bad that not even the dye would go through, there was no way to open the artery and it is a major artery feeding the heart. He explained that while it would appear that Rich needed a by-pass, he could see nothing beyond the blockage and wasn't sure a by-pass was possible.
My heart sunk to the pit of my stomach. Rich has never been sick, never been hospitalized and now he will get the worst possible news. How do I support him? How do I keep his spirits high when, at the moment, mine have hit the ground? Dr. Remon assured me that he would have a surgeon look at the test and decide what to do.
I asked for a collagen plug for Rich, so that he wouldn't have to lay on his back for so many hours...Dr. Remon normally doesn't use them unless he does a procedure (like stints) but he did concede that it was better then having Rich in pain. So that at least , was a good thing.
Unfortunately, they had given him, not only a relaxer for the procedure, but a pain killer for his back, so he was out of it for most of the day and would have laid there anyway LOL
At 3:00 in the afternoon Dr. Josef came to explain, in raw detail exactly what was going on...
The vessel that is completely blocked is the LAD which I was already told that Cardiology views as the "widow maker"...Dr. Josef seemed to fortify that...he did not paint a wonderful picture of what life would be like without surgery. Rich will have to alter his diet as well as his life style, there will be no more fast paced living to the point of exhaustion (Rich may be retired, but he works from sun up to sun down on the property or cutting and splitting wood) There will also be no more Cigars (which is his only vice and one he totally enjoys). I watched in silence as Rich absorbed the news, I could see the fear, feel it in his hand....The alternative is By-pass surgery which Dr. Josef feels would work, he is pretty sure there is a vessel right there to use. he seemed confident...but aren't they always? We saw Matt survive 2 Quad by-passes, so we know whats involved....
To say we left the hospital dumb, would be an understatement...Rich would just as soon bury his head in the sand and hope it all goes away...That won't happen and this situation is a time bomb, it must be addressed. Needless to say I didn't even think about food..what I did eat was all wrong and I could care less. bad attitude and bad place to be right now...but all of my energy is focused on the man I love and a man I will surely die without. He is a strong willed individual but right now he is so confused. Last October I made a choice, at all risk to do something I felt would better my life and it has...100%. I could not ask ANYONE to decide for me, because I could not risk the guilt for that person if something had gone wrong. This is the same situation, this is Richards trial and all I can do is support him as he did me, I can research, I can gather and help him as much as possible, but he is the man who has to suffer the consequences so he is the one who must make the final decision. In my heart I am hoping he loves me and much as I love him, I am hoping he wants to spend the next 40 years with me (Oh I do have high hopes huh?) I pray that God will play a part in helping with the decision and help Rich make the right one for him...
Our life has been full of pot holes and bumps and we have survived, so now we've hit a mountain...it isn't the first and it won't be the last.....IT WILL NOT BE THE LAST!!!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Time for an UPDATE
Well life never seems to get easier, but it sure is interesting.
I won't know anything regarding the endoscopy for a few weeks. Doc said he wanted to take more biopsy but I started bleeding so bad he couldn't see anything. He wanted to know what meds I was taking...For the first time in 30 years I could say NONE...and I'm not allowed aspirin or any product containing aspirin...so that is a mystery.
Ron and I had Rich at the hospital by 6 am..the long and short of the story is, by 11 am Rich was feeling sick (from anxiety and the diabetes) when I spoke to our nurse she said one of the angioplasties was difficult and set everything back, also Dr. Jamal was the only qualified doc there to do angioplasty...Seems that docs can be certified for angiograms but may not be able to perform angioplasty. When she said we still had "several hours" I thought Rich would pass out...he took his option to go home and reschedule. Ron was livid and wanted him to have it done down on the Island where he would have some control. Rich wanted to walk away completely.
I had to calm down before calling our Cardiologist, told the one girl that regardless of whose protocol was what...leaving a diabetic with out food or drink for 12 hours was unacceptable. I went up the chain of command and when I said my husband was ready to cancel everything , there was panic. It seems Rich is scheduled for an angioplasty based on the results of other test he has taken, stints are a possibility as is open heart surgery and not having it done is NOT an option. I also found out that Dr. Jamal has ALL his patients show up at 6 am regardless of their case number. I told them I don't want any narcissistic heart doctor within 10 feet of my husband.
I rescheduled with Dr. Ramon which is the doc that our Cardiologist wanted to begin with.
Rich and I both believe that all things, good and bad, happen for a reason. We are trusting that he was supposed to have Dr. Ramon and I think he is feeling better about the whole issue.
We were sorry that our son took off from work for several days to be here, but we appreciate his concern and I felt better that he was here. He knows a lot more about these things then I do.
So that's the update...we don't know anything more then we did last week. Now he has a whole week ahead to think about this procedure all over again.
We know people live with heart conditions, both our Mothers and fathers had some sort of heart problem and my brother has had 2 quad by-passes...but when it's happening to you and you have never been sick, it can get pretty scary. I think my positive attitude is helping him cope (or perhaps driving him nuts LOL) but as they say...this too shall pass.
So what does all this have to do with a weight loss Journey? Oh if you are asking that question you obviously don't have a weight problem. Stress like this is a killer of will power...over eaters tend to be thrown into a tailspin by frustration and anxiety. It is taken everything I have to convince myself that EATING will not make every problem go away, eating is a temporary fix that will lead to guilt that will lead to more eating. I have to remind myself how hard I've worked and how far I've come. It is because of this weight loss that I am now able to walk hospital hallways (run if I have to), that I have the energy and stamina to fight and be my husband advocate and that I feel strong enough to be his rock for a change (although he will tell you I have always been his rock) So this situation has a great deal to do with my Journey and once again I thank all who have supported me...the struggle continues, but so does the growth and determination.
I won't know anything regarding the endoscopy for a few weeks. Doc said he wanted to take more biopsy but I started bleeding so bad he couldn't see anything. He wanted to know what meds I was taking...For the first time in 30 years I could say NONE...and I'm not allowed aspirin or any product containing aspirin...so that is a mystery.
Ron and I had Rich at the hospital by 6 am..the long and short of the story is, by 11 am Rich was feeling sick (from anxiety and the diabetes) when I spoke to our nurse she said one of the angioplasties was difficult and set everything back, also Dr. Jamal was the only qualified doc there to do angioplasty...Seems that docs can be certified for angiograms but may not be able to perform angioplasty. When she said we still had "several hours" I thought Rich would pass out...he took his option to go home and reschedule. Ron was livid and wanted him to have it done down on the Island where he would have some control. Rich wanted to walk away completely.
I had to calm down before calling our Cardiologist, told the one girl that regardless of whose protocol was what...leaving a diabetic with out food or drink for 12 hours was unacceptable. I went up the chain of command and when I said my husband was ready to cancel everything , there was panic. It seems Rich is scheduled for an angioplasty based on the results of other test he has taken, stints are a possibility as is open heart surgery and not having it done is NOT an option. I also found out that Dr. Jamal has ALL his patients show up at 6 am regardless of their case number. I told them I don't want any narcissistic heart doctor within 10 feet of my husband.
I rescheduled with Dr. Ramon which is the doc that our Cardiologist wanted to begin with.
Rich and I both believe that all things, good and bad, happen for a reason. We are trusting that he was supposed to have Dr. Ramon and I think he is feeling better about the whole issue.
We were sorry that our son took off from work for several days to be here, but we appreciate his concern and I felt better that he was here. He knows a lot more about these things then I do.
So that's the update...we don't know anything more then we did last week. Now he has a whole week ahead to think about this procedure all over again.
We know people live with heart conditions, both our Mothers and fathers had some sort of heart problem and my brother has had 2 quad by-passes...but when it's happening to you and you have never been sick, it can get pretty scary. I think my positive attitude is helping him cope (or perhaps driving him nuts LOL) but as they say...this too shall pass.
So what does all this have to do with a weight loss Journey? Oh if you are asking that question you obviously don't have a weight problem. Stress like this is a killer of will power...over eaters tend to be thrown into a tailspin by frustration and anxiety. It is taken everything I have to convince myself that EATING will not make every problem go away, eating is a temporary fix that will lead to guilt that will lead to more eating. I have to remind myself how hard I've worked and how far I've come. It is because of this weight loss that I am now able to walk hospital hallways (run if I have to), that I have the energy and stamina to fight and be my husband advocate and that I feel strong enough to be his rock for a change (although he will tell you I have always been his rock) So this situation has a great deal to do with my Journey and once again I thank all who have supported me...the struggle continues, but so does the growth and determination.
Monday, June 1, 2009
A Time to Reflect
It has taken me a few days to come here. I have been lost in thought and dealing with a situation in the only way I know how...staying busy.
On Friday we went to see the Cardiologist for the results of Richards stress test. The news was not what we had hoped for...instead we were told that the vessels feeding the heart muscle itself appear to not be functioning properly. An angiogram is necessary and the doctor is almost certain that one of three things will follow...stints, angioplasty or open heart surgery. My more dear Richard...the color left his face and it was certain he was scared to death. I think the doctor, who is a wonderful man, saw this and tried to set his mind at ease....We all know someone who has had this procedure...I've had two angiograms myself...But Rich has never been ill enough to require any surgical procedure. He is also someone that always sees the cup half empty, he is convinced that he takes after his mothers side of the family (he looks like that side) and no one in that family lived past 66...Rich is 65.
I do not like those thoughts and I've spent a life time trying to dispel them..He has been my rock, though every illness and every bump in the road we've faced as a couple...he has never lost faith in me. Now the rolls are reversed, now he looks to me for strength and only now do I realize that being a ROCK is not an easy job... Most people see ME as the strong one ...Rich and I know that together we are strong (that's a line from OUR SONG "Through The Years") We've always been a team.
I am as positive as he is negative and you'd think after 45 years, he'd realize my attitude works better LOL Someone will always be there to judge you wrongly, rain on your parade and hurt you...but if you see the silver lining, try and find good in the bad...life's crap just seems to roll right off you. Strength comes easy.....
Tomorrow I go for my endoscopy, they have to keep an eye on that Barretts Esophogus...I'm sure all will be fine. Thursday Rich will go for his procedure and he will be fine as well.
He has supported me throughout this Journey and because of that I am stronger and healthier then I have been in years...so now is my time to be his ROCK and I'm up for it....
Prayers and positive thoughts are always welcome.....
On Friday we went to see the Cardiologist for the results of Richards stress test. The news was not what we had hoped for...instead we were told that the vessels feeding the heart muscle itself appear to not be functioning properly. An angiogram is necessary and the doctor is almost certain that one of three things will follow...stints, angioplasty or open heart surgery. My more dear Richard...the color left his face and it was certain he was scared to death. I think the doctor, who is a wonderful man, saw this and tried to set his mind at ease....We all know someone who has had this procedure...I've had two angiograms myself...But Rich has never been ill enough to require any surgical procedure. He is also someone that always sees the cup half empty, he is convinced that he takes after his mothers side of the family (he looks like that side) and no one in that family lived past 66...Rich is 65.
I do not like those thoughts and I've spent a life time trying to dispel them..He has been my rock, though every illness and every bump in the road we've faced as a couple...he has never lost faith in me. Now the rolls are reversed, now he looks to me for strength and only now do I realize that being a ROCK is not an easy job... Most people see ME as the strong one ...Rich and I know that together we are strong (that's a line from OUR SONG "Through The Years") We've always been a team.
I am as positive as he is negative and you'd think after 45 years, he'd realize my attitude works better LOL Someone will always be there to judge you wrongly, rain on your parade and hurt you...but if you see the silver lining, try and find good in the bad...life's crap just seems to roll right off you. Strength comes easy.....
Tomorrow I go for my endoscopy, they have to keep an eye on that Barretts Esophogus...I'm sure all will be fine. Thursday Rich will go for his procedure and he will be fine as well.
He has supported me throughout this Journey and because of that I am stronger and healthier then I have been in years...so now is my time to be his ROCK and I'm up for it....
Prayers and positive thoughts are always welcome.....
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