I didn't get FAT on cake and chocolate

And neither did you...If you are reading this, it's because you know me and you know I don't BS around..I don't use $100 words where $2 ones will do. If you are new to this Blog, you will learn as others have. I speak from my heart. I started this BLOG to help others who have decided on WLS...mostly RNY related. It's purpose is to answer questions as factual as I can, both from what I have researched and from my own experience. I am of a logical mind and question anything that doesn't make sense to me. I have had a colorful and dramatic life..as someone recently said "you've fit 3 lives into a space most only fit one"..I laughed, but I have certainly lived mine to the fullest. On my own terms.
I very often will say in a public forum (I belong to several WL groups) "NOTHING is fattening when eaten properly and in moderation". Someone will always come back with "How can you say NOTHING is fattening...how many calories are in cake?".... REALLY? Does anyone think cake made them fat? What do you do? Eat a whole cake every day? Cake didn't make me fat, not understanding ME and the things that triggered me to make bad choices made me FAT. Lets look at things from 100 calorie perspective: 9 fluid ounces of soda, 1/4 of a 5oz. bagel, 2 cups of strawberries, 3/8ths of a donut, 2 cups of cantaloupe cubes, 4 cups of cherry tomatoes, 2 cups of baby carrots, 3 P-nut Butter Snack crackers..just a small list but I think you can see where I'm coming from. EVERYTHING has calories ...So what type of calories do you think might be a better choice? 100 calories from 2 cups of strawberries or 100 calories from 9 oz of soda. They are both 100 calories, but which one do you think the body will use better, process into more usable nutrition ?
An addict does not become addicted to the one time feeling he gets from a "high". trust me, I'm a child of the 60's that tried it all...ONCE. For the most part I did not like the feeling...oh yes there was one drug that gave me a wonderful euphoric feeling...but life is not 100% euphoric and it is not a feeling I wanted to have all my life. I was lucky, alcohol had no effect on me...it didn't make me happy, it just gave me an ugly taste in my mouth...but food...Oh yes...when I was happy, sad, anxious, bad...seemed like any emotion could be calmed and satisfied with food...it didn't matter if it was cake, ice cream, chocolate or just LOTS of potato salad..the more I ate, the better it seemed I felt...it was MY DRUG of choice...Tell it like it is..we are addicts...we use food as a drug. Addicts use drugs, as alcoholic's use alcohol...to get a feeling that makes us feel good, comfortable, happy...and like any addict, we pay a price. Our price is obesity and just like drugs and alcohol can kill...so can our addiction.
This is a realization that EVERYONE who wants to lose weight, needs to face. Surgery or no surgery...you still have to come to terms with your addiction. Surgery doesn't cure the addiction. Emotions will still require some sort of salve. Be prepared so you can make wise decisions...I am in an emotion state right now...one I knew could perhaps worsen in time and it has...so in my refrig is ice cold water melon, blueberries and cherries, sf ice pops. Yes it all has calories and eaten in abundance it will cause weight gain...but not as fast as a box of cookies or a bag of chips...I've learned to pick my battles and because of my tool I won't over eat any of it.
Yes, when someone has a Birthday I usually do have a small piece of cake...however, most of the time I'm thinking "is this worth giving up my Skinny Cow for?" and in most cases the answer is no, so I take one bite and push my plate aside. It's all about choices...all about attitude changes toward food...so I will continue to state the obvious "Nothing, when eaten properly and in moderation, is fattening".....and I didn't get Fat on cake.

Blueberry Pickin'

What a fun day. Sue and I went to this friends (of hers) farm and picked wild blueberries. It brought back so many fond memories and made me appreciate my Grandma even more then I do already (if that's possible). I remember as a small child begging to go "Pickin'"...poor Grandma had ulcerated ankles that she never made a big deal over but they looked sore as hell. So she would bandage up those ankles, put on her orthopedic shoes (which had heels) and off my Uncle would drive us, to the special place that had hundreds of wild bushes. rather short ones...Grandma would bend over and pick all day with me and never complain. Then we'd go home and clean them of stems etc. and the next day she would make jam and some pies. What a lady, what a sacrifice she made to bring me some happiness.
So what does this have to do with WLS...Nothing LOL Actually it does...there is some much nutrition in fresh fruits and veggies and this is the perfect season to stock up. Get your tail out there and pick, if not in your own garden, perhaps a U-Pick, it's good exercise and the rewards are a freezer full of great stuff you will eat all winter...or if you can, you'll have shelves full.
Sue and I wore BIG hats to protect us from the sun, we did end up with purple hands (another childhood memory) only two bug bites on me woohoo.
The good thing about getting in fresh veggies and canning or preserving them is it keeps you very busy. You really don't think about food, you're too busy. It's a great way to stay on track, have fun and keep busy. Grab a friend and start pickin' then get a friend that likes to can..that is also a fun activity with a friend.
Comes those cold snowy days, it is wonderful to sit in front of a fire enjoying some yogurt and fresh berries or peaches...Or how about a low fat, low sugar cobbler...oh yes my friends all things are possible :-) Happy Pickin'

Newbie Questions

There seems to be a lot of new people in our group. WE are all filled with questions in the beginning and it seems that most of us have the same ones and the same concerns. Experience has taught me that this journey is very different for each of us, so I can only speak for myself and those who have confided in me (I never use names because I respect peoples privacy)

How do I lose my initial weight? We've all been on every diet known to man. Which one worked for you ? Lets face it, we never had a problem losing, it was keeping it off. So pick something that had worked and do it. That is one rule that is an absolute MUST ...NO Exceptions...so don't whine about it..just do it and put it behind you.

Will I have to exercise? NO but if you do, your weight will come off faster and chances are you will lose more. Walking is recommended and I always suggest to people even if you don't exercise...try and fit some walking it.

Is there a lot of pain. That is up to the individual...Some speak of terrible pain, while others like myself, virtually have none. I try and work with the people I mentor because I feel if you are mentally prepared and totally at peace your surgery goes well. I try to put little subliminal suggestions in during conversations. It is always my desire that people will have the same surgical experience I had...
I do recommend that you have an advocate with you right after surgery (family member or friend) because sometimes the care we get is not always the highest quality (I speak from experience)

Will this change my life? Well DUH!! Of course it will..you will have more energy, you will feel better about yourself...With each new size will come more self esteem. Beware, it can affect relationships and friendships, but keep in mind it their problem not yours.

What about parties and family gatherings? What about them ? There is nothing you can't eat...through this process we learn to make better choices. We eat our protein first and usually there really is no room for much else. I have never been to a party and not been able to make a healthy choice. I have never had a dinner party at my home and not totally enjoyed my company. Life only changes if you let it...

Practice making changes before surgery...Learn to eat slower, take smaller bites...do not drink with your meals..take little walks and change your eating habits when it comes to snacks. Start weeding all the "Bad" food out of your cupboard. Oh you have children? and your point is?
Kids don't need junk..Who is the parent? Obesity among children is at an all time high, don't make your kid a statistic..make better choices for them also.

I think staying close to the group is most important, either on line or in meetings. We are very supportive of each other. Like all families, we don't always agree but we do agree to disagree and move on. There is a great deal of love and support in our group and I think if you stay connected and continue to ask questions you will be thrilled with the end result.

A Great New Day

Getting back on track is not always easy. Life is full of stress that can bring you down in a heartbeat. The trick is to recognize the stresses in your life and prepare on how to deal with them BEFORE they happen.
I know I am a people person as far as caring much too deeply. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve..It's just the way I am and it is a part of my personality I'm not sure I really want to change or I probably would have done so already. Unfortunately when you care, you leave yourself wide open for stressful situations. Now you may have a job that causes you stress, or you may be the type that can't handle crowds or driving on highways..We all have triggers.
If you look back on your life as an obese person, you will see that you did a lot of mindless eating. If you think about what happened prior to that binge it was probably and argument, a phone call, personal frustration with a project...Something triggered it.
When we have it altogether, when we are in control it is very easy to maintain what we put in our mouths...but when emotional eating starts (that's a bad habit we all have and difficult to control) we are in trouble. That's when support is most needed. We have the group we can turn to. Anyone getting on there asking for help...gets it. Sometimes more then they bargained for LOL Tell a loved one that lives with you that you fear the old habit of mindless eating, ask them to remind you if they see you out of control. They should also be prepared for you to bite their head off LOL but it usually will be enough to snap you back to reality. You can always apologize later.
No matter what happens we always have to be mindful, that a slip is not a fall and a fall is not failure. One day at a time is all we've got...make it through today with the same enthusiasm that you came into the program with and you'll be fine.
See everyday on your Journey as a Great New Day.......

Putting an Issue to rest

I realized after writing yesterday that in all probability a self centered, narcissistic person wouldn't be reading another persons Blog anyway LOL They pretty much feel they are the center of the Universe.

Let me get rid of this thorn; We go out to dinner after our meetings...I absolutely love the fellowship and interesting discussions. However,when in Cooperstown we used to go to this place that was (a) very loud (b) very slow and (c) not all that relaxing for me. I hated getting home at 11 pm. I've got a long drive from Cooperstown, alone on back roads. I mentioned to the group, not all of whom live in Cooperstown, that I'd prefer to eat closer to home..I was basically ignored. One person seemed to have the total say and all followed...that was fine with me, I'd pick something up and go home and share it with my husband. At no time did I ever expect the group to change their habit for me. I resent any one person thinking that I am strong enough or willing enough to change a groups mind as to where they want to eat..As long as they want to eat closer to where I live, I'm happy. If the tide has changed, it isn't because of me, it's because a group of people have found a quiet, comforting place that they enjoy gathering in..which brings me to my second Thorn; I find it insulting when someone will stoop to name calling and malicious gossip in an effort to swing the vote their way. I do not like to see desperation in the eyes of someone I respect and admire for their intelligence. I begin to question myself on what I missed along the way. I don't like being wrong about a person...especially one I've viewed as a friend. I also do not like when I am trying to discuss something and the person looks down their nose at me like I am beneath them and "do not understand" simply because I have not witnessed a particular act.
Understand this: I am a hippie of the 60's, a flower child that still believes all people have a right to believe in what ever brings them peace. I was raised Catholic and for a very long period in my life, thought I wanted to be a Nun (can you even imagine that?) I explored many other religions...not because I was looking for a new one, but because I studied Theology..I belonged to a "Search for God" group...we weren't searching, we were collecting data (which has nothing to do with why I am writing today) The bottom line was I learned to respect other peoples beliefs. There are many lost souls out there, people who NEED to belong to something. Nothing is more disturbing to me then to hear a person call themselves a Christian and then go out of their way to malign another persons faith or belief. I live Christianity I don't preach it. When a group of people have accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior, when they work hard to be productive members of the community...they deserve my respect. I'm not paying the tab for them and they are treating me and others with respect...That's how it should be.
When I say to someone "I am strong and secure in my Faith" I mean exactly that. I couldn't care less if they are...faith is a road you walk alone. I don't care what a person believes in.. He can preach to me all he wants (many have tried). My heart breaks for my Muslim friends..because of a radical group within their religion, they are being frowned upon and persecuted. That has to stop...If i sit back and allow someone to carry tales and speak badly about a group of people I am no better then they are. We need to be mindful of our actions and what we say. Forgiveness begins with us...No matter what tactics a group may use, NO ONE can make you do something you refuse to do...if that be the case then you question yourself, your faith and your religion...not someone else. I have never and will never judge a person by what another person has said or done...I'm old enough and secure enough to make my own judgement calls and I resent anyone who thinks they will sway me with some horrific tale. God gave you free will ,use it to your own satisfaction, not to sway the will of others.
I have a favorite book I very often re read...It tells the tale of a man who thought differently. He dressed different, he spoke about things they didn't always understand but slowly people began to follow him. The more people followed him, the more frightened other people became...After all there is power in numbers and this man was just a common man, from a common back ground so what right did he have to have such power over people.
I understand that story a little more now then I did as a child. There are still people who fear what they don't understand..It is so much easier to dramatise and criticise then to embrace another who believes differently then you do.
Governed by fear, listening to stories caused people to react differently towards this man who was so unlike anyone else of his time, a person with only good in his heart, was maligned because of his beliefs and eventually crucified.
I should hope we have learned something by past mistakes. The story stops here..The seed of hatred will not be planted in this writers heart.
( WLS talks and lessons resume tomorrow LOL)

Whats it all about?

I am a follower of many BLOGs none are exactly the same in content. Some people use them to show off the latest craft as well as keep people informed of whats happening in their lives.
Others use it as a literary tool to display their short stories or poetry. Others use it to express themselves in artistic ways, while still others use it as a teaching tool.
I have several Blogs...This one was set up as a help aid. It's purpose is mainly to allow people just starting on their WL Journey to look back on my experience and hopefully find some answers. I have mentored many people along the way and I am so very proud of those who have touched my life and allowed me to touch theirs. I know of NONE thus far who have failed in there quest for a new way of life. It is not an easy road...I've never lied or sugar coated the difficulty of this journey. No I never experienced any pain, but pain is not what this journey is about...you may or may not have it..it will pass..deal with it. This journey is about changing habits, recognizing the signals that will sabotage your mission, looking for ways to better your life.
I am still learning and will always learn from others.
Every once in a while something happens...something that is so far removed from this Journey yet so strong that it affects the stability of the Journey. Such a thing happened to me recently...it has caused great reflection on my part, hours of meditation in an effort to rid my mind and body of the discord and stress I feel. Yet I find myself thinking about it, feeling sad...not just for myself, for allowing another person to affect me in such a negative way...but for that person for whom I have a great deal of respect.
Normally I do not allow myself to be touched by negative people or negative feelings, always keeping them at arms length...but this goes beyond a feeling...this is just wrong on so many levels and I have been trying to cope, making excuses and finding answers.
Meanwhile I have turned to mindless eating, the stress has caused me to seek comfort in food...something I haven't done in 3 years. This issue has NOTHING what so ever to do with me personally...The only thing personal is a feeling of being so very wrong about an individual to a point that it has caused me emotional pain. Understand one thing...NO ONE can hurt you without your permission, so I am not blaming anyone for this spiral. I've had a few minor accidents over the past month and perhaps I am emotionally weak right now..cranky with myself and those around me... This is for all of you to realize...no matter how long this Journey, no matter how strong you may think you are...the demons will return when you least suspect it and you will have to be prepared to regain control as fast as possible. This I intend to do.
Writing is cathartic for me..it always has been...it is why I am a survivor and not a victim of a violent past....My issue is not with a person but rather an attitude..one I need to explore in order to try and comprehend it... I will...tomorrow...right here in my very own BLOG where I can express my feelings without fear. True there is no affect in the written word, so it can sometimes be misunderstood ...however it seems even when there is affect, things can be misunderstood or taken personally. When that happens I am left questioning character...my own as well as the person who misunderstands me. So if you are a paranoid individual who believes that people are ALWAYS taking about you when they make a statement, you may want to fore go my BLOG tomorrow. There will be no further warning, nor will I discuss this issue once I have put it to rest.

What's the hurry??

Now I will sound like the "MOTHER" the old lady of the group. No I haven't forgotten what it was like prior to surgery, nor have I forgotten the excitement of each new turn on the path. from the initial meeting to getting that date wooohooo it was all exciting...it still is...so don't believe all the rubbish about the "honeymoon stage". they tried to feed that crock to me always saying "oh you're in the honeymoon stage", each time I gave my point of view..It was the "oldies" way of saying it would eventually wear off. Well now I'm where they were and I'm here to tell you, it wears off when you allow it to. If you look at each new day as a new page of your adventure it will NEVER get old and the honeymoon will never end...This coming from someone who has been married for 48 years and is still on a honeymoon.
Keep it alive, keep it new and exciting and don't LOOK for problems. Today I can almost tell who will have problems and who won't just by the attitude they face the surgery with. If you go into this looking for defeat, you'll find it, no doubt about it. If you let other peoples pains and problems become yours, they will.
Yes we all hit minor bumps in the road..even I have had little things happen...nothing worth whining or complaining about and if I did..what message would I send to you?
yes there have been people with REAL issues and they speak openly about them and rightfully they should...this is REAL, it's no joke but for the most part REAL issues are far and few in between. I know of two members that had exactly the same issues ( and no it probably is not YOU) One continues to talk about the issue and the other one has gotten on with her life and is having a ball with her weight loss. The only difference between the two is their attitude toward the surgery they required. One saw it as a major mountain while the other saw it as a mere bump...Situations can be as grave as we perceive them to be...the trick is to perceive them as minor set backs and move on...Some can't, some won't and some will. If you have yet to have your surgery you have to sit and judge what you hear and how it pertains to you as an individual.
Our experiences may be similar but how we deal with them is what makes the difference.
I have never thought (although I have been accused) that because someone had pain while I did not...I'm strong and they are cry babies. (Obviously no one has ever seen me in a dentist chair)
What I do feel is important is that people know..some of us have fabulous experiences and YOU could be one of them. Not all of us suffer pain that requires pain medication.
Take your time and learn all you can...you are on this Journey for a life time...it's not a diet that you will stay on for a time , lose weight and then go on...This is a life style change that hopefully will last forever and forever you will maintain your weight loss and not be a yo yo.
There is a lot to absorb. Don't become overwhelmed to a point where you can't absorb anything..Baby steps. Face this as the new life it truly is...don't be in a hurry to grow up :-)

Transfer Addiction

This was a topic that came up and seemed like a good one to talk about here.
I don't think anyone really looks at "their condition" as an addiction. We can see an alcoholic because they always seem to have a drink in their hand and we know they don't need it to survive. Same with drugs, so many of us manage to survive without living life on a high so we know an addict when we see one. A shopping addict is not so noticeable unless you go to her home and see bags and bags of stuff not even opened yet. Anything anyone does in excess is an addiction. People who eat obsessively are obviously addicted to food or at least the comfort they feel the food is bringing into their life...that endorphin feeling that only food seems to give us.

What happens when that addiction is put into remission? When we find out it's been a lie?That we are not feeding our bodies, we are feeding our emotions? What happens when we finally learn the feeling of "being satisfied"? Very often we transfer to another form of addiction. We may become compulsive shoppers (because now we CAN) that beautiful feeling of shopping in Normal size stores, feeling good about the way we look in clothes. We may become compulsive with some form of exercise...getting that endorphin high that we once got from food and toning up at the same time WOW!! Compulsive about vitamins because we want to take care of the NEW person we have become.

This surgery has it's pitfalls and addiction transfer can be one of them. Being mindful of the changes we feel or that others may point out is the best way to deal with this problem. Any repeated action that becomes an obsession could very well be an addiction and may need some outside intervention. Be aware of new changes. Discuss them openly. Sometimes when we see ourselves becoming compulsive we can deal with it, with help and guidance. Fretting about changes you see that cause fear or anxiety need to be talked about...If not with your Mentor, or the group, perhaps a therapist (if you believe in therapy) maybe yoga, or deep meditation.
Knowing who you are and understanding the changes this WLS can cause physically, mentally and emotionally , is being in control. Learning that control (perhaps for the first time in your life) sometimes needs outside help..So don't fear another addiction, embrace it and deal with it.
That's my view point-Take it our leave it.

No Justice

After a wonderful meeting last night I should be taking about support and looking forward to going down the rapids in a tube. Instead I am seething. Now I seldom get into political debates and I try to avoid hostile situations. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that.
Has the world gone totally F*&^% nuts? Where in GODS name did they find 12 morons all in one place. I am talking about the trail of Casey Anthony. A woman who for 31 days was missing with her child, then she shows up alone and claims the "Nanny " stole her. The prosecution proves there never was a Nanny, shows that this killer, did nothing but party for 31 days while her daughter was missing, never told a soul. Got a tattoo on her shoulder that says in Spanish "Beautiful life" who considers their life "Beautiful" when their child is missing...? Then we find out that when she got the tattoo she already knew the child was dead. Cadaver dogs signaling a dead body was once in the back yard, evidence of a smell of death (anyone that has ever smelled death, knows it is unmistakable and there is NO other smell like it).
This child, this beautiful baby was left to rot in a swamp. No doubt in my mind, by her own mother...The one person she should have been able to trust. When Casey Anthony was supposed to be working (she lied about having a job) where was that baby? Did she finally get old enough to speak? Was she about to tell grandma her Mommy locked her in trunks, closets, whatever?
My heart breaks for this child that will have no justice. A beautiful child that was robbed of her life because her Mommy wanted to party.
I know that prison has it's own justice for baby killers. I can only hope that Judge Perry makes her serve out her time in the general population and I can only hope that Casey Anthony will know the fear her daughter knew just before she took her last breath.
The OJ trail was one thing...THIS is the biggest miscarriage of justice this country has ever seen.
What the HELL was wrong with those 12 people?
If you don't agree with me, I don't care...this is my space to vent, something I don't do that often.
I will see that child's precious face in my sleep forever and wonder how Casey Anthony can stand to be around herself...How can her parents forgive her? How could anyone, much less 12 people exonerate her completely? God help us all if this is how our justice system works.
Casey Anthony is a narcissistic, self serving, egotistical, pathological liar who murdered her child and walked away smiling with not one ounce of remorse, not one tear for her baby.
Rest in peace baby Caylee, justice will be done...some how...some way...some day.

Feeling like me again

I think I've landed LOL after coming home and falling right back into more work I felt like a mouse in a wheel. I do not do well when there is no "ME" time. Perhaps that's because of a life time of "NO ME " time, even as a child I had a list of chores that covered most of my day. I won't lie and say I had NO childhood, thanks to a loving grandmother and wonderful dad ( with limited time) I've got some fond memories. In fact I managed to jam a lot into a little space when it came to quality time
It wasn't until my surgery that I learned a little selfishness, that I learned I was "worth" some me time...no I guess I'm spoiled LOL
After cleaning the goat pen yesterday, a very hard and tiring job. I managed to take a relaxing shower and dedicate the rest of the afternoon to some swaps I'm working on. For those of you not into Blogs and swaps...All it is, is that some artsy folks make up Blogs and part of the fun is finding things to do that people can share in...if they desire.
The swap that is going in the mail today is a Paper fairy swap. That was pretty much the only rules. This one was hard for me because I don't work that much in a paper medium. The first thing I thought of was a paper doll. I will be posting pictures on my art blog so please check it out.
The other swap is a vacation in a Matchbox, the person who gets my matchbox will take a trip to NY via imagination and whats contained in the box. That's more up my alley so I hope I've done a good job. Another swap coming up is a Gothic doll, a sewing tray made from a picture frame and a mannequin who tells a story of who I am.
So as you can see..weight loss and feeling good about myself doesn't stop on just one road in my life. It covers a lot. New found energy allows me to do many things in a day instead of just dragging along in a depressed and tired state. Life became renewed in every aspect, from finding new and interesting healthy recipes, to having more energy, to stimulating my creative juices that seemed to have gone to sleep for a while.
Every time I see a heavy person I want to grab them and tell them "there is hope", but like alcoholism, each over eater must come to the decision themselves. As for me, I still wish I had done it 20 years sooner......Have a great day!!! I sure will.

Still Off the Grid

It has been a long while since I have posted ANYWHERE....I feel much busier then I should be.
I look back on the times before I had my surgery and know full well that everything I've been doing, probably would have killed me back then.
I've had to stay on Long Island and deal with a house that is still loaded with all kinds of stuff.
Every time I look at it all I think of George Carlin and his thing about "Stuff", how we all have to have "Stuff" and when we go away we bring a little of our "stuff" and so on.... I found myself bringing "stuff " to the very place I was cleaning stuff out of...but the stuff I brought was things to work on at the end of the day when I wanted to relax and get away from the dusty work.
As it turns out I didn't get the full amount of time to work as I had hoped...I also had fathers day and a Graduation to fit in, not to mention a dinner with friends and lunches with my kids.
The good thing about it was that I had the energy (being lighter will do that for the body). I started each day with a protein shake (yes I brought my Bullet) and proved to myself that even while away from home I could stay on program. I was able to eat sliced turkey for lunch with a small salad and eat a regular well balanced meal for dinner.
I walked up and down stairs my times then I care to count. Did my knee's hurt ? You bet they did, they were screaming by night fall....the knee's are shot tanks to years of too much weight...but I did manage to throw away 37 bags of trash, a vacuum and two sewing machines, plus some boxes filled with stuff...so I was pretty proud of all I was able to let go of...there is more I will say good bye to the next trip down. Would have been a helluva garage sale, but I just don't have it in me...someone did take the sewing machines, which worked, so that was a good thing.
Weight loss has afforded me a new life in so many ways...this was just one more. I also think, because of my new life, I was able to shed not just pounds but my need for material things. Don't get me wrong, I will always see something in something someone else thinks is garbage...but I also know I will not live long enough to make it all happen...That's just a fact of life.
It's good to let go...feeling lighter in body and in mind.....
Now I have to get on to my "Fantasy Blog" and have some fun.....

Fell off the Grid

Seems like forever since I posted here. Lot's of new people have been checking it out so I wanted them to catch up LOL Of course that is so not true...
The truth is I have had some health issues that prevented me from writing as much as I like to.
Writing was either difficult of painful. I'm hoping that's behind me. For once I listened and behaved...wore a damn cast for three weeks. Went to the doc yesterday with no real pain to speak of,just some tingling. He said by keeping my hand bent back the nerve had a chance to calm down and perhaps even is no long impinged...he did say the test showed that I am also developing carpel tunnel again. That's a "watch and see".

At my meeting the other night I learned a little trick to pass on. We have all seen the Magic Bullet, some of us have even bought one because it's so handy just to drink out of the container we mix in. If the bottom comes off your regular size blender? Screw it to an ordinary mason jar and you will have your individual serving and it won't cost the price of a Magic Bullet...Cool huh?

It has taken me some time to flip back to the sunny side of the tracks. I think we all feel lost and blue at times. Now it is with new energy I look to the future...Hoping that something comes of the House on Long Island. Would love to see that issue ride off into the sunset. I also have many projects that I no longer look at in a big heap (Lord that was scary) One project at a time in order of priority..That's how it will be handled...one baby step at a time and before you know it, you've covered miles of ground. I think that's a stresser that most of us have...one thing becomes two that becomes 4 that becomes 8 and before you know it, we are overwhelmed and can't see day light. It took some heavy meditation (not medication) to help me see the reality of the mountain I had created...One step at a time, one day at a time...and this too shall pass.

Bumps in the road

Yesterday I shared something with the group that I also would like to share here. I think it is necessary for anyone that knows me, to know that I also have my dark days, days when I feel blue and wonder what my life is all about.
On those days old habits try and push their way back into my life. Eating of course is the great problem solver. We all know that...Right? WRONG!!! When we feed an emotion with bad choices in food, all we do is create a greater emotion ;GUILT, which will very often lead to throwing in the towel, saying "screw it" and go on with our binge.
When the blues set in I am no different then you are. I wonder if it is possible to just shove the whole refrigerator into my mouth and avoid having to even open it. I'll eat everything in it anyway. The freezer, should it contain frozen cakes or pies is also fair game. That's what they make hammers for. Oh stop laughing, tell me you never ate a frozen cake. No? Well then you never had an eating disorder.
Nothing is safe when I'm in a blue mood...hell, my dogs run for cover. But there is a solution.
Don't have anything bad available. Oh I know people with kids will say that's impossible, after all kids HAVE to eat Junk. I remember the "Basic Seven" I think we learned it in 2nd grade..I don't think they teach that anymore..lets see: Milk: Thick shakes would fall into that category.
Vegetables: Yes there is lettuce and tomato on a Mickey D'd burger. Fruit: Do fruit shaped candy slices count? What about Cherry Coke? Egg's: That's easy, it is in cup cakes, Little Debbie, Oh eggs are easy. Meat and fish hmmm Chicken Nuggets comes to mind and that snack shaped like little fish. Cereal: Another easy one...Fruit Loops (ah there's the fruit) and cocoa puffs and Butter: No problem there, thats used in cakes and cookies too...
Well kids visiting me have a serious problem..I do have SF ice pops and apples and banana's which are great with peanut butter..I even have some little nut snack packs (nuts and raisins)
Crystal lite is the only "Drink " available. They survive, they come back....
Try as I might, I could not find ANYTHING that would feed my emotional Blues...Cherries came close but missed there mark...So I decided to think about some crafts I didn't to complete and a studio that needs some organization and before I knew it I was busy doing other things that made me happy and the Blues went away.
They will return, it would be unrealistic to think that emotion is gone forever. Dealing with it has become easier. I find it much easier to remember where I've been, partly because of emotional eating. I do not want to ever revisit that dark place. For the most part I have always been a happy, positive person. Having lost weight ON MY OWN (surgery was only a tool) and struggling every day to maintain it..I remain an even happier person...We can raise above just about anything we put our minds too. I'm here to tell you I KNOW that for a fact...

Holiday Week-end and missing my friends

This "holiday" makes me sad. I start thinking about all the men and women who have given their lives for my freedom and how little we think about them, their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families. We do not "Party , hardy" on this week-end. We will picnic with friends, but we will also remember what this week-end is all about. I will remember Ron Howard, the soldier I met on my way to Paducah, the soldier I fought with "airline protocol" to get a seat for..a seat he deserved. I was ashamed of the people I shared that plane with...not one of them was willing to give up their seat to a man that was willing to die for their freedom...Not that they could have, I tried and was told it was against FAA regs. which I understood...but I would have liked to have seen people at least make an offer. I don't give a crap about Gold and Silver passengers, the fact that they pay to board first...A soldier may pay with his life...which is worth more? makes me sick to even think of the greed and lack of compassion. Save me from those who feel they are so F*&^% important.

I miss my friends. I love when they visit. They are a joy and a comfort to me and Rich. We feel so blessed to have them in our lives.
One of the butterflies was nervous about "grief" eating. She lost an Uncle and she is new to the program. There are all levels of grief and any emotion can send us into an eating frenzy. I lost an Uncle not all that long ago, but I also lost an Uncle in WWII, an uncle I was named after ( we won't discuss my middle name) I grieve for him during this Holiday as well as all the friends I lost in Viet Nam. When grief strikes, we do the best we can. We try and stay mindful of the Journey we are on..what got us to where we are now and the question "Do we want to return to where we where?" That thought is very sobering to me...my answer is always "Good God NO!"
So with that in mind, I may have an extra ice pop or skinny cow to sooth my hurting heart. I may eat a cookie or two...but hell, I do that when I'm happy as well. This surgery will not stop emotional eating, that is something we will always have to deal with on our own.
While my friends were here all I wanted to do was enjoy their visit, I didn't want to think about anything else...so yes I had a bagel or two, I had some cookies, even a taste of wine...I'm still here to talk about it and proud that I had a frozen banana as opposed to ice cream. It's all about choices. I made some good ones, some not so good...I've moved on and the scale did not move.
I think we can turn life into an obsession very easy...I find it best to not dwell on what I did wrong yesterday and focus on what I will do right today.
Please take time out of your week-end to say a pray for not only those soldiers who have made the ultimate sacrifice, but for those brave men and women who will not be celebrating this day, because they are a world away from their families, willing to die so that others can enjoy their lives... God Bless America today and always!!

Company and fun

I am thrilled to have friends visiting today. Their annual visit seems to come and go so fast. We love having them and they are great company...no fussing :-)

Ellen wants to find a wall quilt, so we have a mission. Not sure how successful we will be, but it will be fun looking.

Today's topic on the thread was emotional eating. Something that doesn't go away because we had surgery. Some thing or someone can, at any time, say something that will send us looking for comfort food. My trick is not to have it available. Keep good food available that isn't harmful, like ice pops, Skinny Cow, fruit (anything sweet, which is usually what we need at the time) of course I keep them for snacks as well. Surgery is a tool but we will always have to deal with our emotions...sure my small stomach stops me from doing too much harm and usually the feeling passes before I can eat again. But we must always be aware of the triggers that will send us into an eating frenzy and know what our alternatives are. Mine are bushing my animals or walking up to the pond, far away from food. Find a none food alternative to comfort you in a time of stress...This Journey is NOT a smooth road, be prepared for bumps and pot holes.....

Dancing in the moon light (sugar coating)

What's wrong with being happy? I have never been bothered by anyone who is happy. In fact one of my doctors has the most beautiful smile and smiles all the time...ALL the time..odd when he is giving you bad news, but also appreciated. I love that man..I can't help but laugh in his office and everyone on his staff agrees, it is a pleasure to go to work in the morning. He shows up during a blizzard (travels from Albany to Delhi) and when people ask him the road is closed "How did you get here?" he just smiles "My road wasn't closed" and goes on about his business.

Some people are just HAPPY. Why does my Happy attitude bother people? I wasn't always happy, but then something happened that changed my life forever, something horrible. Now I could have used that situation to be miserable and angry for the rest of my life...but instead I made a choice, a conscious choice to embrace how precious life truly is, what a gift it is to wake up to a new day, to rejoice at all the good that has happened to me and be thankful for the amount of love that surrounds me.

I am not a Pollyanna as some people think. Do I sugar coat things...absolutely not..but I will try and put a positive spin on a negative event. It's what I do, it's how I survive..If you don't like my survival technique...walk away...how easy is that? Both my brother and I have been told we have an unusual tolerance to most kinds of pain. I believe it is because as children we suffered
excruciating pain as well as fear...We suffered through beatings that drew blood and broke bones, me more so then him because he was sickly and I made every effort to protect him...But in retrospect there is very little pain I have endured as an adult, that can compare to the pain of my childhood.
I strongly resent people coming right out and telling others..."No matter what you hear, this surgery is painful"...isn't that calling me and others like me liars? I am not going to lie or be accused of "sugar coating" because I will not admit to feeling pain. This surgery was NOT painful to me and many others. Yes there was some discomfort in the belly area, but it was short lived and not "PAINFUL", certainly not enough to take pain meds for.

WE are all so very different and that's okay. I sit and read about people complaining of the "terrible pain" after surgery...and people just eat that up..."Oh yes I remember it well", "Oh I know, it was just awful" blah, blah, blah But when I post, simply to let New people know that there is a flip side to that coin...Those that have complained of pain , go up in arms...like I'm calling them a liar. That shoe always seems to hurt when it's on the other foot.

I will always tell people the truth. Sometimes people do not like the truth...well then don't come to me with a question. If you can't deal with a positive attitude and a happy personality, then go find someone who isn't.

Am I always Happy? For the most part , YES. Do I get angry, you bet I do. Do I complain? Yup..
Is everything always "Rosy" in my life? NO my life has it's pain and suffering just like every one else (perhaps that's why I have a low tolerance for whiners) but I choose to look at pain and suffering as a lesson and as a challenge, not something to whine about. If it's broke, fix it...deal with it and move on. Complaining about a situation, IMHO, is like picking at a scab...it will only get worse the more you pick and it will never heal and go away. All my life I have met darkness with light, it was how I survived. I remember as a child, looking at the moon on a crystal clear night...there was just a sliver of light, but I could also see the dark side...just this big black, almost,circle of darkness. I was being punished and sent to bed without dinner and I remember seeing that moon as my life...so very, very dark. But I concentrated on that sliver of light and thought it was so beautiful .Even though most of the moon was dark, it was that sliver of light that illuminated the entire area and allowed me to see the larger dark side...as big as that darkness was, it could not over power that light. My tears stopped and I smiled, bound and determined to be that light and not allow the darkness to over take me or beat me down...It never has.
Like everyone, I have my dark moments, my dark days...but I also have the memory of that moon and the thoughts of that evening. Perhaps everyone should gaze at the sliver of the moon and rejoice in the light. I think the world would be a much better place. I remember too, seeing the full moon not long after...I was spinning around in the moon light and my dad was home (those were always good times) he was laughing at me and asking me why I was so happy. It was hard being so young to find the words. How could I explain that the full moon was a symbol of hope to me, that I was happy because the light took over the dark completely. I don't really remember the words I used but I do remember my Dad laughing with me and saying "That's my girl"...
I choose to be happy...It is one habit I do not need to break. What you choose to focus on in your life is your business. Don't rain on my parade, let me bring my sliver of the moon to the table.
You bring your darkness and let's see who wins....

Some Bees DIE after they sting...

The day before yesterday I announced to my WLS group that I was about to kick a bees nest. That was my way of saying I knew that not everyone was going to "get" what I was saying, but I knew it would open up some necessary dialog. I "kicked" because a newly minted Butterfly had brought up a very valid point to me and she seemed afraid to post her feelings. She felt that she couldn't mention the little issues she was having for fear of "scaring" people, yet she felt she was doing something wrong because she had never read anything regarding these issues.
I wanted to open the door for her and new butterflies like her. For the most part people did in fact "Get" me and where I was going..There were two who were a bit offended, one that thought it was totally about her (we cleared that up pretty fast) and then of course there was the one idiot, who felt a need to respond even though she has no clue. Not only is she very new, she hasn't had her surgery yet and doesn't listen to a word people say. Her threat was that she was "taking her ball and going home" actually it was just as immature, she was "going to find another group". Her kind rarely find another group willing to embrace her for very long. I wanted so much to say "don't let the door hit you in the ass" but I'd like to think I have more control of myself then she does. However I didn't see anyone begging her to stay, nor has anyone missed her. She is destined to fail, but in my heart I do hope she goes out of her way to prove me wrong. It's win/win from where I sit.

Not a day passes that I do not learn something from someone...Life is just such an extraordinary experience... I am so happy that newly minted Butterfly finally posted. It's true, we do not talk about those little things that happen. In my case totally user error. Gas pains, too much gas, pain cause by eating too fast etc...we need to discuss these minor issues so people know in all probability they don't need to run to the ER, some things happen. People need to know things happen and that they are not alone and that certain feelings are normal...even bouts with depression after surgery are normal and it's okay to have a pity party, it's okay to cry.

The idiot I mentioned also accused me of being the "Boss" that almost sent me off my chair with laughter. We have no bosses in our group, no queens, no one higher or better then anyone else. We do have one Diva LOL but that's okay.We all bring something to the table...people take what they need and leave the rest.
Yes I do post every day..I love it and I have been requested to do so...it sure as hell doesn't make me BOSS. I remember Jan in my WW group, I loved her post. I loved how she always found time to address everyone and make them feel special. I don't do that, but I do address anyone who has a question or has a problem and needs support. People write and tell me they enjoy my posting and they like my attitude and if I miss a quote of the Day, I get e-mail of concern. So as long as people keep needing me or enjoying what I write, I will continue to do so. If that makes me BOSS, I accept the blame and will even go out on a limb by saying I don't intend to step down any time soon... Boss indeed, how absurd.

Again I want to thank all who have commented here and via e-mail (I am so glad I found all those comments...I told you I learn something every day...who knew?) To those of you who do not like what I write or take offense at the way I say things...I'm removing my gun from your head so feel free to avoid visiting my Blog.
( I was told recently that I "sugar coat" life...I plan to address that remark REAL soon)

Placing Blame

I read a post this morning from one of the girls who has been having a terrible time. No names, but the details are; She had a Band and did not do well with it (tons of stress in her life) so she recently had a revision over to RNY...Months down the road she ended up with a bowel problem and thankfully announced that it had nothing to do with her surgery.
It is unfortunate that some people get on the thread and tell their horror stories, but neglect to say it had a lot to do with THEM and nothing to do with the surgery they had. More often then not, the problems people have after surgery, would have happened even if they didn't have surgery...This brings me to the ridiculous matter of Statistics which are gathered for reasons not always connected to the subject. Torture numbers and they'll confess to anything. Statistic's are like bikini's. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Any "Statistic's regarding this surgery are bogus as far as I'm concerned .We can't always believe what we hear and everyone that has something say, doesn't necessarily tell the entire story. Do not hang on every word as gospel (not even mine) If you have a question about something that is said...research it..ask questions but don't just sit in fear or walk away in fear.
I know of 4 people that have walked away because of the negative info they heard. It is infortunate that all that info came from one person...Sometimes we do not need to be as graphic with stories and then there are stories best left untold. Even though a story may be related to surgery...I think there are ways of explaining things that have a far more positive twist.
My surgical story is quite boring in comparison to others...But the story behind my successful surgery goes far deeper and is far more interesting. It is one that I will share with anyone that ask's....
I believe the thread is a forum of HELP..if a question is asked...answer it succincly if you can. If it doesn't apply to you,leave it alone. Lengthy explainations often confuse or even bore. Be truthful but not graphic . I do hope people realize that even though my postings, at times can be long, they are in answer to MANY people, not a litney of things about ME.
This is the place I tell my stories and share my thoughts...which by the way...I never thought so many people read LOL The other day I was looking around this BLOG site and found a place where people posted notes to me...I do apologize for not recognizing them...I never knew they were there. I see 0 comments and move on...I have gotten a lot of e-mail regarding this site..but never knew about the other messages.
I say what needs saying and those that come to read and appreciate what I say far out number those that don't. So I will continue to "tell it like it is" and suggest that people add more positive thoughts to their lives as well as to what they write....Oh and for those who come to correct my spelling and grammer...tarry on :-)

Yet another lesson

What is adversity? We all know it's meaning: Adversity: Misfortune;a state of hardship; calamity.
We all know people who have faced adversity and cried, whined and complained to no avail. We also know people who have rallied. Do we ever really give it too much thought unless it's us?
Yesterday I saw something that made me stop and think. In the center of an enormous driveway (Mine) filled with crusher run and little else, there sat a Pansy, it's little head held high, looking to the heavens and taking in the sunshine. I looked closer....Rich had sprayed for weeds a few days earlier and there on the Pansy's face were signs of the killer spray...I sat there and suddenly felt filled with emotion.My first thought was Trina a person in my group who has truly laughed in the face of adversity. Once a heavy smoker she was told to quit before surgery. It was so hard, she gave a day by day blow and I remember how I felt her pain..but there was something far more important to her and that was her health and the love of her family.Every step of the way she has faced adversity with a smile...strained as it was at times...she kept her eye on the prize and now that prize is so close she can feel it. It has become a reality.
Just like the little Pansy she popped her head up through the rock and hardship and said "NO I won't be beat down or run over...I will survive"...Two months ago I probably would have immediately thought of Janet...another flower, who through sickness, hospital visits, being a chauffeur, a nurse and and all around gofer while trying to heal from her own surgeries and then facing the sudden death of her Mother...still had time to worry about the Butterfly Project and still offered me her help with my problems......That, my friends, is a survivor. A person who will keep smiling no matter how much adversity is thrown in her path...She will still grow and hold her pretty face toward the heavens and say "NO, you won't beat me down, I will not be run over and smashed into the ground by the wheels of fate. I WILL survive".
That little flower grows healthier each day, I want to transplant it, but then I realize..it was born into this adversity and it has flourished...to plant it in a safe place could very well take away it's will to survive. Just like I have seen the strength of those in my group who maintain their strong attitude no matter what gets thrown in their way...They keep smiling. Each day when I see that flower, I think of them, I admire them, I applaud them and I smile too.

A lesson at the Pond

I believe the world is INSANE, well at least the living creatures that inhabit it.
I was sitting up at the pond this morning in deep meditation...I sensed something looking at me.
I opened my eyes and there stood Clyde.
Let me tell you about Bonnie and Clyde. They are a pair of geese that have returned to this very same pond for 8 years now (didn't think geese lived that long did you?)
I know it's them and in all probability one of them were born here. Geese tend to go to the same breeding place every year and very often it is where they were born. Perhaps Clyde just liked the looks of the place when he first chose his mate. I'll never know.
Each year they come here at this time and Bonnie proceeds to lay her eggs, usually around 10 or 12. I know where she is, but I do not share the intel with ANYONE...Clyde is the one you see, he keeps your eyes away from Bonnies nesting place and he is extremely protective.
I spoke to Clyde this morning: "Hey little buddy, I see you're back. You just never seem to learn huh? Well welcome back my feathered friend, I wish you better luck this year"
He just looked at me...didn't answer...but I didn't think he would. Clyde has always been the strong silent type.
Every year since I first met Bonnie and Clyde they have come here to breed. Every year Bonnie hatches her chicks and brings them out on the pond to show me her brood. I smile at the cute little goslings, but I secretly weep because every year is the same. I will count 10 or 12 then the next day there will be one less, the following day, one less and so on until Bonnie swims with her last surviving chick. No matter how hard both parents protect that chick the day will come when they will swim alone and finally fly away.
Einstein says that Insanity is when we do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. All creatures seem to do that, including humans...therefore we are all INSANE...but if not for trying, where would we be? We would still be eating raw meat and running around naked.
So I sit there and I applaud Bonnie and Clyde, hoping as I'm sure they are that this year will be different, perhaps this year the fox and the owl will leave their babies alone, or at least some of them.
This brought about an awareness in me...I realize I am guilty of losing weight and then putting it back on. Time and time again I repeat the process, I do well and then BANG, something happens. This surgery is not a lobotomy , so the same process can take place again if I am not mindful. The winter brought me a few extra pounds...I see Insanity setting in....so like Bonnie, I will go forward and make every effort to change the end result this time....
Even geese can teach us...we just have to be willing to learn.

Mothers Day Musing

It was a beautiful day. A mist covered the pond and I took a breath of clean, clear , fresh air...
It was peaceful, quiet and the perfect place to be on an early Mothers Day Morning.
I thought about my own Mom, both the good and the bad experiences flooding back to my mind.
I wondered if my own children would reflect back with such negative thoughts.
As a parent you try to do your best, you try and show children how much you love them but part of love is teaching them that life will not always be kind, they will not always get what they want, things will not always go as planned. But in the bright side you can show them that money doesn't buy love or happiness, you can spend quality time with them, doing fun things...trips to the park, zoo, fun parks, camping...all the things I didn't do as a child...not with Mom anyway.
Dad is another story for another time.
So I did think of Mom yesterday, I did say a prayer. I also thought of another "Mom" someone else's Mom who always seemed to have the answers...someone I could talk to and not feel it would turn into an argument. Someone who's words of wisdom always brought me peace.
I thought about my history with her and had to laugh...she really wasn't all that perfect. She had other problems and just like my Mom she had dark days...I would imagine as her child, I would not have been any happier then I was with my own mother.
I did not have the happiest of childhoods, I lived in fear of my mother..However, we only have one set of parents...I did the best with what God gave me and moved on. I was lucky, I had the ability, even as a child to see the cup as half full..I spent a life time turning negatives to positives..So I thanked my Mom, she made me stronger and more understanding of peoples short comings. She made me a fighter for what I believed in....because I was on my own very early on, she gave me a voice. She made me a survivor...So yesterday I did not look back on the horrors, but instead found the good in all Mom had done for me. As she got older, she changed and she was better. We had some good times and many laughs...it was easy to let go of the past and hang on to what I had then...a Mom I could love and enjoy, a Mom that only once in her life said "Honey I love you" it was the day before she died and that is what I chose to remember.
The other mother...Mother Mary, said "I love you" all the time, not just in words, but in everything she did to make people smile....That's what I will ALWAYS remember.
Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".

Oh What a Trip

(only read this is you are relaxed, in a funny mood and have some spare time on your hands)

Who the hell ever heard of Paducah KY ? Obviously Mother Nature and she was hell bent on making sure the country knew EXACTLY where it was.
I must say it was a bit unnerving when I heard , prior to my flight, that Paducah was bracing for Tornado's, added to the news was that Nashville was also having horrible weather. Having not flown in some years, this news was not sitting well, but on the other hand 'nothing was going to stop my Quilt Show week with the girls...NOTHING'.
Up early on Monday morn and headed for the airport in Binghamton, it was dreary, a bit rainy but I was unfazed. Mother nature and I would come to terms :-)
Okay, so as I sat in the terminal (good name by the way) watching the fog roll in it seemed like M.N. (mother nature) might win this round. The fog had also embraced the airport in Philly and it was closed to arrivals. So even when our fog lifted, we still waited.
Hooray!! 9:30 and we are finally boarding. I have been told to try for the 12:30 stand-by, but I was definatly on the 4:30 flight to Nashville. Considering I was suppose to be there by 9:30 am I wasn't all that happy.
Philly wasn't as bad as I had suspected, my gates were all close. I waited at gate F23 for standby and Ron Howard (an american soldier) introduced himself (he was on stand-by also) He helped pass the time and I learned about the mission they were on, equipmet that had arrived before he did and how most of the men lived in Philly and had already gone home to relax. he on the other hand, was bound and determined to move forward and think positive. It hurt me to learn that military personal do not have priority when it comes to stand-by. That those paying for Gold and Silver boarding passes have more priority. I guess paying with your life for this countries freedom falls way below the priorities of the wealthy. I told him if they called me for standby, he could have my seat. That didn't happen so off we went to F 27 to wait for the next plane.
It suddenly occurred to me that this was just wrong. I asked if I could give my ticket to this soldier and take the next flight. I was told it was against FAA rules and regs. so I asked to speak to a supervisor. (I also asked Ron if I was embarrassing him and he informed me that his wife was a fighter too, he was used to it LOL) When I spoke to the Super, he informed me about the Gold and Silver (which I fully understand) however, I said rather loudly "This man is willing to give his life for this country, I think a Gold or Silver would be more then willing to give a seat....how pathetic is this country when we can't recognize the difference between sacrifice and the God almighty dollar" people began to clap...I won that round...Ron was told he was #one on standby. We arrived in Nashville together... weather was great and things were looking up (or so it seemed)
I was so very proud, when Stef, Bob and I had a bite to eat. A soldier and his family also stopped to grab a bite and Bob picked up the check...That's the way things should be and all too often aren't.
Joyce and I had a great nights sleep in Nashville and Jodi and Stef were delivered to our front door. Let the fun begin!!! We had heard about the Tornado warnings still in Paducah and it was raining off and on, but we were undeterred..we were together and that's all that mattered.
Laughing most of the way, the trip to KY was uneventful.We arrived at Kentucky Dam Village to find that they still had not found an extra night. It seems that the reservation I had for a year for 4 days, was suddenly changed to 3 days. They promised to "work on it"...I am a positive thinker and refused to let it ruin my vacation.
Our 3 bdrm ,2 bath cottage was stange. 2 bdrms were down stairs with a bath and one bdrm was up stairs with a bath(main floor) The girls were nice enough to give me the mainfloor room because of my knee's. One of the Bdrms had a wet floor, that didn't sit too well.
The cottage kitchen was not well stocked and the toilets had to be flushed twice...still...we were here and we couldn't wait for the show. As always we spent our first day going to Hancocks of Paducah (a huge fabric place), we also hit Hobby Lobby and had a ball and then bought food. AS we headed home it began to rain but little could be done to dampen our spirits...We were just too damn happy!!! With shoes off Jodie and Stef waded through the water to hand us the groceries..yup it sure was raining :-) WE could hear the tornado sirens in the distance..'should we be concerned?'
Because of the "shows" close proximity to the Ohio River, the venue had been changed. Part of the show was the same as the year before, but then other vendors had been moved to vacant stores. To say it was spread out would be an understatement. I was thankful the ride was not as long as last years, the weather , the wind, were all just a little something added to the stress. The layout of the main part of Paducah is pretty simple and it would be difficult to get lost unless you got off the beaten path, so getting around wasn't all that difficult and we were able to hit the vendors...OFTEN!! It rained on and off and a few storms blew through, but nothing dampend our spirits...not even a smelly bedroom (which we later found out was due to the water).
It bothered me that we were paying full price for a cottage that was far less then it should have been. Finally, when a roach was found (something we had NEVER seen for as long as we had been going to Paducah) that was totally unacceptable. I called and asked to speak to the Park manager, Scott. I explained what had happened with our reservation, how the cabin had fallen short of our standards and told him I felt compensation was in order. To my surprise he agreeded with me. He said he would work to make it all right . I got a call on my cell that afternoon that we would be moving to Barkly Lake for the last night (not perfect solution but okay).When we got home there was a huge platter of cookies and strawberries and a basket full of all kinds of goodies, (Mugs, candy, keychains, pens etc.) with a sign "Compliments of the Staff of KDV".
The next morning as we prepared to pack and leave for Barkley Lake I called to ask if I could leave some things in their refrig..It was then that Monica apologized for what seemed like an even bigger problem then they realized...I told her we just didn't want to drive all the way to the lake and then all the way back to the show. 5 min. later she called to tell me "we are keeping you right here"..we were moved to the cottages we LOVE and were so happy we jumped around like a bunch of school girls.
In the process of moving acroos the hwy to our new home, the latch popped open and one of the bags fell out...wine glasses broke and my prescription pills had gotten run over and looked like road kill. Jodie and I salvaged the road kill and LOAO (she had left her same meds home so we were sharing)

We got to spend time working on projects on our screened in porch and we had a relaxing breakfast out in the sunshine. Even Mother Nature seemed happy...It may have been one of our more eventful trips, but it was "all good". Not only did Scott give us 1/2 off our last night, but also gave me a gift certificate for a free night next year. I definatly kept his promise to make it RIGHT.
The night before "take off" Joyce and I returned the car and got boarding passes for the next day...I repacked my luggage more neatly and we were good to go. It stormed and I got deathly sick...but by morning (5am for me) I felt a little better. The cab had not been called as promised, but it got there quick.I had plenty of time...got to the window and was asked for "picture ID", looked for license...un packed luggage...GONE!! Now on the verge of hysteria because I'm being told I can not fly without my license..I show all the other paperwork I have..I hit them with logic (how did I fly here if I didn't show ID in the first place) they push me throught to security. Thank God the TSA guy was a sweetheart...I showed him other ID I had and he allowed me to pass over to the security check. off with the shoes and though the xray go me and my bags...PROBLEM! I am told I have a weapon and they must unpack my bag. I hear my name being called to gate 10, but I can't leave until they find the "weapon"..The search is on and I'm curious...weapon???Head security guy walks over as the woman pulls out this "dagger" ( a letter opener with a crown on top. A gift from Stef) I hear my name and "last call". I tell them they can keep it, just let me go...but they allow me to have it back and qickly help me pack my bag....not quite fast enough. I arrive at my gate just on time to see my plane pull away from the gate :-(
I am told I will arrive in Binghamton at 9:30 that evening...it is now 7:15 a.m.. I begin to weep..It is raining, I am alone and face hours of waiting. NO!!! I can't think like that, it's not me...I walk up to the desk "Please check every flight, there HAS to be room"...he checks, checks again nope... I will get on a 2pm flight and then a 7:40 flight to Binghamton. Please I say, check one more time, perhaps there is a cancellation... I'm sure he was placationg me at that point...but sure enough he found a cacellation on the 9:40 flight our of Nashville and a 4:40 flight out of Philly...I'd be home by 6 pm...not exactly the 1 pm I had hoped for but it was better then 9:30..
So the trip that tried very hard to become the trip from HELL, ended as it began, with things working out. The rains stopped and I flew home in sunny skies...a bit tired and worn, but looking forward to next year and meeting the girls in Paduach :-)
So what does any of this have to do with WLS ? Not a damn thing other then the fact that Attitude is everything!!!

A page from my Journal

April 13,2011

I haven't been able to sit up at the pond for a while now. Oh I sat here in winter but it was cold, far to cold to write my thoughts. Winter has been long and Spring a long time coming, but today is lovely.
Since I have taken this Journey into WLS I have found that being at "peace" with ones self is very necessry to succeed. When the mind is stressed our thoughts become fragmented and our judgement is impaired. For someone who sees food as a comfort (that never changes BTW, not when stressed) not being at peace is extremely dangerous. The winter brought me many days when I could not find "peace". My mind was off searching for answers to medical problems, fixing the world probelms, caring about people problems...There didn't seem to be much time for "calm and tranquiltiy"...
Now , as I sit and watch the calm waters of my pond and see the fish awakening from their winter slumber..I realize I am also awakening... I realize that I have allowed my feelings to undermine my beliefs.
I have been saying things since day one, with regard to this surgery and how I view it. I have had to deal with remarks made by others that I knew were not true and watched as lambs were lead into something because they believed what a person was telling them...then when that person did a total about face...those lambs were left to feel decieved and abandoned...This was not done by only one, but many who became obsessed with this program, and now parrot things I've preached all along...and they do so as if it were there own words. I allowed this to bother me to such a point that it stressed me into becoming something and someone I am not.
This morning I took my life back , the wind whispered "Imitation is the sincerest form of falttery" and yes I am truly flattered by the fact that people listen that deeply to what I have to say, to go on and repeat it as if it comes from their mouths.
I sit here watching my wild critters...Turkeys, deer, birds, squirrils all sitting at the same feeding rock...all getting along in peace....all sharing. I tell myself that I would do well if I imatated them.
It is remarkable to feel that sensation of peace come over me once again. I do not need to be stroked or petted like a critter or like some who need to be defined by what others think of them. My peace and happiness comes from within, in knowing I have touched some lives in a positive way and in some small way made a difference.
I really need to spend more time at this pond and I really need to spread the word that everyone at some point during the day needs to take time for self examination. Take your scattered mind and prioritize the important things and let the garbage blow away on the wind.
YOU do matter and only you can be the change you want to see....

A long Pause

Man seems like forever since I've posted here. I did warn you that I was getting more involved in my art and was working on a new Blog that would be (hopefully) up lifting and interesting to those of you who enjoy my weirdness at times LOL. The cath went very well, I have a heart....Hey it helps to know that. Mine is working very well it seems and one of the doc's that did the cath informed me that he suspects Kidney stones since his kidney stones also mimicked a heart attack, as did happen to one of the nurses that took care of me...Who knew? I know my first cath for my "heart attack" was cause by Gall stones many years ago..but ya know what? I'm done....DONE!! I've had it with the guess work and I've had it with doctors. Everyone has to die of something, if something gets bad enough to send me back to a doctor , so be it. I'm done looking for problems and being poked and prodded. I never even heard of Transient Global Amnesia , now, after hearing that diagnosis for my brain issue, I've heard it several times...must be the designer "problem" of 2011. Now for those of you who belong to the WLS group...Here's the poop. Not one thing that has happened to me can be blamed on RNY. You will hear some people who have had this surgery or the Band, very often wonder if something wrong is connected to their surgery. AS far as I'm concerned, things happens to me prior to surgery and things will continue to pop up here and there. To blame all your "New" malady's on your surgery, is like blaming your car for hitting a tree. Part of the lessons learned in this Journey is to take responsibility for your action...For too long, people have blamed childhood events, strict parents and poor potty training for everything that is wrong with their life. As someone who has had a life fraught with pain, abuse and many close calls with death...trust me...None of it made me eat and get Fat...I did that to myself and then looked for someone or some event to blame it on. Own your life, take responsibility for what you do, for who you are....I grew out of blaming people a long time ago. I had to raise above painful memories and heartache. Life is what it is, I can either wallow in self pity or take life by the horns and ride it through hell with a smile on my face....I chose the latter...how about you?

A matter of HEART

Sometimes life tries to kick ass, and not in a good way. You can go for months and nothing eventful happens, you get lulled into thinking life is finally calming down and things will be smoother and then BANG 5 things happen all at once and you are left with the realization that you can never let your guard down because life will always be there waiting with the harshness of reality.
I took my hour long trip to the Orthopedist in hopes of getting another series of Synvisc shots...I got 8 months of peace and no pain out of the last series.I was told when I got there that they were still waiting on the shipment.( a phone call would have been appreciated) Doc decided to give me a shot of Cortisone instead. I had forgotten how much that shot hurt..Like any pain it eventually goes away...but I had a day of discomfort and a lot to do. (company is coming and I have to shop for meals, get the beds ready etc.)
The following day (yesterday) I had an appointment to see my Cardiologist about Stress test results. I was sure it was nothing and I'd be left in the dark as to what caused that horrible chest pain that I never hope to feel again. I should have known better...crushed finger, Heart pain, Hospital stay, Knee issue...I see a pattern forming.
The stress test showed an abnormality in the lower left side of my heart...What is it? Stress test doesn't show that...It just shows a lack of oxygen. It could be narrowing of vessels, it could be a blockage etc. We can wait it out with medication and see what develops (conservative approach) or we can go for a Cardio - cath and know immediately what we are dealing with...
My need for instant gratification should be obvious by now...The cath will be done next Tuesday...If I need stents or a balloon it will be done at that time..If I need open heart surgery, they will wake me up to discuss it...I thought that was nice of them.
A friend I spoke to shortly after ward wanted to know how I could continue to laugh...You don't think this is funny? I feel like I'm trapped in a Keystone Cop episode. When it rains it pours, that's a fact of life. Every day can't be sunny. Considering the winter we just had...Trust me, every day is NOT Sunny, we move on...we appreciate the days of sun that come our way and deal with the rain... Listen, if I lived in Japan right now, I'd know what bad luck truly is. You want to always be happy, find someone who isn't and be thankful for what you DON"T have.
I think on this walk through life it's good to carry an Umbrella and to keep smiling....

Grief and eating

There has been a great deal of grief and sadness in my group lately. A dear friend just lost her Mom...she was getting better and was going home and then POOF! In a flash of surprise she was gone. That is much harder to deal with, then if you know someone is going to die. Not that the death of a parent is easy to deal with...but in knowing, at least there is time to say what needs saying.
I think grief is the one emotion that sets our eating trigger into motion. Not that happiness and celebration doesn't, but personally I can deal with old habits when I'm happy. When I am filled with the void and sadness that death brings, old habits can sneak in without me even knowing it.
I am lucky in the respect that I do not grieve for very long...but in those moments of sadness I find I become mindless to eating. For those of us who have struggled to lose and then maintain grief is hard..it just breaks us down. That it a time when friends are necessary...friends that know your struggles and will be there to remind you that there is no comfort in food. The only purpose food has is to nourish the body, it will not help with the process of grieving...That's what friends and prayers are for.
I will always be here for a friend who has suffered a loss. I will help in anyway I can to keep you from turning to food for comfort. When I went to Mother Mary's funeral I could feel that void, that emptiness of knowing I will never hear her words of wisdom again...But I had my family to lean on...a family that knows how hard I've worked and I knew they would be watching. I ate fish and listened to my grand kids, the joy in their voices was enough to remind me why I took this journey in the first place...In hope of living a little longer and enjoying them to the fullest.
In grief, we need to focus more on the living then on the loss...............

I feel like a whirling dervish

We had two days of snow, 16 inches on the mountain, much less downtown (how does that happen?) It was senseless to even try and plow with the wind blowing as hard as it was and the drifting was terrible...Boxed us in, couldn't open doors. Thank goodness for my covered porch.
It took Rich two days with the backhoe to clear a path on time to visit the cardiologist. I'm glad we did.
I thought he would tell me I just had an echo and that this terrible pain I had was associated with something else... I questions Fibromyalgia, he said a much different kind of pain) I questioned Sweetheart Syndrome and he smiled and told me I obviously leave no stone unturned LOL. I asked if it had anything to do with rapid weight loss...absolutely not WL benefits the heart. He looked concerned (that's a first,he usually hides it well) he said he is certain it is my heart, but now we have to explore WHAT it is...Friday I go for a Chemical Stress test (I'm not happy about that one) and we will take it from there. he back tracked and said it could also be an answer to the short term memory loss...but time will tell.
So that's the up date on moi...." I have miles to go before I sleep" so I better get on it...I have a new art blog. If you are interested in the address, drop me a line...Not much on it at the moment
but it's up and running.... :-)

A week from HELL !!

This past week was like a roller coaster ride into Hell... Monday was spent making arrangements for the animals and getting things ready for a very fast trip down to the Island.
Tuesday- The Barn was left set up, we were on the road by 10 am and it was like Mother Mary was one step ahead "parting the sea". For the first time ever...there was no traffic, no stress connected with the trip. WE got to say good-bye to one of the finest ladies that ever graced this planet. We got to see her family members that we had not seen for a while and celebrate her life through pictures and remembrance. It was beautiful. We had dinner with our children and the Grand kids were absolutely wonderful and very entertaining. I enjoyed being with them and laughing with them. Nights like that are the only reason I miss living on LI. The trip home was as perfect as the trip down.
Wed. I couldn't wait to get down to the barn to see my "kids", I always miss them when I'm gone. They were very happy to see me. Before feeding, I decided I would cut the goats nails, that meant I had to keep them in their stall. The darn latch on the wooden door got stuck and in the process of tending it my boy Jake hit the door and smashed my finger. It blew up and hurt like the dickens so I decided to fore go the nails and just put everyone out, feed and water and then see about my hand. ER here I come, Rich and I are sure it is broken, since it looks like a "Z", Doc in the ER is certain it's broken, xray tech agrees...It's not LOL some capsule thing in the joint ruptured, swollen and black my fingers are tapped together with the hope that the pinkie will work with the finger next to it and not stay out in left field where it seems to want to be. I push it against the other finger and let go...BOING!! back it goes. let's just say , I'm ready for high tea LOL Home I go 4 hours later.
We decide on a simple dinner. I make pizza with flour tortilla's, nice thin crispy crust... Go to take a bite, hot sauce dribbles down and burns the skin off my chin. No kidding, I have no skin there...who knew it was THAT hot.
After dinner, it's peaceful, we are laughing at the TV (Mike and Molly we recorded) I feel a pinch to my heart..get up, get antacid...maybe that pizza was simple but perhaps not a good idea.
The pain gets stronger...then beyond strong...Rich asks whats wrong? I can't speak, pain has taken my breath away...My God I think...I'm going to die...my heart is going to stop beating...how much pain can it endure before it stops? I've never felt anything like this and I'm scared. I collapse...Rich calls 911, gives me asprin to chew, crew is on the way...pain begins to subside and I beg Rich to call them back...I don't want to bother them on this cold night...
Rich tells me I am a terrible color and I'm going to ER. He looks out the front and sees that the ambulance is stuck on the driveway. I tell him to go help them...I'm okay.
He returns with one EMT who tends to me and says we have to get to a hospital NOW!! Into the truck we go and meet another EMT walking the driveway with equipment. For anyone who has seen my driveway, you can appreciate the effort that was being made to save me.
AS we reach the ambulance, which is now back out on the road they get me from truck to truck as another ambulance pulls up with a trailer and ATV's. they were certainly bound and determined to get to me...Kind of gives you a good feeling inside. The road was bumpy and the gurney was moving in spite of the brakes, but the paramedic on board managed to set a line and put nitro under my tongue. Bless his heart... I won't go into the details of the next day and a half, only to say that I was admitted to the hospital and I now can say, not every hospital is like Cooperstown. They should hang their head in shame.... Delaware Valley Hosp. doesn't have nearly all the advantages (or the money) that Cooperstown does, but the hospital is immaculate, the staff is friendly and caring and you don't have to ASK for anything much less beg...water was refreshed ever hour or so and someone was always checking to be sure my needs were met. At the end of my stay I was thanked for being an excellent patient...I told them it was easy when I was dealing with an excellent , professional staff. Once home I had to make follow up appointments with cardiologist and orthopedist ...This isn't over for me.
Saturday my morning started with a phone call...my dear friend Janet's Mom had passed away. She had been doing so well. I only spoke to Janet 12 hours earlier and things were looking up.....
Every minute seems to change the course of a day. This past week began with funeral preparation and now ends the same way
I am very happy to be alive but I grieve for my friend. She is a strong person...a loving caring person who deserves better then what life has thrown at her over the past few months.....
If you read between the lines, you will see I have a great deal to be thankful for. So in spite of this week from HELL I am glad to be able to complain about the crappy parts....and rejoice for a life that continues it's journey....Although some of you may not know Janet I pray you find it in your heart to keep her and her family in your prayers...this is only the beginning of a very long, had road.....I'm here Janet, with love and support.....

Time for Spring

I do love looking out my windows. No matter where I look I see beauty..Beautiful , tall pines, covered in white lace, valleys that appear "water colored" by a mist...distant frosty mountains...It all takes my breath away. However.....
You all knew that was coming huh?
I've truly had enough snow this year. Taking care of the animals is much harder in winter..having to tote water and bring them all in at night (when it's really cold). I love the seasons..including this cold and frosty one. Winter has a certain beauty to it all it's own.
Having lived in a Southern climate for a while I know what it's like to see sunshine all the time...
It gets OLD...don't get me wrong...I loved playing with the dolphins and manatee's...I miss that.
But living in a rain forest 80% of the time is not my idea of "The Good life"...perhaps when I'm old LOL
I believe hard work mixed with laughter and play time, makes for a fun life. The winter is the hardest work of all, but sooner or later Spring will come and the work will change...From plowing and shoveling...to plowing and shoveling LOL only it will be dirt instead of snow...By Summers end we will be praying for a chill in the air and then will come my favorite time of all...the time of year when Mother nature is at her best...Covering the mountains with bright colored quilts and sweetening the air with the smell of FALL. Unlike life that only turns in one direction, The seasons continue to change and with it, so do we.
To any new people reading this Blog, you may want to go back to the beginning of this Blog. That is where the most info is regarding surgery and what to expect... While I've tried to keep to the subject matter of WLS, I have at times, gotten way off track.
Like I've said, I'm working on a new Blog that will bring people into my fantasy world of art and mixed media...It is where I am most happy and most comfortable.
I feel I have a lot to offer the WLS community, just based on my positive experience with surgery. However, my honest approach is not always appreciated...There are those who doubt my experience and prefer to speak loudly about any negative aspects of THEIR experience.
What this does is bring me into a negative aura. I do not do well there..My happiness depends on surrounding myself with positive energy. So I will continue to post here when possible and I will continue to help people who request my help...but I will definitely be spending more time in the place I am comfortable and with kindred spirits.