A Happy Valentines Day

I am forever in awe of the depth of Richards feelings. He never fails to surprise me, yesterday was no exception. I really didn't expect anything, he had already bought me some new clothes and brought home roses on Friday. I have told him in the past not to buy me flowers because of the expense and the fact that it saddens me when they die. Last year he bought me a doz. roses at the grocery store and not only were they gorgeous, they lasted longer then any flowers I ever received plus they dried on the stem perfectly. So he did the same thing this year and these are even lovelier.
So imagine my surprise when along with breakfast came a little box. We all know great things come in little boxes He had gone back to the jeweler who made my Butterfly pendant and had earrings made to match. I was shocked and happily surprised. He said it was a combo V Day and BD gift but he couldn't wait any longer. LOL I guess after 45 years, I'll keep him.
Little does he realize, even though I tell him, he is my gift. He is my rock, my best friend.
He is the one who inspired the Butterfly Project when he gave me a Butterfly to symbolize my rebirth on the day of my surgery. He has supported me every step of the way, even though he admitted that he surgery scared him to death...But his faith in me was stronger then his fears and for that I will be eternally grateful. I could not have made this journey without his support and I could not continue without him walking beside me.
I know there are people who take this journey alone with very little support from family or friends. I am one of the lucky ones and it is the reason I try to be there to support those who need it. Everyone needs someone at sometime along the way. This is not an easy road and it helps to know that there is always a helping hand reaching out for support when needed.
I hope everyone got to spend this week-end with someone who loves them...Happy Valentines Day......

Storm at Sea

My mind seems to be at sea this morning. The ocean or any body of water is usually where you will find me when my mind is troubled. I have moved away from the ocean, but I do have a pond, one I visit often I published this quote today :No one would ever have crossed the ocean if he could have gotten off the ship in a storm. It was something I wrote many years ago as I sat on the beach, feeling sorry for myself and asking God "why?", it went along with a favorite proverb of mine "A smooth sea never made a skillful mariner. " Needless to say I answered my own questions (or perhaps what I wrote was divine intervention). As humans we need the storms and troubled sea's. We need adversity, it helps build our character as well as our strengths.
I really hate hearing that good people are having problems in their lives. I wish I could wave a wand and make it go away for them. While it's happening I am sure they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. I think we have all been in that place.
We are all different and we handle stress different, but I know for myself I can not allow it to take me to that dark place...not any more.
I was there not to long ago and really felt like I had finally hit bottom. I had reached the foot of a mountain I did not have the strength to climb. I had come to the realization that one of the children I had raised valued money more then his love for family...I knew what "total betrayal" felt like. I had reach a threshold of pain that was no longer bearable..all the self hypnosis in the world and the strongest of meds could not diminish the toll it was taking...I knew what extreme pain felt like. I was immobile, could no longer do the things I loved to do, could no longer care for the animals that brought me so much joy.... I stayed away from friends because I did not want them to share my sadness...There seemed to be so much happening all at once and it is so hard to take off my rose colored glasses and see life as it truly is. The "perfect storm" had indeed become my life and I wanted to bail...but then I remembered what I wrote those many years ago and I was destined to cross the ocean in spite of the storm...
I have not crossed the ocean completely and in all probability there will be more storms, but I can see land in the distance and I know who I am....I will probably no sooner hit land and start looking for another ocean to cross....When you travel life's oceans, you may have a crew on board to help you weather the storm, but you are the captain, the navigator of your own ship and as a captain who has been tempted to bail but did not, I wish you a safe Journey....It's worth riding out the storm.

Dreams do come true

In my quiet moments I know how very lucky I am. I have a husband who adores me and supports me in everything I do. I have wonderful children and exceptional friends (not a word I take lightly). I've traveled, I've owned a successful business or two, I've taught and I've learned.
These things are things, at times, I tend to take for granted. There are other times, during private pity parties I used to wonder why I wasn't happy, especially after reflecting on all of the above. Pain does strange things to the mind, knowing your fat, partly because of the pain and inactivity makes it all the more painful. Does that make sense?
It is only now that I can look back and put everything into perspective, because every day I am aware of a dream being fulfilled...Not just the weight loss, although that is a miracle in it's self, but for all that came with that loss..the renewed energy, the loss of knee pain (it's there but doable) the loss of diabetes, the loss of 12 pills and 2 shots a day and the joy of seeing clothes grow bigger by the day. Along the way I have also found an extended family, people who share my disease and understand the torment and unhappiness it brings.
Right before surgery I was asked if I was afraid...I said "not at all, in fact I am totally at peace"...
There was a look of shock...who isn't afraid of surgery? To this I answered "I have the best surgeon, I trust her and God knows heaven will never be the same once I get there...so he's not in any rush to get me there"...I believe both those statements with all my heart.
My hospital stay may have been a horror but the surgery was textbook perfect. So then came my need, my desire to give back...When a dream comes true that enriches your life to the extent this surgery did...you need to give back. Being told I would Mentor was thrilling and exciting, but I needed more. The Butterfly Project gave me what I needed.... It has given comfort to so many and so many "get" the idea of the symbolism and that REALLY makes me happy.
When people like Suzanne and Jules post their feelings to this blog, no one will ever know how it warms my heart. Everyone wants to do something in their life time that means something. For anyone reading this blog, who has written to me or left a comment or received one of the Butterflies, please know that you are part of a dream that is bigger then you know.
I thank God for all those who have stepped up to the plate and volunteered their time, fabric or money to this cause..I could never do this Project alone (although I'd try) This project has not only given my life purpose, but it has also kept me away from the refrig, adding to my success.
I am not ready to post pictures just yet, but I can tell you I have lost over 70 pounds and I'm happier then I've been in a very, very long time...So thank you WLS team, friends and family for support and WLS group for keeping me focused.... My dream has come true because of all of you...