Merry Christmas

This was the first year in a long time that it didn't snow for Christmas. However, there was so much snow from the storm that even the hard rains couldn't wash it all away, so there is still white outside and a few flakes fell in my honor (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it)
It was a lovely peaceful day, with a Standing Rib Roast from heaven. When I had my surgery I got a silver butterfly with an inscription on the back "The Caterpillar thought it was the end of the world, then she became a butterfly...." It was so meaningful to me that I wore it all the time. Rich, being who he is, cringed and wondered "with all the beautiful jewelry I've bought you, why that junk ?"...Men just don't get it do they? So for Christmas he replaced the original with one of Gold and a marquis shaped diamond for the body...It's all filigree and just beautiful.It came with a beautiful card expressing his pride for what I've done...Yup, it was a wonderful Christmas and I thanked God for sending his son, the reason for the season.
This is the time of year for reflection and boy have I done a lot of that over this past year. I find it interesting how , at times, we can view our problems with such despair and pessimism....Like everything is against us and we are the only ones suffering. Even though we are aware of the suffering around us, no one seems to be suffering quite as bad as us. Ever felt like that? I could write a book starting from a small child and seemingly every year...a book about abuse, both physical and emotional and sexual. Extreme pain, terrible loss, near death experiences, life threatening problems and all the good things that make up a good daytime talk show.
But with years have also brought wisdom and the realization that I am strong enough and worthy enough to raise above it all. We cannot undo the past or make it better, it needs to be in the past and stay there. We have no idea of what the future will bring...perhaps more pain...but then again maybe not...why dwell on something that hasn't even happened yet? Today is the only "NOW" that I have so why not live every minute of it, tomorrow is promised to no one.
I look out at the white snow that the rain could not wash completely away and realize, that's pretty much what life is. Little by little that snow cover will become smaller and smaller like the pains of life and then BANG another storm will happen and more snow will fall..It just seems to be the way life and nature planned it. Make the best of the storms and snow falls in your life, sooner or later it all melts away. Not that it won't happen again in some other form or happenstance, but the sun eventually will warm your face and melt it all away...
That is my Christmas wish for all, that your snow falls melt quickly and sunshine kisses your face often........Merry Christmas to all!!!

Pregidous

Noun -an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason

I have a friend who I view as extremely prejudice. When talking about a gay person she will use the term "Those people", a lot. Different ethnic back round then her own, again they become "those people". I always wondered if she viewed everyone who isn't exactly like her as some form of alien being ? Never thinking to myself, because she is thinner then I, that I also fell into a "different" category.
Yesterday when she made her annual phone call and heard I had a cold, she asked what I was taking for it (she knows about the surgery) and added "surely there is something YOU PEOPLE can take for a cold..." aaaaaah IT happened!!! I have now become a category along with people of different sexual orientation and different color...I , who was once in the category of an out of control fat person, am now a Bariatric alien.
I have heard a lot of heartbreaking stories along the way, people who can not take planes because the seats are too small, the need for seat belt extenders, having special chairs brought out in a restaurant because the "normal" chair is too small, not being able to fit behind the wheel of a car, so many stories that even though they never happened to me, I certainly could relate. Right before surgery I found myself avoiding booths because it seemed they have gotten a bit tighter over the past few years, same with arm chairs...Manufacturers must be conserving on wood because those arms aren't as wide as they used to be.
It annoys me when I see a TV commercial that has a need to depict laziness or slovenly behavior...they will always use a heavy person. It's as though skinny people are never lazy, never chew with their mouths open, never become depressed etc... Next time you watch TV and see the APPLE computer commercial please note the size of the "outdated" windows computer to the size of the Apple person...That kind of says it all. If you want to depict something negative, use a fat person.
So not only have I become one of "those people", because I took a step to improve my life and became an alien. But I am also a "negative image" as long as I remain fat..Sheesh that could almost depress a person if it wasn't so bizarre and outrageous.
There is no doubt that we are victims of extreme prejudice. If we are heavy, we are out of control eaters that should be able to lose weight simply by dieting. Wouldn't it be nice if it were all that simple and uncomplicated. Having the surgery puts you yet in another new category. You are now a fat person who decided to take the easy way out, rather then diet. We aliens that have had the surgery know that is not true, not by a long shot...There is nothing simple in making the decision to having surgery and there is nothing simple about the aftermath. As long as man has an opinion there will be prejudice, it's unavoidable. If you are reading this and you are not obese, count your blessing and say "there but for the grace of God go I", change starts with you.....Wouldn't it be nice to start the New Year in a positive mode and with a more open and accepting frame of mind? Don't judge what you do not understand.......(guess you can tell that my "friends" remark touched a very raw nerve)

Holiday Coming

I can remember when dieting that the Holidays scared me to death. So much good food and sweets like we do not have all through the year.
This year is different...perhaps because I'm not on a diet. I am into a whole new life style and I have some special tools on my side this year.
The biggest of course is my tiny stomach, can't get into too much trouble as far as over eating.
Then I have the WLS thread there is always some good advice to be found there.
Then I have the words of my hero (one of the men in my support group) He has been very successful at weight loss and maintaining his loss. He is also a very good speaker....a man of few words but meaningful ones.When I asked him once how he stays on track he simply said "I stay away from anything I can't have other wise I will fall back into old habits"...His favorite food was pizza, he hasn't had pizza since surgery simply because once he taste it again, he will want it. He wants good health more...Me too! I plan to plan, because as some of you know I'm into quotes and that one about "Fail to plan you plan to fail" is so true.When planning snacks I will make others cheese and crackers or what ever, but I will have some celery and cottage cheese or some apple and peanut butter, I also have some dehydrated veggies that are crunchy, should I need that. As long as I eat my protein first at every meal I know I can't get into too much trouble. My tummy just ain't that big....
I plan on baking for the holidays, but I'm not worried at all...There is this thing called dumping if a RNY person eats too much sugar or fat. It has happened to me a few times but not because I ate the wrong things, more because I ate too fast. Anyhooo it is not pleasent and is something you remember, therefore I will not temp fate and sample anything I bake. I will also wrap everything ASAP to avoid any temptation.....I am so looking forward to the New Year and a new begining ...this is the journey of a life time and I wish everyone this much happiness in their life.

A Special Meeting

Every group meeting for me is special because I always take something with me when I go. Some little hint to make life easier or the name of some food or drink...something...
Last night was special for me because we had a table full of Butterflies. Lisa and I have been trying to get ahead of the surgeries for Dec and Jan. I knew when I started this "Butterfly Project" it wasn't going to be easy. What happens if the volunteers don't come through? But I try not to take on projects that I can't handle alone. Lisa has been like my right arm, got right in the and started whipping them out. With Christmas right around the corner and so many gifts to still make, these Butterflies were something I felt maybe I should have waited to start for January. But with help I now feel confident that we will b able to make this work. Pat grabbed a bunch of backs and a box of stuffing, so I know she has some sewing in mind. I am so excited!!!
I was thrilled when Katey expressed her gratitude at receiving one of the Butterflys after her surgery two weeks ago and it made me feel so good that she has it on her bed as a decoration. It just makes my heart happy to know they are bringing comfort to the people who receive them.
Several people mentioned that they haven't seen me in a while and the weight loss is "Very noticable", that always makes my day!!! I look in the mirror and don't really see much of a change, but I see me every day :-) It does however show in my clothes and last night I put on two rings I haven't been able to wear for almost 2 years and they are a bit loose, which means the next size will be rings I haven't worn in over 8 years.
Looking back, I can't even believe that I was apprehensive in the beginning..wondering what the right surgery for me really was. Had I known what an extreme impact on my life this surgery would have, I would have done it last year when I first got the info.
Now that I'm on real food my sugar numbers stay within a normal range all the time..I take one BP pill and my Celexa...Both will probably be gone in Jan.
The "suppliments for life" that everyone make a big deal over, really amount to No BIGGIE... Multi Vitamin, C, B complex and iron...Oh my!!! Considering I no longer take 12 pills a day I think I can deal with 4.
To anyone out there even considering Bariatric surgery...I say do all your research...then write and ask me what ever you'd like to ask. DO NOT ask your families advice, this isn't about them, it's all about you. Chances are your family won't like the idea, simply because they don't understand and have heard horror stories. Someone recently said to me "I want to stop fat people on the street and explain what this surgery has done for my life" I couldn't agree more...This is a joy you wish you could share with everyone who struggles with obesity...
It's great to be on the melting side of life......

A Very Special Thing

About a week ago someone on the WLS thread asked a question: What are 3 things that helped inspire you and 3 things that hurt during your journey...
The answers were frank and honest, of course the main thing that helps is support from family and friends. This journey is rough in the begining, a lot of change takes place and while you appreciate the weight loss, it comes with a price.
Changing habits are hard, there are some days that are more energized then others, you are still trying to figure out how to eat, what to eat, what doesn't agree etc.
In my answer I did mention that I am extremely lucky, both family and friends have been supportive and never fail to mention how "Great" I look. The next day I received a card in the mail..I knew it was a card especially chosen for me because it had flying Angels all over it. It said : The Bigger the risk, the deeper the trust, the louder the prayer, the more Angels show off. On the inside was just one line 'I Believe in you' and then there was a personal note from my friend. It brought me to tears.
If I were to reanswer (is that a word?) That question I would add a little note that special things, such as a card or a note, are very , very special. It tells you that the person not only thought about you, but went out of there way to let you know it.
I am not good when it comes to cards, I am not even good when it comes to remembering special dates...it is one of my many short comings, but I certainly appreciate, perhaps more then I convey at times, the special things that people do for me to keep my spirits up.
I am basically a Happy, very positive person if not for my own spirits, for those around me. But I have my weak moments, sad moments when I try and comprehend How and why I allowed myself to fall into such a sorry state of health. I KNOW better, I worked for WW, I showed other people how to stay healthy and lose weight..I must have lost 800 pounds in my life time...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
Then when sanity reappears I realize I am not alone. I am in this struggle with many other people and it is then that I look at cards, notes, little gifts and realize just how lucky I am. I have friends that truly care and support me...
So if someone ask me again what is something that can lift the spirits of someone who has had this surgery...I won't just say "support them" I will say "pick up a special card, or make a special call, do something out of the blue, not because it's expected....but because it's not....."

Fears

I have gotten a few e-mails from RNY candidates asking me what my biggest fear was when I was deciding on surgery. Each time asked, the question becomes more interesting because I never gave it a thought. I'm not sure I had any....
At first I liked the RNY idea because it was fast weight loss and permenant. But Rich seemed apprehensive about the "major" connected to the type of surgery. Then I thought about the band because I was told it was safer , but knowing a few people with bands, I also knew it didn't always work long term. I think I was so busy researching both surgeries that I really didn't have time to be fearful. All I knew was that if I was going to go to the extreme of have WLS I wanted it to work and I wanted as many benefits as possible. I began a list of pros and cons of each surgery and one came out WAY ahead of the other. That was when I switched back to RNY and was at total peace with my decision. The only pluses that the Band offered me was possible weight loss, lower mortality risk, and it could be removed (at a price)...of course weight loss in itself leads to a healthier life. RNY had the hope of diabetes going away (which it did), because of the rapid WL my knee's felt better faster, I don't have to worry about fills, and having a piece of plastic live with me for life....Don't get me wrong, any one who attends the meetings sees the results of successful Banding. It has worked for a lot of people, but it also seems to have it's problems. Not that RNY doesn't have problems and those that do have BIG problems. Did I ever fear those problems? Never...and thats the truth. I have a great deal of Faith, there have been many times when I should have died and didn't. I survived an extremely painful childhood and kept smiling, like everyone, I've had my share of lifes trails but faith has brought be through. I also had complete faith and trust in my surgeon (who by the way I researched) Dr. Strauss came with high praise and impressive credentials. So my answer about Fear is NO. I had no fear of the surgery. My fears are more in the end result. I've heard the older you are the less likely you are to lose all the weight you'd like to lose. Old habits die hard and I wonder if and when head hunger starts, if I will cope as well as I seem to be coping now. I like the idea of my surgery being permenant because I know I can never over eat again. Yes I can eat the wrong foods and thats part of this blogging...when people are watching you, you tend to stay on track. I have said all along and will say again. This surgery is NOT for everyone. If you question your motives, don't go forward. If you fear the surgery you have picked, it may not be the right one for you.DO NOT let other people talk you into or out of what you decide on. They aren't having the surgery and they have no idea whats going through your mind. We all do what we do for a reason. If you have fear or questions...it's not time yet.
Remember, Life is a continual process of remaking ourselves.

Tiny spoon and fork, No Joke

The hardest thing, as I have mentioned before, is slowing down my eating and taking human bites. I'm fairly intelligent so you'd think I'd be able to sit down and eat without having to pay such close attention...Especially since, when you eat to fast or swallow too much at a time, it kind of hurts. You feel like you have to burp and can't.
I'm left with this question 'My God have I eaten this fast all my life?" There were many times I was left eating while others had already finished. I never thought of myself as a fast eater, but now it's very obvious (not to mention painful at times).
I haven't found much that I can't tolerate. yesterday I had sushi and the salad they serve first is something I love. I wasn't going to try it, felt it might be too rough on the new tummy. Of course I did it anyway, took tiny bites and it was OH SO GOOD..I ate slowly and asked for a take out box for what I hadn't eaten. I had no pain or discomfort afterward...yet at night when I had the left overs for dinner, I ate it too fast and paid the price.
At the meetings the talk about baby size spoons, a cocktail fork, smaller plate. I'm thinking to myself, am I that lame that I have to have these tiny eating utensil's to keep from eating to much at one time...I mean really!!!! The answer is YES...since my friend came to my rescue with a tiny silver baby spoon and cocktail fork with 3 tines, I have managed to slow up and not be hurting after dinner. That tiny piece of food looked like nothing on a regular fork, but looks HUGE on a small fork, same with a spoonful of food.
Bottom line on this new lesson in life. Listen to those who have gone before you, there are reasons for everything. You may not think so, especially if you are as thick as I am. But get yourself a tiny baby spoon (mine is silver and old, love it) and a shrimp fork and a small plate, which I've had all along. It all helps with the visual aspect of eating.
AS for the dieters that may be reading, this will help you also. If it takes you longer to eat, by taking smaller bites and chewing more, you will eat far less in 20 min. (the time it takes your tummy to tell your brain it's full) the normal...less calories = weight loss.
Some times I wonder if I had learned all these tricks, I mean really learned, would I have ever needed the surgery? Who knows, but not a day has passed where I haven't been thankful and happy about my choice..I needed a tool, I needed to know that I could never over indulge again. As far as I'm concerned I gave up nothing and got so much in return....
Wishing you all the happiness I feel today....

My visit with Bob

I went to see Bob the other day, he is sort of the Big Kahuna of the WLS program. The problem solver, Mr. Fix It. It was a good visit...I'm dying to talk about my weight loss progress, but I won't, not yet and there is a reason I will explain when I share all.
Don't you just love a good mystery? I also hope to be able to get some pictures on here so you can watch me melt, along with some pictures of my projects. I think the key to any weight loss is to stay busy and stay away from food. That can be difficult if your under stress.
Lets face it, we can always find a reason to eat..I have such cause to celebrate..I'm feeling great, dropped 2 sizes already, no more real health issues (that alone is cause for celebration) This surgery has made such a difference in the quality of my life. It would be very easy to clean out the refrig, as in eating whats there, just to CELEBRATE !!!
Part of my behavioral change is to learn that food isn't the answer to Stress, Happiness, loneliness, fear, anger etc.....Sure I can celebrate a milestone by going out to dinner, but I've learned that the first bite taste as good as the last. I've learned to savor and taste food instead of challenging myself to see how fast I can make it disappear. Being happy with myself and the choices I make is much better then being Happy about anything else .
Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted to grab a heavy person and tell them about this surgery. I said "No" and I saw a look of surprise...
This surgery isn't an answer for everyone that is heavy. There are a lot of people who can lose weight, hundreds of pounds, by diet and exercise alone. I was one of them once upon a time.
But because of metabolic changes, loss of mobility and other contributing factors...Diet alone is no longer an option...I am sure there are a lot of people who do HAVE did surgery thinking it will be easier then dieting. Think again.....This is the hardest journey I have ever taken and trust me, life has had many pitfalls. This is the Mt. Everest of all my challenges in life. Am I sorry? I would do it again in a heartbeat...my only regret is waiting so long. But my advice it anyone who may be thinking about WLS. Is to gather as much info as you can, go to meetings and listen...but do not allow any to influence you..This is one time in life that only YOU can decide whats best for YOU. I've gotten some great e-mail asking lots of questions...That's what it's all about, asking questions and I don't mind sharing.
Thanks for checking in on me and I promise to start sharing my milestones in pic's soon.....

Another Lesson

A friend of mine, who has been very supportive of my journey, wrote to me yesterday.
She spoke about her thoughts on weight loss and I could hear echo's of my own voice in her words. Why are we so damned hard on ourselves? We always feel, bottom line, that we are out of control, mindless, self indulgent, pigs.
I've learned several things during this journey (1) I had never truly tasted my food. NEVER, which is hard to believe. Why? because I never really CHEWED my food. I chewed enough to swallow and get the next bite down...but chew, chew, chew 20 or 30 times, never. (2) I was NEVER satisfied...Full? Perhaps for a short time. Satisfied? Never... I don't believe it EVER took me 20 to 30 min. to eat a meal. These are all behavior modifications I had to make because of this surgery.
Add to this...3 medications that were among the 12 I was taking that cause weight gain. The reason I was taking these meds was because of Diabetes and high BP (both problems that come with morbid obesity).
Compound this with lack of exercise. Why? Because of my obesity I had bad joints, joints that were so extremely painful I could hardly walk. Muscles broke down in my legs(lack of exercise) so I needed a lift chair in order to get up. Of course just eating a minimal amount at that time of my life, went straight to fat. Then we have the depression that all this leads to. Getting up each morning and seeing yourself get bigger and bigger and feeling at the end of your rope. Telling yourself it's all your fault, you eat to much, you're fat and lazy.
There are scientific studies that prove this WRONG. There are brain chemicals, genetics's and yes some behavioral as well as emotional reason why a person is obese. Once you reach a stage in weight gain where joints start to breakdown and organs can no longer function properly, you just compound the problem.
I have said to doctors for years..."Of course I have physical problems, I have organs that are working for 2 people that were only designed to function for one person".... In my own layman's way, I was correct.
I had reached a point in my life where diets no longer worked and I wasn't willing to settle for 1 pound a week. AS nice as 52 pounds a year sounded, at 62, my "life time" is considerably shorter then when I was 30. My decision to have WLS was not met with smiles and pats on the back..It was met with questions, negative responses and horror stories. I collected my facts, did my homework..went from RNY , to Lap band, back to RNY. My surgery is a tool, a life saving tool.
I still have to slow down, chew my food (or suffer the consequences) exercise and make the right food choices...However, for the first time in my life, I leave the table completely satisfied, hard to believe with just 2 or 3 spoon fulls of food. It's not easy and there have been times I've questioned my sanity to have taken such a drastic measure...But then I step on the scale, I look at the empty pill box, I see clothes hanging on me like they belong to someone else, someone much bigger and I smile...for the first time in a very long time, I love the person looking back at me in the mirror. I know she is struggling, this is not an easy journey....But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Don't beat yourself up over weight . Part of it truly isn't your fault, some of it is, but you can change it... There is a lot more help out there then ever before. WW is a wonderful plan and can work for many people. I needed a fail safe, some way of knowing I could never over eat again. I found what worked for me. Don't stop looking until you find what works for you...You're worth it.....

Happy Thanksgiving

It is hard to believe that I am already almost 6 weeks into this new journey in my life.
Small bites and slowing down is still a big problem for me. Old habits really do die hard...
I am so very Thankful for the group that supports me each and every day, plus my friends and Rich encourage me with kind remarks about how "Good" I look.
I have lost quite a bit of weight and I can see it in my clothes, although not so much in the mirror. I've dropped 2 sizes and I'm heading for a third, so that makes me feel really good.
I will post pictures as well as my start weight...but at the moment I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of this. I've been up and down the scales all my life, but once my knees took away my mobility...the weight came on like a big snow fall...layer , by layer. It's no wonder I fell into a depressed state. Between my wonderful Orthopedist and my own determination that enough was enough, I am glad I was finally able to face the fact that drastic measures were needed.
This surgery may not be an answer for everyone, but it turned my life around...Has given me hope...reduced my pain and added quality to my life. I actually cut my own toe nails the other day. Something I have not been able to do for quite some time...With stiff sore knees and a big fat belly in the way, my toes might as well have been in China...Nice to find them right at the end of my feet and easily accessable.
For those that continue to share this journey with me, please know that I am so very Thankful for all the love and support everyone has shown. This is the best Thanksgiving ever...the meal may be a lot smaller for me, but I'm a lot smaller and for that I am so very thankful.....
Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!

Another lesson

My company has departed and my house is quiet again. The week -end was fun but difficult for me as far as eating. I had to keep reminding myself that I can no longer eat the way I once did. Taking "HUMAN BITES" is most difficult, even with pureed foods. I have to let go of the shoveling mode...no wonder I got so fat. How long have I been shoveling food into my mouth, chop chewing and then swallowing? I never chewed my food to mush, hell I never took small amounts. Sounds stupid huh? What a challenge it has been to slow down and take small amounts. If I take large amounts my body rebels in a horrible way and I have to lay flat until it stops. It's like stomach spasms. As my food is getting thicker I have become more aware of chewing and swallowing tiny amounts, making my meal last 1/2 hour. (You think it's easy? Try it!)
The friend that was visiting is very thin and always has been. I watched her eat..hmmm sure enough, she took her time between bites, got more involved in conversation then in eating. She cut her food small and chewed before swallowing. That has to be one of the keys...I have been observing thin people and they all eat like that. They all play or toy with their food...it is a habit I will have to develop. I will be on real food comes Thanksgiving so I am going to make up a menu now...I truly believe that if "You fail to plan, you plan to fail " and there is no way I will fail in this adventure...I've worked too hard and feel to good to allow food to ever govern my life again... Every day there is a new lesson to be learned.
I hope every ones week end was as nice as mine, filled with laughter and good times.....

Oh Happy Day!!

I've been a bit busy this week ,but I did want to share some happy news. I saw my regular health care provider on Monday, she was absolutely thrilled to hear all about the surgery.
I've lost another 6 pounds since last week, so I'm delighted, but the best part....I also lost 3 more pills. Hopefully in another few months they will all be gone...HOORAY!!!
Crushing all those pills has been a chore and the worst part of this whole experience. There is just no way to mask that awful, bitter, taste.
I received my RTD-51 from UPS yesterday. tried the Choc. right away. You can't mask that taste either LOL protein is protein but this is 51g in one can, which means if I drink one a day I really don't have to fret about getting in my 60g of protein a day.
I'm basically making WW meals for Rich and then taking a tiny piece of the protein for myself. My stomach can only hold about an once or two so I'm quite satisfied with a tiny piece of anything. I'm still pureeing but I'm not thinning as much, I have another week of this so I want to start thickening food so the tummy gets the hang of it. Time to start processing food!!
One thing for sure, you really get to know your body during this process. You also realize what you have been doing wrong for so many years...amazing...it's all so amazing to me.

Almost 4 weeks

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my surgery and I can't believe how incredible I feel. I am so lucky to have had a good surgeon, as well as a willing body that seems to heal rapidly. Inside I still know I had something done, it's not painful, just a wee bit sore..not even enough to notice unless I think about it. Not sure I'm in the norm though because I hear from others that are still tired, hurting and not doing so well with food.
A lot of people were praying for me so I guess I have all of you to thank for my continued success. I'm not sure it would have been all this pleasant without all the support I've had.
My friend Marilynn has been an absolute rock, calling me with positive thought, driving me to meetings and just being an all round great friend. Ceil calls often, unfortunately she has been sick since my surgery, but she is very supportive...all my friends as well as my family have been just great. I am sure that has everything to do with my fast recovery.
Now I have to start thinking about holiday eating. I find that pre planning what I eat helps a great deal to stay on track and get all my protein in. Can't eat very much, so what I do eat has to be very good for me....Protein first!!! Then if I can fit anymore in (which at this point I can't), I go to the veggies. I'm learning to slow up...the hardest part of the whole thing...Rich is a big help there. He just gives me that look LOL
I go see my other Dr. today...see if I can't get off some of these *&^% pills. It was nice to dump the diabetic stuff but I still have 6 more I have to get rid of...officially LOL Read between THOSE lines.
Wishing everyone all the happiness you have brought into my life right back at you.........

Almost four weeks

My, My, how quickly time goes bye. I'm not sure how many people are trying to follow this Blog, I will try and write more often. It's been a crazy few weeks.

I did get weighed on Monday and was very excited. There was a reason I didn't post that loss here. I realized that there are people in my WLS group that are watching me closely and I fear judging their success according to mine. This isn't about numbers, it's about a total life style change. This isn't a diet, it's a new beginning. Old habits die hard and the journey is a difficult one.
You can only eat so much, and what you chose to eat is what it's all about...not numbers.
I'm finding it hard to to slow down. I never realized how fast I must have eaten, shoveling was more like it. I do not believe I ever truly tasted food. I find that I can't seem to put a small amount on my spoon (no wonder they recommend a baby spoon) If I ever find an infant spoon on sale I'm buying 20 of them LOL Fitting in 64 oz of water is also a chore, I feel like I should have the water bottle strapped to me like a feed bag LOL And then we have exercise, by the time I finish cleaning and doing chores and getting into my sewing room (where I want to be) who has time for exercise? It is something that I have actually had to schedule into my day...Yup! This is a new way of life, no doubt about it. But I've lost weight and I've already dropped a size in clothes, so I'm very happy.
Will I ever post my loss...You bet I will...I'll scream it from the roof tops. I see Bob on Dec 4th and I will post my weight after that visit and will probably do so monthly after that...I just want all the Newbies to be able to focus on their own success...We all seem to become very competitive at this stage.
All I know is that I have more energy then I've had in many years, I feel wonderful and I'm beyond Happy.....Thanks for checking on me.

Disappointment

I would really like to post each day, but I'm doing so well, there really isn't much to say.
I was supposed to see Dr. Strauss this past Wed. but God decided to send a snow storm instead. We got 9" of snow and the plow wasn't hooked up yet so we were sort of stuck here (the story of my life) for those of you who don't know, I live on a mountain with one of the steepest driveways around..Winters are an adventure and I've learned not to make long term plans. Like goes pretty much according to the weather. Not that I mind, when I'm trapped here, I seem to get a great deal done.
I started puree foods yesterday, a few days early, just for dinners. I felt much better after eating 2 oz. of that. Not sure if the thicker REAL food was the key, or if it was in fact the food itself.
Life to me is all based on logic. This is a new tummy so I understand that you don't want to flood it with food it would have to digest. The stomach is about the size of a Walnut, not very big huh?
Baby's stay on baby food while their new stomachs learn what to do and that's pretty much why full liquids are required for 3 weeks, then pureed for 3 weeks more, giving the stomach a chance to heal and learn what to do. Most of the digestion right now takes place in the intestines.
I know how my body feels and felt a need to start pureed foods, I feel better having done so.

I've also observed something strange that I plan to discuss with the Doctor. My blood sugar levels respond to dumping. Dumping Syndrome happens to by-pass patients usually when they over do Carbs or fat...I have done neither, but I do react to the crushed pills. My numbers went up to 175 the other day, but I didn't panic and take insulin. Dumping feels like a flu, cold sweats, sick stomach...just crumby for about 5 minutes then it passes. Within a two hour time frame my numbers returned to normal without diabetic medication. The same thing happened this morning...So I'm seeing obvious evidence that I am no longer a diabetic (the doctor has already said that, but this is just more proof) I still check numbers 3X a day just to keep track.
I also have a hard lump under one incision, not sure if it's just scar tissue but it hurts if I bend and squish it. I'll cover that with Dr. Stauss as well. My energy level continues to increase and every new day is like a new adventure in living. It even amazes me that such a small amount of food satisfies my hunger. I do believe it is harder on people around me to wrap their brains around the small amount of food I eat....but like anything else, you get use to it. I've even gone out to eat several times... Most places are very willing to blend up soup or re whip potatoes with more milk..it's all amazing.
Monday morning I will find out how much weight I have lost so far so come back and check.....
TTFN

Still Shedding the cocoon

It is Saturday almost 2 week post -op and I feel better then I have in a very long time. My sugar numbers still remain normal, I've got tons of energy and I have no pain of discomfort. The incisions are still sore within, guess that will take a while...might get better sooner if I'd stop running around but it just feels so darn good not to be exhausted all the time.
I have noticed that taste has change, I seem to crave strong tasting things..Hummus, stuff with garlic etc...olives, pickles...weird huh? Of course I can't eat any of that right now but its on my mind. I did go out to lunch with Rich yesterday, I asked to have the New England Clam Chower (one of my favorites at this place) blended, they were very accomodating and the soup was out of this world.
I had it for dinner also, but I added unflavored Unjury to it for extra protein. I will be looking forward to real food, but I'm not rushing it. This Full LIquid isn't all that bad and I try not to pay attention. I'm never hungry so that helps...getting down 64 oz of water a day is rough also but I do my best. I have no idea how much weight I've lost. Rich says the puffiness in my face is gone. I have to see my surgeon on Wed. I figure I'll let her share my surprise...so check back and be surprised also....

A Week and a Day past surgery

Oct 22- I do hope that all who follow me have the same surgical experience I have had.
While any surgery that requires cutting, stapling, re-routing intestines etc...is going to leave you sore and a bit gassy. I have used no pain medication and trust me, I would if I needed it. My incisions are all healed, my black and blues have faded. Even the memory of the Hospital ordeal has become bearable because I feel so good.
I'm not as tired as I thought I would be , but I do get fatigued and have to remember what my body has been through and that it is still healing. That's hard to do when you feel as good as I do.
I made it to the post op meeting and everyone was very surprised to see me. That meeting for those who don't know is once a month, FREE, you don't have to go but they are informative and as pre-op patients you learn a great deal that can help you after surgery.After the meeting we usually go out to eat and this week was no exception (no I am not able to drive yet but Marilynn is a great driver) We also picked up Sue. I had potato soup and loved every drop. probably not a lot of protein, but I did enjoy being out with everyone. I now look forward to the mentors meeting and group that follows but that's in NOV and I'll be fine by then.
I'm still on full liquids and probably will be until at least next week. I'm eating baby food to which I add protein powder. In case anyone every needs more protein then you can get from your food, check out Unjury.com the best tasting stuff I ever had. Jello, pudding stuff like that. It's not forever, whats 3 weeks out of the rest of my life?
I have a lot of catching up to do so it will be a while before I am back in full swing on my Groups, I do miss everyone and my daily routine. Right now when I have energy I have to focus on healing and getting back into the swing of exercise as well as some projects that got set aside.
There is a long road ahead of me and if you have taken the Journey with me thus far...Welcome to the melting side and I hope you will continue to check in as I begin my metamorphosis.
My legs are doing great and the Symvisc is still holding...Life can be beautiful....

October 17-A day to remember

I was able to speak to Dr. Straus right away and she told me to get to the emergency room. I had no desire to return to that hospital as a patient, although I seem to be an exception to every rule.
Dr. Straus wasn't taking no for an answer and the urgency in her voice kind of scared me into giving in. She told me they would be expecting me at the ER.
We got there around 11:30 and it seemed like a big surprise to everyone, no one had gotten a call to "expect me". Rich was parking the car and a kind soul who was admitting her son ran and got me a wheel chair (she is a nurse at the hospital also, she explains) I'm so glad she got me a BIG comfortable one. I had to once again be a shrew in order to get into the ER, otherwise I'd probably still be waiting in the waiting room. Lots of staff walking around, but not doing too much. The nurse who asked me questions had a computer in front of her with all the answers. Why not just ask me if anything has changed in the past 12 hours. If this was a true Emergency why not start with some CARE.
Once in the ER a nurse came and started an IV (brutal) told me I had DEEP veins...now there's a new one. We waited, and we waited and time slowly moved on. The nurse came into tell me she ordered a chest xray, which a doctor later cancelled but that's how the day went. Rich said it was a good thing it wasn't life threatening. Finally a woman walks in carrying a huge container of liquid and proceeds to tell me how I'm going to "drink all this in two hours"....I don't think so, so I explain to her that I just had surgery and can only drink 30cc every 15 min at best. She didn't get it. She told me that just wouldn't do and went and got me a straw to make it easier. Bariatric patients can't use straws. Rich went to get Chris when he realized no one seemed to have a clue about taking care of me. Chris, like the guardian angel she is, came to the rescue and saved the day. I had to finally threaten to sign myself out in order to get my CAT scan. Dr Straus was there quickly after to explain I had a blockage and that I may need more surgery.
She told me what it could be or what it may be. We needed to talk because I just wasn't ready to re admitted to that hospital. It was with great reservation that she let me go home, with the promise that I would return if the retching started again...You bet I would have, but all I really wanted was to go home and get a good nights sleep. It was now past 6pm, I hadn't eaten all day and I was exhausted from the ordeal. Poor Rich, I can't even imagine how he felt.

Shedding the Cocoon

Oct-14....
Everything went as planned, we stayed at a motel the night before so we were atthe hospital by 6 am and I was in surgery by 7:30. Dr. Straus found Richard to tell him the surgery had gone well and they would be out to get him shortly.4 hours later Dr. Straus saw him and asked why he was still there. It appears that I just didn't want to recover on schedule, I was enjoying my sleep too much. They simply could not keep me awake. I remember seeing him and him saying he was leaving me and would see me "tomorrow".... I feel nothing...I just want to sleep.

Oct15... It feels like someone woke me every hour to check vitals or sugar #'s...Feeling very tired but no pain. The nurse shows me how to hit the morphine pump but I'm pretty comfortable, very dry, I just need water which I'm told I can't have. They do offer me chipped ice (guess it's better to choke on that) not sure what thats about but that sure does feel good in my mouth. I savor the cool and swallow the melt carefully.Later on someone gives me a cup of water with a sponge on a stick...I'm loving it. Each time someone comes in the room to check my vitals or check blood they hit that pump. I guess they don't believe I have no pain. I am swollen and my belly is sore, it hurts to move around or use stomach muscles, but otherwise no pain. I have compression boots on , they said I would to prevent blood clots. They stressed walking and a nurse has already told me someone will be in to remove the catheter and get me out of bed.
I keep having to ask for more water/sponge, they must be very busy. Someone did come in to remove the catheter but I can't get out of bed, can't really lean forward with the oxygen on.
Student nurses are on the floor and I have a little one called Mavis...what a cutie. She took me down for the swallow test, I've gotten an extended oxygen tube so I can sit up comfortably, my breakfast (jello and tea) was put so far away I couldn't reach it, but I really wasn't all that hungry. I keep asking to get up and walk but no one comes to undo my boots or disconnect the pump thing from the wall, the bottom half of my bed deflated, but Karen and Marietta made sure they found enough pillows to put my legs up and make it more comfortable. I must say, I am a bit disappointed in the care here. Seems to be quite a lot of staff so you'd think someone would have the bed fixed, toilets acting up too so the brought me a potty. Probably better off because I can't even imagine having to go and having to wait for someone to release me from my machine as well as the boots. I asked Rich to take me home, I know I'd get better care there. I feel so frustrated. On the bright side I did get to see Chris and Tiffany, Karen, Marietta and Sue..
What a nice surprise, not to mention a comfort having some help.

Oct 16- Got a surprise visit from Jules on her way to work. She sort of splashed her way in, seems the toilet overflowed. I heard one of the poor nurses say she called maintenence 3 times. That must be the guy who is also fixing my bed. Jules can't believe whats happening but she claims I look good. Must be that shower a kind person let me take last night. Dr Eckel came into my room while Jules was there to inform me that I no longer have diabetes. Needless to say there was a joyful noise. he also said I was on the "discharge list"...Thank you God!!!
Sure enough Dr. Straus signed me out and came into to chat. What a wonderful surgeon she is. She said I was doing exceptionally well and she was delighted to hear about the diabetes.
I don't think Rich was all that crazy about the early release call, I think he expected it in the afternoon. Poor guy it ended up being afternoon anyway before the slow wheels of progress finally turned.
It sure was nice to get home and into my own bed.
About 10 at night I didn't feel very well, by 11 pm I was in the bathroom retching. Once it settled down I took a sip of water and prayed it wouldn't happen again. It did, about every hour. Rich keeps asking if it's normal. How do I know? I wouldn't think it's normal but then again I never had my stomach made the size of a walnut before...so whats normal? All I do know is that it hurts when it happens, like a sledgehammer. I will call as soon as people begin to wake up...it finally stopped at 4 am, now I just feel sick.

My Day has come....

I was hoping to take the reader through the process so one could see it is not an easy road, nor is it a fast journey. It took me 5 months and a few disappointments and I have done it faster then most.
My second visit with Bob did not go as planned. But I did manage to lose the excess weight and move on within two weeks. Thanks to a very accommodating team. My visit with the psychologist went well. My surgeon was replaced by a young female surgeon, who according to those who were around during her residency, has golden hands. I liked her as soon as I met her and from her office I was sent to pre-registration and got a date for Oct 14th.
Shortly after, two days later, I got a call from the nurse in the OR, seems there is a problem with my heart. It is enlarged (most heavy people have this), I have a murmur and prolapse (no surprise there) but the anesthesiologist want me to see a cardiologist. With the Mal practice insurance they pay, who can blame them for being careful. As a patient I'm kind of glad they are so thorough. Unfortunately the appointment they gave me was on the 10th of Oct. The Friday before a holiday week-end and 4 days before my surgery.
Can anyone say "STRESS". Thankfully I whined to my support group and one of my Guardian Angels there made all the right connections and I not only saw the Cardiologist (whom I adored) but I also got an echo cardiogram done in record time and once again I was back on track.
So here I sit, it's a Monday morning at 3 am. A million thoughts running through my head but no doubts. I am sure this is the answer for me to a healthier way of life, I am grateful to have gotten this far and to have found out I'm healthier then I thought LOL I've got my bag packed and my Bariatric Bear in tow....He was given to me by a member of my team and I will hug him when I need to cough. It seems coughing and walking are most important.
I will be in the hospital for 3 or 4 days and if all goes well, I will return home drinking full liquids. meaning creamed soups, protein shakes etc.
AS I said in the beginning, although I did keep a diary, I was not prepared to share this experience at first. Time has gotten away from me, but now that I am at peace with this whole process and happy with my decision, I will continue this blog and I will also be adding pictures along the way so people can see the progress.
I hope if you have gotten this far, you will return every now and then to see how I'm doing. Post comments if you like, ask questions.
Tomorrow morning at 6 am I will arrive at the hospital and my surgery is scheduled for 7:30, all prayers are appreciated.

The Surgeon

June 24- Meeting Dr. Weiss was scary. I heard he was a military man and could be a bit rough at times. I think it was a lot of poppycock. He is a sweetheart, my kind of doctor, a straight shooter. Pretty much like my orthopedist. Tells you the truth, not what you WANT to hear.
My biggest concern was that Barrett's Esophagus. He was surprised at my choice of Banding vs. by-pass. He explained that Banded people tend to throw up more which is not what I want to do.
While by-pass surgery doesn't cure ALL diabetics, it does in 80% of the cases, not so with Banding. The weight loss is much slower with banding, with all I have going on, seems by-pass would be the better choice. Yes there is a higher risk, but it's pretty risky crossing the street these days. We had a nice talk and he also explained that a lot has changed since that man needed 14 pints of blood 8 years ago (that surgery was also not done in Cooperstown). I had been walking the wire at that point. Not really sure which surgery I wanted. It was something I would have to discuss with Rich and do more research. Ask more questions.
At this point I have lost 4 pounds of the 16 I have to lose before 7-15. I'm spending more time on the Gazelle and the bike, eating a lot less. This seems to be the hardest part of all according to what I'm reading on the thread. So many of the women are struggling to lose the weight. For most of us it is 13 to 18 pounds. The post op people are very helpful and supportive...There are times you feel almost alien. Hard to explain, like your from your own little planet where people there have all had surgery to achieve weight loss, you start to feel very disconnected from "normal" people. I thought it was just my own paranoia but in talking to the group I realize we all feel sort of the same way. We are different. Someone recently said to me "You're taking the easy way out"...My response was "you're kidding me right?".......Easy? They give you plenty of time to think, they are very graphic in explaining what you will go through. This is NOT an easy process and there is a great deal more involved then "simple" surgery and fast weight loss.
For some of us it is the only answer and so many factors play into the disease of obesity, you end up feeling like a doctor yourself with each passing day. Well perhaps not everyone gets as involved in this process as I am....but hey, if I'm going to have my stomach stapled and change my life forever, I'm not going in blind that's for damn sure.
I first had to convince myself that I couldn't do this any other way, so while keeping all these appointments, I also joined a gym. Perhaps diet and exercise would work.......

The Dietitian Speaks

It is June 12th- You may have noticed the dates and times of these entries are very different from the actual dates of appointments. That's because I kept a diary and shared very little with anyone up until this point. Rich of course knows all and is very supportive, but it took a while to mention it to close friends and other members of my family. Why? Because it took a while for me to wrap my mind around the whole concept that I was seeking a surgical answer to a problem that I had always been able to deal with by dieting. I had a lot of questions still unanswered.
The dietitian was a Sweetie and seemed surprised that I knew as much as I did about exchanges, natural sugars, calories etc. Raising a diabetic brother helped.
She went over the post op eating schedule, clear liquids for a week, full-liquids for 2 weeks (creamed soups, puddings..stuff like that) the pureed foods for 2 weeks.This will allow the stomach to get use to the new digestion. That diet stays pretty much the same no matter what surgery you chose.
I left with home work, which was basically setting up a diet plan showing her that I knew the difference between liquid, full liquid and pureed. It also had to be nutritionally sound. Protein is very important, but so is getting in needed fruits and veggies.
I told you there was a lot to learn......

Hunting and Gathering

I am amazed at how much I DON'T know about obesity. We all have a story as to why we gained weight. I won't bore you with mine. I'm finding out about this dreadful disease and the long term results. It's frightening.
I also realize that there is a difference to being over weight and suffering from the disease of obesity. At some point in my life, I was over weight. Diets worked. WW actually worked for me several times. When it seemed to stop working for me it added to an already low self esteem. I felt like a failure. I did everything right, followed the plan, increased exercise as much as I could with a bum knee. With each pound I gained it seemed a new ailment would crop up... I was in a downward spiral, no doubt about that. More weight, more pain, less tolerance etc. etc....
I didn't like hearing my new doc call me morbidly obese. The truth hurt big time. But I am grateful to him. When I told him I was trying hard to lose the weight because I realized my legs were tired of carrying around two people, he asked me a very profound question, "How long have you been dieting?" OMG!!! What a wake up call.... Years, many years that's how long. The diet was successful, the weight loss wasn't. I lost hundreds of pounds over the years and over time gained it back and then some each time.
I remember once talking to a dear friend at pool side. We compared alcoholism to food addiction...He was way ahead of his time in that comparison, especially when he said "an alcoholic can stay away from his demon,You can't stay away from food..."
Now after years and years of study they recognize obesity for the disease it truly is.
The Harvard School of medicine did a long term study which showed that 90% people having Bariatric surgery maintain at least 50% of their weight loss, while only 5% of dieters in the same category. That's not to say ALL dieters need bariatric surgery. In fact, it is a long study program to even find out if you are a candidate.
Part of the process is to attend meetings. Both group meetings, where by-pass people and Banded people answer questions...and post -op meetings. Post op-meetings are separate so if you want to gather info, you have to attend all...which I did. I also joined an on line group. The people are all painfully honest, which is a good thing, because this is serious stuff.
It almost becomes an obsession...I want to learn as much as I can. This could all be for nothing, because I can be turned away at anytime...by anyone of the team of doctors. But the education I'm getting is worth it.

Say Hi to the EGD Doctor

The last Endoscopy I had was done with no medication, it was a horror and because of it I wasn't looking forward to this...AT ALL. But wait, the first thing the nurse did was insert a lock...Good sign that I will be given something. Not that I'm a chicken you understand, I just have a serious problem with someone shoving a tube down my throat and telling me to swallow while I'm gagging and trying to expel my insides. Dr. Bersitis and his staff were wonderful, I don't remember a thing..No seriously..the Doc talked to Rich, I remember waking up in my own bed and not knowing how I got there..What ever that stuff was that they gave me, I'd like a bottle :-)
Rich said the Doc took some biopsies, he saw something suspicious, but wasn't sure. Gee, something else to add to summer stress, how nice.
The letter arrived a few days later..Good news, stomach looks good, no H pylori, However....Arrrugh why is there always a "However"....The Biopsy showed Barretts Esophagus, a pre-cancerous situation that needs to be watched..The only up side to that is that I get more of the "happy" stuff. I have an appointment to see my surgeon. Will he still do the surgery?
Sometimes I feel like my life is one BIG question mark. Is this trip fun or what?

Meeting the Captain of the Ship

June 20th came fast. Bob Mc Cann is about the busiest man I have ever met, yet be pulled up a chair, asked questions, answered many of mine. He looked at my legs with deep concern. The adema that had stopped my knee replacement was back. He made a note of it. We discussed medications. He asked if I'd made up my mind. I'm pretty sure I will go for the Lap Band, this is a band thats put around the upper part of your stomach. It sort of looks like a Little Fairy inner tube. They fill it with saline to tighten it and form a pouch in the upper part of the stomach. The weight loss is slower, the surgery safer. A lot was covered in that half hour. I was told, although I would go forward with appointments, my name would not be considered until I had lost 16 pounds...Oy!! Isn't that why I'm here? I didn't think cheating was part of the plan or I would have done the Cabbage Soup diet and lost it in a week. I figured they wanted to see how good I was at dieting. It had to be a trick :-)
From Bobs office I was sent for blood work up, an EKG and chest xray...sheesh, they weren't fooling around.
Mean while Summer company has started coming and my quilting projects (swaps and stuff) have fallen by the wayside because of my hunger to learn as much as I can about this surgery. I have fallen back on WW and my core program...Hoping I could lose the weight in 8 weeks.....You still with me? Bless your heart.

The Journey begins....(part1)

I attended the orientation meeting May6,2008. At that time I learned, with a BMI of 48, I was considered morbidly obese. Wow that's a real hit to the old self esteem. My ideal weight is 130 pounds. Gee I didn't know they'd be telling jokes here. Health risk from obesity are:

Type 2 diabetes, certain types of cancer, High blood pressure,coronary artery disease, stroke, sleep apnea, back and joint problems,Gallbladder disease....and the list goes on. Okay I'm not smiling anymore, this is serious. Other related problems are depression, self esteem issues and increased surgical risk...BINGO!! I'm listening now.

I had gone there, after reading the packet, thinking I'd look into by-pass. They explained both surgeries and the risk involved with both. Then we got a chance to talk to people who had the surgeries. We got to hear the good and the bad. I dragged Rich with me and I noticed when one man talked about his by-pass and his 14 pints of blood, Rich paled a bit...I'm thinking I did too.

The meeting was more then a reality check for me...I left knowing I had a serious problem.

Rich and I discussed both surgeries and decided lap band may be a better way to go.

I went home and began doing research, waiting for my appointment with Bob ,a nurse practitioner in charge of setting everything up. My research convinced me even more that I was in need of WLS ( weight loss surgery). I was not just "overweight" by 20 or 30 pounds..heck I wasn't even considered obese, I had swung into morbid obesity 50 pounds ago. In all probability my weight would kill me before anything else (or some weight related disease).

Welcome to my Blog- This is something I have pondered doing since this new adventure in my life started. So many people seemed interested in my journey, but at the time it was a very personal matter. Something I wasn't sure I was ready to share and something I felt some would not understand. Perhaps I didn't want to deal with the questions because I didn't know the answers.

I did keep a diary because I thought one day I may want to make a quilt depicting my long and arduous journey.

As some of you know, the past few years have not been my best. Painful knee problems, became excruciating to the point where it was difficult to walk from room to room in my own home. Shots and scopes no longer worked. I was finally diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which at least accounted for some of the horrible pain, a need for knee replacements made up for the rest. Surgery was called off at the 11th hour...No serious, I was on the table...but due to an infection in that leg the surgery was cancelled and I was sent home on anti-biotics...Which didn't work. That was Dec 10th 2007.

By February I had had enough of the three P's (poking, proding and pain)

I switched doctors (Orthopedic Surgeons) and what a difference. The first thing I was told that knee replacements in Obese (ouch! That hurt) people was much riskier. He went on to explain why, then given the fact that I also had diabetes and High blood pressure, the risk increased. He ask me if I had ever researched Bariatric surgery. My answer to that was yes, but it didn't sound like it was for me. I was also told about shots called Simvisc for my knee, but I had heard they didn't work. Turns out they don't always work, but the usual reason they don't, is because doctors don't tell patients to go home and stay off the leg for a day or so.I was willing to try anything at that point.

The shots were given once a week for 3 weeks. No they were not painful, just a great deal of pressure that felt very weird. They took almost a month to kick in, but when they did, I was a new woman.

Meanwhile, I once again contacted the bariatric group in Cooperstown just to see what it was all about.I was sent a packet and invited to an orientation meeting...A meeting that would begin a whole new chapter in my life. A meeting that would send me into unchartered waters without a map or compass. A meeting that would shed a whole new light on a very old problem and I would gain a new respect for the medical profession as a whole. (Never been fond of doctors)

Are you still with me?