Another Lesson

A friend of mine, who has been very supportive of my journey, wrote to me yesterday.
She spoke about her thoughts on weight loss and I could hear echo's of my own voice in her words. Why are we so damned hard on ourselves? We always feel, bottom line, that we are out of control, mindless, self indulgent, pigs.
I've learned several things during this journey (1) I had never truly tasted my food. NEVER, which is hard to believe. Why? because I never really CHEWED my food. I chewed enough to swallow and get the next bite down...but chew, chew, chew 20 or 30 times, never. (2) I was NEVER satisfied...Full? Perhaps for a short time. Satisfied? Never... I don't believe it EVER took me 20 to 30 min. to eat a meal. These are all behavior modifications I had to make because of this surgery.
Add to this...3 medications that were among the 12 I was taking that cause weight gain. The reason I was taking these meds was because of Diabetes and high BP (both problems that come with morbid obesity).
Compound this with lack of exercise. Why? Because of my obesity I had bad joints, joints that were so extremely painful I could hardly walk. Muscles broke down in my legs(lack of exercise) so I needed a lift chair in order to get up. Of course just eating a minimal amount at that time of my life, went straight to fat. Then we have the depression that all this leads to. Getting up each morning and seeing yourself get bigger and bigger and feeling at the end of your rope. Telling yourself it's all your fault, you eat to much, you're fat and lazy.
There are scientific studies that prove this WRONG. There are brain chemicals, genetics's and yes some behavioral as well as emotional reason why a person is obese. Once you reach a stage in weight gain where joints start to breakdown and organs can no longer function properly, you just compound the problem.
I have said to doctors for years..."Of course I have physical problems, I have organs that are working for 2 people that were only designed to function for one person".... In my own layman's way, I was correct.
I had reached a point in my life where diets no longer worked and I wasn't willing to settle for 1 pound a week. AS nice as 52 pounds a year sounded, at 62, my "life time" is considerably shorter then when I was 30. My decision to have WLS was not met with smiles and pats on the back..It was met with questions, negative responses and horror stories. I collected my facts, did my homework..went from RNY , to Lap band, back to RNY. My surgery is a tool, a life saving tool.
I still have to slow down, chew my food (or suffer the consequences) exercise and make the right food choices...However, for the first time in my life, I leave the table completely satisfied, hard to believe with just 2 or 3 spoon fulls of food. It's not easy and there have been times I've questioned my sanity to have taken such a drastic measure...But then I step on the scale, I look at the empty pill box, I see clothes hanging on me like they belong to someone else, someone much bigger and I smile...for the first time in a very long time, I love the person looking back at me in the mirror. I know she is struggling, this is not an easy journey....But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Don't beat yourself up over weight . Part of it truly isn't your fault, some of it is, but you can change it... There is a lot more help out there then ever before. WW is a wonderful plan and can work for many people. I needed a fail safe, some way of knowing I could never over eat again. I found what worked for me. Don't stop looking until you find what works for you...You're worth it.....