Another Lesson

A friend of mine, who has been very supportive of my journey, wrote to me yesterday.
She spoke about her thoughts on weight loss and I could hear echo's of my own voice in her words. Why are we so damned hard on ourselves? We always feel, bottom line, that we are out of control, mindless, self indulgent, pigs.
I've learned several things during this journey (1) I had never truly tasted my food. NEVER, which is hard to believe. Why? because I never really CHEWED my food. I chewed enough to swallow and get the next bite down...but chew, chew, chew 20 or 30 times, never. (2) I was NEVER satisfied...Full? Perhaps for a short time. Satisfied? Never... I don't believe it EVER took me 20 to 30 min. to eat a meal. These are all behavior modifications I had to make because of this surgery.
Add to this...3 medications that were among the 12 I was taking that cause weight gain. The reason I was taking these meds was because of Diabetes and high BP (both problems that come with morbid obesity).
Compound this with lack of exercise. Why? Because of my obesity I had bad joints, joints that were so extremely painful I could hardly walk. Muscles broke down in my legs(lack of exercise) so I needed a lift chair in order to get up. Of course just eating a minimal amount at that time of my life, went straight to fat. Then we have the depression that all this leads to. Getting up each morning and seeing yourself get bigger and bigger and feeling at the end of your rope. Telling yourself it's all your fault, you eat to much, you're fat and lazy.
There are scientific studies that prove this WRONG. There are brain chemicals, genetics's and yes some behavioral as well as emotional reason why a person is obese. Once you reach a stage in weight gain where joints start to breakdown and organs can no longer function properly, you just compound the problem.
I have said to doctors for years..."Of course I have physical problems, I have organs that are working for 2 people that were only designed to function for one person".... In my own layman's way, I was correct.
I had reached a point in my life where diets no longer worked and I wasn't willing to settle for 1 pound a week. AS nice as 52 pounds a year sounded, at 62, my "life time" is considerably shorter then when I was 30. My decision to have WLS was not met with smiles and pats on the back..It was met with questions, negative responses and horror stories. I collected my facts, did my homework..went from RNY , to Lap band, back to RNY. My surgery is a tool, a life saving tool.
I still have to slow down, chew my food (or suffer the consequences) exercise and make the right food choices...However, for the first time in my life, I leave the table completely satisfied, hard to believe with just 2 or 3 spoon fulls of food. It's not easy and there have been times I've questioned my sanity to have taken such a drastic measure...But then I step on the scale, I look at the empty pill box, I see clothes hanging on me like they belong to someone else, someone much bigger and I smile...for the first time in a very long time, I love the person looking back at me in the mirror. I know she is struggling, this is not an easy journey....But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Don't beat yourself up over weight . Part of it truly isn't your fault, some of it is, but you can change it... There is a lot more help out there then ever before. WW is a wonderful plan and can work for many people. I needed a fail safe, some way of knowing I could never over eat again. I found what worked for me. Don't stop looking until you find what works for you...You're worth it.....

Happy Thanksgiving

It is hard to believe that I am already almost 6 weeks into this new journey in my life.
Small bites and slowing down is still a big problem for me. Old habits really do die hard...
I am so very Thankful for the group that supports me each and every day, plus my friends and Rich encourage me with kind remarks about how "Good" I look.
I have lost quite a bit of weight and I can see it in my clothes, although not so much in the mirror. I've dropped 2 sizes and I'm heading for a third, so that makes me feel really good.
I will post pictures as well as my start weight...but at the moment I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of this. I've been up and down the scales all my life, but once my knees took away my mobility...the weight came on like a big snow fall...layer , by layer. It's no wonder I fell into a depressed state. Between my wonderful Orthopedist and my own determination that enough was enough, I am glad I was finally able to face the fact that drastic measures were needed.
This surgery may not be an answer for everyone, but it turned my life around...Has given me hope...reduced my pain and added quality to my life. I actually cut my own toe nails the other day. Something I have not been able to do for quite some time...With stiff sore knees and a big fat belly in the way, my toes might as well have been in China...Nice to find them right at the end of my feet and easily accessable.
For those that continue to share this journey with me, please know that I am so very Thankful for all the love and support everyone has shown. This is the best Thanksgiving ever...the meal may be a lot smaller for me, but I'm a lot smaller and for that I am so very thankful.....
Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!

Another lesson

My company has departed and my house is quiet again. The week -end was fun but difficult for me as far as eating. I had to keep reminding myself that I can no longer eat the way I once did. Taking "HUMAN BITES" is most difficult, even with pureed foods. I have to let go of the shoveling mode...no wonder I got so fat. How long have I been shoveling food into my mouth, chop chewing and then swallowing? I never chewed my food to mush, hell I never took small amounts. Sounds stupid huh? What a challenge it has been to slow down and take small amounts. If I take large amounts my body rebels in a horrible way and I have to lay flat until it stops. It's like stomach spasms. As my food is getting thicker I have become more aware of chewing and swallowing tiny amounts, making my meal last 1/2 hour. (You think it's easy? Try it!)
The friend that was visiting is very thin and always has been. I watched her eat..hmmm sure enough, she took her time between bites, got more involved in conversation then in eating. She cut her food small and chewed before swallowing. That has to be one of the keys...I have been observing thin people and they all eat like that. They all play or toy with their food...it is a habit I will have to develop. I will be on real food comes Thanksgiving so I am going to make up a menu now...I truly believe that if "You fail to plan, you plan to fail " and there is no way I will fail in this adventure...I've worked too hard and feel to good to allow food to ever govern my life again... Every day there is a new lesson to be learned.
I hope every ones week end was as nice as mine, filled with laughter and good times.....

Oh Happy Day!!

I've been a bit busy this week ,but I did want to share some happy news. I saw my regular health care provider on Monday, she was absolutely thrilled to hear all about the surgery.
I've lost another 6 pounds since last week, so I'm delighted, but the best part....I also lost 3 more pills. Hopefully in another few months they will all be gone...HOORAY!!!
Crushing all those pills has been a chore and the worst part of this whole experience. There is just no way to mask that awful, bitter, taste.
I received my RTD-51 from UPS yesterday. tried the Choc. right away. You can't mask that taste either LOL protein is protein but this is 51g in one can, which means if I drink one a day I really don't have to fret about getting in my 60g of protein a day.
I'm basically making WW meals for Rich and then taking a tiny piece of the protein for myself. My stomach can only hold about an once or two so I'm quite satisfied with a tiny piece of anything. I'm still pureeing but I'm not thinning as much, I have another week of this so I want to start thickening food so the tummy gets the hang of it. Time to start processing food!!
One thing for sure, you really get to know your body during this process. You also realize what you have been doing wrong for so many years...amazing...it's all so amazing to me.

Almost 4 weeks

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since my surgery and I can't believe how incredible I feel. I am so lucky to have had a good surgeon, as well as a willing body that seems to heal rapidly. Inside I still know I had something done, it's not painful, just a wee bit sore..not even enough to notice unless I think about it. Not sure I'm in the norm though because I hear from others that are still tired, hurting and not doing so well with food.
A lot of people were praying for me so I guess I have all of you to thank for my continued success. I'm not sure it would have been all this pleasant without all the support I've had.
My friend Marilynn has been an absolute rock, calling me with positive thought, driving me to meetings and just being an all round great friend. Ceil calls often, unfortunately she has been sick since my surgery, but she is very supportive...all my friends as well as my family have been just great. I am sure that has everything to do with my fast recovery.
Now I have to start thinking about holiday eating. I find that pre planning what I eat helps a great deal to stay on track and get all my protein in. Can't eat very much, so what I do eat has to be very good for me....Protein first!!! Then if I can fit anymore in (which at this point I can't), I go to the veggies. I'm learning to slow up...the hardest part of the whole thing...Rich is a big help there. He just gives me that look LOL
I go see my other Dr. today...see if I can't get off some of these *&^% pills. It was nice to dump the diabetic stuff but I still have 6 more I have to get rid of...officially LOL Read between THOSE lines.
Wishing everyone all the happiness you have brought into my life right back at you.........

Almost four weeks

My, My, how quickly time goes bye. I'm not sure how many people are trying to follow this Blog, I will try and write more often. It's been a crazy few weeks.

I did get weighed on Monday and was very excited. There was a reason I didn't post that loss here. I realized that there are people in my WLS group that are watching me closely and I fear judging their success according to mine. This isn't about numbers, it's about a total life style change. This isn't a diet, it's a new beginning. Old habits die hard and the journey is a difficult one.
You can only eat so much, and what you chose to eat is what it's all about...not numbers.
I'm finding it hard to to slow down. I never realized how fast I must have eaten, shoveling was more like it. I do not believe I ever truly tasted food. I find that I can't seem to put a small amount on my spoon (no wonder they recommend a baby spoon) If I ever find an infant spoon on sale I'm buying 20 of them LOL Fitting in 64 oz of water is also a chore, I feel like I should have the water bottle strapped to me like a feed bag LOL And then we have exercise, by the time I finish cleaning and doing chores and getting into my sewing room (where I want to be) who has time for exercise? It is something that I have actually had to schedule into my day...Yup! This is a new way of life, no doubt about it. But I've lost weight and I've already dropped a size in clothes, so I'm very happy.
Will I ever post my loss...You bet I will...I'll scream it from the roof tops. I see Bob on Dec 4th and I will post my weight after that visit and will probably do so monthly after that...I just want all the Newbies to be able to focus on their own success...We all seem to become very competitive at this stage.
All I know is that I have more energy then I've had in many years, I feel wonderful and I'm beyond Happy.....Thanks for checking on me.

Disappointment

I would really like to post each day, but I'm doing so well, there really isn't much to say.
I was supposed to see Dr. Strauss this past Wed. but God decided to send a snow storm instead. We got 9" of snow and the plow wasn't hooked up yet so we were sort of stuck here (the story of my life) for those of you who don't know, I live on a mountain with one of the steepest driveways around..Winters are an adventure and I've learned not to make long term plans. Like goes pretty much according to the weather. Not that I mind, when I'm trapped here, I seem to get a great deal done.
I started puree foods yesterday, a few days early, just for dinners. I felt much better after eating 2 oz. of that. Not sure if the thicker REAL food was the key, or if it was in fact the food itself.
Life to me is all based on logic. This is a new tummy so I understand that you don't want to flood it with food it would have to digest. The stomach is about the size of a Walnut, not very big huh?
Baby's stay on baby food while their new stomachs learn what to do and that's pretty much why full liquids are required for 3 weeks, then pureed for 3 weeks more, giving the stomach a chance to heal and learn what to do. Most of the digestion right now takes place in the intestines.
I know how my body feels and felt a need to start pureed foods, I feel better having done so.

I've also observed something strange that I plan to discuss with the Doctor. My blood sugar levels respond to dumping. Dumping Syndrome happens to by-pass patients usually when they over do Carbs or fat...I have done neither, but I do react to the crushed pills. My numbers went up to 175 the other day, but I didn't panic and take insulin. Dumping feels like a flu, cold sweats, sick stomach...just crumby for about 5 minutes then it passes. Within a two hour time frame my numbers returned to normal without diabetic medication. The same thing happened this morning...So I'm seeing obvious evidence that I am no longer a diabetic (the doctor has already said that, but this is just more proof) I still check numbers 3X a day just to keep track.
I also have a hard lump under one incision, not sure if it's just scar tissue but it hurts if I bend and squish it. I'll cover that with Dr. Stauss as well. My energy level continues to increase and every new day is like a new adventure in living. It even amazes me that such a small amount of food satisfies my hunger. I do believe it is harder on people around me to wrap their brains around the small amount of food I eat....but like anything else, you get use to it. I've even gone out to eat several times... Most places are very willing to blend up soup or re whip potatoes with more milk..it's all amazing.
Monday morning I will find out how much weight I have lost so far so come back and check.....
TTFN