Company and fun

I am thrilled to have friends visiting today. Their annual visit seems to come and go so fast. We love having them and they are great company...no fussing :-)

Ellen wants to find a wall quilt, so we have a mission. Not sure how successful we will be, but it will be fun looking.

Today's topic on the thread was emotional eating. Something that doesn't go away because we had surgery. Some thing or someone can, at any time, say something that will send us looking for comfort food. My trick is not to have it available. Keep good food available that isn't harmful, like ice pops, Skinny Cow, fruit (anything sweet, which is usually what we need at the time) of course I keep them for snacks as well. Surgery is a tool but we will always have to deal with our emotions...sure my small stomach stops me from doing too much harm and usually the feeling passes before I can eat again. But we must always be aware of the triggers that will send us into an eating frenzy and know what our alternatives are. Mine are bushing my animals or walking up to the pond, far away from food. Find a none food alternative to comfort you in a time of stress...This Journey is NOT a smooth road, be prepared for bumps and pot holes.....

Dancing in the moon light (sugar coating)

What's wrong with being happy? I have never been bothered by anyone who is happy. In fact one of my doctors has the most beautiful smile and smiles all the time...ALL the time..odd when he is giving you bad news, but also appreciated. I love that man..I can't help but laugh in his office and everyone on his staff agrees, it is a pleasure to go to work in the morning. He shows up during a blizzard (travels from Albany to Delhi) and when people ask him the road is closed "How did you get here?" he just smiles "My road wasn't closed" and goes on about his business.

Some people are just HAPPY. Why does my Happy attitude bother people? I wasn't always happy, but then something happened that changed my life forever, something horrible. Now I could have used that situation to be miserable and angry for the rest of my life...but instead I made a choice, a conscious choice to embrace how precious life truly is, what a gift it is to wake up to a new day, to rejoice at all the good that has happened to me and be thankful for the amount of love that surrounds me.

I am not a Pollyanna as some people think. Do I sugar coat things...absolutely not..but I will try and put a positive spin on a negative event. It's what I do, it's how I survive..If you don't like my survival technique...walk away...how easy is that? Both my brother and I have been told we have an unusual tolerance to most kinds of pain. I believe it is because as children we suffered
excruciating pain as well as fear...We suffered through beatings that drew blood and broke bones, me more so then him because he was sickly and I made every effort to protect him...But in retrospect there is very little pain I have endured as an adult, that can compare to the pain of my childhood.
I strongly resent people coming right out and telling others..."No matter what you hear, this surgery is painful"...isn't that calling me and others like me liars? I am not going to lie or be accused of "sugar coating" because I will not admit to feeling pain. This surgery was NOT painful to me and many others. Yes there was some discomfort in the belly area, but it was short lived and not "PAINFUL", certainly not enough to take pain meds for.

WE are all so very different and that's okay. I sit and read about people complaining of the "terrible pain" after surgery...and people just eat that up..."Oh yes I remember it well", "Oh I know, it was just awful" blah, blah, blah But when I post, simply to let New people know that there is a flip side to that coin...Those that have complained of pain , go up in arms...like I'm calling them a liar. That shoe always seems to hurt when it's on the other foot.

I will always tell people the truth. Sometimes people do not like the truth...well then don't come to me with a question. If you can't deal with a positive attitude and a happy personality, then go find someone who isn't.

Am I always Happy? For the most part , YES. Do I get angry, you bet I do. Do I complain? Yup..
Is everything always "Rosy" in my life? NO my life has it's pain and suffering just like every one else (perhaps that's why I have a low tolerance for whiners) but I choose to look at pain and suffering as a lesson and as a challenge, not something to whine about. If it's broke, fix it...deal with it and move on. Complaining about a situation, IMHO, is like picking at a scab...it will only get worse the more you pick and it will never heal and go away. All my life I have met darkness with light, it was how I survived. I remember as a child, looking at the moon on a crystal clear night...there was just a sliver of light, but I could also see the dark side...just this big black, almost,circle of darkness. I was being punished and sent to bed without dinner and I remember seeing that moon as my life...so very, very dark. But I concentrated on that sliver of light and thought it was so beautiful .Even though most of the moon was dark, it was that sliver of light that illuminated the entire area and allowed me to see the larger dark side...as big as that darkness was, it could not over power that light. My tears stopped and I smiled, bound and determined to be that light and not allow the darkness to over take me or beat me down...It never has.
Like everyone, I have my dark moments, my dark days...but I also have the memory of that moon and the thoughts of that evening. Perhaps everyone should gaze at the sliver of the moon and rejoice in the light. I think the world would be a much better place. I remember too, seeing the full moon not long after...I was spinning around in the moon light and my dad was home (those were always good times) he was laughing at me and asking me why I was so happy. It was hard being so young to find the words. How could I explain that the full moon was a symbol of hope to me, that I was happy because the light took over the dark completely. I don't really remember the words I used but I do remember my Dad laughing with me and saying "That's my girl"...
I choose to be happy...It is one habit I do not need to break. What you choose to focus on in your life is your business. Don't rain on my parade, let me bring my sliver of the moon to the table.
You bring your darkness and let's see who wins....

Some Bees DIE after they sting...

The day before yesterday I announced to my WLS group that I was about to kick a bees nest. That was my way of saying I knew that not everyone was going to "get" what I was saying, but I knew it would open up some necessary dialog. I "kicked" because a newly minted Butterfly had brought up a very valid point to me and she seemed afraid to post her feelings. She felt that she couldn't mention the little issues she was having for fear of "scaring" people, yet she felt she was doing something wrong because she had never read anything regarding these issues.
I wanted to open the door for her and new butterflies like her. For the most part people did in fact "Get" me and where I was going..There were two who were a bit offended, one that thought it was totally about her (we cleared that up pretty fast) and then of course there was the one idiot, who felt a need to respond even though she has no clue. Not only is she very new, she hasn't had her surgery yet and doesn't listen to a word people say. Her threat was that she was "taking her ball and going home" actually it was just as immature, she was "going to find another group". Her kind rarely find another group willing to embrace her for very long. I wanted so much to say "don't let the door hit you in the ass" but I'd like to think I have more control of myself then she does. However I didn't see anyone begging her to stay, nor has anyone missed her. She is destined to fail, but in my heart I do hope she goes out of her way to prove me wrong. It's win/win from where I sit.

Not a day passes that I do not learn something from someone...Life is just such an extraordinary experience... I am so happy that newly minted Butterfly finally posted. It's true, we do not talk about those little things that happen. In my case totally user error. Gas pains, too much gas, pain cause by eating too fast etc...we need to discuss these minor issues so people know in all probability they don't need to run to the ER, some things happen. People need to know things happen and that they are not alone and that certain feelings are normal...even bouts with depression after surgery are normal and it's okay to have a pity party, it's okay to cry.

The idiot I mentioned also accused me of being the "Boss" that almost sent me off my chair with laughter. We have no bosses in our group, no queens, no one higher or better then anyone else. We do have one Diva LOL but that's okay.We all bring something to the table...people take what they need and leave the rest.
Yes I do post every day..I love it and I have been requested to do so...it sure as hell doesn't make me BOSS. I remember Jan in my WW group, I loved her post. I loved how she always found time to address everyone and make them feel special. I don't do that, but I do address anyone who has a question or has a problem and needs support. People write and tell me they enjoy my posting and they like my attitude and if I miss a quote of the Day, I get e-mail of concern. So as long as people keep needing me or enjoying what I write, I will continue to do so. If that makes me BOSS, I accept the blame and will even go out on a limb by saying I don't intend to step down any time soon... Boss indeed, how absurd.

Again I want to thank all who have commented here and via e-mail (I am so glad I found all those comments...I told you I learn something every day...who knew?) To those of you who do not like what I write or take offense at the way I say things...I'm removing my gun from your head so feel free to avoid visiting my Blog.
( I was told recently that I "sugar coat" life...I plan to address that remark REAL soon)

Placing Blame

I read a post this morning from one of the girls who has been having a terrible time. No names, but the details are; She had a Band and did not do well with it (tons of stress in her life) so she recently had a revision over to RNY...Months down the road she ended up with a bowel problem and thankfully announced that it had nothing to do with her surgery.
It is unfortunate that some people get on the thread and tell their horror stories, but neglect to say it had a lot to do with THEM and nothing to do with the surgery they had. More often then not, the problems people have after surgery, would have happened even if they didn't have surgery...This brings me to the ridiculous matter of Statistics which are gathered for reasons not always connected to the subject. Torture numbers and they'll confess to anything. Statistic's are like bikini's. What they reveal is suggestive, but what they conceal is vital.
Any "Statistic's regarding this surgery are bogus as far as I'm concerned .We can't always believe what we hear and everyone that has something say, doesn't necessarily tell the entire story. Do not hang on every word as gospel (not even mine) If you have a question about something that is said...research it..ask questions but don't just sit in fear or walk away in fear.
I know of 4 people that have walked away because of the negative info they heard. It is infortunate that all that info came from one person...Sometimes we do not need to be as graphic with stories and then there are stories best left untold. Even though a story may be related to surgery...I think there are ways of explaining things that have a far more positive twist.
My surgical story is quite boring in comparison to others...But the story behind my successful surgery goes far deeper and is far more interesting. It is one that I will share with anyone that ask's....
I believe the thread is a forum of HELP..if a question is asked...answer it succincly if you can. If it doesn't apply to you,leave it alone. Lengthy explainations often confuse or even bore. Be truthful but not graphic . I do hope people realize that even though my postings, at times can be long, they are in answer to MANY people, not a litney of things about ME.
This is the place I tell my stories and share my thoughts...which by the way...I never thought so many people read LOL The other day I was looking around this BLOG site and found a place where people posted notes to me...I do apologize for not recognizing them...I never knew they were there. I see 0 comments and move on...I have gotten a lot of e-mail regarding this site..but never knew about the other messages.
I say what needs saying and those that come to read and appreciate what I say far out number those that don't. So I will continue to "tell it like it is" and suggest that people add more positive thoughts to their lives as well as to what they write....Oh and for those who come to correct my spelling and grammer...tarry on :-)

Yet another lesson

What is adversity? We all know it's meaning: Adversity: Misfortune;a state of hardship; calamity.
We all know people who have faced adversity and cried, whined and complained to no avail. We also know people who have rallied. Do we ever really give it too much thought unless it's us?
Yesterday I saw something that made me stop and think. In the center of an enormous driveway (Mine) filled with crusher run and little else, there sat a Pansy, it's little head held high, looking to the heavens and taking in the sunshine. I looked closer....Rich had sprayed for weeds a few days earlier and there on the Pansy's face were signs of the killer spray...I sat there and suddenly felt filled with emotion.My first thought was Trina a person in my group who has truly laughed in the face of adversity. Once a heavy smoker she was told to quit before surgery. It was so hard, she gave a day by day blow and I remember how I felt her pain..but there was something far more important to her and that was her health and the love of her family.Every step of the way she has faced adversity with a smile...strained as it was at times...she kept her eye on the prize and now that prize is so close she can feel it. It has become a reality.
Just like the little Pansy she popped her head up through the rock and hardship and said "NO I won't be beat down or run over...I will survive"...Two months ago I probably would have immediately thought of Janet...another flower, who through sickness, hospital visits, being a chauffeur, a nurse and and all around gofer while trying to heal from her own surgeries and then facing the sudden death of her Mother...still had time to worry about the Butterfly Project and still offered me her help with my problems......That, my friends, is a survivor. A person who will keep smiling no matter how much adversity is thrown in her path...She will still grow and hold her pretty face toward the heavens and say "NO, you won't beat me down, I will not be run over and smashed into the ground by the wheels of fate. I WILL survive".
That little flower grows healthier each day, I want to transplant it, but then I realize..it was born into this adversity and it has flourished...to plant it in a safe place could very well take away it's will to survive. Just like I have seen the strength of those in my group who maintain their strong attitude no matter what gets thrown in their way...They keep smiling. Each day when I see that flower, I think of them, I admire them, I applaud them and I smile too.

A lesson at the Pond

I believe the world is INSANE, well at least the living creatures that inhabit it.
I was sitting up at the pond this morning in deep meditation...I sensed something looking at me.
I opened my eyes and there stood Clyde.
Let me tell you about Bonnie and Clyde. They are a pair of geese that have returned to this very same pond for 8 years now (didn't think geese lived that long did you?)
I know it's them and in all probability one of them were born here. Geese tend to go to the same breeding place every year and very often it is where they were born. Perhaps Clyde just liked the looks of the place when he first chose his mate. I'll never know.
Each year they come here at this time and Bonnie proceeds to lay her eggs, usually around 10 or 12. I know where she is, but I do not share the intel with ANYONE...Clyde is the one you see, he keeps your eyes away from Bonnies nesting place and he is extremely protective.
I spoke to Clyde this morning: "Hey little buddy, I see you're back. You just never seem to learn huh? Well welcome back my feathered friend, I wish you better luck this year"
He just looked at me...didn't answer...but I didn't think he would. Clyde has always been the strong silent type.
Every year since I first met Bonnie and Clyde they have come here to breed. Every year Bonnie hatches her chicks and brings them out on the pond to show me her brood. I smile at the cute little goslings, but I secretly weep because every year is the same. I will count 10 or 12 then the next day there will be one less, the following day, one less and so on until Bonnie swims with her last surviving chick. No matter how hard both parents protect that chick the day will come when they will swim alone and finally fly away.
Einstein says that Insanity is when we do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. All creatures seem to do that, including humans...therefore we are all INSANE...but if not for trying, where would we be? We would still be eating raw meat and running around naked.
So I sit there and I applaud Bonnie and Clyde, hoping as I'm sure they are that this year will be different, perhaps this year the fox and the owl will leave their babies alone, or at least some of them.
This brought about an awareness in me...I realize I am guilty of losing weight and then putting it back on. Time and time again I repeat the process, I do well and then BANG, something happens. This surgery is not a lobotomy , so the same process can take place again if I am not mindful. The winter brought me a few extra pounds...I see Insanity setting in....so like Bonnie, I will go forward and make every effort to change the end result this time....
Even geese can teach us...we just have to be willing to learn.

Mothers Day Musing

It was a beautiful day. A mist covered the pond and I took a breath of clean, clear , fresh air...
It was peaceful, quiet and the perfect place to be on an early Mothers Day Morning.
I thought about my own Mom, both the good and the bad experiences flooding back to my mind.
I wondered if my own children would reflect back with such negative thoughts.
As a parent you try to do your best, you try and show children how much you love them but part of love is teaching them that life will not always be kind, they will not always get what they want, things will not always go as planned. But in the bright side you can show them that money doesn't buy love or happiness, you can spend quality time with them, doing fun things...trips to the park, zoo, fun parks, camping...all the things I didn't do as a child...not with Mom anyway.
Dad is another story for another time.
So I did think of Mom yesterday, I did say a prayer. I also thought of another "Mom" someone else's Mom who always seemed to have the answers...someone I could talk to and not feel it would turn into an argument. Someone who's words of wisdom always brought me peace.
I thought about my history with her and had to laugh...she really wasn't all that perfect. She had other problems and just like my Mom she had dark days...I would imagine as her child, I would not have been any happier then I was with my own mother.
I did not have the happiest of childhoods, I lived in fear of my mother..However, we only have one set of parents...I did the best with what God gave me and moved on. I was lucky, I had the ability, even as a child to see the cup as half full..I spent a life time turning negatives to positives..So I thanked my Mom, she made me stronger and more understanding of peoples short comings. She made me a fighter for what I believed in....because I was on my own very early on, she gave me a voice. She made me a survivor...So yesterday I did not look back on the horrors, but instead found the good in all Mom had done for me. As she got older, she changed and she was better. We had some good times and many laughs...it was easy to let go of the past and hang on to what I had then...a Mom I could love and enjoy, a Mom that only once in her life said "Honey I love you" it was the day before she died and that is what I chose to remember.
The other mother...Mother Mary, said "I love you" all the time, not just in words, but in everything she did to make people smile....That's what I will ALWAYS remember.
Never pass up an opportunity to say "I love you".