Friendship

Someone once said to me "when the chips are down, that's when you find out who your friends REALLY are"....I've been thinking about that a lot lately...questioning my own dedication to my friends...Have I been there for them when necessary? Have I taken time to tell them how special they are? Have I been able to lend comfort and support the way I would want it in return? I try to be the best friend I possibly can. Someone once accused me of wanting"everyone to LIKE me", which is far from the truth...I learned long ago that you can't please all of the people all of the time...For everyone who likes me and enjoys my company, there will be two who don't.....I treasure the one I call friend .While I don't expect "everyone to like me" I do appreciate the fact that someone noticed how hard I try to please people...That's just who I am.
This past year has been tough in a strange sort of way...My surgery, Richards surgery and tough times in between...times when we really needed our friends....Funny, some we thought we could really count on, weren't there at all, while some we hardly knew were steadfast in their support and kindness....
When I first started this Journey I was warned to expect jealousy, but I took it with a grain of salt. I've had friends lose weight and look great and I have been so proud of their accomplishments I just couldn't imagine a "friend" not feeling the same way toward me.
As it turns out there are several people I regarded as dear friends who have distanced themselves from me since I've had my surgery. Since I've done nothing to them personally I can only assume it is my weight loss that, for some reason, bothers them. Isn't that a pity...more of a pity is the fact that I never ever saw any of my friends as being that shallow. While it leaves me with a heavy heart I have to be comforted by the fact that so many people have supported me..That friends I KNEW would be there for me WERE there for me and I have to let go of the heartache and disappointment I feel towards others who have let me down. Such is life....
Perhaps I put too much effort into my friendships, I see it as an extended family I have chosen (as opposed to being stuck with) so when a member of that family hurts me, it breaks my heart. How silly is that?
The fact is I am over 100pounds lighter and extremely happy and proud of my accomplishment. My husband just went through open heart surgery and came out of the hospital with minimal pain, no bruises and a new lease on life. My son Ron was by my side through the entire ordeal, while his wife and my granddaughter kept the home fires burning. My daughter kept check and worried from a distance...but she was there. Friends, REAL friends, prayed and supported us through out this ordeal as well as other difficult events in our lives...The outpouring of concern was overwhelming at times.....For all of this I am truly grateful....Those of you who have offered help and support are a blessing in our lives and I hope you all know how much you truly mean to both Rich and I.....Our caring children and our friends complete us and we are blessed.

He's Home, Thank God

We have so very much to be thankful for. Rich came home on Friday with a minimum amount of pain..only when he coughs which isn't often. He is walking with energy and looks wonderful. He gets tired fast but I think that's to be expected, his body has been through a lot.

Friday shortly after he came home my kids went to get his meds and I was in the kitchen...I heard the lift chair moving and the dogs getting wound up. I told Rich to sit still until I could round up the dogs...well anyone who knows Rich knows how well he listens...NOT!!!
So my sons dogs tail (she wiggles a lot) send a glass of ice tea flying...I go running for paper towels not realizing my shoes are wet, I hit the ceramic tile and the next thing I know I'm waking up on the floor. I hit my head on the cabinet and came down on both knees judging from the pain in my knees and the bump on my head. Rich panicked because he knew he couldn't help me so he called Ron on his cell...My son walks in with me on the floor saying "Sheesh, I can't trust you kids for a minute" hahaha Sweet revenge.
So now the "favorite " nurse is limping around with a swollen, fluid filled knee....But Rich I am happy to say is doing far better then anyone expected. He is healing well and although the chest tube holes are still somewhat open, the look good. The home health nurse said she was happy to see me using hand cleaner before touching bandages and she was pleased to see a "very clean environment".....I'm thinking 'what the heck does this poor soul walk into if she thinks this looks good' my kids had just left and I hadn't had time to do my usual cleaning....Was nice to get a good review LOL
She was also pleased with the menu I have planned for meals....back to healthy eating after all that junk hospital food...for BOTH of us. I told her to feel free to open any cabinet, she won't find junk food in this house......maybe a few too many Bean chips LOL but that's all...
Hopefully I will start losing again. I've been at a stand still....but I must say, when my son lifted me up after I fell (he had lifted me last year when I fell right after knee surgery and was 100 pounds heavier) he said "Wow, that WL really shows in the lift". I'll say...I guess he was prepared for the heavier me because he flew me through the air...what a good feeling.
There is so much in life to be thankful for today....I look across at my "miracle man" sitting in his chair...I feel small sitting in this huge chair that I once filled and life is good..............

Whadda Week!!!

Monday we were at the hospital bright and early. The prep area was full of laughter and lighthearted banter which was a great atmosphere for Rich. His whole body had to be shaved for this surgery...poor guy should LOVE when it starts growing in...NOT!!! he is very hairy so they had fun with that. The surgery before him ran late so he was about 2 hours behind, add to that the fact that he needed more work then anticipated and it made for a VERY long day for Ron and I...Ron was at his wits end by 5 PM...it was definitely a Zanex moment. We finally got to see him around 9...What a shock!! he would have looked better had a Mac truck hit him. Tubes were everywhere and a machine was doing the breathing. Pretty scary stuff.

Tuesday- Day one- The nurses all decided Morphine was not a good Richard drug. Consider the fact that when given a dose he began singing "Where The Boys Are"...Nurses asked him if he wanted to "share anything" LOL He was a bit groggy but in good spirits. It's all about attitude and we had worked on that...A LOT! Not very hungry but very thirsty.
Wed. Day 2 Ron came with me and we were happy to see him up and about...walking with help. They moved him to progressive care and while we were there they removed his chest tubes and "jumper cables"....His appetite has returned and he has a wonderful room mate.
Thursday- It was time to clean house, spend time with the animals, go to the bank and get some rest. The kids wanted to go to the Fair so Rich had a free day of just phone calls from us.
Ceil and Oleg and Mom went to see him and Kimberly stopped by on her way to Vermont. So he had plenty of company...All tubes were removed and he got permission to walk alone. he said he feels great and he wants to come home.
Friday- I spoke to him at 7 am, no word about coming home. Took Rosie to the vet, poor thing is itchy like crazy from allergies. Called Ron from the Vet and he said "Pop is ready" so they went to get him while I stay home and make sure his environment is as sterile as possible....
Yippee! The week may have been long and very stressful as well as tiring but it was worth it..
He is coming home happy and in very little pain...They had to do several by-passes plus some laser work but doc said he is looking good and doing better then expected.
He will have therapy at home as well as nursing care at home...Life is good...
So once again, Thank you all for all your love and support and prayers...The power of prayer is a fabulous thing....It goes hand in hand with attitude and we had both on our side...
It will be good to have him home...I have to go make some fitted sheets for his chair....my chair...the lift chair, which he will need for a while....Yippee!

The Day Before

What a blessing it is to have people in our lives who truly care...I can not even begin to tell you how comforting it has been to have friends calling with words of comfort. Old working buddies of Richards, calling and talking for hours to comfort him. Friends from on line groups writing and calling with comforting words and prayers. It is all very over whelming to both of us.You go through life, taking care of business, knowing you have "friends" and not giving it too much thought...Then you hit a bump in the road and find out (a) some people you called friend, could really care less ( b) some people you call friend care more then you ever thought they would (c) some people you hardly know are more comforting and caring then you could ever hope...and you are not only surprised by their response to you, but so very grateful. People see as as a very strong person and for the most part I guess I am, but seeing someone you love so scared and knowing the risk of the surgery he is about to have, melts away that strong outer surface and turns you into mush. When we took a tour of all the different area's Rich will be in, as I entered the CSU and saw patients with tubes coming from everywhere, knowing that would soon be my husband, I began hurting inside. It will be difficult to see my "Bull" like that...he has never been sick, never been in a hospital....It will be hard. Today's post is not about WLS or any advice dealing with WLS...it's all about Rich, my concerns about the treasure he is in my life...and my prayer for a positive outcome tomorrow. Keep a happy thought in you heart for him tomorrow...

When it Rains, It Pours....

Or so the saying goes....In my life it always seems to be feast or famine (note I even use food in my analogies hahaha)
I haven't blogged lately because I had no Internet access.
First I went down to the Island to make the old house ready for a tenant. A while back the kids had brought boxes down from the attic and piled them in the bedrooms, so I had to sit and go through every box (ya never know what you might find after 30 years). I was amazed at what I saved and kept asking myself "why?"...learning to let go has always been difficult for me, but between the old dusty boxes and the heat...throwing became easier then saving.
My granddaughter (age 9) was a big help with all the up and down and my son and daughter helped with the "Letting go". My neighbor tried every way he could to give me wireless access but nothing worked or maybe I was just too tired to keep trying.
Fell down the steps Saturday hurt my hip and wrist, not sure it helped my Synvisc either since this is the first time I've felt this much pain after my shots.
I was happy to get home early Sunday morning, the trip was a breeze in spite of a hurting leg.
We were hit with a storm shortly after I got home and lost our cable and phone. Normally that would not have bothered me one bit, but with family calling with regard to Richards surgery, doctors calling etc. it was the worst time for that to happen...Knowing David was bringing Mom and dad to see Grandpa just added to the frustration of having no cable...but he brought lots of movies, so that worked.
No sooner did they fix the phone and we got hit by lightening again, only this time the house got hit as well, along with TV's , VCR's, the hot tub mother board and the electric fence...I also lost my computer...Thank goodness I had "Old faithful" repaired...it's slow, but it works.
Neighbors came up and saved me from having to get an electrician as well as helping unpack my car from the trip. A Thank you dinner is planned...What would have taken me days, took about an hour...Amazing!!! Robyn and David, even the little guy , were also a big help.
Yesterday we went for the pre-op testing and class. very informative for me, very scary for Rich.
Of course anyone who knows him , knows he has a way about him and because of it, becomes an instant celebrity. I have no doubts that he will be well taken care of. The nurses were already hugging him and making him feel relaxed. of course that was short lived when he saw the CSU and got a look at what he will look like on day one...not pretty...many tubes in many places. I do wish I could have this done in his place, I hate seeing him so scared.
So that's life over this past week...and in a few days it will be hectic again...
For all of those who have been so supportive and helpful during this very stressful time...I can't thank you enough...it has meant so much to me and my family....Bless you all.

Stupid is as Stupid does.....

That would be me....
Monday morning I had a lot of racing around to do in order to be at the doc for a Synvisc shot (an hour drive). When I went up to the Peacock house I found a dead pea chick in the middle of the floor. Some may remember my story about Diana and her dedication to becoming a Mom. She has never lost hope and this season seemed to be the charm (male is finally of age). I am always up set at seeing anything die, but I was up set over this for many reasons. I quickly threw the other birds out because I thought I detected a little peep coming from under Diana.
Rich and I discussed building a cage around Diana in order to protect her. As we drove to the Doctor we made plans and discussed what we'd need. In the back of my mind was my fear for Rich that he would over do it.....Oh the hidden stresses that life can deal out at times.

Of course I was told the usual, go home and ice the leg, elevate it and no activity for a week...Yup, like that is going to happen.
Once home we took to task the project of building a cage. I will have to post a pic here because I'm pretty proud of the finished result. There was a lot of twisting and odd movements to be able to duck under perches and around structures. I kept a close eye on Rich for any sign of fatigue or shortness of breath...I did most of the twisting and turning and heavy lifting (there wasn't too much of that anyway) Rich manned the screw gun and saw.
I realized the sun had changed and finally asked the time...7:45...Oh my time sure does fly when you are having fun. No wonder why I was feeling a bit hungry.
We came in exhausted, had a quick dinner and iced my leg...
Sorry to report it was too little too late...I woke up to a very swollen, painful situation and a trip back to the doc. I will skip the gory details only to say yesterday and today will be spent with leg elevated and not much else...It's what happens when you don't listen to your doctor...or when your love for animals clouds your judgement.
Diana is safe and seems to be much more relaxed...the cage will allow her to raise her chicks, should there be any more and them bring them out into the social atmosphere of the group when they are big enough...Since she always nest in the same place, next year we will just shut the gate to the cage when it's time for chicks to hatch....and what, you might say, does this have to do with WLS? Not a damn thing LOL It's just my life...............Oh and when you think of it, something I would not have been able to do a year ago...so I guess it is related to WLS....

Weight Loss Before Surgery

This is a topic that comes up many times. We all have different ways we tried to lose the weight prior to surgery. I had 15 pounds to lose, some have less, some have more. The formula is easy: Less calories + more exercise= weight loss. No magic, just plain old common sense. Following WW would do it or Atkins (which is more like we eat after surgery) would also work. After eight weeks when I got on the scale I still had 6 pounds to go. I drank Slim fast only, lost the 6 pounds in a week and then begged to be seen immediately for fear of gaining it back.
That was a very silly fear when I think about it. I was bound and determined to make this all work for me so why would I gain it back. I didn't, but I have heard stories from people who do.

I have to be honest here. If you can not find enough discipline to lose 10 or 15 pounds and keep it off for a few months...don't have this surgery. I know that sounds harsh but sometimes life isn't a sugar coated candy treat, some times it's bitter and hurts to swallow. This is surgery folks...not a trip to the amusement park. If you can't control your eating habits prior to surgery, why would you think you'll do it afterward?
I think the biggest part of this whole process is taking charge of your life. Few of us have ever been in control of our lives, or at least some aspect of them and it is all part of our disease of obesity. If you are not willing to tell your husband you need his support, you need to purge your house of foods you can not eat now or perhaps ever. If you have kids at home, you need to tell them a new leaf is being turned and all snacks will be Healthy..if they want junk, they will have to eat it at their friends house. Yes it's hard and it's even harder for Moms who are used to sacrificing...it's hard to be selfish, but that's what it takes.
I'm not quite sure why women feel they need to allow junk in their house because their "Husband " likes it...he is SUPPOSED to love you Hellooooooo. There are some foods that others like that I consider junk and wouldn't think of eating, so I allow that stuff, if they must. But I will not allow temptation in my house. It is the one place I have control.
Sometimes I just want to yell "Stop with the excuses...you gained weight back because you are not willing to change a damn thing and you think this surgery is brain surgery..."
For anyone who reads this pre surgery, I'm here to tell you, you are about to take the biggest step of your life and if you are strong and willing to change not only your life style, but your home situation as well...You will reap the rewards you see at every meeting. But if anything I've written here hits home...as they say, if the shoe fits........Don't waste your time with this surgery, it's just a tool and you have to be dedicated to make it work. If you can't lose the pre surgical weight and you believe you are really trying hard, talk to Bob and show him your journal. Together you may find a solution, but if you know in your heart you can't take control of what you put in your mouth, this surgery will NOT help you. Those are the facts, sad but true...
This is a topic that hits home now, because I have to be so mindful of everything I put in my mouth...My emotional eating is lurking and it has been a struggle. I realize struggles will always be there...Life is full of emotions...so I might as well start now, learning how to control them or at least not feed them. I practice what I preach so there is nothing unhealthy in this house, but I'm sure I could graze myself up a few pounds if I made an effort... or if I lose control of my determination NEVER to be heavy again....Keep a kind thought for me...Please and good luck to all the pre-surgical people in your continued struggle. It is so worth it...