So much is running through my mind. So much I'd like to write about and share, but today is one of those days.
There is a storm expected. That means we may not be able to use the driveway for a day or two..We have to get in some perishables , animal feed etc. I have some mailings that have to go out and I have to go to the shop and work on some stuff as well as bring stuff home in the event I can't get down there for a couple of says.
Actually a storm would be good right now. It would keep me stuck here and perhaps I could focus on things that need doing around here.
I have been so focused on this business and getting things off the ground that I have forgotten other things completely. Being too busy is not an "excuse", I'm sure I could fit more in if my time management were better.
So for today, those are my feelings...The creative juices are flowing and a lot is being done at the shop. Perhaps I will post some pictures here... It doesn't all have to be about weight loss...Creating is all part of my personal journey and I've been doing a lot of that LOL
My Hidden Treasure
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday, February 8, 2010
Excuses
Don't you just hate that word? I find my self making excuses for excuses...no seriously.
I can't get my studio cleaned up because......Oh there are many excuses, then I excuse the fact that I'm so busy, have so much on my plate, don't feel well etc., etc.....
Yet when I hear other people making excuses for bad behavior, it is so obvious. Why is that?
Why is it that we see things in others so clearly, yet when it comes to ourselves everything becomes so cloudy. Do we think we are perfect?
Shoot, I'm the last one who would make claim to being perfect I'm disorganized, willful, opinionated, judgemental ..just to name a few LOL What's funny is I make no excuses for those flaws...I try hard to keep them in check and do a terrible job, but I'm aware so that's part of the solution ...RIGHT?
I make excuses for simple things. Things I should do, but would rather not do so I find a way not to.
This was all brought to the forefront of my mind this morning when I posted to a person who is trying to quit smoking. At first thought it was EASY, if I can do it anyone can. That was my attitude because no one was more addicted to cigarette's then I was. But suddenly my mind wandered back to those days. Times when Rich was on mid-nights and I'd realize I was out and I'd wake a neighbor up that I knew smoked. The sad part about that would be when I'd apologize and I'd be told "No problem, I know that feeling". No it wasn't easy at all and I made excuses for years as to why I couldn't stop. It relaxed me, it comforted me, it made me feel good when I was feeling bad...Wait a second...am I talking about cigarettes or food? Seems to me any addiction that takes over your life is a bad one...difference is we don't need drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to live, but we do need food.
To my way of thinking, if we continue to make up excuses as to why we can't beat an addiction, we will never be able to battle obesity and win because in that addiction, we can never fully walk away from the source.
I was weak for many years when it came to facing my addiction to tobacco, but when I did, I threw the damned things in the trash and that was that. Okay so maybe I finished the pack and made it last weeks instead of days...but the point is I stopped. My addiction to food continues to haunt me. I have to deal with it everyday and now because I have a much smaller stomach to fill, I also have to deal with how I eat and not just what I eat.
When I first joined this program I thought their restrictions were ridiculous, I thought they had us jumping through too many hoops . Now I see it all as being "necessary", you have to be willing to check the excuses at the door and walk in naked...accepting the fact that you are obese and that you are willing to do ANYTHING it takes...including checking your excuses at the door...oh I said that already huh? I have heard it all...I love the ones that say their doctors advised against surgery...WOW latch on to that star, talk about a REAL excuse. If a doctor says NO, then it must be so. Pity the doctor that tells me I can benefit from staying obese...I'd see a new doctor in my future. Obesity is a disease that is taking over our planet and killing millions of people each year. It should be viewed with the same contempt as the swine flu as far as I'm concerned.
There is no excuse for staying obese. If dieting won't work then perhaps surgery is the answer...but there is no excuse. So in stepping off my "EXCUSES" soap box I say "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ".....
I can't get my studio cleaned up because......Oh there are many excuses, then I excuse the fact that I'm so busy, have so much on my plate, don't feel well etc., etc.....
Yet when I hear other people making excuses for bad behavior, it is so obvious. Why is that?
Why is it that we see things in others so clearly, yet when it comes to ourselves everything becomes so cloudy. Do we think we are perfect?
Shoot, I'm the last one who would make claim to being perfect I'm disorganized, willful, opinionated, judgemental ..just to name a few LOL What's funny is I make no excuses for those flaws...I try hard to keep them in check and do a terrible job, but I'm aware so that's part of the solution ...RIGHT?
I make excuses for simple things. Things I should do, but would rather not do so I find a way not to.
This was all brought to the forefront of my mind this morning when I posted to a person who is trying to quit smoking. At first thought it was EASY, if I can do it anyone can. That was my attitude because no one was more addicted to cigarette's then I was. But suddenly my mind wandered back to those days. Times when Rich was on mid-nights and I'd realize I was out and I'd wake a neighbor up that I knew smoked. The sad part about that would be when I'd apologize and I'd be told "No problem, I know that feeling". No it wasn't easy at all and I made excuses for years as to why I couldn't stop. It relaxed me, it comforted me, it made me feel good when I was feeling bad...Wait a second...am I talking about cigarettes or food? Seems to me any addiction that takes over your life is a bad one...difference is we don't need drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to live, but we do need food.
To my way of thinking, if we continue to make up excuses as to why we can't beat an addiction, we will never be able to battle obesity and win because in that addiction, we can never fully walk away from the source.
I was weak for many years when it came to facing my addiction to tobacco, but when I did, I threw the damned things in the trash and that was that. Okay so maybe I finished the pack and made it last weeks instead of days...but the point is I stopped. My addiction to food continues to haunt me. I have to deal with it everyday and now because I have a much smaller stomach to fill, I also have to deal with how I eat and not just what I eat.
When I first joined this program I thought their restrictions were ridiculous, I thought they had us jumping through too many hoops . Now I see it all as being "necessary", you have to be willing to check the excuses at the door and walk in naked...accepting the fact that you are obese and that you are willing to do ANYTHING it takes...including checking your excuses at the door...oh I said that already huh? I have heard it all...I love the ones that say their doctors advised against surgery...WOW latch on to that star, talk about a REAL excuse. If a doctor says NO, then it must be so. Pity the doctor that tells me I can benefit from staying obese...I'd see a new doctor in my future. Obesity is a disease that is taking over our planet and killing millions of people each year. It should be viewed with the same contempt as the swine flu as far as I'm concerned.
There is no excuse for staying obese. If dieting won't work then perhaps surgery is the answer...but there is no excuse. So in stepping off my "EXCUSES" soap box I say "The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins. ".....
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
101 Years on Earth
I find myself thinking about news I received from a dear friend. Her Mom passed away at the age of 101.
How do I feel about that? I am sad for my friend and her family. It is never easy to lose someone you love no matter how old they are, you want to keep them forever. My friend was a dedicated daughter, her husband and family were also dedicated to "Mom". She was a wonderful woman and very special. Unlike a lot of parents who live with children this lady was a help, she knew when to back off and give her family space, but she was always there when she was needed.
She had a ready smile for visitors and a kind word for everyone she met. The love she had for her family was so obvious in everything she did. Yes, I'm sure they will miss her and for them I feel sympathy and a sense of loss.
For "Mom" I feel joy...It was time for her to move on to a new Journey. She lived long enough to bury friends and loved ones. Long enough to pass on a legacy to all who knew and loved her..heck, she lived long enough to get a letter from the president and gifts from her homeland of Ireland ..How many people do that? How many people live long and happy lives, watching their family grow, children leave and start families of their own, their families grow and start families..How many people see all that and more? Whats more important is how many people do that in relatively good health and retaining most of their marbles ? No doubt that old age took it's toll, but Ellen would have me laughing about the shenanigans "Mom" would pull in the nursing facility she was in (by choice I might add). She was the Mayor of the place, knew everyone, made sure people got what they deserved, spoke up for people too feeble to speak for themselves...Her goodness to her fellow man continued right up to the end. She will be missed by many...I certainly will miss the stories...her passing left a little void in the hearts of everyone that knew her and I am no exception. But I celebrate her long and happy life and with a silent prayer wish her well on her Journey....
How do I feel about that? I am sad for my friend and her family. It is never easy to lose someone you love no matter how old they are, you want to keep them forever. My friend was a dedicated daughter, her husband and family were also dedicated to "Mom". She was a wonderful woman and very special. Unlike a lot of parents who live with children this lady was a help, she knew when to back off and give her family space, but she was always there when she was needed.
She had a ready smile for visitors and a kind word for everyone she met. The love she had for her family was so obvious in everything she did. Yes, I'm sure they will miss her and for them I feel sympathy and a sense of loss.
For "Mom" I feel joy...It was time for her to move on to a new Journey. She lived long enough to bury friends and loved ones. Long enough to pass on a legacy to all who knew and loved her..heck, she lived long enough to get a letter from the president and gifts from her homeland of Ireland ..How many people do that? How many people live long and happy lives, watching their family grow, children leave and start families of their own, their families grow and start families..How many people see all that and more? Whats more important is how many people do that in relatively good health and retaining most of their marbles ? No doubt that old age took it's toll, but Ellen would have me laughing about the shenanigans "Mom" would pull in the nursing facility she was in (by choice I might add). She was the Mayor of the place, knew everyone, made sure people got what they deserved, spoke up for people too feeble to speak for themselves...Her goodness to her fellow man continued right up to the end. She will be missed by many...I certainly will miss the stories...her passing left a little void in the hearts of everyone that knew her and I am no exception. But I celebrate her long and happy life and with a silent prayer wish her well on her Journey....
Friday, January 22, 2010
Good News
I was wondering if my "Positive thinking" could possibly reach beyond my daily routine and touch medical woes. I'm now convinced that if nothing else, it helps.
Not sure of the reason for all my discomfort lately with eating. I'm thinking old habits are trying to creep back. Perhaps eating too fast or taking bigger bites then I should. I was given all sorts of reasons for my belly pain, none of which were good. I refused to think about any of it. Finding out the day of the test would be soon enough. I also had a lump on my cheek for a long time, last week it was biopsied . Several people people asked me "what if ?", my answer is always the same to that question. "I cross each bridge in life WHEN I reach it and if there is a way to by pass the bridge I take it".
The results are in...Dr. Strauss could find nothing abnormal in my upper GI, everything looks good and there is no sign of Barretts. I am on a medication to kind of sooth the digestive system, but not forever...She said there is some scar tissue but she didn't think it needed to be stretched..so I'm thinking my discomfort can be handled by me and being aware of the size I put in my mouth. This is obviously user malfunction rather then surgery malfunction.
I got the stitches out of my face (it was a punch biopsy that left a hole) and the results on the tissue was neg. for cancer. It is inflamed and once the inflammation in the tissue goes down it can be removed by a plastic surgeon. The slight scar that was there can hardly be seen today..So I'm thinking I'm pretty lucky.
Can we truly "WILL" our bodies to respond in positive ways? I've seen it happen too many times not to believe it to be true. That's not to say "positive thinkers" do not get sick and die...but sometimes I wonder, in their case, if the news of illness isn't so overwhelming that they cease to think positive. I say this because I look at people who I know suffer from different illness and although they claim to be fighting it, they have a "woe is me" attitude. How do you tell someone you care about to knock off the pity party and start thinking of something else other then how bad their life is. Wouldn't that be insensitive ?
My life isn't perfect, far from it...but I'm sure there are people, even friends, who see my life as not having anything to be stressed or anxious about..."Sure she can think positive, every thing is GOOD". No everything is not good. I have dealt with some very serious issues in my life and I'm still dealing..but if I allowed all the issues to overwhelm my life, it would be a sorry state of affairs. Those problems will always be there, problems are a part of life and sometimes you feel like you have been punched in the gut and you are sure no one else in the world has ever faced as many problems ,all at once ,as you have. To that I say B---S---. We all have a story, we all have a book that is our lives. Like yours and everyone's ,mine is filled with, pain, heartache, loss and death. The difference is I chose to see the wonder in each new day and when I feel my life crashing I think of ways to make myself feel better. I'm not alone...I bet at least half the world See's life as I do. A fabulous, wonderful gift, filled with second, third and forth chances..You can either bask in it's sunshine or wallow in it's muck. Like everything else in life happiness is just another choice. It is always my hope that just one person will benefit from something I've said...Life is a gift, Embrace it with a smile....
Not sure of the reason for all my discomfort lately with eating. I'm thinking old habits are trying to creep back. Perhaps eating too fast or taking bigger bites then I should. I was given all sorts of reasons for my belly pain, none of which were good. I refused to think about any of it. Finding out the day of the test would be soon enough. I also had a lump on my cheek for a long time, last week it was biopsied . Several people people asked me "what if ?", my answer is always the same to that question. "I cross each bridge in life WHEN I reach it and if there is a way to by pass the bridge I take it".
The results are in...Dr. Strauss could find nothing abnormal in my upper GI, everything looks good and there is no sign of Barretts. I am on a medication to kind of sooth the digestive system, but not forever...She said there is some scar tissue but she didn't think it needed to be stretched..so I'm thinking my discomfort can be handled by me and being aware of the size I put in my mouth. This is obviously user malfunction rather then surgery malfunction.
I got the stitches out of my face (it was a punch biopsy that left a hole) and the results on the tissue was neg. for cancer. It is inflamed and once the inflammation in the tissue goes down it can be removed by a plastic surgeon. The slight scar that was there can hardly be seen today..So I'm thinking I'm pretty lucky.
Can we truly "WILL" our bodies to respond in positive ways? I've seen it happen too many times not to believe it to be true. That's not to say "positive thinkers" do not get sick and die...but sometimes I wonder, in their case, if the news of illness isn't so overwhelming that they cease to think positive. I say this because I look at people who I know suffer from different illness and although they claim to be fighting it, they have a "woe is me" attitude. How do you tell someone you care about to knock off the pity party and start thinking of something else other then how bad their life is. Wouldn't that be insensitive ?
My life isn't perfect, far from it...but I'm sure there are people, even friends, who see my life as not having anything to be stressed or anxious about..."Sure she can think positive, every thing is GOOD". No everything is not good. I have dealt with some very serious issues in my life and I'm still dealing..but if I allowed all the issues to overwhelm my life, it would be a sorry state of affairs. Those problems will always be there, problems are a part of life and sometimes you feel like you have been punched in the gut and you are sure no one else in the world has ever faced as many problems ,all at once ,as you have. To that I say B---S---. We all have a story, we all have a book that is our lives. Like yours and everyone's ,mine is filled with, pain, heartache, loss and death. The difference is I chose to see the wonder in each new day and when I feel my life crashing I think of ways to make myself feel better. I'm not alone...I bet at least half the world See's life as I do. A fabulous, wonderful gift, filled with second, third and forth chances..You can either bask in it's sunshine or wallow in it's muck. Like everything else in life happiness is just another choice. It is always my hope that just one person will benefit from something I've said...Life is a gift, Embrace it with a smile....
Friday, January 15, 2010
Endoscopy here I come
It's not any big deal. I've had a few in my time and three since having Bariatric surgery. They were watching my Barretts Esophagus, which appears to , believe it or not, gone away .
For the past month I have been having problems...Feeling sick to my stomach and bringing up food I've just eaten. My stomach doesn't seem to like Beef and there are other things that seem to bother me, yet I can eat beef jerky...go figure.
There was some mention of some scar tissue that may have built up, evidently it happens now and again with RNY, no biggie apparently. According to Bob, Dr. Strauss will fix the condition , if that's what it is, while doing the EGD.
I'm thinking if I'm not her first patient, I'm pretty close to the top because we have to leave in a few minutes, it's 6:30 am. At the beginning of the week I had a biopsy done on my face...had a little lump on my cheek that's been there for a bit. Will find that results next week. For now I have 3 tiny blue stitches in my face that are driving me crazy.
Guess it all comes with getting older...of course there are those who have never been sick a day in their life and any form of procedure is unknown to them...Don't you just love 'em? Sort of like Rich, always bragging about how he has never been in a hospital, never really been very sick...God bless him, and then BANG! He goes for the big one. if I have learned anything, it's never say never...just be thankful for what you have today. In comparison to some, I'm pretty healthy and now that I've lost weight , I'm even healthier. I certainly have a lot more energy and I certainly feel a lot more positive about my future...I'd still do it again in a heartbeat and my heart breaks for those I see laboring in a world of Fat, I was there and now that I know what life is like on the other side I don't ever want to go back there....
If you're reading this, have a wonderful day and smile at someone......
For the past month I have been having problems...Feeling sick to my stomach and bringing up food I've just eaten. My stomach doesn't seem to like Beef and there are other things that seem to bother me, yet I can eat beef jerky...go figure.
There was some mention of some scar tissue that may have built up, evidently it happens now and again with RNY, no biggie apparently. According to Bob, Dr. Strauss will fix the condition , if that's what it is, while doing the EGD.
I'm thinking if I'm not her first patient, I'm pretty close to the top because we have to leave in a few minutes, it's 6:30 am. At the beginning of the week I had a biopsy done on my face...had a little lump on my cheek that's been there for a bit. Will find that results next week. For now I have 3 tiny blue stitches in my face that are driving me crazy.
Guess it all comes with getting older...of course there are those who have never been sick a day in their life and any form of procedure is unknown to them...Don't you just love 'em? Sort of like Rich, always bragging about how he has never been in a hospital, never really been very sick...God bless him, and then BANG! He goes for the big one. if I have learned anything, it's never say never...just be thankful for what you have today. In comparison to some, I'm pretty healthy and now that I've lost weight , I'm even healthier. I certainly have a lot more energy and I certainly feel a lot more positive about my future...I'd still do it again in a heartbeat and my heart breaks for those I see laboring in a world of Fat, I was there and now that I know what life is like on the other side I don't ever want to go back there....
If you're reading this, have a wonderful day and smile at someone......
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
More Drama
Gee life was rolling along so nicely. In November Rich noticed a "bug bite" on the side of my face. I don't look in the mirror very often so I hadn't noticed it but at times it did itch.
It's not really bug season here, but we do have spiders in the barn and I do spend time out there. So I chalked it off to an eight legged meanie and that was the end of it.
In Dec, it was still there and by Jan. Rich asked if it was normal for a bug bite to last that long.. I had forgotten about it, but he looks at my face, I don't.
He had to go to the Dermatologist yesterday so I went along to question about this bug bite. I ended up with a hole in my face and 3 stitches...Not happy.
She explained all kinds of cancers to me...fast growing, slow growing...blah , blah...so the point would be??? Was she preparing me for something or just boasting of her knowledge regarding all the different kinds of face cancers there are. We will find out in a week.
My friend in Florida knew what was going on and called last night all sick with worry. She wanted to know why I wasn't up set or scared. (I would think she'd know me by now)
What will be will be...not much I can do to change things at this point so why worry myself sick over it (that seems to be her job LOL)
I rolled over twice and woke myself up when my cheek hit the pillow, it is a bit sore and itchy...I'm sure that will pass in a few days. For the time being I have these lovely blue stitches in my face...can't believe they don't come in purple. Purple I would have worn with pride...maybe even kept them LOL
We never know what tomorrow will bring do we ? Some of us will wake up, some won't. Life is just very unpredictable, as long as it keeps happening, I'm happy.
Keep the faith and keep smiling...Life ain't all that bad.
It's not really bug season here, but we do have spiders in the barn and I do spend time out there. So I chalked it off to an eight legged meanie and that was the end of it.
In Dec, it was still there and by Jan. Rich asked if it was normal for a bug bite to last that long.. I had forgotten about it, but he looks at my face, I don't.
He had to go to the Dermatologist yesterday so I went along to question about this bug bite. I ended up with a hole in my face and 3 stitches...Not happy.
She explained all kinds of cancers to me...fast growing, slow growing...blah , blah...so the point would be??? Was she preparing me for something or just boasting of her knowledge regarding all the different kinds of face cancers there are. We will find out in a week.
My friend in Florida knew what was going on and called last night all sick with worry. She wanted to know why I wasn't up set or scared. (I would think she'd know me by now)
What will be will be...not much I can do to change things at this point so why worry myself sick over it (that seems to be her job LOL)
I rolled over twice and woke myself up when my cheek hit the pillow, it is a bit sore and itchy...I'm sure that will pass in a few days. For the time being I have these lovely blue stitches in my face...can't believe they don't come in purple. Purple I would have worn with pride...maybe even kept them LOL
We never know what tomorrow will bring do we ? Some of us will wake up, some won't. Life is just very unpredictable, as long as it keeps happening, I'm happy.
Keep the faith and keep smiling...Life ain't all that bad.
Friday, January 1, 2010
It's 2010
WOW!! 2009 was one roller coaster of a year..the ups of extreme weight loss and the downs of testing and Richards ultimate surgery. There were people who suffered far worse and those that slid through 09 with nary a problem. We consider ourselves lucky, we are here to celebrate yet another year on this planet. The only resolution I have made is continued self improvement..
There comes a time in every ones life (usually when we are "OLD") that we realize the only person we can truly change is ourselves. There is a great deal about me that I do not like. For one I have become totally disorganized. Considering I maintained businesses and managed a multi million dollar company, that is a sorry state of affairs. So I intend on getting my management skills back into place so life is less stressful. I also need to purge my closet of clothes. I have no intention of going backward so why am I saving my "favorite comfy clothes"?There are people who need them far more then I, so one of my first 2010 missions is to donate my closet to charity. I've had a few of my favorite things altered, however they can only be altered so much.
I do not truly think people can do "too much" for others. I do feel I fit a lot of charity into my life, but I hope to do more in 2010, I realize it makes me very Happy to see others happy.
Then there is the business...we have been brain storming a lot of idea's and now it is time to put them into action so January will be spent making samples and hopefully by February we will have something going. That's the plan anyway.
So 2010 shows signs of a running start and I pray my energy level continues . I do fall into slumps and I do seem to get tired quickly, that probably has something to do with iron or some other mineral or vitamin. I'm still on mega doses of "D", 50,000 units.
I know there are several people who check on this blog almost daily (I know from the e-mail LOL) I thank you for making my life part of yours and even if you only check in every now and then to see whats happening...thank you for making me feel important.
I wish all of you a Very Happy and healthy New Year filled with Happiness and wonder.....
There comes a time in every ones life (usually when we are "OLD") that we realize the only person we can truly change is ourselves. There is a great deal about me that I do not like. For one I have become totally disorganized. Considering I maintained businesses and managed a multi million dollar company, that is a sorry state of affairs. So I intend on getting my management skills back into place so life is less stressful. I also need to purge my closet of clothes. I have no intention of going backward so why am I saving my "favorite comfy clothes"?There are people who need them far more then I, so one of my first 2010 missions is to donate my closet to charity. I've had a few of my favorite things altered, however they can only be altered so much.
I do not truly think people can do "too much" for others. I do feel I fit a lot of charity into my life, but I hope to do more in 2010, I realize it makes me very Happy to see others happy.
Then there is the business...we have been brain storming a lot of idea's and now it is time to put them into action so January will be spent making samples and hopefully by February we will have something going. That's the plan anyway.
So 2010 shows signs of a running start and I pray my energy level continues . I do fall into slumps and I do seem to get tired quickly, that probably has something to do with iron or some other mineral or vitamin. I'm still on mega doses of "D", 50,000 units.
I know there are several people who check on this blog almost daily (I know from the e-mail LOL) I thank you for making my life part of yours and even if you only check in every now and then to see whats happening...thank you for making me feel important.
I wish all of you a Very Happy and healthy New Year filled with Happiness and wonder.....
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