I have gotten a few e-mails from RNY candidates asking me what my biggest fear was when I was deciding on surgery. Each time asked, the question becomes more interesting because I never gave it a thought. I'm not sure I had any....
At first I liked the RNY idea because it was fast weight loss and permenant. But Rich seemed apprehensive about the "major" connected to the type of surgery. Then I thought about the band because I was told it was safer , but knowing a few people with bands, I also knew it didn't always work long term. I think I was so busy researching both surgeries that I really didn't have time to be fearful. All I knew was that if I was going to go to the extreme of have WLS I wanted it to work and I wanted as many benefits as possible. I began a list of pros and cons of each surgery and one came out WAY ahead of the other. That was when I switched back to RNY and was at total peace with my decision. The only pluses that the Band offered me was possible weight loss, lower mortality risk, and it could be removed (at a price)...of course weight loss in itself leads to a healthier life. RNY had the hope of diabetes going away (which it did), because of the rapid WL my knee's felt better faster, I don't have to worry about fills, and having a piece of plastic live with me for life....Don't get me wrong, any one who attends the meetings sees the results of successful Banding. It has worked for a lot of people, but it also seems to have it's problems. Not that RNY doesn't have problems and those that do have BIG problems. Did I ever fear those problems? Never...and thats the truth. I have a great deal of Faith, there have been many times when I should have died and didn't. I survived an extremely painful childhood and kept smiling, like everyone, I've had my share of lifes trails but faith has brought be through. I also had complete faith and trust in my surgeon (who by the way I researched) Dr. Strauss came with high praise and impressive credentials. So my answer about Fear is NO. I had no fear of the surgery. My fears are more in the end result. I've heard the older you are the less likely you are to lose all the weight you'd like to lose. Old habits die hard and I wonder if and when head hunger starts, if I will cope as well as I seem to be coping now. I like the idea of my surgery being permenant because I know I can never over eat again. Yes I can eat the wrong foods and thats part of this blogging...when people are watching you, you tend to stay on track. I have said all along and will say again. This surgery is NOT for everyone. If you question your motives, don't go forward. If you fear the surgery you have picked, it may not be the right one for you.DO NOT let other people talk you into or out of what you decide on. They aren't having the surgery and they have no idea whats going through your mind. We all do what we do for a reason. If you have fear or questions...it's not time yet.
Remember, Life is a continual process of remaking ourselves.
My Hidden Treasure
Friday, December 12, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Tiny spoon and fork, No Joke
The hardest thing, as I have mentioned before, is slowing down my eating and taking human bites. I'm fairly intelligent so you'd think I'd be able to sit down and eat without having to pay such close attention...Especially since, when you eat to fast or swallow too much at a time, it kind of hurts. You feel like you have to burp and can't.
I'm left with this question 'My God have I eaten this fast all my life?" There were many times I was left eating while others had already finished. I never thought of myself as a fast eater, but now it's very obvious (not to mention painful at times).
I haven't found much that I can't tolerate. yesterday I had sushi and the salad they serve first is something I love. I wasn't going to try it, felt it might be too rough on the new tummy. Of course I did it anyway, took tiny bites and it was OH SO GOOD..I ate slowly and asked for a take out box for what I hadn't eaten. I had no pain or discomfort afterward...yet at night when I had the left overs for dinner, I ate it too fast and paid the price.
At the meetings the talk about baby size spoons, a cocktail fork, smaller plate. I'm thinking to myself, am I that lame that I have to have these tiny eating utensil's to keep from eating to much at one time...I mean really!!!! The answer is YES...since my friend came to my rescue with a tiny silver baby spoon and cocktail fork with 3 tines, I have managed to slow up and not be hurting after dinner. That tiny piece of food looked like nothing on a regular fork, but looks HUGE on a small fork, same with a spoonful of food.
Bottom line on this new lesson in life. Listen to those who have gone before you, there are reasons for everything. You may not think so, especially if you are as thick as I am. But get yourself a tiny baby spoon (mine is silver and old, love it) and a shrimp fork and a small plate, which I've had all along. It all helps with the visual aspect of eating.
AS for the dieters that may be reading, this will help you also. If it takes you longer to eat, by taking smaller bites and chewing more, you will eat far less in 20 min. (the time it takes your tummy to tell your brain it's full) the normal...less calories = weight loss.
Some times I wonder if I had learned all these tricks, I mean really learned, would I have ever needed the surgery? Who knows, but not a day has passed where I haven't been thankful and happy about my choice..I needed a tool, I needed to know that I could never over indulge again. As far as I'm concerned I gave up nothing and got so much in return....
Wishing you all the happiness I feel today....
I'm left with this question 'My God have I eaten this fast all my life?" There were many times I was left eating while others had already finished. I never thought of myself as a fast eater, but now it's very obvious (not to mention painful at times).
I haven't found much that I can't tolerate. yesterday I had sushi and the salad they serve first is something I love. I wasn't going to try it, felt it might be too rough on the new tummy. Of course I did it anyway, took tiny bites and it was OH SO GOOD..I ate slowly and asked for a take out box for what I hadn't eaten. I had no pain or discomfort afterward...yet at night when I had the left overs for dinner, I ate it too fast and paid the price.
At the meetings the talk about baby size spoons, a cocktail fork, smaller plate. I'm thinking to myself, am I that lame that I have to have these tiny eating utensil's to keep from eating to much at one time...I mean really!!!! The answer is YES...since my friend came to my rescue with a tiny silver baby spoon and cocktail fork with 3 tines, I have managed to slow up and not be hurting after dinner. That tiny piece of food looked like nothing on a regular fork, but looks HUGE on a small fork, same with a spoonful of food.
Bottom line on this new lesson in life. Listen to those who have gone before you, there are reasons for everything. You may not think so, especially if you are as thick as I am. But get yourself a tiny baby spoon (mine is silver and old, love it) and a shrimp fork and a small plate, which I've had all along. It all helps with the visual aspect of eating.
AS for the dieters that may be reading, this will help you also. If it takes you longer to eat, by taking smaller bites and chewing more, you will eat far less in 20 min. (the time it takes your tummy to tell your brain it's full) the normal...less calories = weight loss.
Some times I wonder if I had learned all these tricks, I mean really learned, would I have ever needed the surgery? Who knows, but not a day has passed where I haven't been thankful and happy about my choice..I needed a tool, I needed to know that I could never over indulge again. As far as I'm concerned I gave up nothing and got so much in return....
Wishing you all the happiness I feel today....
Sunday, December 7, 2008
My visit with Bob
I went to see Bob the other day, he is sort of the Big Kahuna of the WLS program. The problem solver, Mr. Fix It. It was a good visit...I'm dying to talk about my weight loss progress, but I won't, not yet and there is a reason I will explain when I share all.
Don't you just love a good mystery? I also hope to be able to get some pictures on here so you can watch me melt, along with some pictures of my projects. I think the key to any weight loss is to stay busy and stay away from food. That can be difficult if your under stress.
Lets face it, we can always find a reason to eat..I have such cause to celebrate..I'm feeling great, dropped 2 sizes already, no more real health issues (that alone is cause for celebration) This surgery has made such a difference in the quality of my life. It would be very easy to clean out the refrig, as in eating whats there, just to CELEBRATE !!!
Part of my behavioral change is to learn that food isn't the answer to Stress, Happiness, loneliness, fear, anger etc.....Sure I can celebrate a milestone by going out to dinner, but I've learned that the first bite taste as good as the last. I've learned to savor and taste food instead of challenging myself to see how fast I can make it disappear. Being happy with myself and the choices I make is much better then being Happy about anything else .
Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted to grab a heavy person and tell them about this surgery. I said "No" and I saw a look of surprise...
This surgery isn't an answer for everyone that is heavy. There are a lot of people who can lose weight, hundreds of pounds, by diet and exercise alone. I was one of them once upon a time.
But because of metabolic changes, loss of mobility and other contributing factors...Diet alone is no longer an option...I am sure there are a lot of people who do HAVE did surgery thinking it will be easier then dieting. Think again.....This is the hardest journey I have ever taken and trust me, life has had many pitfalls. This is the Mt. Everest of all my challenges in life. Am I sorry? I would do it again in a heartbeat...my only regret is waiting so long. But my advice it anyone who may be thinking about WLS. Is to gather as much info as you can, go to meetings and listen...but do not allow any to influence you..This is one time in life that only YOU can decide whats best for YOU. I've gotten some great e-mail asking lots of questions...That's what it's all about, asking questions and I don't mind sharing.
Thanks for checking in on me and I promise to start sharing my milestones in pic's soon.....
Don't you just love a good mystery? I also hope to be able to get some pictures on here so you can watch me melt, along with some pictures of my projects. I think the key to any weight loss is to stay busy and stay away from food. That can be difficult if your under stress.
Lets face it, we can always find a reason to eat..I have such cause to celebrate..I'm feeling great, dropped 2 sizes already, no more real health issues (that alone is cause for celebration) This surgery has made such a difference in the quality of my life. It would be very easy to clean out the refrig, as in eating whats there, just to CELEBRATE !!!
Part of my behavioral change is to learn that food isn't the answer to Stress, Happiness, loneliness, fear, anger etc.....Sure I can celebrate a milestone by going out to dinner, but I've learned that the first bite taste as good as the last. I've learned to savor and taste food instead of challenging myself to see how fast I can make it disappear. Being happy with myself and the choices I make is much better then being Happy about anything else .
Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted to grab a heavy person and tell them about this surgery. I said "No" and I saw a look of surprise...
This surgery isn't an answer for everyone that is heavy. There are a lot of people who can lose weight, hundreds of pounds, by diet and exercise alone. I was one of them once upon a time.
But because of metabolic changes, loss of mobility and other contributing factors...Diet alone is no longer an option...I am sure there are a lot of people who do HAVE did surgery thinking it will be easier then dieting. Think again.....This is the hardest journey I have ever taken and trust me, life has had many pitfalls. This is the Mt. Everest of all my challenges in life. Am I sorry? I would do it again in a heartbeat...my only regret is waiting so long. But my advice it anyone who may be thinking about WLS. Is to gather as much info as you can, go to meetings and listen...but do not allow any to influence you..This is one time in life that only YOU can decide whats best for YOU. I've gotten some great e-mail asking lots of questions...That's what it's all about, asking questions and I don't mind sharing.
Thanks for checking in on me and I promise to start sharing my milestones in pic's soon.....
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Another Lesson
A friend of mine, who has been very supportive of my journey, wrote to me yesterday.
She spoke about her thoughts on weight loss and I could hear echo's of my own voice in her words. Why are we so damned hard on ourselves? We always feel, bottom line, that we are out of control, mindless, self indulgent, pigs.
I've learned several things during this journey (1) I had never truly tasted my food. NEVER, which is hard to believe. Why? because I never really CHEWED my food. I chewed enough to swallow and get the next bite down...but chew, chew, chew 20 or 30 times, never. (2) I was NEVER satisfied...Full? Perhaps for a short time. Satisfied? Never... I don't believe it EVER took me 20 to 30 min. to eat a meal. These are all behavior modifications I had to make because of this surgery.
Add to this...3 medications that were among the 12 I was taking that cause weight gain. The reason I was taking these meds was because of Diabetes and high BP (both problems that come with morbid obesity).
Compound this with lack of exercise. Why? Because of my obesity I had bad joints, joints that were so extremely painful I could hardly walk. Muscles broke down in my legs(lack of exercise) so I needed a lift chair in order to get up. Of course just eating a minimal amount at that time of my life, went straight to fat. Then we have the depression that all this leads to. Getting up each morning and seeing yourself get bigger and bigger and feeling at the end of your rope. Telling yourself it's all your fault, you eat to much, you're fat and lazy.
There are scientific studies that prove this WRONG. There are brain chemicals, genetics's and yes some behavioral as well as emotional reason why a person is obese. Once you reach a stage in weight gain where joints start to breakdown and organs can no longer function properly, you just compound the problem.
I have said to doctors for years..."Of course I have physical problems, I have organs that are working for 2 people that were only designed to function for one person".... In my own layman's way, I was correct.
I had reached a point in my life where diets no longer worked and I wasn't willing to settle for 1 pound a week. AS nice as 52 pounds a year sounded, at 62, my "life time" is considerably shorter then when I was 30. My decision to have WLS was not met with smiles and pats on the back..It was met with questions, negative responses and horror stories. I collected my facts, did my homework..went from RNY , to Lap band, back to RNY. My surgery is a tool, a life saving tool.
I still have to slow down, chew my food (or suffer the consequences) exercise and make the right food choices...However, for the first time in my life, I leave the table completely satisfied, hard to believe with just 2 or 3 spoon fulls of food. It's not easy and there have been times I've questioned my sanity to have taken such a drastic measure...But then I step on the scale, I look at the empty pill box, I see clothes hanging on me like they belong to someone else, someone much bigger and I smile...for the first time in a very long time, I love the person looking back at me in the mirror. I know she is struggling, this is not an easy journey....But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Don't beat yourself up over weight . Part of it truly isn't your fault, some of it is, but you can change it... There is a lot more help out there then ever before. WW is a wonderful plan and can work for many people. I needed a fail safe, some way of knowing I could never over eat again. I found what worked for me. Don't stop looking until you find what works for you...You're worth it.....
She spoke about her thoughts on weight loss and I could hear echo's of my own voice in her words. Why are we so damned hard on ourselves? We always feel, bottom line, that we are out of control, mindless, self indulgent, pigs.
I've learned several things during this journey (1) I had never truly tasted my food. NEVER, which is hard to believe. Why? because I never really CHEWED my food. I chewed enough to swallow and get the next bite down...but chew, chew, chew 20 or 30 times, never. (2) I was NEVER satisfied...Full? Perhaps for a short time. Satisfied? Never... I don't believe it EVER took me 20 to 30 min. to eat a meal. These are all behavior modifications I had to make because of this surgery.
Add to this...3 medications that were among the 12 I was taking that cause weight gain. The reason I was taking these meds was because of Diabetes and high BP (both problems that come with morbid obesity).
Compound this with lack of exercise. Why? Because of my obesity I had bad joints, joints that were so extremely painful I could hardly walk. Muscles broke down in my legs(lack of exercise) so I needed a lift chair in order to get up. Of course just eating a minimal amount at that time of my life, went straight to fat. Then we have the depression that all this leads to. Getting up each morning and seeing yourself get bigger and bigger and feeling at the end of your rope. Telling yourself it's all your fault, you eat to much, you're fat and lazy.
There are scientific studies that prove this WRONG. There are brain chemicals, genetics's and yes some behavioral as well as emotional reason why a person is obese. Once you reach a stage in weight gain where joints start to breakdown and organs can no longer function properly, you just compound the problem.
I have said to doctors for years..."Of course I have physical problems, I have organs that are working for 2 people that were only designed to function for one person".... In my own layman's way, I was correct.
I had reached a point in my life where diets no longer worked and I wasn't willing to settle for 1 pound a week. AS nice as 52 pounds a year sounded, at 62, my "life time" is considerably shorter then when I was 30. My decision to have WLS was not met with smiles and pats on the back..It was met with questions, negative responses and horror stories. I collected my facts, did my homework..went from RNY , to Lap band, back to RNY. My surgery is a tool, a life saving tool.
I still have to slow down, chew my food (or suffer the consequences) exercise and make the right food choices...However, for the first time in my life, I leave the table completely satisfied, hard to believe with just 2 or 3 spoon fulls of food. It's not easy and there have been times I've questioned my sanity to have taken such a drastic measure...But then I step on the scale, I look at the empty pill box, I see clothes hanging on me like they belong to someone else, someone much bigger and I smile...for the first time in a very long time, I love the person looking back at me in the mirror. I know she is struggling, this is not an easy journey....But I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
Don't beat yourself up over weight . Part of it truly isn't your fault, some of it is, but you can change it... There is a lot more help out there then ever before. WW is a wonderful plan and can work for many people. I needed a fail safe, some way of knowing I could never over eat again. I found what worked for me. Don't stop looking until you find what works for you...You're worth it.....
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving
It is hard to believe that I am already almost 6 weeks into this new journey in my life.
Small bites and slowing down is still a big problem for me. Old habits really do die hard...
I am so very Thankful for the group that supports me each and every day, plus my friends and Rich encourage me with kind remarks about how "Good" I look.
I have lost quite a bit of weight and I can see it in my clothes, although not so much in the mirror. I've dropped 2 sizes and I'm heading for a third, so that makes me feel really good.
I will post pictures as well as my start weight...but at the moment I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of this. I've been up and down the scales all my life, but once my knees took away my mobility...the weight came on like a big snow fall...layer , by layer. It's no wonder I fell into a depressed state. Between my wonderful Orthopedist and my own determination that enough was enough, I am glad I was finally able to face the fact that drastic measures were needed.
This surgery may not be an answer for everyone, but it turned my life around...Has given me hope...reduced my pain and added quality to my life. I actually cut my own toe nails the other day. Something I have not been able to do for quite some time...With stiff sore knees and a big fat belly in the way, my toes might as well have been in China...Nice to find them right at the end of my feet and easily accessable.
For those that continue to share this journey with me, please know that I am so very Thankful for all the love and support everyone has shown. This is the best Thanksgiving ever...the meal may be a lot smaller for me, but I'm a lot smaller and for that I am so very thankful.....
Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!
Small bites and slowing down is still a big problem for me. Old habits really do die hard...
I am so very Thankful for the group that supports me each and every day, plus my friends and Rich encourage me with kind remarks about how "Good" I look.
I have lost quite a bit of weight and I can see it in my clothes, although not so much in the mirror. I've dropped 2 sizes and I'm heading for a third, so that makes me feel really good.
I will post pictures as well as my start weight...but at the moment I am having a difficult time wrapping my mind around all of this. I've been up and down the scales all my life, but once my knees took away my mobility...the weight came on like a big snow fall...layer , by layer. It's no wonder I fell into a depressed state. Between my wonderful Orthopedist and my own determination that enough was enough, I am glad I was finally able to face the fact that drastic measures were needed.
This surgery may not be an answer for everyone, but it turned my life around...Has given me hope...reduced my pain and added quality to my life. I actually cut my own toe nails the other day. Something I have not been able to do for quite some time...With stiff sore knees and a big fat belly in the way, my toes might as well have been in China...Nice to find them right at the end of my feet and easily accessable.
For those that continue to share this journey with me, please know that I am so very Thankful for all the love and support everyone has shown. This is the best Thanksgiving ever...the meal may be a lot smaller for me, but I'm a lot smaller and for that I am so very thankful.....
Happy Turkey Day everyone!!!!!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Another lesson
My company has departed and my house is quiet again. The week -end was fun but difficult for me as far as eating. I had to keep reminding myself that I can no longer eat the way I once did. Taking "HUMAN BITES" is most difficult, even with pureed foods. I have to let go of the shoveling mode...no wonder I got so fat. How long have I been shoveling food into my mouth, chop chewing and then swallowing? I never chewed my food to mush, hell I never took small amounts. Sounds stupid huh? What a challenge it has been to slow down and take small amounts. If I take large amounts my body rebels in a horrible way and I have to lay flat until it stops. It's like stomach spasms. As my food is getting thicker I have become more aware of chewing and swallowing tiny amounts, making my meal last 1/2 hour. (You think it's easy? Try it!)
The friend that was visiting is very thin and always has been. I watched her eat..hmmm sure enough, she took her time between bites, got more involved in conversation then in eating. She cut her food small and chewed before swallowing. That has to be one of the keys...I have been observing thin people and they all eat like that. They all play or toy with their food...it is a habit I will have to develop. I will be on real food comes Thanksgiving so I am going to make up a menu now...I truly believe that if "You fail to plan, you plan to fail " and there is no way I will fail in this adventure...I've worked too hard and feel to good to allow food to ever govern my life again... Every day there is a new lesson to be learned.
I hope every ones week end was as nice as mine, filled with laughter and good times.....
The friend that was visiting is very thin and always has been. I watched her eat..hmmm sure enough, she took her time between bites, got more involved in conversation then in eating. She cut her food small and chewed before swallowing. That has to be one of the keys...I have been observing thin people and they all eat like that. They all play or toy with their food...it is a habit I will have to develop. I will be on real food comes Thanksgiving so I am going to make up a menu now...I truly believe that if "You fail to plan, you plan to fail " and there is no way I will fail in this adventure...I've worked too hard and feel to good to allow food to ever govern my life again... Every day there is a new lesson to be learned.
I hope every ones week end was as nice as mine, filled with laughter and good times.....
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Oh Happy Day!!
I've been a bit busy this week ,but I did want to share some happy news. I saw my regular health care provider on Monday, she was absolutely thrilled to hear all about the surgery.
I've lost another 6 pounds since last week, so I'm delighted, but the best part....I also lost 3 more pills. Hopefully in another few months they will all be gone...HOORAY!!!
Crushing all those pills has been a chore and the worst part of this whole experience. There is just no way to mask that awful, bitter, taste.
I received my RTD-51 from UPS yesterday. tried the Choc. right away. You can't mask that taste either LOL protein is protein but this is 51g in one can, which means if I drink one a day I really don't have to fret about getting in my 60g of protein a day.
I'm basically making WW meals for Rich and then taking a tiny piece of the protein for myself. My stomach can only hold about an once or two so I'm quite satisfied with a tiny piece of anything. I'm still pureeing but I'm not thinning as much, I have another week of this so I want to start thickening food so the tummy gets the hang of it. Time to start processing food!!
One thing for sure, you really get to know your body during this process. You also realize what you have been doing wrong for so many years...amazing...it's all so amazing to me.
I've lost another 6 pounds since last week, so I'm delighted, but the best part....I also lost 3 more pills. Hopefully in another few months they will all be gone...HOORAY!!!
Crushing all those pills has been a chore and the worst part of this whole experience. There is just no way to mask that awful, bitter, taste.
I received my RTD-51 from UPS yesterday. tried the Choc. right away. You can't mask that taste either LOL protein is protein but this is 51g in one can, which means if I drink one a day I really don't have to fret about getting in my 60g of protein a day.
I'm basically making WW meals for Rich and then taking a tiny piece of the protein for myself. My stomach can only hold about an once or two so I'm quite satisfied with a tiny piece of anything. I'm still pureeing but I'm not thinning as much, I have another week of this so I want to start thickening food so the tummy gets the hang of it. Time to start processing food!!
One thing for sure, you really get to know your body during this process. You also realize what you have been doing wrong for so many years...amazing...it's all so amazing to me.
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