Putting an Issue to rest

I realized after writing yesterday that in all probability a self centered, narcissistic person wouldn't be reading another persons Blog anyway LOL They pretty much feel they are the center of the Universe.

Let me get rid of this thorn; We go out to dinner after our meetings...I absolutely love the fellowship and interesting discussions. However,when in Cooperstown we used to go to this place that was (a) very loud (b) very slow and (c) not all that relaxing for me. I hated getting home at 11 pm. I've got a long drive from Cooperstown, alone on back roads. I mentioned to the group, not all of whom live in Cooperstown, that I'd prefer to eat closer to home..I was basically ignored. One person seemed to have the total say and all followed...that was fine with me, I'd pick something up and go home and share it with my husband. At no time did I ever expect the group to change their habit for me. I resent any one person thinking that I am strong enough or willing enough to change a groups mind as to where they want to eat..As long as they want to eat closer to where I live, I'm happy. If the tide has changed, it isn't because of me, it's because a group of people have found a quiet, comforting place that they enjoy gathering in..which brings me to my second Thorn; I find it insulting when someone will stoop to name calling and malicious gossip in an effort to swing the vote their way. I do not like to see desperation in the eyes of someone I respect and admire for their intelligence. I begin to question myself on what I missed along the way. I don't like being wrong about a person...especially one I've viewed as a friend. I also do not like when I am trying to discuss something and the person looks down their nose at me like I am beneath them and "do not understand" simply because I have not witnessed a particular act.
Understand this: I am a hippie of the 60's, a flower child that still believes all people have a right to believe in what ever brings them peace. I was raised Catholic and for a very long period in my life, thought I wanted to be a Nun (can you even imagine that?) I explored many other religions...not because I was looking for a new one, but because I studied Theology..I belonged to a "Search for God" group...we weren't searching, we were collecting data (which has nothing to do with why I am writing today) The bottom line was I learned to respect other peoples beliefs. There are many lost souls out there, people who NEED to belong to something. Nothing is more disturbing to me then to hear a person call themselves a Christian and then go out of their way to malign another persons faith or belief. I live Christianity I don't preach it. When a group of people have accepted Jesus as their Lord and savior, when they work hard to be productive members of the community...they deserve my respect. I'm not paying the tab for them and they are treating me and others with respect...That's how it should be.
When I say to someone "I am strong and secure in my Faith" I mean exactly that. I couldn't care less if they are...faith is a road you walk alone. I don't care what a person believes in.. He can preach to me all he wants (many have tried). My heart breaks for my Muslim friends..because of a radical group within their religion, they are being frowned upon and persecuted. That has to stop...If i sit back and allow someone to carry tales and speak badly about a group of people I am no better then they are. We need to be mindful of our actions and what we say. Forgiveness begins with us...No matter what tactics a group may use, NO ONE can make you do something you refuse to do...if that be the case then you question yourself, your faith and your religion...not someone else. I have never and will never judge a person by what another person has said or done...I'm old enough and secure enough to make my own judgement calls and I resent anyone who thinks they will sway me with some horrific tale. God gave you free will ,use it to your own satisfaction, not to sway the will of others.
I have a favorite book I very often re read...It tells the tale of a man who thought differently. He dressed different, he spoke about things they didn't always understand but slowly people began to follow him. The more people followed him, the more frightened other people became...After all there is power in numbers and this man was just a common man, from a common back ground so what right did he have to have such power over people.
I understand that story a little more now then I did as a child. There are still people who fear what they don't understand..It is so much easier to dramatise and criticise then to embrace another who believes differently then you do.
Governed by fear, listening to stories caused people to react differently towards this man who was so unlike anyone else of his time, a person with only good in his heart, was maligned because of his beliefs and eventually crucified.
I should hope we have learned something by past mistakes. The story stops here..The seed of hatred will not be planted in this writers heart.
( WLS talks and lessons resume tomorrow LOL)

Whats it all about?

I am a follower of many BLOGs none are exactly the same in content. Some people use them to show off the latest craft as well as keep people informed of whats happening in their lives.
Others use it as a literary tool to display their short stories or poetry. Others use it to express themselves in artistic ways, while still others use it as a teaching tool.
I have several Blogs...This one was set up as a help aid. It's purpose is mainly to allow people just starting on their WL Journey to look back on my experience and hopefully find some answers. I have mentored many people along the way and I am so very proud of those who have touched my life and allowed me to touch theirs. I know of NONE thus far who have failed in there quest for a new way of life. It is not an easy road...I've never lied or sugar coated the difficulty of this journey. No I never experienced any pain, but pain is not what this journey is about...you may or may not have it..it will pass..deal with it. This journey is about changing habits, recognizing the signals that will sabotage your mission, looking for ways to better your life.
I am still learning and will always learn from others.
Every once in a while something happens...something that is so far removed from this Journey yet so strong that it affects the stability of the Journey. Such a thing happened to me recently...it has caused great reflection on my part, hours of meditation in an effort to rid my mind and body of the discord and stress I feel. Yet I find myself thinking about it, feeling sad...not just for myself, for allowing another person to affect me in such a negative way...but for that person for whom I have a great deal of respect.
Normally I do not allow myself to be touched by negative people or negative feelings, always keeping them at arms length...but this goes beyond a feeling...this is just wrong on so many levels and I have been trying to cope, making excuses and finding answers.
Meanwhile I have turned to mindless eating, the stress has caused me to seek comfort in food...something I haven't done in 3 years. This issue has NOTHING what so ever to do with me personally...The only thing personal is a feeling of being so very wrong about an individual to a point that it has caused me emotional pain. Understand one thing...NO ONE can hurt you without your permission, so I am not blaming anyone for this spiral. I've had a few minor accidents over the past month and perhaps I am emotionally weak right now..cranky with myself and those around me... This is for all of you to realize...no matter how long this Journey, no matter how strong you may think you are...the demons will return when you least suspect it and you will have to be prepared to regain control as fast as possible. This I intend to do.
Writing is cathartic for me..it always has been...it is why I am a survivor and not a victim of a violent past....My issue is not with a person but rather an attitude..one I need to explore in order to try and comprehend it... I will...tomorrow...right here in my very own BLOG where I can express my feelings without fear. True there is no affect in the written word, so it can sometimes be misunderstood ...however it seems even when there is affect, things can be misunderstood or taken personally. When that happens I am left questioning character...my own as well as the person who misunderstands me. So if you are a paranoid individual who believes that people are ALWAYS taking about you when they make a statement, you may want to fore go my BLOG tomorrow. There will be no further warning, nor will I discuss this issue once I have put it to rest.

What's the hurry??

Now I will sound like the "MOTHER" the old lady of the group. No I haven't forgotten what it was like prior to surgery, nor have I forgotten the excitement of each new turn on the path. from the initial meeting to getting that date wooohooo it was all exciting...it still is...so don't believe all the rubbish about the "honeymoon stage". they tried to feed that crock to me always saying "oh you're in the honeymoon stage", each time I gave my point of view..It was the "oldies" way of saying it would eventually wear off. Well now I'm where they were and I'm here to tell you, it wears off when you allow it to. If you look at each new day as a new page of your adventure it will NEVER get old and the honeymoon will never end...This coming from someone who has been married for 48 years and is still on a honeymoon.
Keep it alive, keep it new and exciting and don't LOOK for problems. Today I can almost tell who will have problems and who won't just by the attitude they face the surgery with. If you go into this looking for defeat, you'll find it, no doubt about it. If you let other peoples pains and problems become yours, they will.
Yes we all hit minor bumps in the road..even I have had little things happen...nothing worth whining or complaining about and if I did..what message would I send to you?
yes there have been people with REAL issues and they speak openly about them and rightfully they should...this is REAL, it's no joke but for the most part REAL issues are far and few in between. I know of two members that had exactly the same issues ( and no it probably is not YOU) One continues to talk about the issue and the other one has gotten on with her life and is having a ball with her weight loss. The only difference between the two is their attitude toward the surgery they required. One saw it as a major mountain while the other saw it as a mere bump...Situations can be as grave as we perceive them to be...the trick is to perceive them as minor set backs and move on...Some can't, some won't and some will. If you have yet to have your surgery you have to sit and judge what you hear and how it pertains to you as an individual.
Our experiences may be similar but how we deal with them is what makes the difference.
I have never thought (although I have been accused) that because someone had pain while I did not...I'm strong and they are cry babies. (Obviously no one has ever seen me in a dentist chair)
What I do feel is important is that people know..some of us have fabulous experiences and YOU could be one of them. Not all of us suffer pain that requires pain medication.
Take your time and learn all you can...you are on this Journey for a life time...it's not a diet that you will stay on for a time , lose weight and then go on...This is a life style change that hopefully will last forever and forever you will maintain your weight loss and not be a yo yo.
There is a lot to absorb. Don't become overwhelmed to a point where you can't absorb anything..Baby steps. Face this as the new life it truly is...don't be in a hurry to grow up :-)

Transfer Addiction

This was a topic that came up and seemed like a good one to talk about here.
I don't think anyone really looks at "their condition" as an addiction. We can see an alcoholic because they always seem to have a drink in their hand and we know they don't need it to survive. Same with drugs, so many of us manage to survive without living life on a high so we know an addict when we see one. A shopping addict is not so noticeable unless you go to her home and see bags and bags of stuff not even opened yet. Anything anyone does in excess is an addiction. People who eat obsessively are obviously addicted to food or at least the comfort they feel the food is bringing into their life...that endorphin feeling that only food seems to give us.

What happens when that addiction is put into remission? When we find out it's been a lie?That we are not feeding our bodies, we are feeding our emotions? What happens when we finally learn the feeling of "being satisfied"? Very often we transfer to another form of addiction. We may become compulsive shoppers (because now we CAN) that beautiful feeling of shopping in Normal size stores, feeling good about the way we look in clothes. We may become compulsive with some form of exercise...getting that endorphin high that we once got from food and toning up at the same time WOW!! Compulsive about vitamins because we want to take care of the NEW person we have become.

This surgery has it's pitfalls and addiction transfer can be one of them. Being mindful of the changes we feel or that others may point out is the best way to deal with this problem. Any repeated action that becomes an obsession could very well be an addiction and may need some outside intervention. Be aware of new changes. Discuss them openly. Sometimes when we see ourselves becoming compulsive we can deal with it, with help and guidance. Fretting about changes you see that cause fear or anxiety need to be talked about...If not with your Mentor, or the group, perhaps a therapist (if you believe in therapy) maybe yoga, or deep meditation.
Knowing who you are and understanding the changes this WLS can cause physically, mentally and emotionally , is being in control. Learning that control (perhaps for the first time in your life) sometimes needs outside help..So don't fear another addiction, embrace it and deal with it.
That's my view point-Take it our leave it.

No Justice

After a wonderful meeting last night I should be taking about support and looking forward to going down the rapids in a tube. Instead I am seething. Now I seldom get into political debates and I try to avoid hostile situations. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that.
Has the world gone totally F*&^% nuts? Where in GODS name did they find 12 morons all in one place. I am talking about the trail of Casey Anthony. A woman who for 31 days was missing with her child, then she shows up alone and claims the "Nanny " stole her. The prosecution proves there never was a Nanny, shows that this killer, did nothing but party for 31 days while her daughter was missing, never told a soul. Got a tattoo on her shoulder that says in Spanish "Beautiful life" who considers their life "Beautiful" when their child is missing...? Then we find out that when she got the tattoo she already knew the child was dead. Cadaver dogs signaling a dead body was once in the back yard, evidence of a smell of death (anyone that has ever smelled death, knows it is unmistakable and there is NO other smell like it).
This child, this beautiful baby was left to rot in a swamp. No doubt in my mind, by her own mother...The one person she should have been able to trust. When Casey Anthony was supposed to be working (she lied about having a job) where was that baby? Did she finally get old enough to speak? Was she about to tell grandma her Mommy locked her in trunks, closets, whatever?
My heart breaks for this child that will have no justice. A beautiful child that was robbed of her life because her Mommy wanted to party.
I know that prison has it's own justice for baby killers. I can only hope that Judge Perry makes her serve out her time in the general population and I can only hope that Casey Anthony will know the fear her daughter knew just before she took her last breath.
The OJ trail was one thing...THIS is the biggest miscarriage of justice this country has ever seen.
What the HELL was wrong with those 12 people?
If you don't agree with me, I don't care...this is my space to vent, something I don't do that often.
I will see that child's precious face in my sleep forever and wonder how Casey Anthony can stand to be around herself...How can her parents forgive her? How could anyone, much less 12 people exonerate her completely? God help us all if this is how our justice system works.
Casey Anthony is a narcissistic, self serving, egotistical, pathological liar who murdered her child and walked away smiling with not one ounce of remorse, not one tear for her baby.
Rest in peace baby Caylee, justice will be done...some how...some way...some day.

Feeling like me again

I think I've landed LOL after coming home and falling right back into more work I felt like a mouse in a wheel. I do not do well when there is no "ME" time. Perhaps that's because of a life time of "NO ME " time, even as a child I had a list of chores that covered most of my day. I won't lie and say I had NO childhood, thanks to a loving grandmother and wonderful dad ( with limited time) I've got some fond memories. In fact I managed to jam a lot into a little space when it came to quality time
It wasn't until my surgery that I learned a little selfishness, that I learned I was "worth" some me time...no I guess I'm spoiled LOL
After cleaning the goat pen yesterday, a very hard and tiring job. I managed to take a relaxing shower and dedicate the rest of the afternoon to some swaps I'm working on. For those of you not into Blogs and swaps...All it is, is that some artsy folks make up Blogs and part of the fun is finding things to do that people can share in...if they desire.
The swap that is going in the mail today is a Paper fairy swap. That was pretty much the only rules. This one was hard for me because I don't work that much in a paper medium. The first thing I thought of was a paper doll. I will be posting pictures on my art blog so please check it out.
The other swap is a vacation in a Matchbox, the person who gets my matchbox will take a trip to NY via imagination and whats contained in the box. That's more up my alley so I hope I've done a good job. Another swap coming up is a Gothic doll, a sewing tray made from a picture frame and a mannequin who tells a story of who I am.
So as you can see..weight loss and feeling good about myself doesn't stop on just one road in my life. It covers a lot. New found energy allows me to do many things in a day instead of just dragging along in a depressed and tired state. Life became renewed in every aspect, from finding new and interesting healthy recipes, to having more energy, to stimulating my creative juices that seemed to have gone to sleep for a while.
Every time I see a heavy person I want to grab them and tell them "there is hope", but like alcoholism, each over eater must come to the decision themselves. As for me, I still wish I had done it 20 years sooner......Have a great day!!! I sure will.

Still Off the Grid

It has been a long while since I have posted ANYWHERE....I feel much busier then I should be.
I look back on the times before I had my surgery and know full well that everything I've been doing, probably would have killed me back then.
I've had to stay on Long Island and deal with a house that is still loaded with all kinds of stuff.
Every time I look at it all I think of George Carlin and his thing about "Stuff", how we all have to have "Stuff" and when we go away we bring a little of our "stuff" and so on.... I found myself bringing "stuff " to the very place I was cleaning stuff out of...but the stuff I brought was things to work on at the end of the day when I wanted to relax and get away from the dusty work.
As it turns out I didn't get the full amount of time to work as I had hoped...I also had fathers day and a Graduation to fit in, not to mention a dinner with friends and lunches with my kids.
The good thing about it was that I had the energy (being lighter will do that for the body). I started each day with a protein shake (yes I brought my Bullet) and proved to myself that even while away from home I could stay on program. I was able to eat sliced turkey for lunch with a small salad and eat a regular well balanced meal for dinner.
I walked up and down stairs my times then I care to count. Did my knee's hurt ? You bet they did, they were screaming by night fall....the knee's are shot tanks to years of too much weight...but I did manage to throw away 37 bags of trash, a vacuum and two sewing machines, plus some boxes filled with stuff...so I was pretty proud of all I was able to let go of...there is more I will say good bye to the next trip down. Would have been a helluva garage sale, but I just don't have it in me...someone did take the sewing machines, which worked, so that was a good thing.
Weight loss has afforded me a new life in so many ways...this was just one more. I also think, because of my new life, I was able to shed not just pounds but my need for material things. Don't get me wrong, I will always see something in something someone else thinks is garbage...but I also know I will not live long enough to make it all happen...That's just a fact of life.
It's good to let go...feeling lighter in body and in mind.....
Now I have to get on to my "Fantasy Blog" and have some fun.....