Happy Thanksgiving

I suspect people who would be reading this, are very busy doing other things on this day...I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who does in fact read this Blog and send me such wonderful notes..YOU are MY inspiration.
Today is a day to give thanks and yet there are still people that are so absorbed in themselves that they fail to see the big picture, people that THINK everything they write, everything they do in their lives is sooooo interesting to everyone else. Yes I do write about my experiences, but only with hope that it will help another...even when I get on here and bitch and mourn , I do so to vent and pray that others will see that even the happiest people do have BAD days.
I seldom post my inner thoughts...I write in my journal, I have always expressed myself in poetry...but I seldom share that...Those are my inner most thoughts that benefit no one else but me. You do not need to share those thoughts with me...What you do need to do is be so very grateful for the life you have, look deep within yourself and then compare your life to someone you know who is far worse off then you are...I bet those people still have cause to smile and be grateful, so why shouldn't you?
Many of my friends have lost parents this year, one lost a child and I lost an Uncle who I loved very, very much...each year, it seems, someone is missing from our table. Yes there is an emptiness in my heart, that emptiness will always be there because each year someone else will be missing, until one day, I will be missing as well. That's the course of life and one thing we can not change. So instead of dwelling on the empty chair, we talk about it, we reminisce about the person who touched our lives and made us laugh. We share stories and bring the memory of all those missing, back to life with laughter. That's how it should be, that's being Thankful.
There is no one that I know, NO ONE, that should not be extremely Thankful today.
Rich is in a great deal of pain. I changed the dressing and trust me, he has reason to be...His ear is practically cut in half and sewn back together (I didn't share that observance) but he is very Happy, happy for the fact that he still has his ear, which is now cancer free.
As long as we live, there will be trials, some days will not be as good as others...but if you look real hard, there will be no day you will ever live that you can not find something to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!

What an ordeal

Yesterday was truly a day from hell... I was up and running at 2 am...trying to get things done before , what I knew was going to be ,a long day.
We got to Albany way before schedule and began to follow the worst directions I have ever seen.
WE figured there had to be a reason they were taking us through a shopping Mall (as it turns out, there was a much easier way that I learned myself on the way home)
I watched the clock ticking down and finally passing our arrival time so I called the office, no answer...what kind of surgeon doesn't have someone to answer the phone? I called their emergency number and the person could not help because she had no idea where the office was...so once again (for the 4th time) we back tracked, went in another complete circle, but this time I found a small road we hadn't taken and finally found our way.
We got there a half hour late but it didn't matter, the office complex had no electric, so no surgery...they want to reschedule..yeah, like that would happen. Albany is 2 and a half hours away on a good day, without getting lost. I told the girl at the desk to give me a call on my cell when the lights went back on. She said it would be around noon...guess she didn't know about my direct line to heaven...We went to Panara bread for a much needed cup of coffee and some relaxation.
20 minutes later my cell went off and we were on our way back to the office. The long and short of the story is that the surgery was more extensive then we had hoped for. They had to remove a pie shaped wedge from his ear. rather then nick name him "Notch" the doc did some Fancy stitching to bring the ear together, so now one ear is a bit lower then the other, but at least he has a place to hang his glasses, which was his biggest concern.
His whole head is wrapped and he is in a great deal of pain...but like everything else in our life, this too shall pass. He can not lift or bend until Monday so I now have double chores. needless to say I will not be returning any e-mails any time soon. I apologize for that, but I have he chores , my own chores and a Holiday Boutique to prepare for...Sunday will be like a day of rebirth for me. I feel extremely pressured at the moment...but all things will get accomplished and I will move forward in peace....
Thank you all for your concerns and prayers and I promise I will return e-mails ASAP..Until then , I wish each and every person in my life a Very Happy Thanks Giving...I have a great deal to be thankful for....especially the angels in my life whose thoughts and well wishes keep me going.... Thank you.

A busy time of year

The end of the year is like a roll of toilet paper for me...the closer to the end I get the faster it seems to go.
There is little time these days. Rich is facing two very serious situations and I have a battery of test ahead of me to see why my short term memory seems to be failing me and why I have these dreadful headaches.
In an effort to make life simple it seems to have gotten more complicated. How does that happen? Oh I know...my failure to learn the word "No" puts me into places I don't need to be. I'm learning , but friends will tell you I am an extremely slow learner LOL
My partner and I are planning a Holiday Boutique and that always takes a great deal of effort...just in decorating alone..Then we have all the making, setting up...yikes I'm getting tired just thinking about it. yesterday we moved a huge display cabinet from the garage to the class room...My body is reminding me today that I am not 25 anymore and strong backs are given to the young :-(
Making Christmas gifts has always been my joy, this year is no exception regardless of the lack of time. So many of my friends seem to have given up on this special holiday...They don't decorate any more, no cards, gifts of money instead of home made gift baskets, quilts, sweaters...etc. I think about how uncomplicated they have made their lives, but I just can't do it. Giving is such a part of me, that to stop making and stop sharing would surly signal the end of my days. I don't decorate as much as I once did, but I will always have a tree. The Christmas tree was my fathers favorite part of Christmas, I remember how he would sit and admire it...he said it brought him back to special times of his youth and then he would tell me stories. They were a poor family , didn't have much, but what they had, they shared with others. he always painted such a beautiful picture in my mind. Now I sit and admire my own tree and remember his words...what a fabulous gift he gave me, that stills brings pleasure today.
I love holiday cooking and baking and this year will be like last year...It was easy to make cookies and treats to give to friends, with out having to "try" each one. I kept remembering how hard I worked to get where I am, how hard I still work to maintain where I am....I plan my day and make sure I have things to nibble on that do not contain fat and sugar...
Yes these are busy time, hectic times and time to be very much aware. At least all my shopping is done...Now if I can just finish making...(do I ever finish making? I think not.)

A Stranger

The other day I went for a test...During that test I was admiring a Stranger...She seemed so relaxed with who she was and had a wonderful sense of humor. She was an attractive, large woman. In fact I came to find out she weighs what I started at in this program.
Going through my mind was something we have all talked about, that desire to grab someone and say "there is help out there, help to a better and healthier life"...but that's not what it's about. This is something a person has to decide to do on their own. So we continued to laugh and talk.
She made a remark about her weight and I said I couldn't afford to talk...I had surgery to lose weight. Well, that opened up a whole new door. Turns out she has been to a meeting, gotten the packet, she's even lost some weight. But like some of us, she figured, I've lost some weight and maintained that loss so I can do this on my own. Very few of us succeed at that, but we have to learn on our own that we have an illness. Even the surgery is not a cure. It's a combination of having a tool and having the education to know how to use the tool that helps us maintain a healthier life style.
I don't pull any punches (as most of you know) This is not a magic wand situation. Yes the weight loss is extreme and fast. No doubt about it that you feel energized and healthier then you've ever felt ...but there is a price we all pay. Not everyone pays the same price..but surgery is not a cure for everything that's wrong with your life. What it does do is give you back your self esteem, it makes you stronger and more capable of fighting life's battles.
There was so much I wanted to share with her, so much I wanted to explain in the hope that she would give the program another chance.
She did give me her e-mail and I have written...so who knows. Our paths may never cross again.
But I will always think of her. She was me two years ago and in my heart I want her to be me two years from now. (She'd make a fabulous Mentor)
Yes we all see those that we want to reach out to, we seldom get the opportunity. I think a real happy moment for me will be if I ever see her at the general meeting...One can only hope they touch the heart of a Stranger..............

Addicted to Food?

Who? Moi? We hear a lot of confessions from "Food" addicts. That's what we are you know?
Oh there are tons of excuses out there why we gain weight, truth is we love the taste of certain foods, we love the texture of certain food...most of which are no good for us.
For those of you who do not believe you have a problem and your just heavy because of "bad genes", "Big Bones", "Moms/spouse's cooking" some issue that prevents you from exercising ..read no further, you're in denial and until you accept responsibility for your actions, there is no hope.
Still with me? Good, then there is hope because you're willing to listen to reason. We all know why we find comfort in food..because when we were little it was given to us to make us "feel better" "feel loved"..just like that first taste of alcohol for some, makes them "feel good" "stops the pain" "lessens the heartache". Just like that first delightful buzz from drugs..makes "everything right with the world". Food becomes our addiction, it comforts us, calms our nerves, helps with stress..It seems like the answer to everything. When in fact it's not an answer, it's a curse. Food is for one thing and one thing alone, to nourish our body, to fuel our body. Smart people, people who learn at an early age that all food is, is fuel. Usually maintain an average body weight. I have friends just like you do, that CAN eat fattening foods and never gain an ounce. That's where metabolic's comes into play. However we are not like them, never will be, so we have to work with what we have. We have to work with our addiction, because unlike the alcoholic or drug addicted person, we can't take food OUT of our lives entirely... So what can we do?
We can purge our home of destructive foods and plan for "emotional eating". I can hear it now..But my kids like.... I don't really give a rats pa toot what your kids like. Whats good for you is good for them. That's why weight problems seem to be genetic, when all it is , is repetitive actions from one generation to the next... Turning once again to the comfort foods we remember. What it boils down to is...Who's the Mommy? Small children can be retaught , they can be given a small bowl of blue berries instead of a bowl of M&M's, even Cheerios's are better then M&M's.
Apples with peanut butter is a great snack and most kids love it. Teenagers are at an age of understanding. Talk to them, tell them you want to dance at their wedding. If you don't take off the excess weight you won't be around for graduations, weddings, grand kids. Parents are great at guilt trips...use it to your advantage. Ask for their help.
I have nothing in my house "for company" or "when grand kids visit"...people bring their own "JUNK" and take it when they leave.
My freezer is loaded with fresh frozen blueberries (my favorite candy), I've got dehydrated string beans when I need crunch, aseago cheese when I need salt and protein snack. Even my sweets are stored in the event of an emotional fall. I buy those 100 calorie snack packs for emergencies.
I am not perfect, never said I was, I am easily tempted and it is why I have to be aware and take responsibility for my actions. If I have a bad day and fall off the wagon, I don't dwell on it, I don't beat myself up over it. A shared dessert, or a mouth full of gummy bears didn't pack on the pounds...Bad choices, repeated over and over again did.
So stop the cycle, stop the madness, stop the excuses and accept responsibility for your actions. There are no FOOD POLICE. I have lost about 600 pounds in my life time, I've been very thin and very heavy, I've been on every diet known to man and I've lost weight. the only thing I never did was take responsibility and learn from my mistakes..until now. I like having energy, I like being in smaller clothes. This program continues to educate me, continues to captivate my attention through the eyes of new comers. Every time I even come close to weakening, someone will ask a question that will bring me back to day one of my Journey. This is NOT an easy path, but it is a solution for me, my tool and I are best friends. I admire how effectively it works and as long as I do the right thing it continues to work for me. RNY and the BAND has never failed anyone...think about that. We all know people who have had WLS, both kinds, and gained all their weight back...old habits die hard. It doesn't have to be that way, but you DO have to take charge of your own destiny. The good thing is that you have a support system like no other...Use it and make it work...

Newbie Fears

There are a bunch of people in line for surgery over the next two months. I smile when I read their post because that was me a little over two years ago.
We make this decision, we jump through all the hoops, read everything we can, talk openly on the thread and then suddenly, at the 11th hour, we are filled with questions. Perhaps we even have some doubt.
Any surgery is a big step. This step is huge. At times I've had fear for my fellow Butterflies (which I've expressed privately, you know who you are) and over this brief period of time I've heard several regrets. They wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't see it coming. There are times I want to just scream "DON'T DO IT", other times I want to talk to Bob and tell him to hold back, the person isn't ready and destined to fail..but who am I? Perhaps a person who is detached enough, or connected enough, or maybe just has a 6th sense, to know it's just not going to work.
Once the deed is done, all I can offer is support and hope my feelings are wrong...so far they haven't been and that hurts.
People go into this surgery with such great expectations. They are so excited they just want it DONE ALREADY...let me get on with my life and get skinny. What a wonderful thought. I just wish I'd hear more about "Let the work begin toward a new and better life". I think because people see those of use who have shed the pounds and seem so much happier and healthier for it, that they see it as magic and not the hard work it truly is.
Life does change...You learn and you continue to learn. You learn what foods work for you, you learn how to plan ahead when traveling or attending parties etc. You develop a new relationship with food and no longer live to eat. You eat slower, you take smaller bites, you feel energized, you feel invincible. Your clothes get smaller and smaller, you no longer get stuck in a chair with arms or fear booths. The list of pluses just goes on and on...but there is NO MAGIC, you work hard at keeping it all in balance, at finding out the difference between head hunger and real hunger. You find that just because you lost weight, life still has stresses that can push you over the edge. You find that friends you thought were good ones, become "different" envious, some even actually get mean or walk away. I won't even bother to go into all the reasons for that type of reaction. I am one of the lucky ones, I have enough TRUE and loyal friends to compensate for the holier then thou phonies that have crossed my path.
These are all things that can undermine your happiness and try and steal your thunder. people entering into this life style should not do so without a great deal of thought and understanding as to what they are about to do. It is NOT an easy road.
I am very opened about what I had to do to finally get weight off. I enjoy sharing my story and there are times I want to just grab a heavy person and tell them "There is hope"... but just like with an alcoholic , THEY have to know when they need help.
So I continue to mentor those who ask me. I continue to offer advice and support to those who pose questions. There are those I know will make it and continue on the road to success. Then there are those who will always find excuses, always find someone or something to blame for their lack of control or inability to work toward success. Those are the people I worry most about. If you have ever blamed life's stress, you husband, your children, mother-in-law or any person for you excess weight, if you have blamed medication or illness for causing you to become obese ? Don't have this surgery right now. Accepting responsibility for the condition you're in is the first positive step. I speak from experience. Yes my bad knee's prevented me from doing exercise and walking...but you know what? If I took in less calories during that time in my life, if I did exercise geared to my disability...Even if I wouldn't have lost, I certainly would not have gained all that I did. There is no magic...less calories + exercise= weight loss. If you're obese, you did it to yourself, now you can do this for yourself and change course. Be as steadfast about changing your life style as you were about the food and you will be a success.
This is the challenge of a life time but one you must be prepared for and determined to accept change. I'm always available to those who want to hear the truth and no nonsense. I don't placate, I don't stroke, but I do care....A LOT

Anniversary Day

I have so much to write about, so much to say and so much happiness to share...but it will have to wait until later.
Today I celebrate 47 years with the same wonderful man. It has had it's bumps in the road, but it has never not been an adventure worth taking. There was something new around every bend. It has been filled with excitement as well as sorrow, but the Journey has been fulfilling and continues...hopefully for many more years.
Not only do I count my own blessings today, but we share this anniversary with Ellen and John Bird. Their friendship has been a true blessing to our lives and the love they share is so obvious and inspirational . Happy Anniversary to both of you....
Now I must show my appreciation with breakfast fit for a king.....