A busy time of year

The end of the year is like a roll of toilet paper for me...the closer to the end I get the faster it seems to go.
There is little time these days. Rich is facing two very serious situations and I have a battery of test ahead of me to see why my short term memory seems to be failing me and why I have these dreadful headaches.
In an effort to make life simple it seems to have gotten more complicated. How does that happen? Oh I know...my failure to learn the word "No" puts me into places I don't need to be. I'm learning , but friends will tell you I am an extremely slow learner LOL
My partner and I are planning a Holiday Boutique and that always takes a great deal of effort...just in decorating alone..Then we have all the making, setting up...yikes I'm getting tired just thinking about it. yesterday we moved a huge display cabinet from the garage to the class room...My body is reminding me today that I am not 25 anymore and strong backs are given to the young :-(
Making Christmas gifts has always been my joy, this year is no exception regardless of the lack of time. So many of my friends seem to have given up on this special holiday...They don't decorate any more, no cards, gifts of money instead of home made gift baskets, quilts, sweaters...etc. I think about how uncomplicated they have made their lives, but I just can't do it. Giving is such a part of me, that to stop making and stop sharing would surly signal the end of my days. I don't decorate as much as I once did, but I will always have a tree. The Christmas tree was my fathers favorite part of Christmas, I remember how he would sit and admire it...he said it brought him back to special times of his youth and then he would tell me stories. They were a poor family , didn't have much, but what they had, they shared with others. he always painted such a beautiful picture in my mind. Now I sit and admire my own tree and remember his words...what a fabulous gift he gave me, that stills brings pleasure today.
I love holiday cooking and baking and this year will be like last year...It was easy to make cookies and treats to give to friends, with out having to "try" each one. I kept remembering how hard I worked to get where I am, how hard I still work to maintain where I am....I plan my day and make sure I have things to nibble on that do not contain fat and sugar...
Yes these are busy time, hectic times and time to be very much aware. At least all my shopping is done...Now if I can just finish making...(do I ever finish making? I think not.)

A Stranger

The other day I went for a test...During that test I was admiring a Stranger...She seemed so relaxed with who she was and had a wonderful sense of humor. She was an attractive, large woman. In fact I came to find out she weighs what I started at in this program.
Going through my mind was something we have all talked about, that desire to grab someone and say "there is help out there, help to a better and healthier life"...but that's not what it's about. This is something a person has to decide to do on their own. So we continued to laugh and talk.
She made a remark about her weight and I said I couldn't afford to talk...I had surgery to lose weight. Well, that opened up a whole new door. Turns out she has been to a meeting, gotten the packet, she's even lost some weight. But like some of us, she figured, I've lost some weight and maintained that loss so I can do this on my own. Very few of us succeed at that, but we have to learn on our own that we have an illness. Even the surgery is not a cure. It's a combination of having a tool and having the education to know how to use the tool that helps us maintain a healthier life style.
I don't pull any punches (as most of you know) This is not a magic wand situation. Yes the weight loss is extreme and fast. No doubt about it that you feel energized and healthier then you've ever felt ...but there is a price we all pay. Not everyone pays the same price..but surgery is not a cure for everything that's wrong with your life. What it does do is give you back your self esteem, it makes you stronger and more capable of fighting life's battles.
There was so much I wanted to share with her, so much I wanted to explain in the hope that she would give the program another chance.
She did give me her e-mail and I have written...so who knows. Our paths may never cross again.
But I will always think of her. She was me two years ago and in my heart I want her to be me two years from now. (She'd make a fabulous Mentor)
Yes we all see those that we want to reach out to, we seldom get the opportunity. I think a real happy moment for me will be if I ever see her at the general meeting...One can only hope they touch the heart of a Stranger..............

Addicted to Food?

Who? Moi? We hear a lot of confessions from "Food" addicts. That's what we are you know?
Oh there are tons of excuses out there why we gain weight, truth is we love the taste of certain foods, we love the texture of certain food...most of which are no good for us.
For those of you who do not believe you have a problem and your just heavy because of "bad genes", "Big Bones", "Moms/spouse's cooking" some issue that prevents you from exercising ..read no further, you're in denial and until you accept responsibility for your actions, there is no hope.
Still with me? Good, then there is hope because you're willing to listen to reason. We all know why we find comfort in food..because when we were little it was given to us to make us "feel better" "feel loved"..just like that first taste of alcohol for some, makes them "feel good" "stops the pain" "lessens the heartache". Just like that first delightful buzz from drugs..makes "everything right with the world". Food becomes our addiction, it comforts us, calms our nerves, helps with stress..It seems like the answer to everything. When in fact it's not an answer, it's a curse. Food is for one thing and one thing alone, to nourish our body, to fuel our body. Smart people, people who learn at an early age that all food is, is fuel. Usually maintain an average body weight. I have friends just like you do, that CAN eat fattening foods and never gain an ounce. That's where metabolic's comes into play. However we are not like them, never will be, so we have to work with what we have. We have to work with our addiction, because unlike the alcoholic or drug addicted person, we can't take food OUT of our lives entirely... So what can we do?
We can purge our home of destructive foods and plan for "emotional eating". I can hear it now..But my kids like.... I don't really give a rats pa toot what your kids like. Whats good for you is good for them. That's why weight problems seem to be genetic, when all it is , is repetitive actions from one generation to the next... Turning once again to the comfort foods we remember. What it boils down to is...Who's the Mommy? Small children can be retaught , they can be given a small bowl of blue berries instead of a bowl of M&M's, even Cheerios's are better then M&M's.
Apples with peanut butter is a great snack and most kids love it. Teenagers are at an age of understanding. Talk to them, tell them you want to dance at their wedding. If you don't take off the excess weight you won't be around for graduations, weddings, grand kids. Parents are great at guilt trips...use it to your advantage. Ask for their help.
I have nothing in my house "for company" or "when grand kids visit"...people bring their own "JUNK" and take it when they leave.
My freezer is loaded with fresh frozen blueberries (my favorite candy), I've got dehydrated string beans when I need crunch, aseago cheese when I need salt and protein snack. Even my sweets are stored in the event of an emotional fall. I buy those 100 calorie snack packs for emergencies.
I am not perfect, never said I was, I am easily tempted and it is why I have to be aware and take responsibility for my actions. If I have a bad day and fall off the wagon, I don't dwell on it, I don't beat myself up over it. A shared dessert, or a mouth full of gummy bears didn't pack on the pounds...Bad choices, repeated over and over again did.
So stop the cycle, stop the madness, stop the excuses and accept responsibility for your actions. There are no FOOD POLICE. I have lost about 600 pounds in my life time, I've been very thin and very heavy, I've been on every diet known to man and I've lost weight. the only thing I never did was take responsibility and learn from my mistakes..until now. I like having energy, I like being in smaller clothes. This program continues to educate me, continues to captivate my attention through the eyes of new comers. Every time I even come close to weakening, someone will ask a question that will bring me back to day one of my Journey. This is NOT an easy path, but it is a solution for me, my tool and I are best friends. I admire how effectively it works and as long as I do the right thing it continues to work for me. RNY and the BAND has never failed anyone...think about that. We all know people who have had WLS, both kinds, and gained all their weight back...old habits die hard. It doesn't have to be that way, but you DO have to take charge of your own destiny. The good thing is that you have a support system like no other...Use it and make it work...

Newbie Fears

There are a bunch of people in line for surgery over the next two months. I smile when I read their post because that was me a little over two years ago.
We make this decision, we jump through all the hoops, read everything we can, talk openly on the thread and then suddenly, at the 11th hour, we are filled with questions. Perhaps we even have some doubt.
Any surgery is a big step. This step is huge. At times I've had fear for my fellow Butterflies (which I've expressed privately, you know who you are) and over this brief period of time I've heard several regrets. They wouldn't hurt so much if I didn't see it coming. There are times I want to just scream "DON'T DO IT", other times I want to talk to Bob and tell him to hold back, the person isn't ready and destined to fail..but who am I? Perhaps a person who is detached enough, or connected enough, or maybe just has a 6th sense, to know it's just not going to work.
Once the deed is done, all I can offer is support and hope my feelings are wrong...so far they haven't been and that hurts.
People go into this surgery with such great expectations. They are so excited they just want it DONE ALREADY...let me get on with my life and get skinny. What a wonderful thought. I just wish I'd hear more about "Let the work begin toward a new and better life". I think because people see those of use who have shed the pounds and seem so much happier and healthier for it, that they see it as magic and not the hard work it truly is.
Life does change...You learn and you continue to learn. You learn what foods work for you, you learn how to plan ahead when traveling or attending parties etc. You develop a new relationship with food and no longer live to eat. You eat slower, you take smaller bites, you feel energized, you feel invincible. Your clothes get smaller and smaller, you no longer get stuck in a chair with arms or fear booths. The list of pluses just goes on and on...but there is NO MAGIC, you work hard at keeping it all in balance, at finding out the difference between head hunger and real hunger. You find that just because you lost weight, life still has stresses that can push you over the edge. You find that friends you thought were good ones, become "different" envious, some even actually get mean or walk away. I won't even bother to go into all the reasons for that type of reaction. I am one of the lucky ones, I have enough TRUE and loyal friends to compensate for the holier then thou phonies that have crossed my path.
These are all things that can undermine your happiness and try and steal your thunder. people entering into this life style should not do so without a great deal of thought and understanding as to what they are about to do. It is NOT an easy road.
I am very opened about what I had to do to finally get weight off. I enjoy sharing my story and there are times I want to just grab a heavy person and tell them "There is hope"... but just like with an alcoholic , THEY have to know when they need help.
So I continue to mentor those who ask me. I continue to offer advice and support to those who pose questions. There are those I know will make it and continue on the road to success. Then there are those who will always find excuses, always find someone or something to blame for their lack of control or inability to work toward success. Those are the people I worry most about. If you have ever blamed life's stress, you husband, your children, mother-in-law or any person for you excess weight, if you have blamed medication or illness for causing you to become obese ? Don't have this surgery right now. Accepting responsibility for the condition you're in is the first positive step. I speak from experience. Yes my bad knee's prevented me from doing exercise and walking...but you know what? If I took in less calories during that time in my life, if I did exercise geared to my disability...Even if I wouldn't have lost, I certainly would not have gained all that I did. There is no magic...less calories + exercise= weight loss. If you're obese, you did it to yourself, now you can do this for yourself and change course. Be as steadfast about changing your life style as you were about the food and you will be a success.
This is the challenge of a life time but one you must be prepared for and determined to accept change. I'm always available to those who want to hear the truth and no nonsense. I don't placate, I don't stroke, but I do care....A LOT

Anniversary Day

I have so much to write about, so much to say and so much happiness to share...but it will have to wait until later.
Today I celebrate 47 years with the same wonderful man. It has had it's bumps in the road, but it has never not been an adventure worth taking. There was something new around every bend. It has been filled with excitement as well as sorrow, but the Journey has been fulfilling and continues...hopefully for many more years.
Not only do I count my own blessings today, but we share this anniversary with Ellen and John Bird. Their friendship has been a true blessing to our lives and the love they share is so obvious and inspirational . Happy Anniversary to both of you....
Now I must show my appreciation with breakfast fit for a king.....

Reflections

With so many new people in the group, it has been so much fun sharing their excitement.
It brings me back to those days where there was so much to think about, so much to learn and then there was the suspense; will I or won't I make the grade and will my insurance company approve this surgery? The months seemed to fly by and then suddenly there I was in the OR about to change my life forever.
Many , many things have changed since those days more then two years ago. Yes I've lost one entire person (two kids LOL) and yes I have increased energy, I'm in a smaller size....all the obvious things that come with weight loss, but we seldom praise all the NSV's (None scale victories) So for all the new people I want to share a few of my exciting moments so you can reflect upon change you don't even expect .
You are about to see your feet when you look down, yes, without bending forward.The first time I tied my own shoes and cut my own toenails was like I won a million dollars. BTW even your shoes start to fall off when you lose weight. Who knew? probably the most difficult thing for me was size transition. When I moved from the Misses Dept. Into "normal" sizes, a place I hadn't visited in years. When my friend handed me a sweater in "L" I said "No way", plus it was very inexpensive (they never fit). Imagine my joy when that sweater fit. I can't even begin to tell you how I felt the first time I got a compliment on my "beautiful sweater", the one that cost me $5. WooHooo!
Then there is the seat belt issue. Some cars have rather snug seat belts. Really, they are designed for only size 4 people, or so I thought. The first time you get in someone elses car and hitch up that belt and it's comfortable, is a landmark event. It's the same feeling when you can walk into a Diner without fearing that they will put you in a booth. Now instead of booths being too snug, I complain about the table being too far away...Oh the joy of it all!!
I was happy to finally be able to walk without a cane. Happy that my knee pain no longer brought me to tears. For every pound you lose, you lose 4 pounds of pressure on your knees, meaning I lost over 400 pounds of pressure...can you hear them saying aaaaahhhhh? There are those of us who went from hardly walking to marathon racing, can you even imagine that?
Your whole attitude towards food changes, so even the food isn't a problem unless you let old habits sneak in. That's what the group is all about. When you need help, when you feel like you are about to fall off the wagon...one of us will always be there.
You will experience all the little changes I have mentioned, and more. Thanks for sharing your excitement with us. The longer we drift away from our surgery date, the more we need to reflect on our new life and all the change. I personally would not do that, if it weren't for you sharing your joy and forcing me to "Remember when"....

Busy Days

I do hope if any New Butterflies check here, that they go to the beginning of this Blog. That follows my surgery and can give some idea of what to expect.
From Oct. to the end of Dec. I am consumed by activity. It is even worse this year because I also have therapy and other doctor visits (not related to my surgery) thrown into the mix.Oh and something else that I'm working on that I cannot even go into at the moment....
Marilynn and I are having a Christmas Boutique which is keeping me even more busy then usual (is that even possible?)
So forgive me if, for a while, my thoughts are scattered and messages are brief.
Things always slow down comes Jan. LOL But I will continue to post here, just to keep you all up to date (because I'm so prompt at e-mail ugh!)
At least there is a place where friends can come a check up on me :-) and some actually do. That amazes me...