How quickly time passes

It seems like only yesterday I was blogging about my precious Oreo....So much has happened since then and my time has been short.
I have been going to therapy with no results. The pain in my heal is persistent and during one therapy session (I'm sure the therapist thought it was a good idea at the time) I was put into a strange position that really hurt my shoulders and back. I've never had a bad back or any real back pain...I do now. My rotatorcuff is back to screaming, that hasn't bothered me in years. I'm not sleeping because of the pain...Do I sound like a mess? LOL I'm still smiling, because I'm still here to bitch about it.“We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world,” wrote Helen Keller. How I wish she were wrong. Disappointments leave us with the unpleasant task of squashing, crushing, and pinching life’s lemons to extract anything to transform into lemonade.
I was asked yesterday if I would still have my surgery, knowing what I know now (I'm guessing with regard to the anti inflammatory drugs I cannot take) The answer to that is YES. This pain will eventually go away, if not, I'll deal with it. I look back on the years I dealt with knee pain ..which was far greater then the annoying burn of my heal..I managed, not gracefully, but I managed...and this too shall pass.
Jules called me last week saying that one of our people (we tend to have our own world after surgery) needed to get rid of her pet goats. I know this person and know she has been struggling for a long time. Not because of her surgery, but because of asthma medication that destroyed the little stomach she had...Her life is one filled with pain and gives me inspiration to shut up about mine. I called her and we discussed her goats Lilly and Lou Lou, made arrangements to get them. Then at the last minute she said she just couldn't part with them...A feeling of love I could well relate to. No harm...but then she fell and realized she had to do the right thing.
So now Lilly and Lou Lou have come to live with us, they are the same goat as Jake and he loves his big sisters. It does my heart good to see him happy with his own kind and not so dependant on me to be his playmate...although I do love my time spent with him. He absolutely loves riding in the MULE with me, something he will not be able to do much longer. I hope to get all of them into the habit of following the Mule . I'll let you know how that works out LOL
So I guess the moral of this story is...If you have pain that is difficult to deal with...get some goats. Somehow their happy little faces makes it all go away.....

Some Rain must Fall

Sadness has once again struck the "Hill". Yesterday I tended to my animals as always, Oreo has not been "right" since her mothers passing, but the baby has lifted her spirits...Yet yesterday she seemed hot and tired, didn't really want to go out so she and the baby stayed in (the barn is cooler anyway). I came in and did my computer stuff and then got ready to do some light work..I saw the horses making circles and when I went out I heard screaming...not bleating...screaming.
I got to the barn and fell into the goat stall on about 3 feet of Hay grabbed Oreo and told her everything would be okay. She snuggled her head against my neck and I could feel her relax, it was over that fast. I was glad I could be with her and that the last touch she felt was mine. There is never a doubt in any of the minds of my animals, that they are loved beyond all reason.
Meanwhile , Jake was kissing her, and Emma was hovering over me nuzzling her with her nose..I must confess, it got a bit phobic. Suddenly, as if they both realized it, they backed away and let me do what needed to be done.
Rich dug an extremely deep hole, I asked him who he was going to bury, me or Oreo. He said he didn't want other animals to smell her. WE wrapped her in a sheet and in my heart I prayed that there is in fact a Rainbow bridge... for now, life goes on.
This morning I put Jake on a leash because Emma went after him (he was sure she liked him) and between the two of them shovels and rakes were flying and I didn't want any more sadness.
The little guy got up in the buggy with me and seemed very happy to be with his "Momma" we went up and fed the fish, he ate, then we cleaned the birds, he ate, then I took him down in the pasture, he ate some more..Each time, all I had to do was get up in the MULE and say "up Jake" and there he was, right next to me, ready to go on an adventure. I look at that sweet face and cry inside knowing what I must do. It is very unfair to keep a lone herd animal. he has a real Mom and some babies just like him that he could be playing with. I am a poor substitute and I know that. he has certainly captured our hearts...but part of loving something, is knowing whats best and loving enough to let go. I'm not sure when it will happen, but it will and once again I will be sad...but only for my loss. Oreo had a wonderful life with us and has not been happy without her Mom. Jake has known a wonderful adventure, he was born into a loving family and got to stay with a loving family , regardless of the brief amount of time. For a short time Oreo had a "kid" to raise and she seemed happy and Jake certainly enjoyed her company and guidance.
I often say "Life is a terminal illness" and everything we have is 'on loan'...So I try and see the good in what is "lent to me" I enjoy every minute of each day and when sadness comes, it just fortifies my belief and makes it stronger...Nothing is forever, so enjoy what you have while you have it.....

Missing my Friends

I have not posted in a few days because Ellen and John were here. These are friends who visit once a year and we spend 2 days catching up on the years "happenings"..We have shared many sorrows, tears as well as the joys. Ellen stood firm and supportive through one of the most turbulent times in my life and for that I am truly thankful. Rich and I have been extremely blessed with wonderful friends and we set Ellen and John right up there at the top of the list.
(she checks my blog and is right now sitting there with her coffee looking to see where her hip boots are LOL) truth is truth dear friend...no boots required. And we hope now that your travel has slowed down, you will consider visiting more often. Not only do we miss you both, but the girls are in mourning...they want to know who will be spoiling them NOW? They thank you for the special treats and look forward to your next visit.
While they were here I managed, for the most part to stay on track. I say this because so many people inquire "Will my life change after surgery? Can I still go to parties and eat out?" In that respect my life hasn't changed at all. I do everything I always did, I enjoy it more now because I can fit in booths. I no longer take captains chairs off the floor when I stand up and find them wedged on my butt. I just eat less and enjoy it more.
I did have a problem that I want to share. I have had dessert now and then, small, but still a sweet and I never dump. However I have noticed an issue with Fat which is no big deal because we don't do fatty stuff. Not thinking, I joined my friends in an ice cream , small and I didn't eat it all but did I get sick on what I did eat... I got flu symptoms like cold sweats, pains in my belly and just a feeling of illness...not pleasant at all. My company was kind enough to let me ride it out, I took a little nap and felt better afterward, but I won't be doing any more ice cream...Always be mindful of what you are eating...if you have had trouble with an ingredient before...chances are, no matter what form it takes, it will still bother you.
Other then that...it was a wonderful visit and we look forward to next time.
I then went to physical therapy and was pummeled ...I can't even explain this experiment which was supposed to align my body and stop the nerve pain. It created more and I can just about move today. I am hurting in places I never knew I had. I don't think we will be doing that again...and life goes on. I don't like feeling like this, but when I think of the alternative, I guess it could be worse..I could be pain free and dead.

Long Battle

Life certainly is not without it's battles..but it sure keeps it interesting. Mind you, none of what I am going through at this point has anything to do with my surgery...The only thing is , I can not take anti inflammatory which would have helped. Instead I am going to therapy and getting deep massages..painful but helpful. yesterday I almost hit the ceiling. Eve decided to check my sciatica without warning me...Holy cow!! She sure knows the pressure points, that's for sure..Hurt like a mother, but afterward it felt a bit better in my ankle and heel. So now we are thinking sciatica might be the culprit and tensing up that Achilles tendon. They wrote up some papers so we shall see what happens. I think I will be in therapy for a while :-(
The bad news is, I have slowed down considerably because of the pain...I try to take my own advice and "suck up and deal" but at times it is hard. Because my movement has stopped I have gained a few pounds. Of course that send me into complete panic..I NEVER want to visit the land of "Fluffy" again...and I won't. The therapist gave me some exercises i CAN do and said moderate time on the bike and Gazelle are okay...I'm having company, but I will fit it in where I can an as soon as I'm able...I will go back on protein drinks and exercise and get this off...Quickly!!
We are like alcoholic's in that respect...always in recovery, never totally cured..There will always be the uneducated people out there who think obesity is just about eating...WRONG..it is a disease just like alcoholism or any other addiction. The only difference is, we can't remove our addiction from our life. There are also those who think it will never happen to them...well think again people...No one is as smart or as perfect as they THINK they are..The great thing about life is that it keeps testing us...I love a challenge..don't you?

Lesson to share

While going through the process to have my surgery I heard many people ask about Nsaids...
medications used primarily to treat inflammation, mild to moderate pain and something used quite commonly. I've got a drawer full of these meds, prescribed for shoulder pain, knee pain...just about any place I have arthritis...I've never taken them...Why you ask? I always have good intentions, but I think I fear pills. I grew up in the Thalidomide generation, where woman took pills trusting their doctors...it was a terrible outcome. The pill was for morning sickness and the babies were born minus limbs. I don't know how well medications are studied, not to I know the outcome of long term. So in my head I guess I feel it's better just not to take crap into my body that it wasn't designed to ingest. Silly? Perhaps...I didn't say other people have to feel as I do, I'm simply explaining why I have a problem with pills and why I had no problem when told I would never be able to take Nsaids again, because they cause Ulcers...which evidently, according to Bob , I have.
So know I am faced with this terrible Achilles tendon..referred to as Bursitis ( a severe inflammation of the tendon and fluid build up at the attachment site) It hurts...I don't whine too often, but this hurts...BAD. I think it bothers me more that it never stops hurting, I get no rest..no break from the pain. I can take pain pills but then I can't function properly, so I opt not to take them. Therapy will help, I'm sure, it is aggressive and a bit painful, but I'm sure in time it will help and like most pain...this too will fall into the background of my mind. I concentrate more of my new little baby who needs my attention...My living critters who do not know or care that I'm hurting...although Emma has been more snuggly then usual..perhaps she does know and maybe she feels she can help ease the pain with LOVE.
If you are a person who takes medication for arthritis you need to think long and hard about never being able to take it again. I'm sure some are okay with that...I was. But others may depend on that medication to add quality to their lives. if you are one of those people I suggest you go with the Band or no surgery at all.
One of my students asked me last night " IF you had it to do over and you knew this pain would strike, which surgery would you chose?" My answer was: 'Exactly the one I did, because the Band was not an option for my life style and I needed a tool that I could work with"...When the need to fight the disease of obesity is stronger then any pain you can imagine, the decision comes easy with no regrets. Please look at the pictures posted of our new 'baby"...that's what makes all things bearable.....Those faces, that unconditional love and trust.

Our New baby

Whew what a day Saturday was. I was happy I got to share it with Cookie...They came for a visit and while Russ got a chance to play on the tractor and boy toys, Cookie and I got to go antiquing (we won't even talk about my foot) and got some wonderful treasures.
Saturday she got to meet my "Quilt students", they are indeed "a nice bunch of girls"..We all went to Fieldstonehouse and I helped each one pick out fabric for their quilt. Then we had a luncheon, right there with all the fabric..It was delightful...Fruit cup, choice of soup, choice of entree and choice of 3 desserts that were out of this world. Then we left the girls and traveled an hour up the road to pick up Alex, my new baby goat. Maureen, a girl in my group , was kind enough to offer a baby when Blizzy passed. She is a wonderful, giving lady and I am so thankful. he is just beautiful. he looks like a little deer. Of course he didn't look like an Alex and Phil decided he was a Jacob...Jake works for me, so everyone is happy. he wasn't in the stall 10 minutes when he decided to jump the wall and wedge himself between Red's stall and the barn wall...Not a smart little guy, but he's just a baby. We had to remove the wall to get him out...Rich was REAL happy about that and then we had to build a higher wall so it wouldn't happen again..
Did I mention that we rushed home with the goat because I had planned a dinner party LOL
I just love when things get chaotic, it adds such interest to an otherwise dull day.
Jake has settled in , although there are some food issues. Oreo doesn't share well, never did..so until he gets bog enough to fight for himself I have to stand there while he eats LOL
What does this have to do with WLS ? Absolutely nothing...unless of course you consider the amount of calories a burn running after the little dickens LOL
It's just a joy in my life I wanted to share...Pictures will be posted soon, but today is a very busy day...I get to find out whats wrong with my foot and hopefully get it fixed...The pain is getting old and I am getting ugly...stay tuned!

Regrets

Elvis comes to mind " Regrets I have a few, but then again to few to mention...." I know Frankie boy sung it first, but Elvis did it better LOL
Ya know what hurts? I just got an e-mail, it is the 5th one of it's kind. The person states that "you almost had me convinced that the RNY was better for me, now I regret not listening".
I don't try and convince anyone, what I do try and do is make a person look within themselves.
I am truly blessed with a gift of insight into personalities. (and it is a gift, something that cannot be taught) I am not bias , although I've been accused of that. Yes I do believe RNY was the right surgery for me and NO I do not believe the Band works for everyone. I feel there are certain personality types that need to stay away from the Band. Sometimes I just want to scream at member of the team and say "NO, it won't work for that person" but I know they are the best and it is not up to them to chose what surgery a person will have. Even if they know in their hearts that it isn't the correct surgery, they have to go along with what the person decides is best for them. I guess it's as it should be, but so many people regret their decision when it comes to the Band. I have never heard anyone with RNY say they wish they had chosen the Band.
I'm not sure people really listen. We are told from day one that the band is slow going, you will lose one to two pounds per week. We are told that eventually the Band loss will equal that of the RNY (I don't see that happening) in about 5 years. When a person sees people in the group melting at a rapid rate and they are 5 pounds down in a month...it really doesn't matter what they were TOLD or how much patience they believed they HAD, it is very disheartening.
There ARE those people who do very well on the Band because they chose it for all the right reasons (the least of which was mortality) and they are patient enough and understanding enough to know that they will eventually lose everything they need to lose. There are also those people who are able to work with the band, but the band can't work for them...some bodies just don't LIKE that foriegn object hanging around. Some bodies just tense up during stress and the Band does not work well.
It hurts me when I hear regrets, when I see a person facing yet another surgery that could have been avoided if they had only stopped to think of the long term ramifications.
Again I say...The Band does work, I've seen it, the proof. But it does not work all the time and it is not for everyone. That is not to say RNY isn't without it's problems...I just believe they know more about RNY and how to fix the problem faster (usually stuff due to mal absorption)
At this point I have stopped losing, but I've also stopped moving thanks to a bum foot. I am sure I can drop another 20 pounds with exercise and I will do so once this foot issue is cleared up. I have no regrets. I lost more weight then I have ever on diets, I feel better then I ever have and I'm happier then I've ever been. I guess I am bias, when something works this well, it's hard not to be. There are still those who can do it on diet alone. Surgery is not for the faint of heart that's for sure...but I truly believe it is the only solution for someone who suffers from the disease of obesity. If you are more then 100 pounds over weight and have been for more then 5 years...Stop kidding yourself, you are obese and you need help and you certainly need more then a diet. Do your homework, talk to people, research all the surgeries that are available and pick the one that fits your lifestyle....Don't play mind games and don't fear the unknown...Obesity will kill you faster then this surgery will and that's the truth!!!