For those of you unfamiliar with our lingo NSV is a None Scale Victory...meaning something wonderful happening aside from a new number on the scale.
Yesterday we had a Doctor visit and since it is so far away, we figured lets just blow the day and shop.
I managed to get some items for some classes I am planning. Some fun things to use on decorating some T-shirts I have that are much too plain for me. Then Rich decided I needed clothes that "fit" so off to clothes shopping we went...I loath clothes shopping...well at least I did..
We started in the next size down from what I was wearing, too big...no way...so we went to the next size..it fit but...okay so we will try the next size..Holy cow!!! I haven't been in a size 14 since I was ...well about 14 LOL I have to be honest..I needed a bigger blouse because of my arms so I guess like it or not I have to research some surgery. Not that I care about the size thing. It just makes me realize that I am carrying around about 30 extra pounds of skin that at times becomes "heavy". Am I happy about the size? You betcha, a far cry from the 26. But more then that , I feel good...I feel healthy and that's what really matters. I'm not mad at the world because I'm so uncomfortable in my own skin. I only realize that now, just how miserable I was.
It is still a struggle, I have to watch what I eat after all, I can eat just about anything..there really are no restrictions, just the request to make good choices. So it would be easy to fall of the wagon...like with WW. The only thing different is that I have a tool that prevents me from stuffing myself. I finally know what it feels like to feel "satisfied", a feeling totally unknown to me until surgery. Yup , yesterday sure was a good day...now I can start to pack for a much needed rest :-)
My Hidden Treasure
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Ahhhhh I remember it well
We have had a lot of new people joining the group at WLS...even in their writing you can "hear" their excitement and the anxiety of the wait.
They question how long it will take, why they have to jump through so many "hoops", it all seems so unnecessary...Gosh do I remember that feeling...I wanted to shout "Hey!! Look! I'm Obese, I have a disease...I have an addiction...I KNOW I need help , so lets do it already!!"
Yes I remember it well...I also remember asking so many questions I thought they would throw me out of the group. I remember looking at all the thin people and saying to myself "Wow!! That can be me someday...like NOW...or yesterday "LOL I also remember seeing people not so thin and listening to their daily struggles and disappointments. I remember thinking, hoping, praying that wouldn't be me. I listened to them all...the successful people and those that continued to struggle regardless of surgery. I learned from those struggles and I try to keep them very real, every day. So far I've been lucky, I have maintained my weight loss and continue to lose, although slowly now. To say I am pleased with my Journey thus far would be an understatement...I am ecstatic!!! Not because of all the compliments (although I love hearing them) but because of the way I feel...Dragging around 135 pounds was dragging an additional person 24/7 and the body was not designed to do that. Is it any wonder that my poor legs gave way? That my body started falling apart?
I was "Lucky" (don't believe it) that I carried my weight "so well". No one every guessed my true weight and I never felt it affected me. I lived a busy energetic life. People used to say "My God, you should weigh 100 pounds the way you run around." How did I stay so fat with all that energy? Now I wish I had fallen apart a lot sooner. I wish my weight gain would have "bothered" me much sooner. I was always aware of the fact that I needed to lose some weight and I did. I tried every diet known to man and some not known LOL I was always a success at losing not so great at keeping it off. So why is this so different? Because along with losing 135 pounds I also changed habits, many habits I never even knew I had. Like eating super fast, not savoring my food or tasting my food. I am a grazer...grabbing things along the way because I'm too busy to stop and eat properly....I graze no more...and I am very aware of what I eat. I deny myself NOTHING, but I make much better choices. The bonus to this change of life style and new habits is not only restored energy but Diabetes is totally gone, so is my High BP, acid reflux and the immediate need for knee surgery. By removing 400 pounds of pressure off my knees, I can keep the knees I was born with a little longer. They are still arthritic, but weight loss bought me time...painless time. I also no longer take 12 pills and 2 shots a day...Just my 5 supplements , which I gladly take. It keeps me healthy.
So to all the new people who may read this...Stay with the program, don't question how long it will be until you have surgery (we all know and share your excitement) Don't question the hoops you are asked to jump through. Because of those hoops they have found cancers as well as other undetected illness in some of us....That being a good thing, because it's treated and the weight loss process , for the most part, continues.
You may think you know which surgery you want. THINK again...I changed my mind 4 times..I wanted the Band, ended with RNY and I couldn't be happier...You never really know what you want in the beginning because you don't know the FACTs...RNY is not for everyone, neither is the BAND..They are both life time commitments and neither one is a temporary fix.
Everyone that goes before you, supports you...This is one Journey in life that you do not take alone...Remember that and Good Luck.
They question how long it will take, why they have to jump through so many "hoops", it all seems so unnecessary...Gosh do I remember that feeling...I wanted to shout "Hey!! Look! I'm Obese, I have a disease...I have an addiction...I KNOW I need help , so lets do it already!!"
Yes I remember it well...I also remember asking so many questions I thought they would throw me out of the group. I remember looking at all the thin people and saying to myself "Wow!! That can be me someday...like NOW...or yesterday "LOL I also remember seeing people not so thin and listening to their daily struggles and disappointments. I remember thinking, hoping, praying that wouldn't be me. I listened to them all...the successful people and those that continued to struggle regardless of surgery. I learned from those struggles and I try to keep them very real, every day. So far I've been lucky, I have maintained my weight loss and continue to lose, although slowly now. To say I am pleased with my Journey thus far would be an understatement...I am ecstatic!!! Not because of all the compliments (although I love hearing them) but because of the way I feel...Dragging around 135 pounds was dragging an additional person 24/7 and the body was not designed to do that. Is it any wonder that my poor legs gave way? That my body started falling apart?
I was "Lucky" (don't believe it) that I carried my weight "so well". No one every guessed my true weight and I never felt it affected me. I lived a busy energetic life. People used to say "My God, you should weigh 100 pounds the way you run around." How did I stay so fat with all that energy? Now I wish I had fallen apart a lot sooner. I wish my weight gain would have "bothered" me much sooner. I was always aware of the fact that I needed to lose some weight and I did. I tried every diet known to man and some not known LOL I was always a success at losing not so great at keeping it off. So why is this so different? Because along with losing 135 pounds I also changed habits, many habits I never even knew I had. Like eating super fast, not savoring my food or tasting my food. I am a grazer...grabbing things along the way because I'm too busy to stop and eat properly....I graze no more...and I am very aware of what I eat. I deny myself NOTHING, but I make much better choices. The bonus to this change of life style and new habits is not only restored energy but Diabetes is totally gone, so is my High BP, acid reflux and the immediate need for knee surgery. By removing 400 pounds of pressure off my knees, I can keep the knees I was born with a little longer. They are still arthritic, but weight loss bought me time...painless time. I also no longer take 12 pills and 2 shots a day...Just my 5 supplements , which I gladly take. It keeps me healthy.
So to all the new people who may read this...Stay with the program, don't question how long it will be until you have surgery (we all know and share your excitement) Don't question the hoops you are asked to jump through. Because of those hoops they have found cancers as well as other undetected illness in some of us....That being a good thing, because it's treated and the weight loss process , for the most part, continues.
You may think you know which surgery you want. THINK again...I changed my mind 4 times..I wanted the Band, ended with RNY and I couldn't be happier...You never really know what you want in the beginning because you don't know the FACTs...RNY is not for everyone, neither is the BAND..They are both life time commitments and neither one is a temporary fix.
Everyone that goes before you, supports you...This is one Journey in life that you do not take alone...Remember that and Good Luck.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Thanks Doc!!!
Some of you know my story about the Cardio Cath that was done through my wrist. An experience with such nightmarish results, it's like it happened yesterday.
That procedure is normally not painful (I had two prior to that one) However the nerve pain I suffered throughout the procedure was pure torture. My arm was black for almost a month from the excessive bleeding under the skin.(Well documented) I lost the use of my fingers in that hand, which as it turns out was due to nerve damage caused by the pressure of all that blood. After hand surgery I was able to at least use the fingers but always have tingling...Now after weeks of slight pain and lots of numbness I have the worse pain I have ever felt on the other side of the hand. Thanks Doctor Mc Naulty, it should happen to you, you pompous ass.
(If anyone thinks I should be worried about defaming his character, I'm not. The truth is the truth. )
I've made a living using my hands...I never had trouble with my hands. I worked on miniatures for Gods sake. People complimented me on how nibble my fingers were...Guess it is coincidence that my fingers stopped working on the very same day that Animal decided I was "too fat" to have the procedure done any other way. I don't think so. Now I look forward to a life time of nerve pain all because some doctor wanted to make a name for himself. So why don't I sue him you ask?? For what? Is there any amount of money that will give me back what I lost? Will money take the pain away?
This is a procedure that is commonly done with no ill effects, my problem is, I begged him to stop. I told him the pain was too much and that something was wrong. He wouldn't listen because he was teaching someone. I suffered because of his ego. He will one day answer to a higher source and I hope he is held accountable for what he has done to me and Lord knows how many others...
As far as him suing me??? I welcome an opportunity to meet him in a court of law...Bring it on!!
That procedure is normally not painful (I had two prior to that one) However the nerve pain I suffered throughout the procedure was pure torture. My arm was black for almost a month from the excessive bleeding under the skin.(Well documented) I lost the use of my fingers in that hand, which as it turns out was due to nerve damage caused by the pressure of all that blood. After hand surgery I was able to at least use the fingers but always have tingling...Now after weeks of slight pain and lots of numbness I have the worse pain I have ever felt on the other side of the hand. Thanks Doctor Mc Naulty, it should happen to you, you pompous ass.
(If anyone thinks I should be worried about defaming his character, I'm not. The truth is the truth. )
I've made a living using my hands...I never had trouble with my hands. I worked on miniatures for Gods sake. People complimented me on how nibble my fingers were...Guess it is coincidence that my fingers stopped working on the very same day that Animal decided I was "too fat" to have the procedure done any other way. I don't think so. Now I look forward to a life time of nerve pain all because some doctor wanted to make a name for himself. So why don't I sue him you ask?? For what? Is there any amount of money that will give me back what I lost? Will money take the pain away?
This is a procedure that is commonly done with no ill effects, my problem is, I begged him to stop. I told him the pain was too much and that something was wrong. He wouldn't listen because he was teaching someone. I suffered because of his ego. He will one day answer to a higher source and I hope he is held accountable for what he has done to me and Lord knows how many others...
As far as him suing me??? I welcome an opportunity to meet him in a court of law...Bring it on!!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Help, I'm melting
I stepped out of the shower this morning and scared myself. I don't often gaze at myself in the mirror...Comes with years of being "fluffy" and not wanting to "see" it. I looked this morning and started laughing...like tears rolling down my cheeks laughing. I look like a candle that has seen better days...skin just melting and hanging like thick wax...Nice visual huh? Just imagine you are me. Yuck!!!
I have never been too concerned about body image....Even when I had a firm, beautiful shape (Richards words) I never wore clothes to accent it...Okay, maybe I wore thick belts to show off my 19 inch waist...but wouldn't you? Point is, there was a lot of talk about excess skin once you lost a lot of weight, but who thinks about that? I just wanted to escape from that cocoon of fat..it had hung around long enough, I was sick of the health issues it caused me and the pain in my legs...I wanted it gone.
Not that I want it back, but crap...what the heck do I do with my melted body? It looks okay in clothes and maybe I should be satisfied with that. I'm not 25 anymore, does anyone really care if I'm melting? My modeling career is long over.....
I've seen the surgery on TV...not pleasant to watch or to hear the aftermath of woman groaning in pain. They literally cut you in half, skin wise, remove a huge piece of skin and then pull the top and lower half of your body back together. Do I want that? Do I NEED that?
I wasn't the slightest bit scared of RNY surgery (while others worry about the mortality rate) well folks I'm here to tell you, the chance of infection from that reconstruction is a helluvalot more threatening then a simple RNY... I think for now I will settle for my melting body...not sure I'm in a masochistic mood...however if i ever have the desire to have my body cut then stretched back together again, I'll let you all know and pray you talk me out of it......
I have never been too concerned about body image....Even when I had a firm, beautiful shape (Richards words) I never wore clothes to accent it...Okay, maybe I wore thick belts to show off my 19 inch waist...but wouldn't you? Point is, there was a lot of talk about excess skin once you lost a lot of weight, but who thinks about that? I just wanted to escape from that cocoon of fat..it had hung around long enough, I was sick of the health issues it caused me and the pain in my legs...I wanted it gone.
Not that I want it back, but crap...what the heck do I do with my melted body? It looks okay in clothes and maybe I should be satisfied with that. I'm not 25 anymore, does anyone really care if I'm melting? My modeling career is long over.....
I've seen the surgery on TV...not pleasant to watch or to hear the aftermath of woman groaning in pain. They literally cut you in half, skin wise, remove a huge piece of skin and then pull the top and lower half of your body back together. Do I want that? Do I NEED that?
I wasn't the slightest bit scared of RNY surgery (while others worry about the mortality rate) well folks I'm here to tell you, the chance of infection from that reconstruction is a helluvalot more threatening then a simple RNY... I think for now I will settle for my melting body...not sure I'm in a masochistic mood...however if i ever have the desire to have my body cut then stretched back together again, I'll let you all know and pray you talk me out of it......
Monday, April 5, 2010
The Day after
I promised myself I would keep up with this...actually it is very cathartic and shouldn't seem like such a burden at times.
I made it through two dinner parties and managed to not only be satisfied but to also stay on program 100%..That is something to crow about.....so I shall!!
My Surf and Turf Sunday Brunch was wonderful and the Turf wasn't even necessary...Once again my Pecan encrusted Haddock was a huge hit. I just soak the fish in Buttermilk then press in crumbs I have made with "light" crackers and finely chopped pecans...not enough to worry about but enough to make it taste out of this world. Huge green salad, artichokes, some dipping sauce and a few other salads I did not eat. I did make bread (don't eat bread so I didn't care) and the dessert was totally low cal ( didn't have that either cuz I could hardly move)..Lots of laughter and good conversation.
Later on I got to speak to a very dear friend we call Mother Mary, some of you may remember her from the fabric portrait I did. She had fallen and broken her hip back in Feb. It was so good to hear her joyful voice. She sounded so happy and contented (that's just the way she is) my friends Tom and Debbie are certainly doing a wonderful job as caretakers.
When we talk in group, Mother Mary always comes to mind when we talk about life changing events. She is my proof and should be an inspiration to all...that even after over 50 years of an addiction..through commitment and strength and support, you can over come anything and totally turn your life around. She is not only a wonderful human being and joy to anyone that knows her...but she is my inspiration that nothing is impossible as long as you believe.
So for those of you who are trying to quit smoking, trying to lose weight or fighting any other addiction...believe in yourself and know there is a better life waiting...
I made it through two dinner parties and managed to not only be satisfied but to also stay on program 100%..That is something to crow about.....so I shall!!
My Surf and Turf Sunday Brunch was wonderful and the Turf wasn't even necessary...Once again my Pecan encrusted Haddock was a huge hit. I just soak the fish in Buttermilk then press in crumbs I have made with "light" crackers and finely chopped pecans...not enough to worry about but enough to make it taste out of this world. Huge green salad, artichokes, some dipping sauce and a few other salads I did not eat. I did make bread (don't eat bread so I didn't care) and the dessert was totally low cal ( didn't have that either cuz I could hardly move)..Lots of laughter and good conversation.
Later on I got to speak to a very dear friend we call Mother Mary, some of you may remember her from the fabric portrait I did. She had fallen and broken her hip back in Feb. It was so good to hear her joyful voice. She sounded so happy and contented (that's just the way she is) my friends Tom and Debbie are certainly doing a wonderful job as caretakers.
When we talk in group, Mother Mary always comes to mind when we talk about life changing events. She is my proof and should be an inspiration to all...that even after over 50 years of an addiction..through commitment and strength and support, you can over come anything and totally turn your life around. She is not only a wonderful human being and joy to anyone that knows her...but she is my inspiration that nothing is impossible as long as you believe.
So for those of you who are trying to quit smoking, trying to lose weight or fighting any other addiction...believe in yourself and know there is a better life waiting...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Happy Easter
These are the times I miss small children. Mind you I don't miss them often , but this is one of those times LOL
I remember the excitement of Easter morning when I was a child...I would find this wonderful big basket full of all kinds of goodies. As I got older it came down to a new outfit for church and a chocolate bunny. For my own kids I hid eggs all over the house and filled baskets with little toys, puzzles and coloring books. It was a happy day and a big food day. The family would gather around our big dining table and celebrate...That time has passed..half of that family has passed and we are far away from our children and grandchildren. Funny how life changes...We had two Easters up here with Krista and it brought back old memories. We just had our Grandson prior to Easter so we got to enjoy some laughter...But this day will never be quite the same as it once was. There will be no egg hunt and no children laughing...I miss that.
We will however share the day with friends, also separated from their kids and grand kids...so there will be laughter.
I do hope everyone enjoys this day and if you have small children, treasure the moments because they fade quickly.
Happy Easter Everyone!!!
I remember the excitement of Easter morning when I was a child...I would find this wonderful big basket full of all kinds of goodies. As I got older it came down to a new outfit for church and a chocolate bunny. For my own kids I hid eggs all over the house and filled baskets with little toys, puzzles and coloring books. It was a happy day and a big food day. The family would gather around our big dining table and celebrate...That time has passed..half of that family has passed and we are far away from our children and grandchildren. Funny how life changes...We had two Easters up here with Krista and it brought back old memories. We just had our Grandson prior to Easter so we got to enjoy some laughter...But this day will never be quite the same as it once was. There will be no egg hunt and no children laughing...I miss that.
We will however share the day with friends, also separated from their kids and grand kids...so there will be laughter.
I do hope everyone enjoys this day and if you have small children, treasure the moments because they fade quickly.
Happy Easter Everyone!!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
What a week it was!!!
It has been absolutely crazy around here. Seems like we go for long dry spells where everything is the same (SSDD) and then all at once life is busy, full of highs and lows, tears and joy...It's like a big bowl of soup..one days it's almost empty and another day it's full of all sorts of stuff...
This weeks bowl was full...Rich decided I had been held captive long enough, this winter was miserable with both of us sharing one vehicle. I had meetings, functions and a business to get to and he just likes being able to get in his truck and go...Sooo we went out looking for a true 4X4, that would be a vehicle with a locking differential, something they don't seem to be making much of anymore, unless you go for a truck. There are 4X4's but not REAL ones like I need..We've tried the "wanna be's" and the all wheel...Our driveway is just to darned steep . So after much pondering about affordability and needs vs. wants...I ended up with a Jeep Liberty, one of the few Jeeps that are true 4x4's. It is perhaps the first car I have had that I designed from scratch to include everything I want in a vehicle...I didn't settle. So all in all it was a happy experience. I did love my HHR, but it isn't a winter car.
In between that adventure my Grandson paid a visit and brought his MOM LOL..He is growing up so fast and the visit was so enjoyable. he is learning to control himself better . What a pleasure to be able to enjoy his company. I never thought we'd see the day when he would go...willingly...to a sushi restaurant but he did and actually had a good time...as he put it," it was awesome!!!" and it was. They heard it was his birthday so they made a big fuss over him with a special dessert and a silk robe so he could have his picture taken for their "Wall". Needless to say he was very excited.
One day we all went "Easter" shopping, he got Rollerblades and helped me pick out stuff out for Krista...That was also a fun day. We even got to eat in Wegmans..truly an adventure for a child that doesn't eat very much (no meat at all).
My busy week left me very little time for posting here....But hopefully time management will get better. It's not like I'm not trying LOL I can actually walk in my studio...no kidding. A clean studio is the sign of a sick mind...Guess I'm as healthy as you could hope for LOL It will never be totally organized, I'm too busy for that, but it is Nice to know where stuff is.
Gosh I think back to a few years ago when all of this activity would have been impossible and now...well life is very exciting.
Marilynn and I are getting ready for our Paducah pilgrimage LOL It is a much needed break for both of us...It's been one helluva year.
For those of you who have had the same trouble with eggs as I have (for my WL group) mainly we don't tolerate them. I used egg beaters and what ever they have removed is what made me sick because I am now able to look forward to my scrabbled eggs once again...Thanks to my friend Debbie, I can even make them right LOL
Happy Easter everyone!!!
This weeks bowl was full...Rich decided I had been held captive long enough, this winter was miserable with both of us sharing one vehicle. I had meetings, functions and a business to get to and he just likes being able to get in his truck and go...Sooo we went out looking for a true 4X4, that would be a vehicle with a locking differential, something they don't seem to be making much of anymore, unless you go for a truck. There are 4X4's but not REAL ones like I need..We've tried the "wanna be's" and the all wheel...Our driveway is just to darned steep . So after much pondering about affordability and needs vs. wants...I ended up with a Jeep Liberty, one of the few Jeeps that are true 4x4's. It is perhaps the first car I have had that I designed from scratch to include everything I want in a vehicle...I didn't settle. So all in all it was a happy experience. I did love my HHR, but it isn't a winter car.
In between that adventure my Grandson paid a visit and brought his MOM LOL..He is growing up so fast and the visit was so enjoyable. he is learning to control himself better . What a pleasure to be able to enjoy his company. I never thought we'd see the day when he would go...willingly...to a sushi restaurant but he did and actually had a good time...as he put it," it was awesome!!!" and it was. They heard it was his birthday so they made a big fuss over him with a special dessert and a silk robe so he could have his picture taken for their "Wall". Needless to say he was very excited.
One day we all went "Easter" shopping, he got Rollerblades and helped me pick out stuff out for Krista...That was also a fun day. We even got to eat in Wegmans..truly an adventure for a child that doesn't eat very much (no meat at all).
My busy week left me very little time for posting here....But hopefully time management will get better. It's not like I'm not trying LOL I can actually walk in my studio...no kidding. A clean studio is the sign of a sick mind...Guess I'm as healthy as you could hope for LOL It will never be totally organized, I'm too busy for that, but it is Nice to know where stuff is.
Gosh I think back to a few years ago when all of this activity would have been impossible and now...well life is very exciting.
Marilynn and I are getting ready for our Paducah pilgrimage LOL It is a much needed break for both of us...It's been one helluva year.
For those of you who have had the same trouble with eggs as I have (for my WL group) mainly we don't tolerate them. I used egg beaters and what ever they have removed is what made me sick because I am now able to look forward to my scrabbled eggs once again...Thanks to my friend Debbie, I can even make them right LOL
Happy Easter everyone!!!
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