Surviving a Trip

WOW!!! What a trip it was. Paducah managed to survive the 3 nuts that descended upon it to boost the economy...and boost we did LOL
It seemed like we laughed the entire trip...even the few time we got lost. Steph has this phone that acts like a GPS...bless that little blue dot (us) and the purple line (the road we follow) of course the good old map helped a great deal as well.
We stayed at Lake Barkley this year and while it wasn't as new as the KD Village cottages, we did have a beautiful lake and a wonderful place to eat.."Windows on the Lake", it was a bit more driving but not enough to worry about...we laughed most of the trip anyway.
There was always some little special surprise that someone picked up to share, so every day was like Christmas...I bought a new rotary cutter and purple cutting board so we even got to share our fabric purchases.
We ate at home 2 nights and the meals were fit for a king...Cooked chicken, shrimp platter and even strawberry short cake...angel cake....and yes I had some. My life is not about denial or dieting...It's about choices and not over indulging...its about eating properly and enjoying life.
It was nice to walk the show and not have to use a cart. It was even nicer to be able to purchase a T-shirt in a normal size. I could never buy one before because they didn't come in my size. It was nice to see Steph surprised. She knew I had lost weight, but I had also gained weight so she didn't expect to see the difference she saw...I liked being referred to as "Thin", although I'm not, I'm sure thinner then I was and I'm still losing.
It was easy to travel , since no special food is required. I did bring some extra protein bars and things containing what I needed, but for the most part, I just ate less, ate protein first, drank a lot of liquid and had a wonderful time.
I think as time passes we all become relaxed with our new life and new way of eating. I don't stress over the protein anymore. I know how to get it in, what to eat and when. It's nice to be able to eat to live for a change instead of living to eat.
I have to unload my camera so I can post some pictures...I think it's time....
Stay with me......

One More Day

I am very excited about my trip this year. We are going to a different Lake, a different cabin with a different attitude. Last time was a lot of running around, very hectic. This trip has been planned better and we are hoping a lot less hectic. We'd like to be able to enjoy our cabin as well as the show and the town.
When I look at the picture of the cocoon on this site (some of you remember the original was closed) and I see that Butterfly struggling to free itself, I can really relate. I have picked a number in my head and I want so desperately to reach it so I can move to the next stage of development. The last number was when the cocoon opened for me. It was a number I hadn't seen in a long time..but this next number....well that's a number I haven't seen in decades.
I feel I can not begin to develop into a REAL Butterfly until I get there.
I will probably post pictures as well as the cocoons so people can see the real Butterfly emerge and be able to better understand why the Butterfly is so very symbolic to me.
It wasn't until I started this journey that I realized just what a struggle it is to escape from that cocoon.
This journey is not an easy one (but I've said that many times, haven't I) dieting was cinch in comparison. Problem with dieting is that I didn't learn anything. All I learned from dieting is that if I suffer through it, I'll lose weight. But then what? Even WW, while it did work very well just didn't teach me what I needed to learn. Yet I have seen so many people hatch from their WW cocoon and go on to soar as Butterflies forever. I guess each of us must find the right place, that happy place where we are comfortable. I am so totally comfortable with this solution. I really needed help to reduce the bulk of my weight and allow me the freedom to move without pain so I could be able to help myself. It helped me reverse the cycle and become strong enough to fight to escape this cocoon.
I have gotten so much support from those around me, a great deal from people who have never met me personally but struggle the same battle. I wish I could make everyone as happy as I have become.....Keep checking in...there are bound to be pictures one of these days :-)

Getting ready to travel

I had thoughts of cancelling my trip but Rich said it would make him feel terribly guilty.
The deal was, that he do everything required and I would continue to pack.
He did have his test and saw a doctor and made a cardiologist appointment...willingly. So he was either THAT scared or THAT eager to get rid of me LOL
My brother will stay up here with him until my son arrives, so he won't be alone.
I am looking forward to this trip. I haven't seen Stephanie since our last meeting in Paducah and although we talk alot...I've missed her. This is Marilynns first show ever so I am looking forward to seeing the glow on her face...the one any quilter gets when going to a show this size.
I look back to last year and the reasons I could not go. Mainly the pain had become so intolerable that even sitting in one of those motorized cart wasn't an option. The trip in the car would have also been impossible. The show requires a great deal of walking and even with a cart, there is alot to see where a cart is not available.
What a difference a year makes. I've been shopping and walking for hours since my surgery, so I am not the slightest bit concerned that I will do fine...Without 90 pounds of tonage weighing me down (my goodness thats almost another person) I have energy and the ability to walk...it's the little things in life that matter.
I am not sure how much computer access I will have while I'm away, but I've promised myself I will psot more on here and get my at together when I return.
The proof of my recovery from Obesity will be in this coming week...not just in the walking and physical aspect, but in the food choices I make. There will be a great deal of temptation I'm sure...but those with me have been very supportive and I'm sure they won't temp me beyond what I can endure.
My thoughts are with a new Butterfly that is probably in surgery as of this writing. Lois picked up some Butterfly fabric and showed up last meeting with 16 of them. Lisa continues to be a whirlwind butterfly maker and I am blessed to have both of them...along with those who have fallen off the radar a bit...I know the Butterfly Project will survive.
The sun is shining and it is supposed to be 70 degree's today...the outide weather matches the weather in my heart...WoooHooooo

High Drama

It has been a while and I have missed writing here. For me, writing has always been somewhat cathartic and seemingly necessary to my well being.
Being involved in so many things does not always afford me the time to be able to post here. I began writing something twice before and something came along to get in the way.
Prior to Easter, which was last Sunday, I was busy making things for the kids and getting stuff together for our trip to Long Island.
I was very excited since it was the first Holiday in a while for us. (The kids usually come here)
Rich of course gets very stressed. It's just a personal issue, but extremely stressful just the same.
It was a wonderful visit. We got to see Mother Mary and son Tom who are two very special people in our lives. Mother Mary will be moving from the Island very soon and we will miss her terribly. WE got to eat lunch with Cookie and Russ (two good friends) and I went craft shopping with Cookie which is always fun. Easter was lovely and Ron and Karen did a spectacular job with dinner, one of my favorites, leg of lamb. My daughter was looking good with some recent weight loss and it's always a joy to be with my Grand children.
Rich was very anxious to leave and get home to "Paradise" so instead of resting after getting back from dinner, we hit the road. Lots of traffic but still we were very glad to see the lights of our town. You travel down a very steep mountain and it's almost like landing a plane, the view at night, from high above is just beautiful.
The following afternoon Rich came in from the barn . He looked awful and said he didn't feel very well. He said he was jittery and perhaps his numbers were off. I checked his sugar and it was fine. I gave him an aspirin to chew and told him to get in the car, we were going to the hospital.
When he went with no argument I became even more concerned.
The hospital is just minutes from the house and he was taken immediately. The care was extraordinary. The next morning I got good news. It didn't appear that he had a heart attack but the doc said he did need a cardiologist. Evidently his BP spiked and taxed the heart.
This was the first time Rich had ever been in the hospital and when he looked at me and said "hon, I'm scared" so much flooded through my head. My dad was also a healthy man, even had a physical shortly before he passed away. I will never forget my Dads face as the wheeled him into the ER..he looked at me and said "Honey, I'm so scared"... I am happy we were able to walk away from the hospital with good news, but it was a scary time for both of us.
I was also happy that I was able to stay on track through out the Holiday. Normally , being relaxed and with family will stimulate my appetite. I truly enjoyed the dinner, all of which was good food and several hours later I enjoyed a guilt free dessert.
Next week I head out to Paducah so I doubt I will post here. Hopefully, once I return, I can get here more often and bring you up to date on my progress.
In spite of our recent little drama and in spite of the hectic lifestyle of the past few weeks...I can't recall a time when I have ever been happier. This surgery is truly the best thing I could have done for my self. It may not be the answer for every obese person, but it certainly was the answer for me.
Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday!!!

Bump in the road

It was bound to happen. I try and stay off the scales because it isn't about the numbers with me. But I had an occasion to get on the scale a week ago and then again today. I was a bit disappointed that there was no weight loss. I've gotten spoiled. Each time I get on the scale (okay there is always many weeks in between) it shows a significant weight loss. I should think in a week it would show something. It's a bit disheartening because it's too early. Those of us who have RNY get about 18 months of easy losing. By this I mean, it's not less effort, it's just that the body gives up the fat faster. We lose most of our weight in those 18 months, then those last few pounds are usually harder to shed.
So far I've lost over 80 pounds since starting this journey so I'm not complaining. I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to fall. I'm aware that this can not go on forever and sooner or later I will be left to maintain what I've lost. We all know that is the hardest part. I have no doubt I will do it, regardless of the effort it will take..Why so positive you ask? Because this has been and continues to be the journey of a life time. I've gotten my life back and I don't ever want to return to the sadness I've left behind. To be locked in a prison of body fat, unable to do the simplest of things...putting on socks, tying shoes, cutting toe nails, walking without a cane, standing for longer then 5 min without extreme pain. Weight never caused those problems before so I'd diet to look good then put it all back on, knowing I could diet again...What a waste of time and energy over a life time. Shoot, when added up I've probably lost a good 600 pounds.
No , I can not go back to that life and this is doable. I can eat like everyone else, no special diet, only good healthy choices. I'm counting on you, if your reading this, I need you. I need you to remind me of that former life and all the pain. Don't ever let me get comfortable with even 5 extra pounds. If I look like I've gained, tell me...I promise I won't get angry.
Right now I'm having a problem. I can't see the 80 + pounds I've lost. I know my clothes are smaller and I feel wonderful, but in the mirror I'm still HUGE. maybe that's a good thing..because I'm not comfortable with who I see. The compliments are wonderful but even they won't last forever and that's when I'll need the most help. Please don't let me fall again.
I have broken out of that cocoon (did ya notice?) but I have a ways to go before I can fly.
I don't mind the struggle, I truly don't, because I see the results in how I feel and that is most important..Sooner or later that struggle will end , my wings will dry and I will fly...I pray you will help me in that flight and continue to support me......

My Starfish Story

I have gotten a lot of inspiration these past few days. Between notes, e-mails and group support meetings. Today I read a posting that made me a bit misty because the person listed all the ways I touched her during this process and thanked me. It brought me back to my Starfish Story. We all have little tidbits that pull us through the darkest of times. While I recommend Robert Fulghum for inspirational reading, one story he wrote made me feel that he had zeroed in on my heart.
An elderly man was walking along the beach one day. Ahead of him lay thousands of starfish that had been brought in by the tide, now they lay dying, baking in the sun. The old man came upon a little boy, running with all his might and picking up starfish and throwing them back into the sea.
The old man watched this action for a while...this small little boy trying so hard to accomplish such an overwhelming task as to save these starfish. Finally the man approaches the little boy, who stops, looks up and says "HI". The old man says to him "Son I have been watching you run along the beach, throwing the starfish back to the sea. You are just one little boy and there are thousands of starfish, how can you feel you will make a difference in their lives?"
The little boy smiled ran and picked up a star fish and threw it far back into the sea, then he turned, looked at the man and said "I made a difference to that one".
That is what I intend to do. I know I do not have the power to save the world, but I can touch a persons life, I can help someone along the way and if I touch just one person through my own experiences, then I have accomplished my goal. Right now I know many caterpillars in the process of becoming Butterflies, I know many Butterflies that are still wet and struggling to fly and there are also those Butterflies that have been soaring for a while and are growing tired and need some inspiration. I cannot touch ALL of them, but I can make a difference to some of them
and that is my mission..just to make a difference.
A special thanks to those who have allowed me into there lives...you've made a difference to me also.

Earth Bound Angels

Strange how life takes it's twist and turns. I've been really bothered by something. It has kept me from posting here because it sounded so much like whining. Truth is, I know I'm losing weight, people tell me how wonderful I'm looking...I keep getting a few new things in smaller sizes, I'm moving better and feeling better...so in my mind I know I have to be losing weight. yet I look in the mirror and staring back at me is a person who looks as fat as she always was.
How can that be? I should look thinner, but I don't. I look at pictures of other people and I can see the change. I look at pictures of me and say "Huh?" I look the same.
It can get to you...and it has gotten to me BIG TIME! But then something happened to change my mood. An envelope came in the mail. I knew when I saw the envelope who it was from. Lorna makes her envelopes, I'm thinking from magazines. My envelope was all angels, beautiful angels that already had brightened my day before I even opened the envelope.
Inside was a lovely note telling me that she follows my blog and how proud she is of my accomplishments and how she knows it isn't easy. Tucked in with the note was a strip of Butterfly fabric and some angel wings. As tears began to fall, I realized that there are angels in my life that I hardly know, but they care...While I have "known" Lorna for a very long time it is only through a group I've belonged to for a long time...I have never hugged her in person, although I have in spirit as I've done to many of you.
As I held that beautiful envelope and heart warming contents I realized how very lucky I am. I don't know for sure how many people read what I say here. I do know some check now and again and there are those who send encouraging e-mails and notes... to get something like this out of the blue really hit home, like always they always seem to arrive at the perfect time. I told myself to stop whining and looking for a change. So what if I can't see it in the mirror. Does it really matter? Isn't the good health more important?
Lorna didn't need to see a picture to send a word of encouragement, so why does that image bother me so much.
Suddenly I felt like a million dollars. Some friends came by to help me tap some Maple tree's. They told me how great I looked and then as we walked up the back hill together they remarked that I never would have done that last year and they were right. Last year at this time I had all I could do to get out of a chair without help...I walked with a cane for Pete's sake...
So thank you Lorna, thank you for making me think beyond the mirror and for taking the time to think of me and express your thoughts...I have a lot of angels that have touched my life...Thank you for being one of them....