During this journey of WLS, one observation has become clear to me...a great many of the people are more fearful of dying then anything else.
I guess because that was never one of my concerns, this baffles me. From the moment we take our first breath we begin the dying process, because after birth that is the only sure thing in our future. Life in itself is a crap shoot and if we live in fear of dying, we will fail to live life to the fullest. People seem to feel that their chance of dying during RNY is greater then dying with Band surgery. To that I say, if it's your time to go, you're going to die no matter what surgery you have. People die from infections after minor surgeries on hang nails. Shit happens!
Obesity is a killer in itself, how come people don't fear that? How come with every pound we gain, we don't say to people "OMG this weight is going to kill me.". How come we don't learn to look at harmful foods as a murder weapon that will eventually kill us if we over indulge ?The human mind fascinates me.. We can justify just about anything...but when it comes to something that will kill us, we are very selective in our fears. Example: We fear we could die during elective surgery, we ponder it we wonder if a slightly more invasive surgery will make the difference between life and death...But we will elect to get in our car, with no worry what so ever that we will arrive safely at our destination. Yet more people die in traffic accidents then from WLS. We will climb up on a chair to change a light bulb and never consider the statistics involving death risk within our own home (unintentional injuries are the 5th leading cause of death )
So what do we do? Do we stay home, sit on the couch and pray falling blue ice doesn't come through the ceiling and kill us ? When push comes to shove, we just have to let go of that fear. Take for example those people who have chosen to have the Band because of the risk factor...then somewhere down the road NEED to have a revision to by-pass. What are the risk factors for Two surgeries rather then one ? Is that risk factor still a fear? If so then why not just have the Band removed? My guess is because the fear of obesity killing them is greater then the fear of dying in surgery or because of it.
I live every day of my life, I enjoy each new morning, I make a point of learning at least one thing during the course of my day and I try to touch at least one person in a positive way and accomplish at least one task. None of us will live forever, although it seems I may have too just to finish all I want to do. When my time comes, I hope to meet it with the same overwhelming intrigue as I have each day of my life...Just a new adventure.
I wish I could sit and hold each persons hand that fears this unknown factor in all our lives. It hurts me when I see people dwell on the risk factor and I want to tell them , until they can let that go, set that fear aside and concentrate on all the positive factors about this surgery...they shouldn't have it. NO ONE should enter into ANY surgery if they even think for one second that they may die. If there was ever a time for positive thinking, it is the day of surgery.
I am sure that fear will always be expressed, regardless of anything I say here. Worry seems to be a human trait that goes right along with Fear and that will be the case until the soul is at peace and faith runs deep enough to overcome it.
My Hidden Treasure
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
The Smile
Every morning when I post to my WLS group, I end with "Don't forget to smile at someone today"...This morning one of my little cuties wrote "you make me smile, so I smiled at you, does that count?" LOL I love that group.
Smiles are important to me...I grew up with one parent who rarely smiled and one who always smiled...I found that parent made me the happiest. I loved seeing that smile and when I did something really good ,the smile got even brighter and warmer.
Some will say it takes more facial muscles to smile then to frown, some will reverse that and say it takes LESS to smile and more to frown. The truth is there is no definitive answer...
There are 43 facial muscles controlled by one nerve that splits off to each side of the face. However, some people have less movement in their face and some people have more...That's just the way we're built folks, not one of us is exactly a like. Who cares. More useless data
My question is; "what would you rather see, a smile or a frown?" I'll take it even further, look in the mirror and frown, now smile...which one makes a more beautiful YOU ?
I remember when I lived in California for a brief time. Coming from NY I wasn't use to people smiling at me all the time. Everyone I passed seemed to take the time to look right at me and smile...so I did what came naturally, I smiled back. There were some mornings that didn't start out as the brightest, but by the time I made my mile walk down hill...I felt good, I had a big smile on my face and I was happy for no apparent reason.
Now by the end of the day I was facing that mile walk UP hill and that would not normally bring a smile to any ones face. Yet, once again, everyone I passed gave me a big old smile (probably because they were walking down hill LOL ) by midway up that Hill and after many smiling faces, I actually had a pep to my step and happiness in my heart, for no apparent reason.
I have had a lot of experiences in my life and no matter what I've done or where I've gone, I've always come away with a lesson.
I'm not sure how much I smiled prior to California, but I haven't stopped smiling since... I realize that smiling makes me happy. The first person I see each morning is smiling back at me in the mirror...The day may not go as planned, and yes there are days when I have tons of reason to frown. But Mr. and Mrs. Public have no idea of my troubles so why would I visit that upon them? I find when I smile at people, they can't help but smile back...maybe, like me, the smile will stay with them all day.
So even though science really can't tell us how many muscles it takes to frown or smile...What would you rather see? Be the change in the world you want to see....SMILE (life ain't all that bad)
Smiles are important to me...I grew up with one parent who rarely smiled and one who always smiled...I found that parent made me the happiest. I loved seeing that smile and when I did something really good ,the smile got even brighter and warmer.
Some will say it takes more facial muscles to smile then to frown, some will reverse that and say it takes LESS to smile and more to frown. The truth is there is no definitive answer...
There are 43 facial muscles controlled by one nerve that splits off to each side of the face. However, some people have less movement in their face and some people have more...That's just the way we're built folks, not one of us is exactly a like. Who cares. More useless data
My question is; "what would you rather see, a smile or a frown?" I'll take it even further, look in the mirror and frown, now smile...which one makes a more beautiful YOU ?
I remember when I lived in California for a brief time. Coming from NY I wasn't use to people smiling at me all the time. Everyone I passed seemed to take the time to look right at me and smile...so I did what came naturally, I smiled back. There were some mornings that didn't start out as the brightest, but by the time I made my mile walk down hill...I felt good, I had a big smile on my face and I was happy for no apparent reason.
Now by the end of the day I was facing that mile walk UP hill and that would not normally bring a smile to any ones face. Yet, once again, everyone I passed gave me a big old smile (probably because they were walking down hill LOL ) by midway up that Hill and after many smiling faces, I actually had a pep to my step and happiness in my heart, for no apparent reason.
I have had a lot of experiences in my life and no matter what I've done or where I've gone, I've always come away with a lesson.
I'm not sure how much I smiled prior to California, but I haven't stopped smiling since... I realize that smiling makes me happy. The first person I see each morning is smiling back at me in the mirror...The day may not go as planned, and yes there are days when I have tons of reason to frown. But Mr. and Mrs. Public have no idea of my troubles so why would I visit that upon them? I find when I smile at people, they can't help but smile back...maybe, like me, the smile will stay with them all day.
So even though science really can't tell us how many muscles it takes to frown or smile...What would you rather see? Be the change in the world you want to see....SMILE (life ain't all that bad)
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Obsession....
We are a nation obsessed by so many things Weight loss, fashion, cars, wealth...and the list goes on and on...No sooner do we let go of one obsession, we create another...like we have to be obsessed to be happy?
Being an addictive personality seems to go along with being in a chronic state of obsession.
(The domination of ones thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire etc.)
When a person finds themselves in a state of obesity they become obsessed by the need to find a solution, a quick fix to a problem that has been long standing ( talk about a lost cause).
With most addictions a person can walk away, take the addictive thing out of their lives completely i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. It is impossible to take food out of ones life, so we have to go through a learning process of how to deal with our addiction without removing the source... How hard is that ?
For those who have taken an extreme route by having surgery, we have given up one obsession (Food) for another Weight Loss...we know this is the final "FIX" and we are bound and determined to make it work. Knowing that less calories and more exercise = weight loss and less calories not being a problem thanks to the tool we now have...We then become obsessed with exercise, at least some of us do..it is a healthy obsession for the most part. Endorphins, like any other 'drug' be it natural or otherwise, are addictive. And so our cycle continues...replace one obsession with another, more healthier one, or so we hope.
I sit here pondering, wondering if obsession ever really becomes a controllable issue to an addictive personality...If I ever find the answer , I'll be sure and post it :-)
Being an addictive personality seems to go along with being in a chronic state of obsession.
(The domination of ones thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire etc.)
When a person finds themselves in a state of obesity they become obsessed by the need to find a solution, a quick fix to a problem that has been long standing ( talk about a lost cause).
With most addictions a person can walk away, take the addictive thing out of their lives completely i.e. alcohol, drugs, gambling etc. It is impossible to take food out of ones life, so we have to go through a learning process of how to deal with our addiction without removing the source... How hard is that ?
For those who have taken an extreme route by having surgery, we have given up one obsession (Food) for another Weight Loss...we know this is the final "FIX" and we are bound and determined to make it work. Knowing that less calories and more exercise = weight loss and less calories not being a problem thanks to the tool we now have...We then become obsessed with exercise, at least some of us do..it is a healthy obsession for the most part. Endorphins, like any other 'drug' be it natural or otherwise, are addictive. And so our cycle continues...replace one obsession with another, more healthier one, or so we hope.
I sit here pondering, wondering if obsession ever really becomes a controllable issue to an addictive personality...If I ever find the answer , I'll be sure and post it :-)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving
I suspect people who would be reading this, are very busy doing other things on this day...I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who does in fact read this Blog and send me such wonderful notes..YOU are MY inspiration.
Today is a day to give thanks and yet there are still people that are so absorbed in themselves that they fail to see the big picture, people that THINK everything they write, everything they do in their lives is sooooo interesting to everyone else. Yes I do write about my experiences, but only with hope that it will help another...even when I get on here and bitch and mourn , I do so to vent and pray that others will see that even the happiest people do have BAD days.
I seldom post my inner thoughts...I write in my journal, I have always expressed myself in poetry...but I seldom share that...Those are my inner most thoughts that benefit no one else but me. You do not need to share those thoughts with me...What you do need to do is be so very grateful for the life you have, look deep within yourself and then compare your life to someone you know who is far worse off then you are...I bet those people still have cause to smile and be grateful, so why shouldn't you?
Many of my friends have lost parents this year, one lost a child and I lost an Uncle who I loved very, very much...each year, it seems, someone is missing from our table. Yes there is an emptiness in my heart, that emptiness will always be there because each year someone else will be missing, until one day, I will be missing as well. That's the course of life and one thing we can not change. So instead of dwelling on the empty chair, we talk about it, we reminisce about the person who touched our lives and made us laugh. We share stories and bring the memory of all those missing, back to life with laughter. That's how it should be, that's being Thankful.
There is no one that I know, NO ONE, that should not be extremely Thankful today.
Rich is in a great deal of pain. I changed the dressing and trust me, he has reason to be...His ear is practically cut in half and sewn back together (I didn't share that observance) but he is very Happy, happy for the fact that he still has his ear, which is now cancer free.
As long as we live, there will be trials, some days will not be as good as others...but if you look real hard, there will be no day you will ever live that you can not find something to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!
Today is a day to give thanks and yet there are still people that are so absorbed in themselves that they fail to see the big picture, people that THINK everything they write, everything they do in their lives is sooooo interesting to everyone else. Yes I do write about my experiences, but only with hope that it will help another...even when I get on here and bitch and mourn , I do so to vent and pray that others will see that even the happiest people do have BAD days.
I seldom post my inner thoughts...I write in my journal, I have always expressed myself in poetry...but I seldom share that...Those are my inner most thoughts that benefit no one else but me. You do not need to share those thoughts with me...What you do need to do is be so very grateful for the life you have, look deep within yourself and then compare your life to someone you know who is far worse off then you are...I bet those people still have cause to smile and be grateful, so why shouldn't you?
Many of my friends have lost parents this year, one lost a child and I lost an Uncle who I loved very, very much...each year, it seems, someone is missing from our table. Yes there is an emptiness in my heart, that emptiness will always be there because each year someone else will be missing, until one day, I will be missing as well. That's the course of life and one thing we can not change. So instead of dwelling on the empty chair, we talk about it, we reminisce about the person who touched our lives and made us laugh. We share stories and bring the memory of all those missing, back to life with laughter. That's how it should be, that's being Thankful.
There is no one that I know, NO ONE, that should not be extremely Thankful today.
Rich is in a great deal of pain. I changed the dressing and trust me, he has reason to be...His ear is practically cut in half and sewn back together (I didn't share that observance) but he is very Happy, happy for the fact that he still has his ear, which is now cancer free.
As long as we live, there will be trials, some days will not be as good as others...but if you look real hard, there will be no day you will ever live that you can not find something to be grateful for.
Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
What an ordeal
Yesterday was truly a day from hell... I was up and running at 2 am...trying to get things done before , what I knew was going to be ,a long day.
We got to Albany way before schedule and began to follow the worst directions I have ever seen.
WE figured there had to be a reason they were taking us through a shopping Mall (as it turns out, there was a much easier way that I learned myself on the way home)
I watched the clock ticking down and finally passing our arrival time so I called the office, no answer...what kind of surgeon doesn't have someone to answer the phone? I called their emergency number and the person could not help because she had no idea where the office was...so once again (for the 4th time) we back tracked, went in another complete circle, but this time I found a small road we hadn't taken and finally found our way.
We got there a half hour late but it didn't matter, the office complex had no electric, so no surgery...they want to reschedule..yeah, like that would happen. Albany is 2 and a half hours away on a good day, without getting lost. I told the girl at the desk to give me a call on my cell when the lights went back on. She said it would be around noon...guess she didn't know about my direct line to heaven...We went to Panara bread for a much needed cup of coffee and some relaxation.
20 minutes later my cell went off and we were on our way back to the office. The long and short of the story is that the surgery was more extensive then we had hoped for. They had to remove a pie shaped wedge from his ear. rather then nick name him "Notch" the doc did some Fancy stitching to bring the ear together, so now one ear is a bit lower then the other, but at least he has a place to hang his glasses, which was his biggest concern.
His whole head is wrapped and he is in a great deal of pain...but like everything else in our life, this too shall pass. He can not lift or bend until Monday so I now have double chores. needless to say I will not be returning any e-mails any time soon. I apologize for that, but I have he chores , my own chores and a Holiday Boutique to prepare for...Sunday will be like a day of rebirth for me. I feel extremely pressured at the moment...but all things will get accomplished and I will move forward in peace....
Thank you all for your concerns and prayers and I promise I will return e-mails ASAP..Until then , I wish each and every person in my life a Very Happy Thanks Giving...I have a great deal to be thankful for....especially the angels in my life whose thoughts and well wishes keep me going.... Thank you.
We got to Albany way before schedule and began to follow the worst directions I have ever seen.
WE figured there had to be a reason they were taking us through a shopping Mall (as it turns out, there was a much easier way that I learned myself on the way home)
I watched the clock ticking down and finally passing our arrival time so I called the office, no answer...what kind of surgeon doesn't have someone to answer the phone? I called their emergency number and the person could not help because she had no idea where the office was...so once again (for the 4th time) we back tracked, went in another complete circle, but this time I found a small road we hadn't taken and finally found our way.
We got there a half hour late but it didn't matter, the office complex had no electric, so no surgery...they want to reschedule..yeah, like that would happen. Albany is 2 and a half hours away on a good day, without getting lost. I told the girl at the desk to give me a call on my cell when the lights went back on. She said it would be around noon...guess she didn't know about my direct line to heaven...We went to Panara bread for a much needed cup of coffee and some relaxation.
20 minutes later my cell went off and we were on our way back to the office. The long and short of the story is that the surgery was more extensive then we had hoped for. They had to remove a pie shaped wedge from his ear. rather then nick name him "Notch" the doc did some Fancy stitching to bring the ear together, so now one ear is a bit lower then the other, but at least he has a place to hang his glasses, which was his biggest concern.
His whole head is wrapped and he is in a great deal of pain...but like everything else in our life, this too shall pass. He can not lift or bend until Monday so I now have double chores. needless to say I will not be returning any e-mails any time soon. I apologize for that, but I have he chores , my own chores and a Holiday Boutique to prepare for...Sunday will be like a day of rebirth for me. I feel extremely pressured at the moment...but all things will get accomplished and I will move forward in peace....
Thank you all for your concerns and prayers and I promise I will return e-mails ASAP..Until then , I wish each and every person in my life a Very Happy Thanks Giving...I have a great deal to be thankful for....especially the angels in my life whose thoughts and well wishes keep me going.... Thank you.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
A busy time of year
The end of the year is like a roll of toilet paper for me...the closer to the end I get the faster it seems to go.
There is little time these days. Rich is facing two very serious situations and I have a battery of test ahead of me to see why my short term memory seems to be failing me and why I have these dreadful headaches.
In an effort to make life simple it seems to have gotten more complicated. How does that happen? Oh I know...my failure to learn the word "No" puts me into places I don't need to be. I'm learning , but friends will tell you I am an extremely slow learner LOL
My partner and I are planning a Holiday Boutique and that always takes a great deal of effort...just in decorating alone..Then we have all the making, setting up...yikes I'm getting tired just thinking about it. yesterday we moved a huge display cabinet from the garage to the class room...My body is reminding me today that I am not 25 anymore and strong backs are given to the young :-(
Making Christmas gifts has always been my joy, this year is no exception regardless of the lack of time. So many of my friends seem to have given up on this special holiday...They don't decorate any more, no cards, gifts of money instead of home made gift baskets, quilts, sweaters...etc. I think about how uncomplicated they have made their lives, but I just can't do it. Giving is such a part of me, that to stop making and stop sharing would surly signal the end of my days. I don't decorate as much as I once did, but I will always have a tree. The Christmas tree was my fathers favorite part of Christmas, I remember how he would sit and admire it...he said it brought him back to special times of his youth and then he would tell me stories. They were a poor family , didn't have much, but what they had, they shared with others. he always painted such a beautiful picture in my mind. Now I sit and admire my own tree and remember his words...what a fabulous gift he gave me, that stills brings pleasure today.
I love holiday cooking and baking and this year will be like last year...It was easy to make cookies and treats to give to friends, with out having to "try" each one. I kept remembering how hard I worked to get where I am, how hard I still work to maintain where I am....I plan my day and make sure I have things to nibble on that do not contain fat and sugar...
Yes these are busy time, hectic times and time to be very much aware. At least all my shopping is done...Now if I can just finish making...(do I ever finish making? I think not.)
There is little time these days. Rich is facing two very serious situations and I have a battery of test ahead of me to see why my short term memory seems to be failing me and why I have these dreadful headaches.
In an effort to make life simple it seems to have gotten more complicated. How does that happen? Oh I know...my failure to learn the word "No" puts me into places I don't need to be. I'm learning , but friends will tell you I am an extremely slow learner LOL
My partner and I are planning a Holiday Boutique and that always takes a great deal of effort...just in decorating alone..Then we have all the making, setting up...yikes I'm getting tired just thinking about it. yesterday we moved a huge display cabinet from the garage to the class room...My body is reminding me today that I am not 25 anymore and strong backs are given to the young :-(
Making Christmas gifts has always been my joy, this year is no exception regardless of the lack of time. So many of my friends seem to have given up on this special holiday...They don't decorate any more, no cards, gifts of money instead of home made gift baskets, quilts, sweaters...etc. I think about how uncomplicated they have made their lives, but I just can't do it. Giving is such a part of me, that to stop making and stop sharing would surly signal the end of my days. I don't decorate as much as I once did, but I will always have a tree. The Christmas tree was my fathers favorite part of Christmas, I remember how he would sit and admire it...he said it brought him back to special times of his youth and then he would tell me stories. They were a poor family , didn't have much, but what they had, they shared with others. he always painted such a beautiful picture in my mind. Now I sit and admire my own tree and remember his words...what a fabulous gift he gave me, that stills brings pleasure today.
I love holiday cooking and baking and this year will be like last year...It was easy to make cookies and treats to give to friends, with out having to "try" each one. I kept remembering how hard I worked to get where I am, how hard I still work to maintain where I am....I plan my day and make sure I have things to nibble on that do not contain fat and sugar...
Yes these are busy time, hectic times and time to be very much aware. At least all my shopping is done...Now if I can just finish making...(do I ever finish making? I think not.)
Saturday, November 13, 2010
A Stranger
The other day I went for a test...During that test I was admiring a Stranger...She seemed so relaxed with who she was and had a wonderful sense of humor. She was an attractive, large woman. In fact I came to find out she weighs what I started at in this program.
Going through my mind was something we have all talked about, that desire to grab someone and say "there is help out there, help to a better and healthier life"...but that's not what it's about. This is something a person has to decide to do on their own. So we continued to laugh and talk.
She made a remark about her weight and I said I couldn't afford to talk...I had surgery to lose weight. Well, that opened up a whole new door. Turns out she has been to a meeting, gotten the packet, she's even lost some weight. But like some of us, she figured, I've lost some weight and maintained that loss so I can do this on my own. Very few of us succeed at that, but we have to learn on our own that we have an illness. Even the surgery is not a cure. It's a combination of having a tool and having the education to know how to use the tool that helps us maintain a healthier life style.
I don't pull any punches (as most of you know) This is not a magic wand situation. Yes the weight loss is extreme and fast. No doubt about it that you feel energized and healthier then you've ever felt ...but there is a price we all pay. Not everyone pays the same price..but surgery is not a cure for everything that's wrong with your life. What it does do is give you back your self esteem, it makes you stronger and more capable of fighting life's battles.
There was so much I wanted to share with her, so much I wanted to explain in the hope that she would give the program another chance.
She did give me her e-mail and I have written...so who knows. Our paths may never cross again.
But I will always think of her. She was me two years ago and in my heart I want her to be me two years from now. (She'd make a fabulous Mentor)
Yes we all see those that we want to reach out to, we seldom get the opportunity. I think a real happy moment for me will be if I ever see her at the general meeting...One can only hope they touch the heart of a Stranger..............
Going through my mind was something we have all talked about, that desire to grab someone and say "there is help out there, help to a better and healthier life"...but that's not what it's about. This is something a person has to decide to do on their own. So we continued to laugh and talk.
She made a remark about her weight and I said I couldn't afford to talk...I had surgery to lose weight. Well, that opened up a whole new door. Turns out she has been to a meeting, gotten the packet, she's even lost some weight. But like some of us, she figured, I've lost some weight and maintained that loss so I can do this on my own. Very few of us succeed at that, but we have to learn on our own that we have an illness. Even the surgery is not a cure. It's a combination of having a tool and having the education to know how to use the tool that helps us maintain a healthier life style.
I don't pull any punches (as most of you know) This is not a magic wand situation. Yes the weight loss is extreme and fast. No doubt about it that you feel energized and healthier then you've ever felt ...but there is a price we all pay. Not everyone pays the same price..but surgery is not a cure for everything that's wrong with your life. What it does do is give you back your self esteem, it makes you stronger and more capable of fighting life's battles.
There was so much I wanted to share with her, so much I wanted to explain in the hope that she would give the program another chance.
She did give me her e-mail and I have written...so who knows. Our paths may never cross again.
But I will always think of her. She was me two years ago and in my heart I want her to be me two years from now. (She'd make a fabulous Mentor)
Yes we all see those that we want to reach out to, we seldom get the opportunity. I think a real happy moment for me will be if I ever see her at the general meeting...One can only hope they touch the heart of a Stranger..............
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