In Defense of...

Do we ever stop defending ourselves? Should we be thrilled that people care enough about what we say, so much as to dissect it ? If we feel a need to defend something we say, does that make us insecure? I ponder these thoughts (and many other) as I think about something that was said at a recent meeting. Said by someone I regard as above average intelligence and someone I respect as being pretty savvy about technology...Proving once again that people can "floor you" when you least expect it.
This person likened the LAP BAND to a medical implant i.e. heart valve, knee replacement...joint replacements in general. The last data I read, never once mentioned the Band as being a medical necessity...Now I'm guessing one could look at it that way...after all it is a tool used to lose weight and obesity is a killer of many. I guess if you want to make a point about something, any argument is a good one. I'm guessing I could walk to the store everyday...after all it is healthy and more environmentally safe and look at all the gas money I'd save. I could argue the point that everyone should have a gun loaded and ready...what if someone broke into your house...they might kill you.
I am facing double knee replacements and trust me the analogy doesn't even come close to the reality. I have taken every available step in order to avoid replacements, because I have this thing about foreign objects in my body (one reason I didn't have a band) Unfortunately, my options over the years have become less and less. It will be with great trepidation when I finally do have that surgery, but I will because at times the pain is overwhelming.
My obesity caused me physical pain as well as emotional, but I had many choices. I could have dieted, many people do and change their lives forever. Diets just don't seem to work for me. I looked into the Band, but it is a slow weight loss and I saw many problems with the Band that I didn't feel I could deal with...not to mention, knowing me, the port would become my new best toy...That's just the way I am...I was left with a BB in me once upon a time...it was no big deal, not life threatening...but I played with it so much I caused the need for it to be removed...It's what I do...so shoot me. I can't leave shit alone...if I have a scab it annoys me to no end. I usually cover them with a band aide to prevent picking at it. I decided to have RNY because it was the best choice for me, for my life style and for my health..oh and because I didn't want that piece of plastic in my body.
I've heard people say the really TRUST in the LORD and yet surgery scares them, mortality scares them...so I'm left wondering...How deep is their faith? Guess that's sort of like people wondering why I view a plastic ring as an alien...I faced my surgery without a doubt in my mind that God was at my side...It's what I believe. I also believe in RNY surgery as the best of bariatric surgery...I can give you 12 very valid reasons why...but it doesn't mean I'm right...all it means is I'm like everyone on the planet...I have an opinion.
I also have a favorite quote: Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth, or the only truth. I'll keep that in mind the next time I hear someone express an opinion I deem ridiculous and without merit.
I've always said life is just one mass of cross roads, we have a choice to have surgery for WL, if we chose to do so, we have a choice as to what surgery to have...What choice we make is the right one for us . Why we choose it is for our reasons and no explaination as to why we did so is necessary. Unfortunately people ask. The best we can do is answer honestly.
I asked a lot of questions before deciding and somehow I knew when people embellished the truth. It's a fabulous journey when entered into for all the right reasons...what ever they may be for you.

Memorial Day

This day always saddens me for some reason...Even as a kid, I don't think I could ever wrap my head around "memorial" and "celebration" in the same sentence. I guess we do celebrate the lives of those who have died, but when I pass military cemeteries and see row after row after row of headstones it just reminds me of the HUGE price that has been paid in the name of freedom. I do hope that sometime during this celebratory day, people will take a moment to remember the lives lost and the suffering that exist in military hospitals.
On to other thoughts..for those who know me, know I keep notes about strange things...always writing..little pieces of paper everywhere LOL Has anyone ever noticed how certain people will latch on to a certain remark as though it was written just for them...and 90% of the time it isn't.
They then feel it necessary to condone there feelings by expressing themselves to others. From my point of view they are just making things worse for themselves airing their insecurities for all the world to see..instead of just asking themselves "I wonder if that remark was meant for me".
If you have ever wondered about things I say..trust me, I seldom have a hidden agenda..I say what I feel and very little of what I say is "person specific". When I have something to say to someone, I say it to them. You can't please all of the people all of the time...I stopped trying a very long time ago.
I am left wondering how many people will use this "Holiday" as an excuse to eat all the wrong things. It always makes me chuckle when I hear someone say, "it was difficult because there was NOTHING I could eat"...Puleeze!!! I've been to many cook-outs, tons of food, always some sort of green salad (since someone is ALWAYS on a diet) always fresh fruit for the same reason and always some kind of meat, be it beef, chicken or fish or all of the above. So what can't we eat?
Yup, there is always too much mayo on the salads and always too many desserts at these affairs..but there is ALWAYS something to eat. the choice is yours so stop looking to blame someone and look within at what you CHOOSE to eat. Hows that for telling it like it is LOL
I hope everyone takes a moment to remember and then uses this day to relax and enjoy family and friends...I know I will...........

Memorial Day Sunday

It is a beautiful day today. A clear blue sky and not as muggy as the past few days. It is a day of reflection. There are so many people who will not be celebrating this day with a cook out and friends, but rather lay on some bed in a military hospital in pain...Perhaps missing limbs or believing they are still caught under the Humvee that blew up. What tragic stories War creates. The dead are dead and I will honor their memory and thank them for my freedom..But what about the living casualties of war? Who remembers them?
Yesterday, my grandson, who BTW loves being a little boy and running outside to play with his friends, took the time to place flags on the Graves of fallen soldiers. I am very proud of that little man as well as of his parents for fortifying positive "values".
I do hope EVERYONE, takes the time today to say a prayer, not just for the dead who died for our freedom, but for the wounded who have paid a bitter price for our freedom and the freedoms of others. I may not be entirely thrilled with a president that refuses to salute the flag that he governs nor believe in his idea of "Change" but I do believe in this GREAT country and in the selfless men and women who protect it and my freedom to believe as I choose.
God Bless our fighting men and women and God bless the USA.

Trying to Remember

That "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. " I went to the doctor yesterday..an excellent orthopedic surgeon that I truly trust. He listened then looked, looked at ex rays and then said we'd discuss treatment after the MRI. He isn't big on stroking, which is why I like him..He knows his business and sometimes he has to tell you crap you don't want to hear...might as well just say it. I am looking at Hugards deformity, Alberts disease or perhaps both. They are forms of Achilles tendon bursitis...if you've ever know an athlete with Achilles Tendon problems the you know it is extremely painful.
I will not kid you that I dread walking on this foot and at times I want to just sit down and cry...however life is full of pain. If I gave up every time I felt a pain in my life I would have been history at age 5. I find it best to move on...go on with my day as planned. Does it really make a difference? I could sit here with my foot up , babying myself and having a private pity party...Lots would get done Huh? Tonight the pain will still be there , but I will have accomplished something. I have a class this evening so actually I will have accomplish A LOT !!!
I do have to remember as I limp through my day that suffering is indeed optional...
So many people in this world have no feeling from the neck down, the hips down, the knees down...I think of what they would give to be able to feel my pain and consider myself lucky that I am not them...It is so easy for people to sit and "suffer"...but what a waste of time.
The day is Hot , not a cloud in the sky...much too beautiful to waste on suffering...as my friend always says, the pain will go away as soon as it stops hurting..LOL

Choices

There has been a lot of talk lately (within my group) about choices, the ones we make and how they affect our lives. Of course I get caught up in other 'answers' and haven't really given it any thought. However one of the girls wrote a poem and used the word Choice in a very profound way and it started me thinking about my own philosophy. Those of you who really know me, know as much of a Pollyanna as I might seem, I am very serious about life in general.
I Choose to be happy. I see life as a series of forks in the road, each fork you come to , you have a choice...how you choose will lead you along a different path to yet another fork...and so on. I.e. you have a choice to go to college or get a job, you choose college, then you have a choice of which major, you pick medicine, then you have a choice of which kind of medicine....Get the picture?
When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
I can't tell you how often someone has asked me "what made you chose RNY". My reasons are my own and even though I can tell someone why I made the choice I did, they have to decide for themselves whats right for them.
I don't believe in the Band. Does it work? Yes, I've seen people do very well on the band, but I've also seen people do very well on placebo's. You have a little plastic ring in you that prevents you from taking in too much food at one time...However, people do find out real fast that they can play games. Then I hear those say they are having it because it can be reversed..WHAT??? Why the hell would you want to reverse something that helps you keep your weight off. If it becomes an emergency RNY can be reversed also. I have no patience for anything that I have to mess with. I threw an old sewing machine away because the thread kept breaking...it was easier to buy a new one. I chose to buy a new one, just like I chose RNY because it is easier. I now have a very small stomach...I can never over eat again NEVER.. I can eat a million small meals and gain weight..but I won't. Every day, and I mean every day, I fortify that statement with positive actions. I WILL NOT gain weight. I like where I am, I like having energy and I will enjoy the rest of my life. I resent people talking about the "Honeymoon" stage or telling me I am "just like" them and they didn't think they would gain either...BULLSHIT!! I'm not like anyone, I'm ME. I've done my time in hell...for what ever the reason (I'm sure there are many underlying factors that lead to my obesity) I've been there, done that and tore up the Tee-shirt.
Perhaps those people who THINK I am like them, never addressed their issues, never truly faced their problems as to why they were Fat in the first place...I have, at least I think I have...and if I haven't I will continue to explore. I no longer make excuses for myself ...my joints hurt for two reasons, I have arthritis and I was too damn fat for too damn long and I put too much stress on my diseased joints...That's why I hurt. Losing a ton of weight with the help of my tool gave me a whole new outlook as well as motivation. I know now that I AM capable of being thinner and healthier, I got the boost I needed to give me the will to succeed..and I will.
Life is the sum of all your choices. Make wise ones and live a happier life. We cause our own pain, we can cause our own happiness......

Breate in, Breathe out...move on

Gosh sometimes life can get a bit overwhelming. I still have to get down to the other house and pack stuff up...what a chore. if i didn't need the stuff in 9 years, chances are I really don't need it at all...but I know what's there, and I have needed it...just didn't have it UGH!!
Then I have this business which seems to be taking off. More demands on time I don't feel I have...who's fault it that? Not sure how I get myself into these things LOL
My studio looks like a bomb went off and there is no time in the near future to tackle that...meanwhile there are still Butterflies to be made, cards to be made and art projects to do for my art group. When the hell did life get so busy? I'm supposed to be retired...doesn't that mean having more time? Life could really be stressful right now if I let it..but I do practice what I preach ...The house WILL get emptied eventually, when it is meant too. My studio will someday look like the show piece it once was. The classes are worth the effort I put into them..in fact life is worth the effort I put into it...staying busy means not eating and that's a good thing...Life is all good :-)

What a week it was...

Right after Mothers Day I headed to the "house" that has become the biggest pain in the ass to me. Years of collecting, crafting, teaching etc. finally has to be gone through and thrown out or given away or transported. Because I am a "stasher" nothing can be simply thrown away. A Stasher, stashes stuff, like money, in the strangest places. You'd be amazed at what I've found along the way. I was thrilled to find about 600 neck ties I thought were thrown away long ago. I spent a great deal of time collecting ties of all kinds (I love the silk ones) in hopes of making a quilt from them. Not sure what I will do now, but I'm glad I found them. I also found some postcards that were sent to my grandmother when she was a young woman...what a find to use in my art group. Of course I will copy them and save the originals.
I worked for 4 days, running up and down stairs, filling boxes and dealing with dirty dust. I was pretty worn out by Thursday. On that day I went to Krista's school for Special Persons Day. Krista made me feel very special with a beautiful hand made flower expressing her sentiments towards me and a key chain that can carry a picture of her. I also got to see my Grandson while I was there at the house and he gave me quite a hand cleaning...Both Grand kids are wonderful when it comes to helping. I also came home with an Amethyst Angel and a lovely two tone gold pin...Oh and a winning lottery ticket LOL The trip home was easy but I was exhausted.
The next day I had to be at the Fair Grounds to set up for the Expo ....I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of woman that showed up for a Home Improvement Expo. I wasn't holding out much hope after having participated in a few before. The fact that this was FREE to the public helped a great deal I'm sure. It was a day out and we got some very positive response to what we do.
I am so very grateful that I was able to do all of this and just be a little sore and a little tired. two years ago I couldn't even walk without the aid of a cane. Now instead of waddling, I walk with a spring to my step...
I remain active in the program and of course that helps me stay on the straight and narrow...I'm always a bit confused about this surgery and it's rules being so "difficult for some"... It isn't like we don't go through months of preparation, counseling and learning. Nothing about this surgery should come as a surprise to ANYONE and yet....I read all sorts of revelations. I think people make it far more complicated then it is. Yes we are changed forever and yes we need to stick together because people in general just don't "get us" but for the most part, other then the amount of food we can consume...life is life and I think it is best to just get on with it.
I rarely think about my surgery. I know what I can and can not tolerate, I know the feeling of fullness and when NOT to push the envelope. I think too many people try and fit into a post surgical life style, instead of making the surgery fit into their life. I am totally aware now of the damage food can do and it is that awareness that is with me at all times. As far as the surgery, it's done, over and I've moved on to a better life. I answer questions truthfully, I help others that have yet to have the surgery but for me, it's all about attitude...let anything take over your life and it WILL.
This past week proved to me that thinner is certainly healthier and I want to be healthy for a lot of reasons. So I will continue to eat healthy and exercise and not dwell on what I did to get here.
Life is just too much fun and I'm having a ball staying busier then I've ever been in my life...Because I CAN!!!