Visitors

It's that time of year again when people can finally get up the driveway without fear of being snowed in.
My Oldest and dearest friend Ron managed to grace us (he doesn't get to visit as much as we'd like) with a two night stay. He is always fun to be around and of course he had a lot to say about the "new" me. Actually he said it was "Nice to have the old" me "Back"...He even said I looked younger. Did it make me feel wonderful? You bet it did, but I don't expect to hear that all the time or for the rest of my life...That "Newness" will be accepted after a while and the compliments will stop. I say this because people should be prepared. There are people who NEED those compliments in order to feel successful (I say that in a good way), but you should never feel unsuccessful when they stop..because they will.
No sooner had Ron departed, the bed was stripped, new sheets on, laundry started and room cleaned and refreshed, when Ellen and John arrived. We go back 20 some odd years. They started as clients and ended up wonderful friends. They try and visit at least once a year, to catch up, however they missed last year. Needless to say they also noticed a very big difference and I found it remarkable that John also mentioned that I looked younger...Sheesh I must have really looked OLD when I was 100 pounds heavier. I keep saying "I'm half way to where I'd like to be" and I think it scares people LOL Ellen asked me what I intend to look like? and not in a good way .Actually I will stop saying that because I am more then half way there, not ready to sit back and accept where I am, but I'm heading for ONEderland,(a weight that starts with a ONE) and once I'm there I'll decide on some kind of reasonable number... Numbers are so unimportant to me that it is difficult to have to keep track, but I realize those numbers give incentive to others.
Dealing with praise has always been difficult for me. I hate to seem ungrateful, it is wonderful to hear the appreciation and amazement at what I've done...But I have never been comfortable in the lime light. To me, wanting to be thinner for health reasons is a very natural event. I was dying...I'm not sure people realize that. I had ceased to live, I was existing and weight was piling on in spite of what I ate or didn't eat. I took what I consider to be EXTREME steps to lose the weight as fast as possible to save my life and to me the journey has truly been the reward. Praise is not something I need, nor do I feel I deserve..Anyone faced with death and wants to live would make the same choice. I think the praise goes to those who had their surgery 5 to 8 years ago and maintained it through healthy living. That's the hard part, maintaining...and I'm not there yet...However, I have fought so hard and so long in this battle of the bulge I should think I would never want to visit that war again. I like watching my size drop, I love how I eat and what I eat and I love feeling good as well as happy...Why wouldn't I want to live in that place forever?
Something to ponder.......