There has been many discussion of late about pain. I've come to the conclusion that NO pain is as horrible as YOUR pain. Did you ever hear women discussing childbirth? One will explain her pain and the 4 hours she was in labor, there is always another who was in labor longer and experienced more pain...I walk away from those discussions..frankly I do not recall the pain, although I know it was intense, it was worth it and I refuse to play can you top this when it comes to pain.
I have a scale I use for my own pain..just for my own reference and not to make myself look like some kind of hero because it seems I endure more then someone else. A severe gall bladder attack is right on the top of my list with kidney pain. Joint pain is fairly low on that scale, it's endurable...I'd say a toothache is up near Kidney pain...I don't like toothaches..I don't like any pain that is associated with nerves. When I had a cardio catherization I was forced to endure one of the worst nerve pains I have ever felt, 20 min seemed like 20 hours...it is a pain and an experience I doubt I will ever forget. It was done through my wrist and extensive damage was done. I hope the doctor who did it burns in hell...Hows that for pain!!!?
I listen to people whine and complain about superficial pain like it is the end of their world. My tolerance to those people is pretty close to ZERO when I consider the pain I have seen small children endure in the burn unit of Shriners Hospital or the cancer unit of St. Jude...not to mention the pain of the faces of their parents, parents who would surly suffer themselves to have a child who is pain free and still they smile..Parents and children alike, they smile and remain positive.
HOW can anyone cry about their own pain, when you know pain like that exist?
These past months have not been pleasant, I do not like being slowed up, I do not like hurting 24/7 but my pain is nothing on the grand scale of what I have seen. Yes I will bitch about it at times...more out of frustration then anything else. But I think of the pain I've seen and mine becomes so much easier to bear. I am so tired of people playing "Can you Top this"..."My pain is so much worse then yours"," my surgery was so much more extensive then yours...""yeah but they also had to do this , that and the other when I had my CAT scan"...Puhleeze......After you have sustained 3rd degree burns over 75% of your body...after you have endured all kinds of painful treatment for bone cancer that is slowly killing you...then speak to me about your pain..until then SHUT THE HELL UP...and that goes for me too....Pain is a part of life and whining about it doesn't make it go away.So now I will go on to more pleasant thoughts, like what a beautiful day it is and how good that breakfast smells that Rich is cooking for me.......
My Hidden Treasure
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Pain? What Pain?
I don't have time to feel pain..I have needy animals...(at times too needy) Yesterday was bath day...Oh how I dread Bath day ..doesn't any animal LIKE water?
Rosie is very good but keeps taking steps forward...thank God we have acreage..I think we covered most of it . Punkin stands still but continues to shake water off..she is very thick coated, so I'm thinking she doesn't like the added weight. I used medicated soap for Rosies sake and it left them smelling wonderful and not like "wet dog"..We won't even discuss Horse baths...I'd rather wash a car.
The Goat saga continues. Jake remains attached to me and thumbs his nose at the ladies as we ride by. the Ladies are content tethered in a field of weeds and grass and couldn't care less about Jake. What's wrong with this picture? the ladies are very strong and Rich has taken to walking them, fearful that they will pull me down the hill. It wouldn't be on purpose, they are very gentle animals...just stubborn. To add to my menagerie , Jakes Brother or sister will be coming to live and keep him company. I'm assuming they have the same energy level..
I did manage to get a small quiltie done yesterday as well as an altered beach bag...so I feel like I accomplished something besides playing with my pets.
My foot continues to bother me regardless of therapy. I see the doc tomorrow and hopefully get some answers...I'm a bit tired of hurting...I have too much to do and I'm enjoying life far too much to be bothered by this annoying heel. The advice about getting a goat??? I take it back..
Get a hamster...WebKinz makes some adorable ones (you don't feed them, they don't poop and you play with them when ever you want)
Rosie is very good but keeps taking steps forward...thank God we have acreage..I think we covered most of it . Punkin stands still but continues to shake water off..she is very thick coated, so I'm thinking she doesn't like the added weight. I used medicated soap for Rosies sake and it left them smelling wonderful and not like "wet dog"..We won't even discuss Horse baths...I'd rather wash a car.
The Goat saga continues. Jake remains attached to me and thumbs his nose at the ladies as we ride by. the Ladies are content tethered in a field of weeds and grass and couldn't care less about Jake. What's wrong with this picture? the ladies are very strong and Rich has taken to walking them, fearful that they will pull me down the hill. It wouldn't be on purpose, they are very gentle animals...just stubborn. To add to my menagerie , Jakes Brother or sister will be coming to live and keep him company. I'm assuming they have the same energy level..
I did manage to get a small quiltie done yesterday as well as an altered beach bag...so I feel like I accomplished something besides playing with my pets.
My foot continues to bother me regardless of therapy. I see the doc tomorrow and hopefully get some answers...I'm a bit tired of hurting...I have too much to do and I'm enjoying life far too much to be bothered by this annoying heel. The advice about getting a goat??? I take it back..
Get a hamster...WebKinz makes some adorable ones (you don't feed them, they don't poop and you play with them when ever you want)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Goats, a kid and horses OH MY!!!!
Well yesterday was certainly a learning experience...heck every day of my life seems to be filled with wonder and adventure ..but yesterday was a winner...Speaking of winners, if anyone was taking a video of the "Hill" I expect them to walk away with $100,000 prize on America's Funniest...
I thought I would walk (yes you read that right...bad heel and all) the girls up the hill to the pond...I knew Jake would follow.
He followed alright....he followed and jumped and became a big pain in the ass to the girls, so in retaliation they began butting him and chasing him...Me in the middle getting tangled up in the lead lines and getting stuck with some mighty sharp horns..(See picture of the GIRLS)Did I mention it was about 110 in the shade..so add gnats and sweat to the mix. I finally realize this isn't going to work so I make my way back to the barn, tie the girls outside and put Jake in the MULE for his daily ride.Getting them all back into their stalls was another party, but I was ready for breakfast by then, so it had to HAPPEN.
After breakfast I made name tags for the Girls and Rich and I decided to let them out in the pasture...figuring we would also let Jake out and this way they had room to "get to know each other"...It sounded like a great plan, they went into the pasture with no problem...However...Emma and Red, my horses, have a curious nature and decided to check out the newcomers..The newcomers however, obviously never saw horses. In one swift motion, they saw the horses lumbering toward them and off they flew...through the electric fence and up the hill..Gee, that worked well :-) so off I went to try and capture them while Jake was in his stall yelling MA MA, he really is very attached to me...calls me by name even...why can't he say DaDa. I finally captured the ladies and reattached their lead line. They are very comfortable being tied and being able to eat to their hearts content...It isn't what I bargained for as far as all the extra work and Jake is certainly still without company...So last night, while the girls were tied to a different eating place,,,Jake and I were off on the usual routine, the one I thought would be broken once the girls arrived, riding in the MULE and feeding the fish.
Not quite sure how this saga will end. the girls are just lovely and very sweet ,except when it comes to Jake...which was the sole purpose of them coming to live here..So now I'm back to square one, with two extra lives to worry about. No one ever said I was the brightest bulb in the pack....Do you think the $100,000 winner will take pity and share? Someone had to get that sight on camera...
I thought I would walk (yes you read that right...bad heel and all) the girls up the hill to the pond...I knew Jake would follow.
He followed alright....he followed and jumped and became a big pain in the ass to the girls, so in retaliation they began butting him and chasing him...Me in the middle getting tangled up in the lead lines and getting stuck with some mighty sharp horns..(See picture of the GIRLS)Did I mention it was about 110 in the shade..so add gnats and sweat to the mix. I finally realize this isn't going to work so I make my way back to the barn, tie the girls outside and put Jake in the MULE for his daily ride.Getting them all back into their stalls was another party, but I was ready for breakfast by then, so it had to HAPPEN.
After breakfast I made name tags for the Girls and Rich and I decided to let them out in the pasture...figuring we would also let Jake out and this way they had room to "get to know each other"...It sounded like a great plan, they went into the pasture with no problem...However...Emma and Red, my horses, have a curious nature and decided to check out the newcomers..The newcomers however, obviously never saw horses. In one swift motion, they saw the horses lumbering toward them and off they flew...through the electric fence and up the hill..Gee, that worked well :-) so off I went to try and capture them while Jake was in his stall yelling MA MA, he really is very attached to me...calls me by name even...why can't he say DaDa. I finally captured the ladies and reattached their lead line. They are very comfortable being tied and being able to eat to their hearts content...It isn't what I bargained for as far as all the extra work and Jake is certainly still without company...So last night, while the girls were tied to a different eating place,,,Jake and I were off on the usual routine, the one I thought would be broken once the girls arrived, riding in the MULE and feeding the fish.
Not quite sure how this saga will end. the girls are just lovely and very sweet ,except when it comes to Jake...which was the sole purpose of them coming to live here..So now I'm back to square one, with two extra lives to worry about. No one ever said I was the brightest bulb in the pack....Do you think the $100,000 winner will take pity and share? Someone had to get that sight on camera...
Friday, July 16, 2010
How quickly time passes
It seems like only yesterday I was blogging about my precious Oreo....So much has happened since then and my time has been short.
I have been going to therapy with no results. The pain in my heal is persistent and during one therapy session (I'm sure the therapist thought it was a good idea at the time) I was put into a strange position that really hurt my shoulders and back. I've never had a bad back or any real back pain...I do now. My rotatorcuff is back to screaming, that hasn't bothered me in years. I'm not sleeping because of the pain...Do I sound like a mess? LOL I'm still smiling, because I'm still here to bitch about it.“We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world,” wrote Helen Keller. How I wish she were wrong. Disappointments leave us with the unpleasant task of squashing, crushing, and pinching life’s lemons to extract anything to transform into lemonade.
I was asked yesterday if I would still have my surgery, knowing what I know now (I'm guessing with regard to the anti inflammatory drugs I cannot take) The answer to that is YES. This pain will eventually go away, if not, I'll deal with it. I look back on the years I dealt with knee pain ..which was far greater then the annoying burn of my heal..I managed, not gracefully, but I managed...and this too shall pass.
Jules called me last week saying that one of our people (we tend to have our own world after surgery) needed to get rid of her pet goats. I know this person and know she has been struggling for a long time. Not because of her surgery, but because of asthma medication that destroyed the little stomach she had...Her life is one filled with pain and gives me inspiration to shut up about mine. I called her and we discussed her goats Lilly and Lou Lou, made arrangements to get them. Then at the last minute she said she just couldn't part with them...A feeling of love I could well relate to. No harm...but then she fell and realized she had to do the right thing.
So now Lilly and Lou Lou have come to live with us, they are the same goat as Jake and he loves his big sisters. It does my heart good to see him happy with his own kind and not so dependant on me to be his playmate...although I do love my time spent with him. He absolutely loves riding in the MULE with me, something he will not be able to do much longer. I hope to get all of them into the habit of following the Mule . I'll let you know how that works out LOL
So I guess the moral of this story is...If you have pain that is difficult to deal with...get some goats. Somehow their happy little faces makes it all go away.....
I have been going to therapy with no results. The pain in my heal is persistent and during one therapy session (I'm sure the therapist thought it was a good idea at the time) I was put into a strange position that really hurt my shoulders and back. I've never had a bad back or any real back pain...I do now. My rotatorcuff is back to screaming, that hasn't bothered me in years. I'm not sleeping because of the pain...Do I sound like a mess? LOL I'm still smiling, because I'm still here to bitch about it.“We would never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world,” wrote Helen Keller. How I wish she were wrong. Disappointments leave us with the unpleasant task of squashing, crushing, and pinching life’s lemons to extract anything to transform into lemonade.
I was asked yesterday if I would still have my surgery, knowing what I know now (I'm guessing with regard to the anti inflammatory drugs I cannot take) The answer to that is YES. This pain will eventually go away, if not, I'll deal with it. I look back on the years I dealt with knee pain ..which was far greater then the annoying burn of my heal..I managed, not gracefully, but I managed...and this too shall pass.
Jules called me last week saying that one of our people (we tend to have our own world after surgery) needed to get rid of her pet goats. I know this person and know she has been struggling for a long time. Not because of her surgery, but because of asthma medication that destroyed the little stomach she had...Her life is one filled with pain and gives me inspiration to shut up about mine. I called her and we discussed her goats Lilly and Lou Lou, made arrangements to get them. Then at the last minute she said she just couldn't part with them...A feeling of love I could well relate to. No harm...but then she fell and realized she had to do the right thing.
So now Lilly and Lou Lou have come to live with us, they are the same goat as Jake and he loves his big sisters. It does my heart good to see him happy with his own kind and not so dependant on me to be his playmate...although I do love my time spent with him. He absolutely loves riding in the MULE with me, something he will not be able to do much longer. I hope to get all of them into the habit of following the Mule . I'll let you know how that works out LOL
So I guess the moral of this story is...If you have pain that is difficult to deal with...get some goats. Somehow their happy little faces makes it all go away.....
Friday, July 2, 2010
Some Rain must Fall
Sadness has once again struck the "Hill". Yesterday I tended to my animals as always, Oreo has not been "right" since her mothers passing, but the baby has lifted her spirits...Yet yesterday she seemed hot and tired, didn't really want to go out so she and the baby stayed in (the barn is cooler anyway). I came in and did my computer stuff and then got ready to do some light work..I saw the horses making circles and when I went out I heard screaming...not bleating...screaming.
I got to the barn and fell into the goat stall on about 3 feet of Hay grabbed Oreo and told her everything would be okay. She snuggled her head against my neck and I could feel her relax, it was over that fast. I was glad I could be with her and that the last touch she felt was mine. There is never a doubt in any of the minds of my animals, that they are loved beyond all reason.
Meanwhile , Jake was kissing her, and Emma was hovering over me nuzzling her with her nose..I must confess, it got a bit phobic. Suddenly, as if they both realized it, they backed away and let me do what needed to be done.
Rich dug an extremely deep hole, I asked him who he was going to bury, me or Oreo. He said he didn't want other animals to smell her. WE wrapped her in a sheet and in my heart I prayed that there is in fact a Rainbow bridge... for now, life goes on.
This morning I put Jake on a leash because Emma went after him (he was sure she liked him) and between the two of them shovels and rakes were flying and I didn't want any more sadness.
The little guy got up in the buggy with me and seemed very happy to be with his "Momma" we went up and fed the fish, he ate, then we cleaned the birds, he ate, then I took him down in the pasture, he ate some more..Each time, all I had to do was get up in the MULE and say "up Jake" and there he was, right next to me, ready to go on an adventure. I look at that sweet face and cry inside knowing what I must do. It is very unfair to keep a lone herd animal. he has a real Mom and some babies just like him that he could be playing with. I am a poor substitute and I know that. he has certainly captured our hearts...but part of loving something, is knowing whats best and loving enough to let go. I'm not sure when it will happen, but it will and once again I will be sad...but only for my loss. Oreo had a wonderful life with us and has not been happy without her Mom. Jake has known a wonderful adventure, he was born into a loving family and got to stay with a loving family , regardless of the brief amount of time. For a short time Oreo had a "kid" to raise and she seemed happy and Jake certainly enjoyed her company and guidance.
I often say "Life is a terminal illness" and everything we have is 'on loan'...So I try and see the good in what is "lent to me" I enjoy every minute of each day and when sadness comes, it just fortifies my belief and makes it stronger...Nothing is forever, so enjoy what you have while you have it.....
I got to the barn and fell into the goat stall on about 3 feet of Hay grabbed Oreo and told her everything would be okay. She snuggled her head against my neck and I could feel her relax, it was over that fast. I was glad I could be with her and that the last touch she felt was mine. There is never a doubt in any of the minds of my animals, that they are loved beyond all reason.
Meanwhile , Jake was kissing her, and Emma was hovering over me nuzzling her with her nose..I must confess, it got a bit phobic. Suddenly, as if they both realized it, they backed away and let me do what needed to be done.
Rich dug an extremely deep hole, I asked him who he was going to bury, me or Oreo. He said he didn't want other animals to smell her. WE wrapped her in a sheet and in my heart I prayed that there is in fact a Rainbow bridge... for now, life goes on.
This morning I put Jake on a leash because Emma went after him (he was sure she liked him) and between the two of them shovels and rakes were flying and I didn't want any more sadness.
The little guy got up in the buggy with me and seemed very happy to be with his "Momma" we went up and fed the fish, he ate, then we cleaned the birds, he ate, then I took him down in the pasture, he ate some more..Each time, all I had to do was get up in the MULE and say "up Jake" and there he was, right next to me, ready to go on an adventure. I look at that sweet face and cry inside knowing what I must do. It is very unfair to keep a lone herd animal. he has a real Mom and some babies just like him that he could be playing with. I am a poor substitute and I know that. he has certainly captured our hearts...but part of loving something, is knowing whats best and loving enough to let go. I'm not sure when it will happen, but it will and once again I will be sad...but only for my loss. Oreo had a wonderful life with us and has not been happy without her Mom. Jake has known a wonderful adventure, he was born into a loving family and got to stay with a loving family , regardless of the brief amount of time. For a short time Oreo had a "kid" to raise and she seemed happy and Jake certainly enjoyed her company and guidance.
I often say "Life is a terminal illness" and everything we have is 'on loan'...So I try and see the good in what is "lent to me" I enjoy every minute of each day and when sadness comes, it just fortifies my belief and makes it stronger...Nothing is forever, so enjoy what you have while you have it.....
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Missing my Friends
I have not posted in a few days because Ellen and John were here. These are friends who visit once a year and we spend 2 days catching up on the years "happenings"..We have shared many sorrows, tears as well as the joys. Ellen stood firm and supportive through one of the most turbulent times in my life and for that I am truly thankful. Rich and I have been extremely blessed with wonderful friends and we set Ellen and John right up there at the top of the list.
(she checks my blog and is right now sitting there with her coffee looking to see where her hip boots are LOL) truth is truth dear friend...no boots required. And we hope now that your travel has slowed down, you will consider visiting more often. Not only do we miss you both, but the girls are in mourning...they want to know who will be spoiling them NOW? They thank you for the special treats and look forward to your next visit.
While they were here I managed, for the most part to stay on track. I say this because so many people inquire "Will my life change after surgery? Can I still go to parties and eat out?" In that respect my life hasn't changed at all. I do everything I always did, I enjoy it more now because I can fit in booths. I no longer take captains chairs off the floor when I stand up and find them wedged on my butt. I just eat less and enjoy it more.
I did have a problem that I want to share. I have had dessert now and then, small, but still a sweet and I never dump. However I have noticed an issue with Fat which is no big deal because we don't do fatty stuff. Not thinking, I joined my friends in an ice cream , small and I didn't eat it all but did I get sick on what I did eat... I got flu symptoms like cold sweats, pains in my belly and just a feeling of illness...not pleasant at all. My company was kind enough to let me ride it out, I took a little nap and felt better afterward, but I won't be doing any more ice cream...Always be mindful of what you are eating...if you have had trouble with an ingredient before...chances are, no matter what form it takes, it will still bother you.
Other then that...it was a wonderful visit and we look forward to next time.
I then went to physical therapy and was pummeled ...I can't even explain this experiment which was supposed to align my body and stop the nerve pain. It created more and I can just about move today. I am hurting in places I never knew I had. I don't think we will be doing that again...and life goes on. I don't like feeling like this, but when I think of the alternative, I guess it could be worse..I could be pain free and dead.
(she checks my blog and is right now sitting there with her coffee looking to see where her hip boots are LOL) truth is truth dear friend...no boots required. And we hope now that your travel has slowed down, you will consider visiting more often. Not only do we miss you both, but the girls are in mourning...they want to know who will be spoiling them NOW? They thank you for the special treats and look forward to your next visit.
While they were here I managed, for the most part to stay on track. I say this because so many people inquire "Will my life change after surgery? Can I still go to parties and eat out?" In that respect my life hasn't changed at all. I do everything I always did, I enjoy it more now because I can fit in booths. I no longer take captains chairs off the floor when I stand up and find them wedged on my butt. I just eat less and enjoy it more.
I did have a problem that I want to share. I have had dessert now and then, small, but still a sweet and I never dump. However I have noticed an issue with Fat which is no big deal because we don't do fatty stuff. Not thinking, I joined my friends in an ice cream , small and I didn't eat it all but did I get sick on what I did eat... I got flu symptoms like cold sweats, pains in my belly and just a feeling of illness...not pleasant at all. My company was kind enough to let me ride it out, I took a little nap and felt better afterward, but I won't be doing any more ice cream...Always be mindful of what you are eating...if you have had trouble with an ingredient before...chances are, no matter what form it takes, it will still bother you.
Other then that...it was a wonderful visit and we look forward to next time.
I then went to physical therapy and was pummeled ...I can't even explain this experiment which was supposed to align my body and stop the nerve pain. It created more and I can just about move today. I am hurting in places I never knew I had. I don't think we will be doing that again...and life goes on. I don't like feeling like this, but when I think of the alternative, I guess it could be worse..I could be pain free and dead.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Long Battle
Life certainly is not without it's battles..but it sure keeps it interesting. Mind you, none of what I am going through at this point has anything to do with my surgery...The only thing is , I can not take anti inflammatory which would have helped. Instead I am going to therapy and getting deep massages..painful but helpful. yesterday I almost hit the ceiling. Eve decided to check my sciatica without warning me...Holy cow!! She sure knows the pressure points, that's for sure..Hurt like a mother, but afterward it felt a bit better in my ankle and heel. So now we are thinking sciatica might be the culprit and tensing up that Achilles tendon. They wrote up some papers so we shall see what happens. I think I will be in therapy for a while :-(
The bad news is, I have slowed down considerably because of the pain...I try to take my own advice and "suck up and deal" but at times it is hard. Because my movement has stopped I have gained a few pounds. Of course that send me into complete panic..I NEVER want to visit the land of "Fluffy" again...and I won't. The therapist gave me some exercises i CAN do and said moderate time on the bike and Gazelle are okay...I'm having company, but I will fit it in where I can an as soon as I'm able...I will go back on protein drinks and exercise and get this off...Quickly!!
We are like alcoholic's in that respect...always in recovery, never totally cured..There will always be the uneducated people out there who think obesity is just about eating...WRONG..it is a disease just like alcoholism or any other addiction. The only difference is, we can't remove our addiction from our life. There are also those who think it will never happen to them...well think again people...No one is as smart or as perfect as they THINK they are..The great thing about life is that it keeps testing us...I love a challenge..don't you?
The bad news is, I have slowed down considerably because of the pain...I try to take my own advice and "suck up and deal" but at times it is hard. Because my movement has stopped I have gained a few pounds. Of course that send me into complete panic..I NEVER want to visit the land of "Fluffy" again...and I won't. The therapist gave me some exercises i CAN do and said moderate time on the bike and Gazelle are okay...I'm having company, but I will fit it in where I can an as soon as I'm able...I will go back on protein drinks and exercise and get this off...Quickly!!
We are like alcoholic's in that respect...always in recovery, never totally cured..There will always be the uneducated people out there who think obesity is just about eating...WRONG..it is a disease just like alcoholism or any other addiction. The only difference is, we can't remove our addiction from our life. There are also those who think it will never happen to them...well think again people...No one is as smart or as perfect as they THINK they are..The great thing about life is that it keeps testing us...I love a challenge..don't you?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)