Incentive and motivation

We all have different things that motivate us to better ourselves. For me it's the comments and e-mails I get regarding this Blog. I truly had no idea there were as many people checking in on me LOL Thank you...One of the comments I've gotten was from a lady I've known for a number of years through another WL group. This is a lady who continues to battle cancer with a zest that one seldom sees. I have never heard her complain, never heard her ask "why me" (although she may in private) never heard her whine...Instead she is always up beat, eager to help others, smiles a lot and shares her life openly with others. There is so much to love about this lady and her strength and fortitude is admirable, yet she tells me I am the bravest person she knows. Does that knock your socks off? Talk about bravery....She is right up there among my REAL hero's, it is she who gives me the strength to smile in the face of adversity and yet I'll bet she has no idea of the impact she has made on my life as well as others.This morning I got yet another comment from a dear friend that I also admire. A friend who has struggle with WL, a dysfunctional family as well as addiction and depression...yet she manages to raise above it all to find the strength to help others. She expressed her love for the Butterflies and told me a story that not only had I heard before, it's one I use a lot to depict the struggles of life in general and why into every life a little rain must fall.(I needed to remember that story today)This is how I tell the story: I young man sees a Caterpillar make a cocoon outside his window. he watches in awe as the cocoon becomes thicker incapsulating the Caterpillar. Then one day he sees the cocoon starting to split and watch as the Butterfly struggles to free itself...he watches this struggle for hours and finally he reaches out and gently takes the cocoon in his hand, he works tenderly to split the cocoon and help the poor creature,until out falls a butterfly whose wings are shriveled and try as it may, it can not fly. The young man sadly watches the Butterfly die and realizes that struggles are sometimes necessary and although life may seem hard sometimes, even cruel ...There are reasons for struggles and hardships. There is no flat ground in life, we will hit bumps, we will climb mountains, we will hurt and we will cry...but we will survive, we will persevere and we will accomplish our goals... at least those of us who believe in the struggles of the Butterfly will.All days are not easy in this journey. As in life there are difficult times, but every effort that goes into it is repaid twofold. Gail has taught me that it is just as easy to face life with a smile, then to bitch and moan and whine...Jules gives me tender reminders of why I face each new day as an adventure and why there are some struggles we must face alone. There are so many people out there that I owe a debt of gratitude and as time goes on you will read about them...People who have touched my life in very special ways and motivate me to be every bit the person I am...One of the reasons I know I will succeed in this Journey is because too many people believe in me ....I can't fail. There is no THANK YOU worthy enough to express my gratitude. Thank you for sharing my journey thus far.....

The Butterfly Project

I've gotten a lot of e-mails asking "whats the deal with the Butterflies?", it's easier just to send people here then to keep writing the answer.Probably best I start at the beginning ...
About 8 years ago the first RNY patient got permission to get splint Bears for patients. These Bears would take the place of pillows to be hugged while you coughed, sneezed or laughed (your tummy area is a bit sore right after surgery) A cute little bear (I have one) wearing a T-shirt saying Bariatric Surgery can you Bear it?
Unfortunately at the time these Bears were brought into the picture, Cooperstown was only doing a few surgeries a month. A raffle was held at the Support Group meeting each month to pay for the Bears ($15 each) Now Cooperstown is a Center of Excellence for Bariatric surgery and does 4X the amount they did 8 years ago.People having the Band didn't get Bears and a lot of people having RNY didn't get them either. I asked for permission to research less expensive "splint pillows", I suggested a Butterfly because ever since I started the program that was the analogy I used. We were like Butterflies shedding our cocoons. In fact if you've read this blog, you know that I wear a very special butterfly. Imagine my surprise when I was told that way back when Cindy was the director, she also used the Butterfly metaphor.
After much research and hours of phone calls I found there are no Butterfly splint pillows, pre-made, already available. However I did find a pattern. I know what most of you are thinking...but my surgery is a life time commitment and I plan to stay connected anyway. I had to alter the pattern a bit to make it cost affective, but the prototype was well received and for the most part people felt it was a better shape then the bear and more symbolic. I liked it because if all goes well and the raffle continues and people volunteer to help...EVERYONE can have a Butterfly, not just SOME RNY patients...And so the Butterfly Project was born...not something I do alone by a long shot...Lisa carried us through the Holidays with 30 some odd Butterflies and we have a few volunteers and thus far fabric is donated by the volunteers. Eventually when we build up the "bank" the project will be self contained and able to support itself. That's my dream....The backs of the Butterflies can be signed, so it becomes a keepsake as well. Some people are even using them to decorate their beds. All in all I am pleased and proud to be a part of such a worth while cause and it is my mission to do it for as long as I possibly can....
Thus explains the Butterfly Project. The last of my Holiday Family Visitors are waiting for lunch, so I'll scamper along...Please check on me now and then and leave a comment if you have time.......

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Better late then never right??? Krista my DGD brought her Mom and dad for a week long visit so I have had little time to blog or do much of anything else, other then play Webkinz with Krista.
I'm starting the New Year with another series of Synvisc shot and today's shot was a bummer. The first time around, it's a series of 3 shots, one a week, I just felt a lot of pressure. Today damn near knocked me off the table. I'm thinking that when I went for the first series I was in so much pain to begin with, I didn't feel the pain from the shot. Now after being pain free for over 6 months...WOW!!! Not fun feeling pain in that joint again, the only redeeming fact is that I know it will go away rather fast and I will once again have full mobility.
I was a bit disappointed when the doc said "NO exercise". I had just started a daily routine I was looking forward too. I do understand the logic behind it though.
One of the reasons you will hear people say that Synvisc doesn't work, is because people go right back to life ...whatever that might be. The trick with Synvisc is to keep it in the joint for as long as possible, when it finally gets absorbed it leaves behind a lubricating slimey substance that stops the friction of the bone on bone. So by not working the knee to an extreme it allows the Symvisc to do what it was designed to do. Go back to business as usual and it has no time to leave that slime behind.
I'm sure no exercise will not slow my WL down to nothing, I was just hoping to stimulate a faster weight loss with exercise. Whats another 3 weeks in my life?
My leg is a bit uncomfortable so I didn't sleep well, thus my cranky attitude.
Each day will be better, but then next Monday I will get another shot LOL This is one time "put your big girl panties on and deal with it...." applies.
This New Year will be filled with all sorts of excitement and newness and for the first time in a long time, I am actually looking forward to what the New Year will bring.
I recently got a note from a friend who was unaware of my surgery. She said she would have enjoyed being on my cheering squad...Little does she realize, she was...
Throughout my life good friends have supported me and stood behind me no matter how foolish my actions were...They were there for me. None of them had to "know" what I was doing, just knowing they were there and knowing if I needed them all I had to do was pick up a phone, was enough for me. This journey is one I had to begin alone. I did not share my thoughts with anyone except Rich, my rock.
He was supportive but gave very little input because he knew this was something I had to do for myself and by myself. Little by little I told people and they were painfully honest at times, thinking I was taking an unnecessary risk or an extreme measure. In my heart I knew that my obesity or diabetes would kill me faster then the surgery would...and I doubted that God was ready for me just yet (heaven is a peaceful place and he'd like it to stay that way a while longer). In spite of some negative feed back I was steadfast and continued my Journey and sooner or later friends got on board....There are some who still do not know, but I know if I need them, they will be there, because that's just the kind of "friends" I have. If wealth is measured in good friends, I am an extremely wealthy person indeed.
It is my heartfelt wish that everyone can feel as happy as I am at this moment , for the rest of 2009...Health and Happiness to all and thank you for joining me on my Journey.......... Don't forget to leave a comment now and then

Merry Christmas

This was the first year in a long time that it didn't snow for Christmas. However, there was so much snow from the storm that even the hard rains couldn't wash it all away, so there is still white outside and a few flakes fell in my honor (that's my story and I'm stickin' to it)
It was a lovely peaceful day, with a Standing Rib Roast from heaven. When I had my surgery I got a silver butterfly with an inscription on the back "The Caterpillar thought it was the end of the world, then she became a butterfly...." It was so meaningful to me that I wore it all the time. Rich, being who he is, cringed and wondered "with all the beautiful jewelry I've bought you, why that junk ?"...Men just don't get it do they? So for Christmas he replaced the original with one of Gold and a marquis shaped diamond for the body...It's all filigree and just beautiful.It came with a beautiful card expressing his pride for what I've done...Yup, it was a wonderful Christmas and I thanked God for sending his son, the reason for the season.
This is the time of year for reflection and boy have I done a lot of that over this past year. I find it interesting how , at times, we can view our problems with such despair and pessimism....Like everything is against us and we are the only ones suffering. Even though we are aware of the suffering around us, no one seems to be suffering quite as bad as us. Ever felt like that? I could write a book starting from a small child and seemingly every year...a book about abuse, both physical and emotional and sexual. Extreme pain, terrible loss, near death experiences, life threatening problems and all the good things that make up a good daytime talk show.
But with years have also brought wisdom and the realization that I am strong enough and worthy enough to raise above it all. We cannot undo the past or make it better, it needs to be in the past and stay there. We have no idea of what the future will bring...perhaps more pain...but then again maybe not...why dwell on something that hasn't even happened yet? Today is the only "NOW" that I have so why not live every minute of it, tomorrow is promised to no one.
I look out at the white snow that the rain could not wash completely away and realize, that's pretty much what life is. Little by little that snow cover will become smaller and smaller like the pains of life and then BANG another storm will happen and more snow will fall..It just seems to be the way life and nature planned it. Make the best of the storms and snow falls in your life, sooner or later it all melts away. Not that it won't happen again in some other form or happenstance, but the sun eventually will warm your face and melt it all away...
That is my Christmas wish for all, that your snow falls melt quickly and sunshine kisses your face often........Merry Christmas to all!!!

Pregidous

Noun -an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason

I have a friend who I view as extremely prejudice. When talking about a gay person she will use the term "Those people", a lot. Different ethnic back round then her own, again they become "those people". I always wondered if she viewed everyone who isn't exactly like her as some form of alien being ? Never thinking to myself, because she is thinner then I, that I also fell into a "different" category.
Yesterday when she made her annual phone call and heard I had a cold, she asked what I was taking for it (she knows about the surgery) and added "surely there is something YOU PEOPLE can take for a cold..." aaaaaah IT happened!!! I have now become a category along with people of different sexual orientation and different color...I , who was once in the category of an out of control fat person, am now a Bariatric alien.
I have heard a lot of heartbreaking stories along the way, people who can not take planes because the seats are too small, the need for seat belt extenders, having special chairs brought out in a restaurant because the "normal" chair is too small, not being able to fit behind the wheel of a car, so many stories that even though they never happened to me, I certainly could relate. Right before surgery I found myself avoiding booths because it seemed they have gotten a bit tighter over the past few years, same with arm chairs...Manufacturers must be conserving on wood because those arms aren't as wide as they used to be.
It annoys me when I see a TV commercial that has a need to depict laziness or slovenly behavior...they will always use a heavy person. It's as though skinny people are never lazy, never chew with their mouths open, never become depressed etc... Next time you watch TV and see the APPLE computer commercial please note the size of the "outdated" windows computer to the size of the Apple person...That kind of says it all. If you want to depict something negative, use a fat person.
So not only have I become one of "those people", because I took a step to improve my life and became an alien. But I am also a "negative image" as long as I remain fat..Sheesh that could almost depress a person if it wasn't so bizarre and outrageous.
There is no doubt that we are victims of extreme prejudice. If we are heavy, we are out of control eaters that should be able to lose weight simply by dieting. Wouldn't it be nice if it were all that simple and uncomplicated. Having the surgery puts you yet in another new category. You are now a fat person who decided to take the easy way out, rather then diet. We aliens that have had the surgery know that is not true, not by a long shot...There is nothing simple in making the decision to having surgery and there is nothing simple about the aftermath. As long as man has an opinion there will be prejudice, it's unavoidable. If you are reading this and you are not obese, count your blessing and say "there but for the grace of God go I", change starts with you.....Wouldn't it be nice to start the New Year in a positive mode and with a more open and accepting frame of mind? Don't judge what you do not understand.......(guess you can tell that my "friends" remark touched a very raw nerve)

Holiday Coming

I can remember when dieting that the Holidays scared me to death. So much good food and sweets like we do not have all through the year.
This year is different...perhaps because I'm not on a diet. I am into a whole new life style and I have some special tools on my side this year.
The biggest of course is my tiny stomach, can't get into too much trouble as far as over eating.
Then I have the WLS thread there is always some good advice to be found there.
Then I have the words of my hero (one of the men in my support group) He has been very successful at weight loss and maintaining his loss. He is also a very good speaker....a man of few words but meaningful ones.When I asked him once how he stays on track he simply said "I stay away from anything I can't have other wise I will fall back into old habits"...His favorite food was pizza, he hasn't had pizza since surgery simply because once he taste it again, he will want it. He wants good health more...Me too! I plan to plan, because as some of you know I'm into quotes and that one about "Fail to plan you plan to fail" is so true.When planning snacks I will make others cheese and crackers or what ever, but I will have some celery and cottage cheese or some apple and peanut butter, I also have some dehydrated veggies that are crunchy, should I need that. As long as I eat my protein first at every meal I know I can't get into too much trouble. My tummy just ain't that big....
I plan on baking for the holidays, but I'm not worried at all...There is this thing called dumping if a RNY person eats too much sugar or fat. It has happened to me a few times but not because I ate the wrong things, more because I ate too fast. Anyhooo it is not pleasent and is something you remember, therefore I will not temp fate and sample anything I bake. I will also wrap everything ASAP to avoid any temptation.....I am so looking forward to the New Year and a new begining ...this is the journey of a life time and I wish everyone this much happiness in their life.

A Special Meeting

Every group meeting for me is special because I always take something with me when I go. Some little hint to make life easier or the name of some food or drink...something...
Last night was special for me because we had a table full of Butterflies. Lisa and I have been trying to get ahead of the surgeries for Dec and Jan. I knew when I started this "Butterfly Project" it wasn't going to be easy. What happens if the volunteers don't come through? But I try not to take on projects that I can't handle alone. Lisa has been like my right arm, got right in the and started whipping them out. With Christmas right around the corner and so many gifts to still make, these Butterflies were something I felt maybe I should have waited to start for January. But with help I now feel confident that we will b able to make this work. Pat grabbed a bunch of backs and a box of stuffing, so I know she has some sewing in mind. I am so excited!!!
I was thrilled when Katey expressed her gratitude at receiving one of the Butterflys after her surgery two weeks ago and it made me feel so good that she has it on her bed as a decoration. It just makes my heart happy to know they are bringing comfort to the people who receive them.
Several people mentioned that they haven't seen me in a while and the weight loss is "Very noticable", that always makes my day!!! I look in the mirror and don't really see much of a change, but I see me every day :-) It does however show in my clothes and last night I put on two rings I haven't been able to wear for almost 2 years and they are a bit loose, which means the next size will be rings I haven't worn in over 8 years.
Looking back, I can't even believe that I was apprehensive in the beginning..wondering what the right surgery for me really was. Had I known what an extreme impact on my life this surgery would have, I would have done it last year when I first got the info.
Now that I'm on real food my sugar numbers stay within a normal range all the time..I take one BP pill and my Celexa...Both will probably be gone in Jan.
The "suppliments for life" that everyone make a big deal over, really amount to No BIGGIE... Multi Vitamin, C, B complex and iron...Oh my!!! Considering I no longer take 12 pills a day I think I can deal with 4.
To anyone out there even considering Bariatric surgery...I say do all your research...then write and ask me what ever you'd like to ask. DO NOT ask your families advice, this isn't about them, it's all about you. Chances are your family won't like the idea, simply because they don't understand and have heard horror stories. Someone recently said to me "I want to stop fat people on the street and explain what this surgery has done for my life" I couldn't agree more...This is a joy you wish you could share with everyone who struggles with obesity...
It's great to be on the melting side of life......