Transfer Addiction

This was a topic that came up and seemed like a good one to talk about here.
I don't think anyone really looks at "their condition" as an addiction. We can see an alcoholic because they always seem to have a drink in their hand and we know they don't need it to survive. Same with drugs, so many of us manage to survive without living life on a high so we know an addict when we see one. A shopping addict is not so noticeable unless you go to her home and see bags and bags of stuff not even opened yet. Anything anyone does in excess is an addiction. People who eat obsessively are obviously addicted to food or at least the comfort they feel the food is bringing into their life...that endorphin feeling that only food seems to give us.

What happens when that addiction is put into remission? When we find out it's been a lie?That we are not feeding our bodies, we are feeding our emotions? What happens when we finally learn the feeling of "being satisfied"? Very often we transfer to another form of addiction. We may become compulsive shoppers (because now we CAN) that beautiful feeling of shopping in Normal size stores, feeling good about the way we look in clothes. We may become compulsive with some form of exercise...getting that endorphin high that we once got from food and toning up at the same time WOW!! Compulsive about vitamins because we want to take care of the NEW person we have become.

This surgery has it's pitfalls and addiction transfer can be one of them. Being mindful of the changes we feel or that others may point out is the best way to deal with this problem. Any repeated action that becomes an obsession could very well be an addiction and may need some outside intervention. Be aware of new changes. Discuss them openly. Sometimes when we see ourselves becoming compulsive we can deal with it, with help and guidance. Fretting about changes you see that cause fear or anxiety need to be talked about...If not with your Mentor, or the group, perhaps a therapist (if you believe in therapy) maybe yoga, or deep meditation.
Knowing who you are and understanding the changes this WLS can cause physically, mentally and emotionally , is being in control. Learning that control (perhaps for the first time in your life) sometimes needs outside help..So don't fear another addiction, embrace it and deal with it.
That's my view point-Take it our leave it.

No Justice

After a wonderful meeting last night I should be taking about support and looking forward to going down the rapids in a tube. Instead I am seething. Now I seldom get into political debates and I try to avoid hostile situations. I believe everyone is entitled to their opinion and I respect that.
Has the world gone totally F*&^% nuts? Where in GODS name did they find 12 morons all in one place. I am talking about the trail of Casey Anthony. A woman who for 31 days was missing with her child, then she shows up alone and claims the "Nanny " stole her. The prosecution proves there never was a Nanny, shows that this killer, did nothing but party for 31 days while her daughter was missing, never told a soul. Got a tattoo on her shoulder that says in Spanish "Beautiful life" who considers their life "Beautiful" when their child is missing...? Then we find out that when she got the tattoo she already knew the child was dead. Cadaver dogs signaling a dead body was once in the back yard, evidence of a smell of death (anyone that has ever smelled death, knows it is unmistakable and there is NO other smell like it).
This child, this beautiful baby was left to rot in a swamp. No doubt in my mind, by her own mother...The one person she should have been able to trust. When Casey Anthony was supposed to be working (she lied about having a job) where was that baby? Did she finally get old enough to speak? Was she about to tell grandma her Mommy locked her in trunks, closets, whatever?
My heart breaks for this child that will have no justice. A beautiful child that was robbed of her life because her Mommy wanted to party.
I know that prison has it's own justice for baby killers. I can only hope that Judge Perry makes her serve out her time in the general population and I can only hope that Casey Anthony will know the fear her daughter knew just before she took her last breath.
The OJ trail was one thing...THIS is the biggest miscarriage of justice this country has ever seen.
What the HELL was wrong with those 12 people?
If you don't agree with me, I don't care...this is my space to vent, something I don't do that often.
I will see that child's precious face in my sleep forever and wonder how Casey Anthony can stand to be around herself...How can her parents forgive her? How could anyone, much less 12 people exonerate her completely? God help us all if this is how our justice system works.
Casey Anthony is a narcissistic, self serving, egotistical, pathological liar who murdered her child and walked away smiling with not one ounce of remorse, not one tear for her baby.
Rest in peace baby Caylee, justice will be done...some how...some way...some day.

Feeling like me again

I think I've landed LOL after coming home and falling right back into more work I felt like a mouse in a wheel. I do not do well when there is no "ME" time. Perhaps that's because of a life time of "NO ME " time, even as a child I had a list of chores that covered most of my day. I won't lie and say I had NO childhood, thanks to a loving grandmother and wonderful dad ( with limited time) I've got some fond memories. In fact I managed to jam a lot into a little space when it came to quality time
It wasn't until my surgery that I learned a little selfishness, that I learned I was "worth" some me time...no I guess I'm spoiled LOL
After cleaning the goat pen yesterday, a very hard and tiring job. I managed to take a relaxing shower and dedicate the rest of the afternoon to some swaps I'm working on. For those of you not into Blogs and swaps...All it is, is that some artsy folks make up Blogs and part of the fun is finding things to do that people can share in...if they desire.
The swap that is going in the mail today is a Paper fairy swap. That was pretty much the only rules. This one was hard for me because I don't work that much in a paper medium. The first thing I thought of was a paper doll. I will be posting pictures on my art blog so please check it out.
The other swap is a vacation in a Matchbox, the person who gets my matchbox will take a trip to NY via imagination and whats contained in the box. That's more up my alley so I hope I've done a good job. Another swap coming up is a Gothic doll, a sewing tray made from a picture frame and a mannequin who tells a story of who I am.
So as you can see..weight loss and feeling good about myself doesn't stop on just one road in my life. It covers a lot. New found energy allows me to do many things in a day instead of just dragging along in a depressed and tired state. Life became renewed in every aspect, from finding new and interesting healthy recipes, to having more energy, to stimulating my creative juices that seemed to have gone to sleep for a while.
Every time I see a heavy person I want to grab them and tell them "there is hope", but like alcoholism, each over eater must come to the decision themselves. As for me, I still wish I had done it 20 years sooner......Have a great day!!! I sure will.

Still Off the Grid

It has been a long while since I have posted ANYWHERE....I feel much busier then I should be.
I look back on the times before I had my surgery and know full well that everything I've been doing, probably would have killed me back then.
I've had to stay on Long Island and deal with a house that is still loaded with all kinds of stuff.
Every time I look at it all I think of George Carlin and his thing about "Stuff", how we all have to have "Stuff" and when we go away we bring a little of our "stuff" and so on.... I found myself bringing "stuff " to the very place I was cleaning stuff out of...but the stuff I brought was things to work on at the end of the day when I wanted to relax and get away from the dusty work.
As it turns out I didn't get the full amount of time to work as I had hoped...I also had fathers day and a Graduation to fit in, not to mention a dinner with friends and lunches with my kids.
The good thing about it was that I had the energy (being lighter will do that for the body). I started each day with a protein shake (yes I brought my Bullet) and proved to myself that even while away from home I could stay on program. I was able to eat sliced turkey for lunch with a small salad and eat a regular well balanced meal for dinner.
I walked up and down stairs my times then I care to count. Did my knee's hurt ? You bet they did, they were screaming by night fall....the knee's are shot tanks to years of too much weight...but I did manage to throw away 37 bags of trash, a vacuum and two sewing machines, plus some boxes filled with stuff...so I was pretty proud of all I was able to let go of...there is more I will say good bye to the next trip down. Would have been a helluva garage sale, but I just don't have it in me...someone did take the sewing machines, which worked, so that was a good thing.
Weight loss has afforded me a new life in so many ways...this was just one more. I also think, because of my new life, I was able to shed not just pounds but my need for material things. Don't get me wrong, I will always see something in something someone else thinks is garbage...but I also know I will not live long enough to make it all happen...That's just a fact of life.
It's good to let go...feeling lighter in body and in mind.....
Now I have to get on to my "Fantasy Blog" and have some fun.....

Fell off the Grid

Seems like forever since I posted here. Lot's of new people have been checking it out so I wanted them to catch up LOL Of course that is so not true...
The truth is I have had some health issues that prevented me from writing as much as I like to.
Writing was either difficult of painful. I'm hoping that's behind me. For once I listened and behaved...wore a damn cast for three weeks. Went to the doc yesterday with no real pain to speak of,just some tingling. He said by keeping my hand bent back the nerve had a chance to calm down and perhaps even is no long impinged...he did say the test showed that I am also developing carpel tunnel again. That's a "watch and see".

At my meeting the other night I learned a little trick to pass on. We have all seen the Magic Bullet, some of us have even bought one because it's so handy just to drink out of the container we mix in. If the bottom comes off your regular size blender? Screw it to an ordinary mason jar and you will have your individual serving and it won't cost the price of a Magic Bullet...Cool huh?

It has taken me some time to flip back to the sunny side of the tracks. I think we all feel lost and blue at times. Now it is with new energy I look to the future...Hoping that something comes of the House on Long Island. Would love to see that issue ride off into the sunset. I also have many projects that I no longer look at in a big heap (Lord that was scary) One project at a time in order of priority..That's how it will be handled...one baby step at a time and before you know it, you've covered miles of ground. I think that's a stresser that most of us have...one thing becomes two that becomes 4 that becomes 8 and before you know it, we are overwhelmed and can't see day light. It took some heavy meditation (not medication) to help me see the reality of the mountain I had created...One step at a time, one day at a time...and this too shall pass.

Bumps in the road

Yesterday I shared something with the group that I also would like to share here. I think it is necessary for anyone that knows me, to know that I also have my dark days, days when I feel blue and wonder what my life is all about.
On those days old habits try and push their way back into my life. Eating of course is the great problem solver. We all know that...Right? WRONG!!! When we feed an emotion with bad choices in food, all we do is create a greater emotion ;GUILT, which will very often lead to throwing in the towel, saying "screw it" and go on with our binge.
When the blues set in I am no different then you are. I wonder if it is possible to just shove the whole refrigerator into my mouth and avoid having to even open it. I'll eat everything in it anyway. The freezer, should it contain frozen cakes or pies is also fair game. That's what they make hammers for. Oh stop laughing, tell me you never ate a frozen cake. No? Well then you never had an eating disorder.
Nothing is safe when I'm in a blue mood...hell, my dogs run for cover. But there is a solution.
Don't have anything bad available. Oh I know people with kids will say that's impossible, after all kids HAVE to eat Junk. I remember the "Basic Seven" I think we learned it in 2nd grade..I don't think they teach that anymore..lets see: Milk: Thick shakes would fall into that category.
Vegetables: Yes there is lettuce and tomato on a Mickey D'd burger. Fruit: Do fruit shaped candy slices count? What about Cherry Coke? Egg's: That's easy, it is in cup cakes, Little Debbie, Oh eggs are easy. Meat and fish hmmm Chicken Nuggets comes to mind and that snack shaped like little fish. Cereal: Another easy one...Fruit Loops (ah there's the fruit) and cocoa puffs and Butter: No problem there, thats used in cakes and cookies too...
Well kids visiting me have a serious problem..I do have SF ice pops and apples and banana's which are great with peanut butter..I even have some little nut snack packs (nuts and raisins)
Crystal lite is the only "Drink " available. They survive, they come back....
Try as I might, I could not find ANYTHING that would feed my emotional Blues...Cherries came close but missed there mark...So I decided to think about some crafts I didn't to complete and a studio that needs some organization and before I knew it I was busy doing other things that made me happy and the Blues went away.
They will return, it would be unrealistic to think that emotion is gone forever. Dealing with it has become easier. I find it much easier to remember where I've been, partly because of emotional eating. I do not want to ever revisit that dark place. For the most part I have always been a happy, positive person. Having lost weight ON MY OWN (surgery was only a tool) and struggling every day to maintain it..I remain an even happier person...We can raise above just about anything we put our minds too. I'm here to tell you I KNOW that for a fact...

Holiday Week-end and missing my friends

This "holiday" makes me sad. I start thinking about all the men and women who have given their lives for my freedom and how little we think about them, their sacrifice and the sacrifice of their families. We do not "Party , hardy" on this week-end. We will picnic with friends, but we will also remember what this week-end is all about. I will remember Ron Howard, the soldier I met on my way to Paducah, the soldier I fought with "airline protocol" to get a seat for..a seat he deserved. I was ashamed of the people I shared that plane with...not one of them was willing to give up their seat to a man that was willing to die for their freedom...Not that they could have, I tried and was told it was against FAA regs. which I understood...but I would have liked to have seen people at least make an offer. I don't give a crap about Gold and Silver passengers, the fact that they pay to board first...A soldier may pay with his life...which is worth more? makes me sick to even think of the greed and lack of compassion. Save me from those who feel they are so F*&^% important.

I miss my friends. I love when they visit. They are a joy and a comfort to me and Rich. We feel so blessed to have them in our lives.
One of the butterflies was nervous about "grief" eating. She lost an Uncle and she is new to the program. There are all levels of grief and any emotion can send us into an eating frenzy. I lost an Uncle not all that long ago, but I also lost an Uncle in WWII, an uncle I was named after ( we won't discuss my middle name) I grieve for him during this Holiday as well as all the friends I lost in Viet Nam. When grief strikes, we do the best we can. We try and stay mindful of the Journey we are on..what got us to where we are now and the question "Do we want to return to where we where?" That thought is very sobering to me...my answer is always "Good God NO!"
So with that in mind, I may have an extra ice pop or skinny cow to sooth my hurting heart. I may eat a cookie or two...but hell, I do that when I'm happy as well. This surgery will not stop emotional eating, that is something we will always have to deal with on our own.
While my friends were here all I wanted to do was enjoy their visit, I didn't want to think about anything else...so yes I had a bagel or two, I had some cookies, even a taste of wine...I'm still here to talk about it and proud that I had a frozen banana as opposed to ice cream. It's all about choices. I made some good ones, some not so good...I've moved on and the scale did not move.
I think we can turn life into an obsession very easy...I find it best to not dwell on what I did wrong yesterday and focus on what I will do right today.
Please take time out of your week-end to say a pray for not only those soldiers who have made the ultimate sacrifice, but for those brave men and women who will not be celebrating this day, because they are a world away from their families, willing to die so that others can enjoy their lives... God Bless America today and always!!