Trying to Remember

That "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. " I went to the doctor yesterday..an excellent orthopedic surgeon that I truly trust. He listened then looked, looked at ex rays and then said we'd discuss treatment after the MRI. He isn't big on stroking, which is why I like him..He knows his business and sometimes he has to tell you crap you don't want to hear...might as well just say it. I am looking at Hugards deformity, Alberts disease or perhaps both. They are forms of Achilles tendon bursitis...if you've ever know an athlete with Achilles Tendon problems the you know it is extremely painful.
I will not kid you that I dread walking on this foot and at times I want to just sit down and cry...however life is full of pain. If I gave up every time I felt a pain in my life I would have been history at age 5. I find it best to move on...go on with my day as planned. Does it really make a difference? I could sit here with my foot up , babying myself and having a private pity party...Lots would get done Huh? Tonight the pain will still be there , but I will have accomplished something. I have a class this evening so actually I will have accomplish A LOT !!!
I do have to remember as I limp through my day that suffering is indeed optional...
So many people in this world have no feeling from the neck down, the hips down, the knees down...I think of what they would give to be able to feel my pain and consider myself lucky that I am not them...It is so easy for people to sit and "suffer"...but what a waste of time.
The day is Hot , not a cloud in the sky...much too beautiful to waste on suffering...as my friend always says, the pain will go away as soon as it stops hurting..LOL

Choices

There has been a lot of talk lately (within my group) about choices, the ones we make and how they affect our lives. Of course I get caught up in other 'answers' and haven't really given it any thought. However one of the girls wrote a poem and used the word Choice in a very profound way and it started me thinking about my own philosophy. Those of you who really know me, know as much of a Pollyanna as I might seem, I am very serious about life in general.
I Choose to be happy. I see life as a series of forks in the road, each fork you come to , you have a choice...how you choose will lead you along a different path to yet another fork...and so on. I.e. you have a choice to go to college or get a job, you choose college, then you have a choice of which major, you pick medicine, then you have a choice of which kind of medicine....Get the picture?
When you have to make a choice and don't make it, that is in itself a choice.
I can't tell you how often someone has asked me "what made you chose RNY". My reasons are my own and even though I can tell someone why I made the choice I did, they have to decide for themselves whats right for them.
I don't believe in the Band. Does it work? Yes, I've seen people do very well on the band, but I've also seen people do very well on placebo's. You have a little plastic ring in you that prevents you from taking in too much food at one time...However, people do find out real fast that they can play games. Then I hear those say they are having it because it can be reversed..WHAT??? Why the hell would you want to reverse something that helps you keep your weight off. If it becomes an emergency RNY can be reversed also. I have no patience for anything that I have to mess with. I threw an old sewing machine away because the thread kept breaking...it was easier to buy a new one. I chose to buy a new one, just like I chose RNY because it is easier. I now have a very small stomach...I can never over eat again NEVER.. I can eat a million small meals and gain weight..but I won't. Every day, and I mean every day, I fortify that statement with positive actions. I WILL NOT gain weight. I like where I am, I like having energy and I will enjoy the rest of my life. I resent people talking about the "Honeymoon" stage or telling me I am "just like" them and they didn't think they would gain either...BULLSHIT!! I'm not like anyone, I'm ME. I've done my time in hell...for what ever the reason (I'm sure there are many underlying factors that lead to my obesity) I've been there, done that and tore up the Tee-shirt.
Perhaps those people who THINK I am like them, never addressed their issues, never truly faced their problems as to why they were Fat in the first place...I have, at least I think I have...and if I haven't I will continue to explore. I no longer make excuses for myself ...my joints hurt for two reasons, I have arthritis and I was too damn fat for too damn long and I put too much stress on my diseased joints...That's why I hurt. Losing a ton of weight with the help of my tool gave me a whole new outlook as well as motivation. I know now that I AM capable of being thinner and healthier, I got the boost I needed to give me the will to succeed..and I will.
Life is the sum of all your choices. Make wise ones and live a happier life. We cause our own pain, we can cause our own happiness......

Breate in, Breathe out...move on

Gosh sometimes life can get a bit overwhelming. I still have to get down to the other house and pack stuff up...what a chore. if i didn't need the stuff in 9 years, chances are I really don't need it at all...but I know what's there, and I have needed it...just didn't have it UGH!!
Then I have this business which seems to be taking off. More demands on time I don't feel I have...who's fault it that? Not sure how I get myself into these things LOL
My studio looks like a bomb went off and there is no time in the near future to tackle that...meanwhile there are still Butterflies to be made, cards to be made and art projects to do for my art group. When the hell did life get so busy? I'm supposed to be retired...doesn't that mean having more time? Life could really be stressful right now if I let it..but I do practice what I preach ...The house WILL get emptied eventually, when it is meant too. My studio will someday look like the show piece it once was. The classes are worth the effort I put into them..in fact life is worth the effort I put into it...staying busy means not eating and that's a good thing...Life is all good :-)

What a week it was...

Right after Mothers Day I headed to the "house" that has become the biggest pain in the ass to me. Years of collecting, crafting, teaching etc. finally has to be gone through and thrown out or given away or transported. Because I am a "stasher" nothing can be simply thrown away. A Stasher, stashes stuff, like money, in the strangest places. You'd be amazed at what I've found along the way. I was thrilled to find about 600 neck ties I thought were thrown away long ago. I spent a great deal of time collecting ties of all kinds (I love the silk ones) in hopes of making a quilt from them. Not sure what I will do now, but I'm glad I found them. I also found some postcards that were sent to my grandmother when she was a young woman...what a find to use in my art group. Of course I will copy them and save the originals.
I worked for 4 days, running up and down stairs, filling boxes and dealing with dirty dust. I was pretty worn out by Thursday. On that day I went to Krista's school for Special Persons Day. Krista made me feel very special with a beautiful hand made flower expressing her sentiments towards me and a key chain that can carry a picture of her. I also got to see my Grandson while I was there at the house and he gave me quite a hand cleaning...Both Grand kids are wonderful when it comes to helping. I also came home with an Amethyst Angel and a lovely two tone gold pin...Oh and a winning lottery ticket LOL The trip home was easy but I was exhausted.
The next day I had to be at the Fair Grounds to set up for the Expo ....I was pleasantly surprised at the amount of woman that showed up for a Home Improvement Expo. I wasn't holding out much hope after having participated in a few before. The fact that this was FREE to the public helped a great deal I'm sure. It was a day out and we got some very positive response to what we do.
I am so very grateful that I was able to do all of this and just be a little sore and a little tired. two years ago I couldn't even walk without the aid of a cane. Now instead of waddling, I walk with a spring to my step...
I remain active in the program and of course that helps me stay on the straight and narrow...I'm always a bit confused about this surgery and it's rules being so "difficult for some"... It isn't like we don't go through months of preparation, counseling and learning. Nothing about this surgery should come as a surprise to ANYONE and yet....I read all sorts of revelations. I think people make it far more complicated then it is. Yes we are changed forever and yes we need to stick together because people in general just don't "get us" but for the most part, other then the amount of food we can consume...life is life and I think it is best to just get on with it.
I rarely think about my surgery. I know what I can and can not tolerate, I know the feeling of fullness and when NOT to push the envelope. I think too many people try and fit into a post surgical life style, instead of making the surgery fit into their life. I am totally aware now of the damage food can do and it is that awareness that is with me at all times. As far as the surgery, it's done, over and I've moved on to a better life. I answer questions truthfully, I help others that have yet to have the surgery but for me, it's all about attitude...let anything take over your life and it WILL.
This past week proved to me that thinner is certainly healthier and I want to be healthy for a lot of reasons. So I will continue to eat healthy and exercise and not dwell on what I did to get here.
Life is just too much fun and I'm having a ball staying busier then I've ever been in my life...Because I CAN!!!

Happy Mothers Day

My kids are good to me all year long (although my son does tease me a tad too much) so I feel like every day is mothers day...I was curious as to how Mothers Day began and from what I can find out, it has a long history...However it was president Wilson who declared the second Sunday in May , Mothers day...this was all thanks to a Miss Jarvis..if your interested in the hows and why's...look it up like I did LOL What struck me as really funny was that later on, when she saw how commercialized the day had become, she wanted the Day banned.
What would Hallmark do with out all these holidays? In looking back, the best Mothers day was when my kids were small...the home made cards and little gifts they'd make at school...Those were precious times. yes it is nice now to be remembered. But when they thought about me way in advance and took the time to make me something special...That's what Mothers day is all about. I remember planting seeds and giving my mother little seedlings for her garden, buying her a plant...Azalea's were her favorite...It seems like Mothers day when I was a child was just a special Day you were extra special to your Mom. You gave her flowers, wore a pink carnation to church and brought home a plant...Life was very simple when I was young...visiting Nana on Mothers Day was the best..she got a plant also..but what a smile when she read my home made cards......Happy Mothers day to all the Mothers I know and Love.....

Thank you Daddy

I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.

I lost my Dad in 1981, but he is always with me. Every day of my life he is at my side and when I face days like I have had lately. Days when pain seems to want to take over every fiber of my being, I hear my fathers whisper, his pearls of wisdom and suddenly everything comes into focus.
That little ditty was one of my dads favorite...simply because it hit so close to home. As a young man he had to put news paper in his shoes because the holes in the bottoms were so big. he admits that he complained to God about being so poor and then one day he read that little ditty and the holes in his shoes no longer mattered.
I think he would want me to be grateful first that I have feet and then be grateful that I can feel the pain. I've spent a great deal of time with people who have little feeling in their bodies. Would probably love to feel the sensation of pain...any sensation is better then no feeling at all.
How grateful I am that I can still feel pain...that means my nerves are alive , I am alive...Silly me.
I know what has to be done...My Achilles tendon has to be detached , the bone polished and then the tendon reattached. I have to be willing to spend a year in physical therapy...something I am not willing to do. The tendinitis that is causing this pain at the moment will eventually subside..The condition will not simply go away, but the pain will so I will just wait it out...stay busy and be grateful not just for the pain...but for my fathers whispers........

Hurting Today

What the hell is Fibromyalgia anyway? Seems to be a catch phrase for anything that doesn't fit into a neat little category. I've had it for a while, the medication almost caused me to go blind so I won't be taking that again...There really is nothing but Lyrica on the market that has any affect on this problem. It comes and goes but for the past 3 days it has come to visit with a vengeance. I feel like I am about to self destruct....
Truth be known, I have a friend in the hospital who is trying to pass a kidney stone...NOW THAT'S PAIN!!! Been there, done that and hope to God I never have to do it again. So I'm thinking life could be a lot worse then it is...the pain will eventually stop and I won't be moving in slow motion forever...so if I have to slow down a bit and count my blessings...Perhaps I should do that instead of complaining...Sounds like a plan :-) Have a beautiful day!!!