Pregidous

Noun -an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand or without knowledge, thought, or reason

I have a friend who I view as extremely prejudice. When talking about a gay person she will use the term "Those people", a lot. Different ethnic back round then her own, again they become "those people". I always wondered if she viewed everyone who isn't exactly like her as some form of alien being ? Never thinking to myself, because she is thinner then I, that I also fell into a "different" category.
Yesterday when she made her annual phone call and heard I had a cold, she asked what I was taking for it (she knows about the surgery) and added "surely there is something YOU PEOPLE can take for a cold..." aaaaaah IT happened!!! I have now become a category along with people of different sexual orientation and different color...I , who was once in the category of an out of control fat person, am now a Bariatric alien.
I have heard a lot of heartbreaking stories along the way, people who can not take planes because the seats are too small, the need for seat belt extenders, having special chairs brought out in a restaurant because the "normal" chair is too small, not being able to fit behind the wheel of a car, so many stories that even though they never happened to me, I certainly could relate. Right before surgery I found myself avoiding booths because it seemed they have gotten a bit tighter over the past few years, same with arm chairs...Manufacturers must be conserving on wood because those arms aren't as wide as they used to be.
It annoys me when I see a TV commercial that has a need to depict laziness or slovenly behavior...they will always use a heavy person. It's as though skinny people are never lazy, never chew with their mouths open, never become depressed etc... Next time you watch TV and see the APPLE computer commercial please note the size of the "outdated" windows computer to the size of the Apple person...That kind of says it all. If you want to depict something negative, use a fat person.
So not only have I become one of "those people", because I took a step to improve my life and became an alien. But I am also a "negative image" as long as I remain fat..Sheesh that could almost depress a person if it wasn't so bizarre and outrageous.
There is no doubt that we are victims of extreme prejudice. If we are heavy, we are out of control eaters that should be able to lose weight simply by dieting. Wouldn't it be nice if it were all that simple and uncomplicated. Having the surgery puts you yet in another new category. You are now a fat person who decided to take the easy way out, rather then diet. We aliens that have had the surgery know that is not true, not by a long shot...There is nothing simple in making the decision to having surgery and there is nothing simple about the aftermath. As long as man has an opinion there will be prejudice, it's unavoidable. If you are reading this and you are not obese, count your blessing and say "there but for the grace of God go I", change starts with you.....Wouldn't it be nice to start the New Year in a positive mode and with a more open and accepting frame of mind? Don't judge what you do not understand.......(guess you can tell that my "friends" remark touched a very raw nerve)

Holiday Coming

I can remember when dieting that the Holidays scared me to death. So much good food and sweets like we do not have all through the year.
This year is different...perhaps because I'm not on a diet. I am into a whole new life style and I have some special tools on my side this year.
The biggest of course is my tiny stomach, can't get into too much trouble as far as over eating.
Then I have the WLS thread there is always some good advice to be found there.
Then I have the words of my hero (one of the men in my support group) He has been very successful at weight loss and maintaining his loss. He is also a very good speaker....a man of few words but meaningful ones.When I asked him once how he stays on track he simply said "I stay away from anything I can't have other wise I will fall back into old habits"...His favorite food was pizza, he hasn't had pizza since surgery simply because once he taste it again, he will want it. He wants good health more...Me too! I plan to plan, because as some of you know I'm into quotes and that one about "Fail to plan you plan to fail" is so true.When planning snacks I will make others cheese and crackers or what ever, but I will have some celery and cottage cheese or some apple and peanut butter, I also have some dehydrated veggies that are crunchy, should I need that. As long as I eat my protein first at every meal I know I can't get into too much trouble. My tummy just ain't that big....
I plan on baking for the holidays, but I'm not worried at all...There is this thing called dumping if a RNY person eats too much sugar or fat. It has happened to me a few times but not because I ate the wrong things, more because I ate too fast. Anyhooo it is not pleasent and is something you remember, therefore I will not temp fate and sample anything I bake. I will also wrap everything ASAP to avoid any temptation.....I am so looking forward to the New Year and a new begining ...this is the journey of a life time and I wish everyone this much happiness in their life.

A Special Meeting

Every group meeting for me is special because I always take something with me when I go. Some little hint to make life easier or the name of some food or drink...something...
Last night was special for me because we had a table full of Butterflies. Lisa and I have been trying to get ahead of the surgeries for Dec and Jan. I knew when I started this "Butterfly Project" it wasn't going to be easy. What happens if the volunteers don't come through? But I try not to take on projects that I can't handle alone. Lisa has been like my right arm, got right in the and started whipping them out. With Christmas right around the corner and so many gifts to still make, these Butterflies were something I felt maybe I should have waited to start for January. But with help I now feel confident that we will b able to make this work. Pat grabbed a bunch of backs and a box of stuffing, so I know she has some sewing in mind. I am so excited!!!
I was thrilled when Katey expressed her gratitude at receiving one of the Butterflys after her surgery two weeks ago and it made me feel so good that she has it on her bed as a decoration. It just makes my heart happy to know they are bringing comfort to the people who receive them.
Several people mentioned that they haven't seen me in a while and the weight loss is "Very noticable", that always makes my day!!! I look in the mirror and don't really see much of a change, but I see me every day :-) It does however show in my clothes and last night I put on two rings I haven't been able to wear for almost 2 years and they are a bit loose, which means the next size will be rings I haven't worn in over 8 years.
Looking back, I can't even believe that I was apprehensive in the beginning..wondering what the right surgery for me really was. Had I known what an extreme impact on my life this surgery would have, I would have done it last year when I first got the info.
Now that I'm on real food my sugar numbers stay within a normal range all the time..I take one BP pill and my Celexa...Both will probably be gone in Jan.
The "suppliments for life" that everyone make a big deal over, really amount to No BIGGIE... Multi Vitamin, C, B complex and iron...Oh my!!! Considering I no longer take 12 pills a day I think I can deal with 4.
To anyone out there even considering Bariatric surgery...I say do all your research...then write and ask me what ever you'd like to ask. DO NOT ask your families advice, this isn't about them, it's all about you. Chances are your family won't like the idea, simply because they don't understand and have heard horror stories. Someone recently said to me "I want to stop fat people on the street and explain what this surgery has done for my life" I couldn't agree more...This is a joy you wish you could share with everyone who struggles with obesity...
It's great to be on the melting side of life......

A Very Special Thing

About a week ago someone on the WLS thread asked a question: What are 3 things that helped inspire you and 3 things that hurt during your journey...
The answers were frank and honest, of course the main thing that helps is support from family and friends. This journey is rough in the begining, a lot of change takes place and while you appreciate the weight loss, it comes with a price.
Changing habits are hard, there are some days that are more energized then others, you are still trying to figure out how to eat, what to eat, what doesn't agree etc.
In my answer I did mention that I am extremely lucky, both family and friends have been supportive and never fail to mention how "Great" I look. The next day I received a card in the mail..I knew it was a card especially chosen for me because it had flying Angels all over it. It said : The Bigger the risk, the deeper the trust, the louder the prayer, the more Angels show off. On the inside was just one line 'I Believe in you' and then there was a personal note from my friend. It brought me to tears.
If I were to reanswer (is that a word?) That question I would add a little note that special things, such as a card or a note, are very , very special. It tells you that the person not only thought about you, but went out of there way to let you know it.
I am not good when it comes to cards, I am not even good when it comes to remembering special dates...it is one of my many short comings, but I certainly appreciate, perhaps more then I convey at times, the special things that people do for me to keep my spirits up.
I am basically a Happy, very positive person if not for my own spirits, for those around me. But I have my weak moments, sad moments when I try and comprehend How and why I allowed myself to fall into such a sorry state of health. I KNOW better, I worked for WW, I showed other people how to stay healthy and lose weight..I must have lost 800 pounds in my life time...WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME???
Then when sanity reappears I realize I am not alone. I am in this struggle with many other people and it is then that I look at cards, notes, little gifts and realize just how lucky I am. I have friends that truly care and support me...
So if someone ask me again what is something that can lift the spirits of someone who has had this surgery...I won't just say "support them" I will say "pick up a special card, or make a special call, do something out of the blue, not because it's expected....but because it's not....."

Fears

I have gotten a few e-mails from RNY candidates asking me what my biggest fear was when I was deciding on surgery. Each time asked, the question becomes more interesting because I never gave it a thought. I'm not sure I had any....
At first I liked the RNY idea because it was fast weight loss and permenant. But Rich seemed apprehensive about the "major" connected to the type of surgery. Then I thought about the band because I was told it was safer , but knowing a few people with bands, I also knew it didn't always work long term. I think I was so busy researching both surgeries that I really didn't have time to be fearful. All I knew was that if I was going to go to the extreme of have WLS I wanted it to work and I wanted as many benefits as possible. I began a list of pros and cons of each surgery and one came out WAY ahead of the other. That was when I switched back to RNY and was at total peace with my decision. The only pluses that the Band offered me was possible weight loss, lower mortality risk, and it could be removed (at a price)...of course weight loss in itself leads to a healthier life. RNY had the hope of diabetes going away (which it did), because of the rapid WL my knee's felt better faster, I don't have to worry about fills, and having a piece of plastic live with me for life....Don't get me wrong, any one who attends the meetings sees the results of successful Banding. It has worked for a lot of people, but it also seems to have it's problems. Not that RNY doesn't have problems and those that do have BIG problems. Did I ever fear those problems? Never...and thats the truth. I have a great deal of Faith, there have been many times when I should have died and didn't. I survived an extremely painful childhood and kept smiling, like everyone, I've had my share of lifes trails but faith has brought be through. I also had complete faith and trust in my surgeon (who by the way I researched) Dr. Strauss came with high praise and impressive credentials. So my answer about Fear is NO. I had no fear of the surgery. My fears are more in the end result. I've heard the older you are the less likely you are to lose all the weight you'd like to lose. Old habits die hard and I wonder if and when head hunger starts, if I will cope as well as I seem to be coping now. I like the idea of my surgery being permenant because I know I can never over eat again. Yes I can eat the wrong foods and thats part of this blogging...when people are watching you, you tend to stay on track. I have said all along and will say again. This surgery is NOT for everyone. If you question your motives, don't go forward. If you fear the surgery you have picked, it may not be the right one for you.DO NOT let other people talk you into or out of what you decide on. They aren't having the surgery and they have no idea whats going through your mind. We all do what we do for a reason. If you have fear or questions...it's not time yet.
Remember, Life is a continual process of remaking ourselves.

Tiny spoon and fork, No Joke

The hardest thing, as I have mentioned before, is slowing down my eating and taking human bites. I'm fairly intelligent so you'd think I'd be able to sit down and eat without having to pay such close attention...Especially since, when you eat to fast or swallow too much at a time, it kind of hurts. You feel like you have to burp and can't.
I'm left with this question 'My God have I eaten this fast all my life?" There were many times I was left eating while others had already finished. I never thought of myself as a fast eater, but now it's very obvious (not to mention painful at times).
I haven't found much that I can't tolerate. yesterday I had sushi and the salad they serve first is something I love. I wasn't going to try it, felt it might be too rough on the new tummy. Of course I did it anyway, took tiny bites and it was OH SO GOOD..I ate slowly and asked for a take out box for what I hadn't eaten. I had no pain or discomfort afterward...yet at night when I had the left overs for dinner, I ate it too fast and paid the price.
At the meetings the talk about baby size spoons, a cocktail fork, smaller plate. I'm thinking to myself, am I that lame that I have to have these tiny eating utensil's to keep from eating to much at one time...I mean really!!!! The answer is YES...since my friend came to my rescue with a tiny silver baby spoon and cocktail fork with 3 tines, I have managed to slow up and not be hurting after dinner. That tiny piece of food looked like nothing on a regular fork, but looks HUGE on a small fork, same with a spoonful of food.
Bottom line on this new lesson in life. Listen to those who have gone before you, there are reasons for everything. You may not think so, especially if you are as thick as I am. But get yourself a tiny baby spoon (mine is silver and old, love it) and a shrimp fork and a small plate, which I've had all along. It all helps with the visual aspect of eating.
AS for the dieters that may be reading, this will help you also. If it takes you longer to eat, by taking smaller bites and chewing more, you will eat far less in 20 min. (the time it takes your tummy to tell your brain it's full) the normal...less calories = weight loss.
Some times I wonder if I had learned all these tricks, I mean really learned, would I have ever needed the surgery? Who knows, but not a day has passed where I haven't been thankful and happy about my choice..I needed a tool, I needed to know that I could never over indulge again. As far as I'm concerned I gave up nothing and got so much in return....
Wishing you all the happiness I feel today....

My visit with Bob

I went to see Bob the other day, he is sort of the Big Kahuna of the WLS program. The problem solver, Mr. Fix It. It was a good visit...I'm dying to talk about my weight loss progress, but I won't, not yet and there is a reason I will explain when I share all.
Don't you just love a good mystery? I also hope to be able to get some pictures on here so you can watch me melt, along with some pictures of my projects. I think the key to any weight loss is to stay busy and stay away from food. That can be difficult if your under stress.
Lets face it, we can always find a reason to eat..I have such cause to celebrate..I'm feeling great, dropped 2 sizes already, no more real health issues (that alone is cause for celebration) This surgery has made such a difference in the quality of my life. It would be very easy to clean out the refrig, as in eating whats there, just to CELEBRATE !!!
Part of my behavioral change is to learn that food isn't the answer to Stress, Happiness, loneliness, fear, anger etc.....Sure I can celebrate a milestone by going out to dinner, but I've learned that the first bite taste as good as the last. I've learned to savor and taste food instead of challenging myself to see how fast I can make it disappear. Being happy with myself and the choices I make is much better then being Happy about anything else .
Someone asked me yesterday if I wanted to grab a heavy person and tell them about this surgery. I said "No" and I saw a look of surprise...
This surgery isn't an answer for everyone that is heavy. There are a lot of people who can lose weight, hundreds of pounds, by diet and exercise alone. I was one of them once upon a time.
But because of metabolic changes, loss of mobility and other contributing factors...Diet alone is no longer an option...I am sure there are a lot of people who do HAVE did surgery thinking it will be easier then dieting. Think again.....This is the hardest journey I have ever taken and trust me, life has had many pitfalls. This is the Mt. Everest of all my challenges in life. Am I sorry? I would do it again in a heartbeat...my only regret is waiting so long. But my advice it anyone who may be thinking about WLS. Is to gather as much info as you can, go to meetings and listen...but do not allow any to influence you..This is one time in life that only YOU can decide whats best for YOU. I've gotten some great e-mail asking lots of questions...That's what it's all about, asking questions and I don't mind sharing.
Thanks for checking in on me and I promise to start sharing my milestones in pic's soon.....